097: Aubrey

His eyes slid to mine. "Funny. Want me to tell you something I really like about you?"

"We're supposed to be doing that every night."

"No--- that's love, and we've been remiss. I will tell you five things I love about you tonight after I tell you what I think about you right now." He kept staring at the ceiling. "Aubrey, your body is firm, not from dieting and being at a gym, but from real honest exercise. You are in very nice shape, and I can tell the difference and it's a turn on for me. I love that about you--- that you want to be outdoors, you want to explore and exercise. That's a real plus. I've dated girls who want to be seen with me, but they don't like to exercise with me. They'd rather me see them curling around themselves at the pool, in their bikini."

I was happy that we had that going for us. It was a plus, like he said. It was on my list of things I wanted in a future husband too.

"But Aubrey, let me tell you something. I have tried not to look at you the way I look at them, because you elicit a whole different feeling in me. You are a beautiful woman, not because you're smoking hot, because--- baby--- ." He blew out his breath. "You are. But you're beautiful to me because you are modest, because you don't show off. Because you value your integrity, and your skin is lovely, because nobody else has seen it. It's taking me awhile to identify that, but I don't want you to change, your virginity is the biggest turn on."

I was floored by his deep feelings about this. I didn't want to know how I compared to other girls, but he was telling me that out of all the beautiful girls he'd had that I stood out to him because of my purity, not my experience. I had wondered about that.

"Rafe---." I felt the tiniest bit of that relaxation that came when we talked in bed like this. I know pillow talk was essentially what happened after sex, but this was darn close. "I love you for being fearless--- to speak out about feelings, and to ride the hundred foot zip line that scared the crap out of me. I love you for singing in the van, and in the lounge, and on stage, and in the shower, and while you eat. I love that music is so important and intrinsic a part of you. I love you for calling the Bishop on your own. I love you for calling him with me here. I love you for being willing to consider doing what he says. I love that you want me to be a part of that. It means a lot to me. I love you for making me sleep with you. I know it's weird and unorthodox, but I don't want to sleep without you anymore."

He was chuckling, and grinning, these things did make us both feel good. I hoped it was a ritual we kept up with and didn't get tired of. "I love you, Aubrey, for reserving yourself for your chosen man, for not sleeping around. I wish I could offer you the same. As it stands, I will be offering you the longest string of abstinence in twenty years I have to offer."

"That's an amazing gift." I said, and he rolled over finally and kissed me, just that brush at first.

"I love your kissing." He whispered against me. "Kissing doesn't last long in relationships, Aubrey. Promise me we won't stop kissing."

"Promise." I said against his lips as he deepened our contact, slanted over me, gave me that sweet sensation of falling into one-hood. When that feeling overcame us, I lost all the recollection we shared of disagreements and differences, and just felt the one-ness of being in tune with each other so well.

"Aubrey, I'm falling asleep."

"Want to have prayers?"

He scooted into an embrace, the funny facing one we spooned into sometimes. I don't even know why it worked for us, but it did. We must have been built for each other. He had his arms around me and mine were around him.

"Do you want me to pray?" I asked him.

"No. I'll pray." He said, and my heart did that funny little flip flop thing. "Heavenly Father, I thank thee for the safety we've enjoyed while we've been traveling. I thank thee for this bus and the driver and all our security personnel and the crews. I thank thee for the ability to go on tour, in this comfortable way. I thank thee for the good weather we've been having. I thank thee for Bishop Bradley, and his understanding. I thank thee for Aubrey's love and her steadiness in keeping the spirit close to us. I thank thee for our families, please watch over them. Please help me understand what I need to do to--- get ready to go to the temple. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen."

I sighed as I kissed his lips, as Rafe clicked off the overhead light above us, and the bus swayed around us and we kissed a few more times, and then swallowing hard against the feelings of joy and bemusement, I drifted into a very secure sleep.

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