117A:

He put him on speaker phone and I felt a little weird. After all, Bishop Bradley was actually my Bishop as well as Rafe's.

He answered quickly and easily, and after the pleasantries, Rafe launched into our predicament. That of being ready to be married and not wanting to be apart.

The Bishop's voice was very low and kind as he asked a few questions. "Rafe have you been reading and praying like I asked you to? Did you get the priesthood blessing?"

"Yes, yes and yes." Rafe answered. "I did get the blessing, and it was a great comfort and strength to me. I've felt the spirit several times in warning to me about Aubrey's safety. And we've been reading faithfully."

"I don't see any reason why you two can't come into my office then and discuss your plans for a temple wedding."

"Seriously? But Bishop, you know my past."

"I'm hearing that your past is in the past, Rafe. Is it lingering?"

"I have anti-Mormon affiliations."

"And are you still contributing to these?"

"Not at the moment, but I still feel obligated to."

"I see. Is it what you discussed with me about your brothers?"

"Yeah."

"I have had some thoughts about that, and am sending you some links to articles I want you to consider. Sincere repentance requires true knowledge that what you've done has offended God. Rafe, I truly feel that you are not condemned by this knowledge or by your actions at this time. You did not deliberately set out to offend God, and you did not have a sure knowledge that what you were doing was offensive to God. Read the articles and tell me what you think."

"Okay. But I have other things too."

"Things you wish to discuss with Aubrey sitting there?"

"Maybe not." He laughed and I pursed my lips and looked away.

"Then it can wait until you guys get home from your tour. Come on guys, it's less than three months away now. It would take you that long to plan your wedding anyway. We can keep working, keep understanding and keep on coming closer to God and letting the spirit work with you."

"So, you think we should wait, and try for the temple?"

"I do, at this point. Rafe, the solid foundation of true and sincere repentance takes time, and effort and true remorse. I think you aren't to that point yet. Not that you are in any way being defiant. Just the opposite. I sense that you are sincerely trying, and that the spirit of the Lord is working with you."

Rafe was silent. I don't think that was what he wanted to hear. I'm not sure at this point it was what I wanted to hear.

"You don't think it would be better to have a civil wedding and then go to the temple?"

The Bishop's sigh was heart felt. "This is how I feel about it Rafe. The reason you want to get married right away is not because you love her so much you want to be with her forever. It is because you lust after her and want to have sex with her as soon as possible. Is that the kind of marriage you are building? Tell me if I'm wrong. But that is what I am sensing."

Rafe's hand shook, maybe from anger, maybe from embarrassment. Either way, we said our good-byes and hung up.

I sat there in stunned silence. I recalled many young women lessons where dressing modestly so as not to influence a young man to be aroused by just looking at you flitted through my mind. Rafe was not a young man. He was a man used to having sex whenever he wanted it, and he was being very celibate for me. I looked down. I was wearing black lacy briefs, and a white camisole. No bra. I was dressed as if I were already married. I swallowed hard. When had I become so comfortable that I'd forgotten modesty? And the reasons for it?

I was not respecting his efforts to keep my virginity intact. I was deliberately fanning the flames of his ardor. Assuming that he had the strength to resist.

Rafe had looked up the links the Bishop had sent.

"Will masturbation keep me out of the temple?" This was the title of an article. "How do I feel about the rule to wait a year?" Another article, neither of which were put out by the church, but they were church members who struggled with these things. "How can I help my same sex attracted family members without violating my own temple covenants?"

Rafe flipped to that one and started reading to himself. I decided to dress appropriately and take some quiet time to think about things.

Rafe came out a little while later, looking quite calm. I was impressed. He got some water, drank it all, and then asked if I wanted to go for a run. I did, and we sat down to tie on our shoes.

We found ourselves at the rear of the venue, parked with security detail all around us. The venue was in the city of Durango, and we both scrunched up our faces at the same time, wondering where exactly we were supposed to run. I saw Tim and Manuel step out of their respective bus, and at the same time Aiden and Lavon came out of our bus, stretching, but dressed to run with us. About two seconds later, Ben and Jeff came out. We started stretching. I held Rafe's foot against mine, stopped so to speak, and did my arm pulls, and then we switched. Another of those couple things we were becoming used to. This wasn't lost on Ben, who gave us a nod as he walked by us.

