154: Aubrey

His eyes on mine were steady. "How are you feeling?"

"Sweaty." I said simply. "Another effect of nervous breakdown."

He ran his hand down my back and then up and under my top. "You are drenched in sweat."

"I told you. It's a physiological response." I blew out my breath. "I guess too much is just too much. I like your idea about handling what we can, and fixing those things. What else can we control?"

"Well, I like the studio here. The music in my head is pretty crazy. I need to lay it down." He nodded as his phone vibrated. "Yeah?"

He had it on speaker for my benefit. It was Kell. "President Cannon and Bishop Bradley, are on their way to the room you guys are holed up in to issue recommends should you pass the interviews, and then your mother and pop are ready to take you two to the distribution center for um hm hm.... Garments."

I saw Rafe start. "I forgot about garments. I'll need a whole new wardrobe, won't I?

"Possibly. Probably not. Your dad is waiting to take you. If you would like my input, I would be happy to assist you."

"Sure, yeah."

"Done." Kell said. "They should be to your room right about now. I will leave you to it. Is Aubrey lucid?"

"Stop it. I wasn't ever not lucid."

"No, you were just having a nervous breakdown."

"Don't make more out of this than----."

"Don't dictate to me, baby of the family. I understand nervous breakdown, I have seen several Mann Sisters in this predicament. Several times as a matter of fact. I know how to handle it."

There was a knock on the door and it opened to reveal our Stake President and our Bishop. I felt like I was about to throw up. More nerves. More nerves. But not because of them. Not because of marriage, not because of Rafe, not because of impending sex, or wedding. I knew--- knew it was just all of it...

My dad was with them. His eyes sought mine anxiously, without seeming anxious. He smiled and he managed to look extremely confident. He moved in to shake Rafe's hand and lo and behold a figure loomed behind him. I had a tremor go through me. Fallon.

"Sis." Fallon's voice was deep, on purpose, to be fake serious. He was never serious. Gavin was with him. Gavin--- bigger than all the seps. Gees. I forgot how tall he is. Tall and lighter haired. He couldn't step inside this small room.

I started to move past everyone to Fallon, drawn by some inner inability to resist him.

He grabbed me, flipped me around and head knuckled my head. Of course he would. Where's the hug? Where's the sympathy? Where's the congratulations?

Nowhere. With Fallon the only thing that existed was his reality. And right now--- he thought we were at home on the living room floor.

"Rafe, this is my brother Fallon." Rafe moved to my side, touching me on the back, leaning close to me, shaking Fallon's outstretched hand as he finished knuckling my head. I had to jerk away, not meanly, but firmly.

"Rafe, I am a great admirer of your----- choice in women." Fallon said as if he'd been about to say he admired Rafe's music or something. Of course, he'd switch it up.

Kell came up behind them. Gavin moved aside, and my eyes caught his. Gavin and I are close. He is much less intense than any of the other seps. He's solid and methodical, warm and thoughtful. He appealed to me.

"Ladies and gentlemen, or should I say brothers and sister? Anyway, be that as it may, the temple will accommodate you at three p.m. That will be in about three hours. My suggestion is that---- well, I'm sure you can figure it out."

The Stake President, a lean, tall, dark haired man, with friendly blue eyes, and heavy dark eyebrows, adjusted his suit coat. "We came all this way, Brother Stryker, for your wedding on Saturday only to find that you've changed it up some. Congratulations."

It wasn't like we hadn't spoken to these men fairly recently. A lot had happened since then though.

"Glad you could make it." Rafe said. "I hope it wasn't too much of an inconvenience?"

His smile was warm. "An all-expense paid trip to Mexico City? No. No trouble."

"Is it all expense paid? Who bribed you?" Rafe laughed. For all he knew we were paying for it. But they'd flown in with Gavin and Amy. That had to have been arranged already.

Everyone laughed a little and finally President Cole asked that everyone exit so the two priesthood leaders could visit with us privately.

This they did eagerly, and I wondered if they would congregate out there someplace, listening at the door, or if they could go make themselves useful.

Having been apprised of the unusual circumstances, and my nervous breakdown in progress, neither leader questioned our closeness. But they did question us gently and firmly about our relationship, about what had happened at Teotihuacan, Rafe's involvement and our decision to be married even sooner than President Call had suggested. We prayed, each of us, for guidance and direction. We knelt on the floor and prayed.

After the prayer even more questions ensued about our trip so far, even though we'd been over this recently. The temple baptism trip was questioned extensively. My hands were sweaty, my eyes blurring with tears periodically, Rafe's too.

Finally President Cannon talked about extenuating circumstances, the tour, our rushing. He cautioned us intensely. Bishop did the same, bringing up points we were prepared to hear. And we didn't argue that they were valid points. And they were certainly considerations. But we'd both received answers to our prayers.

When they were done Rafe looked into my eyes and then turned to the two very dedicated servants of the Lord. "Brethren, Aubrey and I are ready to be married. Both of us have prayed and received answers to our prayers." He shrugged. "Circumstances have made it desirable for us to be together as man and wife sooner rather than later. But those are just circumstances. If you tell us to wait, we certainly will. Either till Saturday, or whenever you feel. We are willing to heed your counsel." He took a deep breath. "Aubrey's physical reaction to the stress in her life is understandable. I am experiencing much the same. The stress of being so closely associated is also wearing on us. I believe the Lord sees fit to bless our union. Now."

