140: A

"Baby." Rafe's voice was hushed as the bus fired up and he joined me on the bunk after the fuel stop. He'd been unwinding, playing music with Ben, Jeff, Mutt, Jeremy and Levi. Axis.

"Yeah?" I didn't want to sound too awake, I just wanted to sleep actually, but I also wanted to be awake enough for him if he needed me.

He put that platonic arm around me, nuzzling my neck. "How are you? We haven't had a chance to talk today."

I sighed. "I'm good."

He pulled me over, not ready to let that go. I relaxed onto my back. Our blue lights left his eyes sparkling shadows, with hollows. He was smiling gently, pulling my hair through his fingers.

"Will you marry me in three weeks in the temple in Mexico City?"

"It wasn't exactly my first choice." I said simply. He sighed, still playing with my hair. "But Rafe, I am so happy for you, to have found what you need to be right with God again. I know you wouldn't have agreed otherwise. Do you feel pushed?"

"No. I'm ready for this."

"Are you sure? It doesn't seem real."

He fell back against the pillows and let his hands clasp behind his head. "I know. It's hard to think about it. We really do move fast, and have no time to think while on tour. Do you want to wait? Why do you think he suggested this?"

"Because Kell told my parents we share a bed."

Rafe sighed thoughtfully. "But he told us that once he'd set his mind on marrying Maille he couldn't bear to be separated from her. Day or night."

"I know. They know we're not sleeping together, as in not having sex, but they probably feel like it's too much of a risk, if we really intend to go to the temple."

"So, they are all judging us?"

"Oh, I don't know. Just worried, I guess." I sighed again too.

"Aubrey. I love the idea of waiting and going to the temple. I truly think it's the most amazing thing we can do. I think it's what the Savior wants us to do."

"You really think that? I don't want them all pushing you. If you're not ready, or if it's too fast. I mean--- honestly---- we haven't..." He rose up on one elbow and cupped my cheek before kissing me softly, once, twice, three times and then sealed it with a deeper more meaningful experience, sharing his inner commitment. I felt it, I knew it existed, and was right.

"Nobody is pushing me." He said against me, gently massaging my neck and shoulders. "Do you really think anybody could push me if I didn't want to be pushed?"

"No." I really didn't. He was too strong of a personality. The main thing going for him was his willingness to admit when he didn't know it all. To be curious about all things, and his deep desire to know the truth. He was open to new thoughts, and revising thoughts. It was a generous gift Heavenly Father had given him, very generous.

"Aubrey, what's your main reservation?"

I swallowed. "I don't know, Rafe, when I think about it... I don't know, I just want what's best for you, and you had such strong opinions about things. How can they all be revised? Is that you? You can revise your opinions just like that?"

"I don't think it's just like that, do you?"

I sniffed. "Maybe. I mean... maybe."

"You think I am deceiving myself?" He flopped back.

"I just want you to be sure. Not about me--- I know you're sure about me. But about the church, Rafe. It's such a big commitment. It's a huge commitment. It's a for life commitment."

"Do you think I'm incapable of a for life commitment?"

"No." I said.

"Then... you think I don't know myself well?"

I swallowed. "Not necessarily."

"What are your doubts?"

"I don't want to make up doubts where none exist." I said, a little too snappishly.

He chuckled. "That could be what we are doing."

I turned to him, wanting comfort. It wasn't a normal movement. I didn't usually curl up with my face against his heart. I'd done it, yes, but not the same way. I really did want comfort this time.

His arm rose to curl me close. He pulled my leg up to rest comfortably across his legs. It was easier that way, closer. He murmured comforting words against my forehead and hair, kissing and twirling circles. "I don't doubt Aubrey."

"Okay." I whispered.

"And this is the very best for us. I'm not some sex crazed sex fiend, baby, but it will be better in three weeks. Yes?"

I sniffed again. "Yes."

"What else do we need? We solve differences on the basketball court. We have the temple and the gospel to keep us sane and close to God, doing what is right for our family. You get along with my band and I love your brothers. Haven't met your sisters. I want to home base in LA, and spend more time producing, and you still want to be a doctor. And we both want ten kids."

"Ten?"

"Sailin Sea and Sereniti."

"Did that make ten?"

"And then there is Peyton Call."

"Who?"

"I forgot I want a little girl named Peyton, and I think we should have her middle name be after President Call."

"Peyton Call Stryker." I rolled it off my lips, and smiled. "Might move that to the top of the list."

He ran his fingers down my hair. "I think that about covers it."

"Rafe. I love you." I said abruptly.

He pulled me to look into my eyes carefully. "You know I love you too."

I nodded, choked up, embarrassed by being choked up. I snorted, and gulped and then hid my face against his chest and he laughed. "Our courtship will be a great family campfire story. Compete with water gun fights, running on hot slides and Ferris Wheels."

I laughed through my sudden tears, tears that didn't bother my husband-to-be. "Tomorrow." He said softly. "We will call the temple and get a date, and then call our family and make arrangements for them all to be there, all who can be."

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