083: Aubrey

"Maybe the reason you're feeling anxious is because the spirit is telling you that it's not safe."

Rafe turned to me with his eyes narrowed. "Now why would the spirit do that?"

"We're engaged. I'm now your responsibility. Maybe...."

"You're my responsibility? What do you mean?"

I was talking very low, leaning into his shoulder. "You're the man. You're the priesthood holder. God holds you accountable for the welfare of your family. I'm your future family. Maybe the mantle has already changed from my dad to you, and maybe you are getting the inspiration needed as my husband.... Oh, I don't know." I said this in frustration and turned away.

But Rafe was having none of it. He tightened his hand on my leg. "What exactly are you talking about? You're talking Mormon lingo so fast I'm having trouble keeping up. You said that the mantle transfers--- what does that mean?"

I really didn't want to discuss it here. We should be enjoying ourselves, happy, excited. There were photographers around. I didn't want my picture to be all dire and gloomy.

Rafe was completely centered on me now. "I've heard that term before, Aubrey. I get that a priesthood holder has duties, and is accountable. I get that. I was a priest once. I get it. But the mantle? I've never heard that."

"To preside, to receive revelation for your... family. Or whatever your calling is. If you're the prophet, then you have the mantle to receive revelation for the whole church, and it's your responsibility to protect and direct the church--- that trickles down to each individual priesthood holder as well. In your family, you are the man. You are it. I was just thinking...."

He leaned back. His eyes were far away and he was not blinking or smiling. I put my hand over his on my leg and squeezed, about to say something apologetic, maybe even to pacify and encourage him to think about something else, we could talk about it later.

His head fell forward and then he leaned into me in all seriousness. "Aubrey, that's exactly it. That's what I've been feeling. It's the spirit, and it has been warning me to protect you."

I glanced up to see just how serious he really was. He wouldn't have me on would he? He wouldn't say that to make me think---- no, he wouldn't. He was kind of pale.

"Then I guess the mantle has transferred. I told you I trust you. And I told you I feel protected by you. I guess I was getting those feelings too."

He blinked as if blinking tears away and folded his napkin in his lap to cover a sudden nervousness. I worried that that information might cause him to feel alarm.

"Where did the mantle transfer from? The prophet?" He was all seriousness.

I smiled. "No, from my dad."

"Your dad?" He looked confused.

"A father has responsibility to receive all revelation for his family, until such time as individual daughters become the--- responsibility of their husbands. I mean, a father still has responsibility--- but when a daughter marries---."

"We have to talk about this more later."

"You're not worried are you?"

He screwed up his lips. "I'm not sure what it is I'm feeling, or in what direction to go with it, but right now--- there is too much noise--- and too much other stuff going on." He smiled reassuringly. "It's going to be okay. You will be protected. I promise, Aubrey."

Our food came. It was delicious. We both liked spicy foods and the talk focused on that. We ate off each other's plates, laughed and talked with those around us--- except I studiously avoided the stupid leg press from Dylan's side. He leaned into me, or touched my side way too much, but aside from moving closer to Rafe, I honestly didn't give him the time of day, and he had a girl with him anyhow.

After dinner, there was club dancing in another room. We went in and the DJ announced we were in the house. Everybody wanted a picture, and that took some time. Rafe was gracious, if not communicative, distracted, and very ---- well, he never let my hand go. Even when both of our hands got sweaty, he kept my hand. And then we were dancing, and the music was fun and exciting.

I'd already forgotten the moves he'd taught me, and the girls here danced slightly differently, so I let Rafe teach me all over again, and this time, he was very provocative--- holding my hips close to his, keeping his hands glued firmly to my body.... But--- I realized--- this was not in an effort to be more sexy. He was worried about us--- about keeping me safe and having a good time.

Don't get me wrong. He danced and grinned and hooted and howled. He laughed and turned, dancing with girls right behind him, and letting me dance with Ben and his girl, and Jeff and his girl, and even Mutt and his girl. We made a really tight circle, and danced all together. It was really intimate and close and fun.

I was disturbed that all of the rest of them were drinking, but Rafe absolutely avoided the drinks being handed out, and the obvious covert drug use going on in the room full of wealthy, and privileged young people.

And then he surprised us all. He tipped the bartender, had a pop only and then told Holli we were leaving and not going anywhere else. Holli was shocked and---- I could tell--- relieved--- or dismayed. She had her phone and she called for backup, or security, and a few guys came in from the outer limits to escort us. In seconds we were all--- I repeat all--- outside and heading back to the venue and to our bus.