I looked at Bishop's eyes, so kind, so tender and loving, as if he really did stand in the place of the Savior. My knees felt weak. We'd been standing too long. But there was just the one chair. I moved my hand, holding Rafe's, and then he moved me to the chair, placing his hands on the back rest as I doubled over and took long deep breaths. Apparently this was of some concern.

"Bishop, will you take Rafe out and proceed with the interviews? I will get Aubrey to her mother and dad for a few minutes of sustenance." He helped me stand. I looked at Rafe whose eyes pleaded with me to be strong. This wouldn't take but a few minutes and we could be back together.

I nodded. I knew that. I felt better.

President Cannon ushered me out to where the guys, my brothers and dad were waiting. Mom was coming along the hallway with none other than a restorative shake in her hands. Everybody backed away from this little powerhouse of a woman. She smiled so tolerantly, as these six foot five and three and seven guys cow-towed to her.

I took the shake. Mom pulled me slightly aside, and asked how I was feeling, if I was still experiencing confusion, or just the sweats and nausea. I told her what was going on and she nodded and smiled encouragingly. No one suggested that we not get married today.

I leaned against the wall, while the guys all joked around, talking normally, so normally in fact, with so much familiarity I felt the confusion retreating. Lance came along with Kell behind him, smiling when he saw me.

He came right to me, and slid his arm along my back and shoulders, he leaned in to whisper. "I met your Stake President and Bishop, Aubrey, very nice men."

I smiled up at him, those blue eyes so very like Rafe's. "Are you okay with Rafe's decision to be in the church again?" I said this very low, and knew that only my mom heard, even as Rafe's parents made their way to us. Lance eyed his mother coming toward us, her eyes angry and hurt.

"I am actually. I'm very, very happy for him. It is everything I wish I could have. I love Rafe, Aubrey. But he has to quit atoning for Daniel's death, it isn't his to atone for. He has to quit being my advocate with the world. I'm a big boy now. He has you. It's going to be hard, maybe, but it's going to get better. Please don't give up. I am so blessed to have you in my life." He kissed my forehead through my messy hair, his eyes misty. I looked up at him.

I sniffed. "I am lucky to have you for my big brother." He squeezed me, his eyes darting to his mother's. "It isn't going to be easy, you know. If she could picket outside the temple, she would."

I nodded solemnly as the door holding Rafe from us opened and Rafe came out, smiling benignly, his eyes sought mine and he nodded almost imperceptibly.

"I want you to know..." Janice said loudly. "I do not approve of this match. I do not like how fast you are doing this. Rafe, you're being----." Rafe went to her and took her in his arms. Janice burst into tears. Her words became incoherent.

My dad indicated that I should join the Bishop in the little make shift interview room. Fallon retrieved another folding chair.

The questions were the same as they'd been for the other interviews, the ones we had once gone over together. There was no other counsel. The Bishop expressed only confidence that we were doing the right thing.

It was over with a hug and a congratulations before I knew it. I stepped out and everyone had dispersed. The door down the hall where the Stake President had gone earlier was now open and he was standing there talking to Rafe and his family. Bishop indicated that I should go to them. I was now part of this family.

"---- Rafe is not one to express his true feelings." Janice was protesting to President Cannon. His eyes on her were intelligent and concerned. "He tends to bottle up what is really going on. I've seen him take on other people's feelings for years. That's why I think he has been coerced into this wedding so quickly. He doesn't really know what he wants."

I sidled in next to Rafe, whose arm lifted to encompass me and Lance stepped to the side just a little, his hand brushed mine, and our eyes met. He offered a slight smile.

But President Cannon was so sympathetic to her feelings as the males in her family geared up to protest her assumptions, which weren't exceedingly complimentary to Rafe. "Your feelings are justified." President told her confidently. "No mother wants to see her son make a mistake. And you're right, mothers are entitled to personal revelation regarding their children. I agree with you, there. There is nothing that can replace the prayers and answers given to a mother."

He was nodding as she sputtered to a halt, having expected the arguments she could see in her boy's faces. She wouldn't even look at Fred. Her gaze did however, linger on mine. I swallowed at the malevolence I felt coming from her.

"Then you will call this farce off?" She demanded, her gaze returning with hope to President Cannon.

He sadly shook his head. "Sister Stryker, two worthy young adults have come to me for approval and validation in recommending them for a future they themselves have chosen. I can't find any reason for denying them those blessings they have worked so hard to achieve. I understand your reservations, and your feelings of impending doom. They are understandable under the circumstances, and I have discussed all these concerns with Rafe and Aubrey. But honestly, my dear, at some point we as parents all have to step back and cut the apron strings, and let our little chickadees fly."

Her outburst was obnoxious and not worth repeating. Fred tried to hush her, but it was Lance who stepped up this time, putting both arms around her, claiming he understood her feelings, just like Rafe had, and I was so glad they weren't just shutting her down, but trying to give her some validation of her own.

Nevertheless, I was pretty sure my blood pressure wasn't handling it very well. I took Rafe's hand and held it to my heart. "Feel it?"

"Yeah, baby. It's time to go." He said goodbye to his dad and Lance, gave a wink and a wave to others, and we went back to the studio to break the news to the band. When we got there, my mother was taking measurements. News already broken.

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