On the run, Rafe and I followed Aiden and Tim who were the two most aggressive security people we had. They carried openly, and kept their eyes peeled for threats at all times. I hated that we were surrounded by security. It seemed so impersonal, and I wanted to talk to Rafe about what the Bishop had said. As it turned out he asked me something.

"How do you feel about the death penalty?"

I saw through his ploy instantly. "Another of those controversial subjects we have yet to discover about each other?"

He nodded, arms up, legs pumping rhythmically. He set our pace and I had learned to keep up or fall behind. Rafe was nothing if not methodical.

"I am for it."

"Me too." He panted. "Oh. My. G---- goodness! We have something controversial in common. Tell me why?"

"Why we have something in common, or why--- what?"

"Yeah, why we have this in common."

I laughed. "Because you asked, I answered and you copied my answer to get us this answer in common."

He stumbled, laughed, slapped my butt and kept on running. "I did not copy your answer. Although now I see how your devious mind works. I seriously am for it. I'll tell you why. Prisons are far too crowded with people who have committed terrible crimes. Murder, rape and kidnapping. I feel there should be harsher and more immediate punishments."

"I agree."

"You freaking really do?"

"I do."

"How about repeat offenders for drug dealing?"

"Om---- maybe. I feel differently about that perhaps. It would depend on the drug, no it wouldn't. It simply--- no--- listen--- I feel that with drugs--- it's this. I don't care what they do in the walls of their own homes. I think there should be mandatory testing for drugs before a person can receive any kind of government aid, including welfare. If they are on drugs, they should be given the opportunity to clean up. If they can, and they stay clean for a certain amount of time--."

"I agree. If they can stay clean, hold a job--- at least make an effort, then yeah. But if not--- then no. I also think that women who are on drugs at the time of the birth of their baby, should have the baby taken away. If they present a second time, with a second baby--- they should be sterilized."

"Harsh, but a good thought."

"Why don't we advocate for that?"

"I'm all for it. I know this lady in Florida who pays girls to give their babies up for adoption and will tie their tubes for free. It takes a lot of her own money, but you'd be surprised how many girls take her up on her offer."

"I'm not surprised. People will do anything for drugs."

We ran in silence for a few more minutes and then Rafe said: "Are you for gun control?"

"Second amendment."

"So you agree with it? People --- all people should have the right to keep and bear arms?"

"No--- no, I didn't say that. There are some regulations I agree with. I think that background checks are necessary to some extent, known felons--- should have to wait a decent period of time before they can own and carry a gun, and those whose crime involved a gun, shouldn't be allowed to legally carry. But disarming the populace is unconstitutional."

"Don't you think that there would be fewer school shootings?"

"No. People who are going to commit that kind of crime will find the weapons they want with or without laws forbidding the use. All disarming the populace will do is make victims of law abiding citizens."

"I agree."

"You do?" I smiled really big. I held up my hand for a high five as we rounded the parking lot for the fourth time. It was getting very hot.

"Yes." He grinned at me as we ran the last lap. Both of us were panting and covered in sweat.

"How about Climate change, Rafe. What do you think about that?"

"Everybody knows that Global warming is real."

"I don't know that."

"Isn't the earth telestial or something? I think even the earth can be flawed."

I was surprised at his knowledge, not for the first time, and not for the last. "I think we need to be better stewards, that's true, conservation is paramount. Good management. But limiting population, or heading in that direction is not God's plan. I think the earth has enough resources for man's survival and to spare. That's in the scriptures."

"I agree." He said.

I glanced at him sideways and he grinned. "I really do agree with you."

"Are we like four and oh?"

"Yes, Aubrey. Controversial subjects 101, we are passing this test."