This was so unprecedented the guys were complaining. Finally Rafe had had it. "Listen if you guys want to keep partying, fine, go ahead. Aubrey and I are going back. The bus leaves in an hour. Go f-ing party."

"You owe her money." Mutt slurred with a hoot swinging his girl's hand high. And his drink as well.

"Yeah." Rafe said staccato. "I do." He dug in his pocket and pressed a twenty into my hand. I felt weird, but he held my hand up and I grinned and told them they better watch their mouths. Jeff zipped his lips and threw away the imaginary key. I high fived him.

The girls that were with them all simpered and preened. It was obvious they intended to come back to the bus with us. I felt very strange inside. Would they all have sex inside the bus? Would they bring their dates back to our hotel on wheels?

I asked Rafe that, and he laughed. "No, they'll go get rooms here in Nogales."

"But the bus leaves in an hour."

"I just said that, for Holli's benefit. We wouldn't leave without our band." He tightened his grip on my hand, looking around. "Guys will be guys though."

I gave him a side long glance and he avoided my eyes. I figured that was for the best. We got on the bus followed by several others, and Mack was eating and relaxing, but hopped up as we came aboard. He told us he'd stocked a lot of good fruit while in the states, and said we could get more tomorrow in El Paso.

I looked at the clock on the microwave and said, "It is tomorrow." Rafe glanced at it too. After three a.m.

"I'm exhausted. How about we hit the hay?"

I still felt funny planning to sleep in his bunk, one thing to fall asleep on his couch accidentally, another thing to plan it... and since I'd met him, there had been far too many planned sleepovers. In fact, if the truth were known, there had only been the one accident. All the rest were planned. And I. Still. Felt. Funny--- about it.

It was nice that not many others were on board. Suddenly my phone lit up and I knew I was getting a call. And the name and coinciding picture were none other than dad. My brows rose.

"Hi Daddy."

Rafe was taking clothes into the bathroom to change, and his brows rose as well.

"Aubrey." Dad's voice was not super excited. In fact it had that tone that instantly told me he was disturbed.

"Dad." I said again.

"Aubrey. What are you doing?"
"I'm touring Mexico with Rafe's band."

"No, what are you doing in this video? It is you in the video, isn't it?"

I thought about what he could be referring to and wanted to cuss myself. "I don't know, Dad. Is it--- on stage--- at the concert?"

"No, it's in a mud hole in Mexico." His voice was strained. I closed my eyes and as Rafe came out of the bathroom, dressed in his red basketball shorts he saw my face and knew something was up. He smiled and went to the kitchen for some tea. He'd said he needed throat tea. His throat was sore. I asked if I could have some too.

"It's not what it looks like." I said.

"It looks like he is mauling you, beyond mauling."

I bit my lips. "I didn't post it, Dad. It was right before Jeremy cut his leg. Nothing bad happened except that. Rafe was just joking around with me."

"Aubrey, I caution you, strongly caution you to avoid---."

I interrupted, afraid to hear the recriminations that I was already spouting in my own brain. "Okay, dad. It was an accident. No worries, okay?"

"Are you getting enough sleep? It's three a.m."

"But you knew I'd be awake?"

"I had Holli Elman hire two of my security guys for the rest of the tour, just for you. They are in their own van." I heard his sigh on the other end as it matched my indrawn breath. "I will have minute by minute updates if necessary. I thought Kell told you---."

"He did, but he also told me to pursue this amazing man, and I am." I sounded defensive even to my own ears. "I'm okay. I know what I'm doing."

I could even hear his thoughts at that statement. Oh, no, you don't, you're a baby, you're an inexperienced baby. You don't have a clue.

"We love you, Aubrey, and we are worried about you. This is so out of character for you. And after you just went through such a traumatic experience. We just want to see you get the help you need. And---."

Rafe took the phone from me. "Hello there."

"Hello Rafe. Saw the video of your concert last night, very imaginative. Had the fans rolling on the floor." I could hear my dad's sarcasm.

"Wait till you see tonight then." Rafe said cheerfully. "I have them making out with me on stage."

I grabbed my pajamas and shut the door on the bathroom so I didn't have to hear anymore. It was enough to know that my family was worried about me, they thought I was reacting to the distress I'd incurred at Angelee's death. They thought I was rushing into things, or escaping from things. They did not see this courtship as a normal course of action at my age and time of life. Not at all.

That knowledge was bittersweet. I felt sad and nervous all at the same time. I yawned and pulled my hair into a braid. Stared at my sunburnt expression in the little mirror, and finally went and put my folded dirty clothes in my dirty clothes bag, and climbed into our bunk. I grabbed my kindle, looked up Ciudad Juarez and what time church started at the Stake Center, and then closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

******