092: Aubrey

Mexico's Copper Canyon was huge, beautiful and very much like the Grand Canyon, but different. We—those who planned to go on the excursion--- were up early, yoga'd, run finished, smoothies drank, and snacks packed for the day. Where the first day out had been just a few of us, now almost everybody was excited. We decided to take several trips as so many people wanted to go.

Rafe and I were of course, in the earliest van. Rafe obviously set the precedent for the rest of the band members of all four bands. Those who were serious about getting out and seeing things this trip were up and ready. Each van could only take seven extra people, and there were three vans that could take people. Not counting the two security vans, mine and Rafe's. It took us over an hour driving time to the very small resort.

When we got there, groups of people set off on their own with their closest buddies. Some guys from the other bands, not as classy as Axis, were drinking very early. This even annoyed and disgusted Dylan and Mutt who planned to get wasted, later while we drove. I tried very hard to ignore them, and kept my eye on where Jake was located. I hadn't realized how much extra security he gave me till he was there.

The hiking trail to the waterfall was very enticing. Rafe had got a small map of the area, ascertaining right off, in his cool black spandex and red muscle shirt, and helmet--- when needed--- he planned to mountain bike again--- that the waterfalls weren't all that far. He was more than excited to do this adventure. In fact, had unloaded his own mountain bike, even though it was advertised that they had them here to rent. I had to rent.

He didn't specifically invite others, but when I went to the crowded bike shop, I noticed that our standard group was already there, renting bikes as well. Jeff, Ben, Mutt, Dylan, Jeremy and Levi, and another guy I didn't know. Jake and Tim were there ready to go as well, all decked out in sports gear, looking normal and interested.

I got my bike and was on my way back over to Rafe at the rest area, when I felt a slap on my behind and a naughty laugh. I looked enraged as Dylan rode by on his own bike, his eyebrows raised. I thought about his brazen behavior and wanted to tell Rafe immediately. Instead I looked around to see if Jake had noticed, and he hadn't but--- Aiden had. He was standing by the van, staying back here to protect it and our interests in the parking area. He gave me a questioning look and I bit my lip.

He beckoned me over.

I didn't know him from before at all. He was new and I didn't know what his protocol was. "Was that guy bugging you, Miss Mann?"

"You can call me Aubrey, or Doctor Mann, but Miss Mann makes me feel like a teenager." I smiled as Dylan rode off laughing. "I think he's harmless, but yeah, he's been bugging me."

"I'll take care of it." He said stoically, hands on hips.

"What will you do? He kind of--- told me--- that if I told Rafe--- he'd quit the band high and dry and they'd be without a drummer."

He eyed me speculatively. "And you believed him?"

"Am I being naïve again?"

"Yes, Aubrey." He said with a small smile, not real friendly and not too condescending. "Go on your bike ride and I will take care of it. He won't bother you again."

I smiled hesitantly, not sure what he meant he would actually do, but trusting that he was my father's choice, and therefore tactful. I peddled over to Rafe who was now joined by his band plus some. He gave me a look, wondering what I'd been talking to security for, and then outlined how far and what level of riders needed to be on this excursion, he also told them it would take a good part of the day, and not to expect to do all the zip lining and other stuff.

We lost Jeff and Mutt, a few of the Gunn guys, and one security man.

Rafe did not choose to lead the way, he asked Tim to lead, and we followed.

The initial climb was harder than I had expected. I couldn't speak at all, as I was huffing and puffing and so was everybody else. We'd climbed into the forested mountains of the Sierra's, and although the vistas were beautiful and reminiscent to me of the Southern California mountains to which I'd spent plenty of weekend getaways—I had a harder time enjoying them.

When we stopped for a water break, I separated myself from the group and Rafe followed me. "Are you okay?" He asked.

I nodded, drinking from my bottle. "Yeah. It's harder than I expected."

"Not harder, but higher." Rafe affirmed. "I think you could do it if you weren't acclimated to a lower altitude." We watched as Dylan decided to turn back. Dylan's foot was hurting him, and after the first day I hadn't spent any time, like I might have checking on it. I felt a little guilty. I did have something of an obligation since I'd started the treatments. But I watched as he departed, and I didn't wave.

"Are you having trouble?"

"I'm working hard." He said pointedly. "But the waterfalls are fairly close."

"Why didn't you tell Dylan? He probably wanted to---"

"He's a big boy. If he wants to go sightseeing he needs to be prepared." He looked away, then back at me. "I don't like Dylan around you, Aubrey."

I smiled. "I thought you'd picked up on that vibe. I don't really like him around me either."