We made it back to the buses, and the guys ahead of us turned to see if we were going on. We weren't. The stage manager was coming out of the back of the building, followed by others very closely. We were informed that Rafe's green rooms were ready and he could use them at any time, even though we didn't perform for hours yet. There was a shower. I think this must have been observed as necessary as we ran laps.

Ben caught up to us, looking like death warmed over. "What's on the agenda for today?"

"I thought we'd jam. I have some new music." Rafe said.

"I found a Cathedral, and a museum and a park." I said and shrugged. "We could do both."

"I found a gondola that overlooks the city with an old church on the top of a mountain, the highest spot in the city."

"A must see." Rafe laughed and patted Ben's back. "Bro, you move me."

"I say we get showered and get ready and pack lunches and do all this by say--- 2pm, and then come back here, and rest and jam some, and hear your new music, and then be ready for the show."

"It's a plan." Rafe said, hopping on the bus. We retrieved our belongings, and told security where we planned to go.

The showers were not quite as accommodating as we'd hoped. The dressing rooms were only semi-private, and the showers were not private at all. Not as bad as the ones with no doors, but I was dismayed to say the least as we entered the dressing rooms, only to find that the showers were a series of stalls with drains, and curtains blowing in the breeze.

Ben was also dismayed. "Why do they do this to us?"

"It's the best they can offer."

"Bullshit. There's a class one hotel right down the street, and we are in here like a school gym locker."

"I, for one, don't care today. It's too beautiful of a day." Rafe said and snapped his curtain closed. "Baby, you coming in?"

"No. I'll get my own, thanks." I said and snapped my stall curtain closed as it billowed around me with the onset of warm water. I had a right to worry about shower mishaps and pranks. I wish there had been a women's dressing room prepared, but there wasn't.

I started to undress when I heard some weird noises coming from outside. "Rafe, please don't do anything stupid."

I knew there were security guys outside in the dressing rooms, and food and water, and... I heard the noises again, like a scuffling, a scraping sound. Like something was being dragged across the floor.

"Rafe?" I had sudden visions of him being kidnapped and me being raped or murdered in his absence.

There was no answer. I had turned the water on, and now I turned it off, and clutched my top to me.

I listened hard at the curtain, and heard the scuffling again.

"Rafe!"

Somebody was breathing hard near my curtain. I pulled it back and screamed bloody murder as I saw Ben and Rafe, far too close to me, both naked, both looking at their tattoos in the mirror across from us. They both turned as I screamed, and snapped the curtain shut.

"Why didn't you answer me?" I screamed, the image of their naked butts emblazoned on my mind.

They were laughing so hard I felt like hitting them.

"Aubrey, come here."

"No!"

"Aubrey, we were just looking at----."

"Leave me alone. I want a hotel room shower from now on!"

"But this cool mirror. Look what it does! It's warped. It makes the ink look distorted. Come here."

"I don't want to see you guys naked, Rafe. Remember? It's me. Remember?"

"I'm not an idiot. Look we put shorts on." I peeked out and they had put shorts on, but then Jeff came through in just his underwear.

I snapped the curtain shut. "I want my own bathroom. I'll pay for it."

"Hey, Aubrey. I'll let you listen." Rafe wheedled. He had come to the curtain. "You know you want to. Ben said he'll let you too, you can add him to your collection."

I heard Ben protesting.

I slipped my shirt back on. "Okay, show me what happens in the mirror and then get me a hotel room."

Rafe flexed and if you looked in the mirror, it really did look like a carnival ride. He kept moving and the mirror kept gyrating at impossible angles. It looked solid, till you tapped it head on, and then you could see it was warped.

Rafe finally stopped, and grabbed Ben's shoulder. "Come here, dude. I promised her you'd let her listen."

"I don't listen like this, Rafe. Gees! I only listen when the mood hits me. It's--- not something I share with just everybody."

"I really liked it when you listened to me."

I swallowed hard and then went back to the shower. "I'm showering. And then--- later you can get me my own room."

I went in the shower and turned the water on. Rafe made my curtain billow for good measure. And then we were all hurrying to get washed and dressed so we could get out and see things, and no one tried to peer at me again.

********