He grinned. I think that was a relief to him. Had he really thought I'd be interested in Dylan? Kind of a skuzzy guy to go after another man's fiancé. I was happy it was just Ben, Jeremy, Levi and our security guys now.

"Let's get some pics of this amazing view." I said and Jeremy got off his bike and took my phone from me so he could take our picture. We talked about the really lovely canyons, the layers of rock and the gorgeous colors. It was refreshing, calm and normal. I had the thought that I really needed this break from surgery. Not just being at home and hiding in my room to get away from the terrible crying of parents who had lost children, but to be out here away from civilization, just viewing God's majesty. Things were making sense for the first time.

We rode up on the trail another fifteen minutes—at which point we were overtaken by another guy, really slim and decked out in gear. He pulled up ahead of me rather quickly, crowding me off the trail, till he got to Rafe.

"Hey, Rafe. Holli suggested I film you up here. It might come in handy to have some rare footage out in the open." He was rather bold. Rafe had stopped and was looking out over the scenery. We both saw the eagle at the same time, and I pointed so the guys behind me would see it too. This awe inspiring giant bird soaring above the air currents in the blazing sun and shadow. It was breathtaking, and intoxicating and so worth it. I was reminded of scripture, rising up as on wings of eagles', I was reminded of a John Denver song. It immediately popped in my mind and without conscious thought I started humming it.

"Yeah, whatever." Rafe said to the kid with the cameras. "Just stay out of my way mostly, okay? This wasn't that kind of trip, and its lame of Holli to push it on me now." He got out his water bottle as we watched the eagle. Jeremy came close to me, and I gave him a very peaceful gaze, he smiled serenely, feeling it.

There was a cooling breeze. I had my hair up, but the stray strands blew across my cheeks. Rafe took out his phone. "Don't move." Now he was the one snapping pictures. It was too beautiful not to want to capture it.

He pushed his bike back down beside me, and listened to my humming. I stopped.

"What was it?"

"The Eagle and the Hawk."

He looked confused. "I'm not super arrogant, but do I know it?"

"You mean because you seem to know everything about music?"

He grinned in acceptance. "Maybe not. Sing the words for me."

"I might not know all of them."

"Sing what you know." He noticed Jeremy grinning behind me. "What? You know it?"

"Yeah, I know it. John Denver. My mom sang it all the time."

"Sing it for the eagle." Rafe said and I shrugged. They all knew I could sing. I seemed to be the only one still shy about it. But come on, mightn't you be a little shy about singing in front of guys as talented as Rafe and Jeremy?

"I am the eagle, I live in high country in rocky cathedrals that reach to the sky.
I am the hawk, and there's blood on my feathers.
But time is still turning, they soon will be dry.
And all those who see me, and all who believe in me
share in the freedom I feel when I fly.

Come dance with the west wind and touch on the mountain tops.
Sail o'er the canyons and up to the stars.
And reach for the heavens and hope for the future
and all that we can be, and not what we are

I let the note linger, realizing that Jeremy had sung with me, a kind of harmony duet. I loved him for that, for not having to feel alone singing to the mountain tops. Rafe's eyes were closed.

"Again." He breathed. His hand on my bike steadied me, and as I closed my eyes I envisioned the eagle, soaring, the hawk darting below him. I envisioned the west wind, lifting over the canyons we stood at the rim of--- and the stars that were shining somewhere out of our sight. My voice rose naturally--- encompassing the surreal feeling of singing to those stars, to that eagle, to the bloodied hawk---

My pain and my sorrows. The hawk. Soaring away.

I stopped before the last pieces could be heard, choked up, and Jeremy finished it. Then suddenly more beautiful than ever Rafe's voice pulled into the fore, as if he'd plucked the words from my brain without help. Jeremy sang with him right there on that mountain, sweetly, not hurried. I gathered my courage and hummed myself back in softly. Rafe's fingers rolled in his come on gesture, and I sang louder, he harmonized with Jeremy and I sang the melody, in front of him, as he gathered the words, but it sounded planned.

Jake and Tim were listening rapturously. I could tell by their faces. It had been a moving performance. I loved that there was music for Rafe outside of the bus, outside of the studio, and outside of the tour. This was where music belonged.

Ben moved his bike up the trail past us. "You guys should start a folk rock group." He said as he pedaled past.

It broke the spell, and I laughed as Levi made his way past us too, grinning at his brother and at our sentimental faces. We'd had this major spiritual experience---- the music and the birds, and the sky and the canyon--- and my eyes followed the guys on bikes.

I realized those guys were about to see the waterfall before me. And my competitive nature kicked in.

*********