Because I'd gone to bed with my own terrible energy building up, I was awake before everyone. I was uncomfortable, my back hurt and my legs felt heavy and cramped. I had a tension in my shoulders that needed to be worked out, and I was sure I'd dreamed terrible dreams all night. The bus had stopped, and with it, my tempestuous dreams. I tossed around for awhile. I had to go to the bathroom. I got up and padded to the lounge. No one was there. I looked out the window. We were actually parked in a parking lot at the beach. I could see security posted around a fairly small gated off area. There were cars and tents beyond that. I didn't know where we were. Come to find out.... Since Mack was awake checking the outer perimeter of the bus.... When I went outside, we weren't at the beach, but a large spot in the river. We were at a gorge, a natural amphitheater, and we'd be playing outside. Other artists buses were on--- as was ours, but not rolling, and parked in close proximity.

            I startled Mack. It was still dark out.

            "Hey there, Aubrey, right?" He pushed back his knit hat. "What choo out here for? You catch your death of a cold in this weather."

            I looked at the lightening sky. "What weather? It's beautiful."

            "It's damn cold." He said. I figured my deal didn't go for the bus driver, but I cringed a little anyway. I hadn't met a cusser yet that I wanted to hear.

            I didn't feel that cold, so I looked around. "I can't sleep. Can I go for a run?"

            "Go for a run, in the middle of the night? Are you out of your mind, girl? No. No you may not."

            "Are you my mom on the bus?"

            He eyed me carefully. "You ain't been on tour? It ain't safe to go for unsupervised runs in the middle of the night. You see them tents?" He indicated the line of tents and cars lined up outside the gated off area. "Them fans just waiting to nab you."

            I worked my lips absently. "Okay. Well, what am I supposed to do till they all wake up?"

            He looked at his watch. "You got two hours." He checked the sky. "You got a movie you can watch?"

            I was saving the movies for a rainy day. I shook my head.

            "How 'bout a book?"

            "I need something physical."

            He thought about it. "Well--- this may seem a little unorthodox, but I gotta shift this storage bay around. It means taking everything out, and reorganizing it. You could help me."

            "That's exactly what I need!" I stated emphatically as he walked around to the center of the bus and lifted the storage bay doors. Inside were stuffed all kinds of luggage and equipment. I eyed it enthusiastically. We dug in.

            It took about an hour. During which time we had several meaningful conversations not the least of which was about the guys themselves. It went something like this:

            "How'd you meet Rafe?" So I told him.

            "How long have you been touring with the band?" So he told me.

            "What kinda guy is Rafe? Do you like him?"

            Mack stared me down as we shut the bus cargo bay doors. He wiped his hand across his face. "Yeah, I know'd him a long time. He a pretty good guy. What I learned about Rafe is he's not one of them spiritual gurus when it comes to music. He really have to work at feeling things. He don't let himself feel."

            We walked to the edge of the parking lot. The sky was lightening so we could see each other easily. His big face was somehow friendly and comforting to me.

            "In what way? How doesn't he feel?"

            "Well, he closed off inside. I think he had a past. Things happen and he just shut hisself off from everything. The music, it help. He onstage and he works it, man. He works it, making the audience feel what he wants them to feel. He got that charisma, y'know? They all--- they all got little God complexes, y'see what I mean? They all got a little power, on show days, they meet a girl, and they screw her, and dump her. They think they's Gods. I don't hold with that myself, but they all think dey little white Gods."

            That took me back a bit.

            "What am I then?" I bit out.

            He considered me. "You different."

            "He's not--- not screwing me. You know that right?"

            "Oh yes ma'am! You's the little Mormon gal, everybody talking about it. You da talk on the bus. You provide enough talk for the whole tour!" He laughed and laughed. I just stood there, digesting it.

            Finally I shrugged, "So, is Rafe being watched for slip ups? Will my being here cause problems for him?" I thought of Dylan, and the things he'd said. Maybe I was already causing problems.

            "Everybody waiting for him to slip up with you. He gonna fall back into his moody self, and blow it witcha."

            I felt my eyebrows twitch and then the bus door swung open and Rafe himself stumbled out. Mack tipped his hat back on his head and walked away to check the other bays. Rafe came up to me and wrapped me in his arms, hugging me close.

            "I missed you last night. You feeling better?" He kissed my neck and my throat, and held me cuddled close, shoulders rounded like a bear.

            "I'm much better." I decided. "Thanks. How was your evening? What did you do after you left me?"

            "We jammed around some. Worked on the song. You inspired Ben yesterday, he says he's gonna find some place to go every day we get to our destination early enough. He found an oasis about an hour south of here. We're going there in a little while. It's got pictographs and waterfalls. Sounds fun."

            My heart lifted immeasurably. I had been about to tell him I couldn't be on tour with him, but as it stood, I wanted to go with them to see the pictographs.

            He snuggled me against him. "Aubrey, don't be sick again. I need you."

            I laughed. "You think I'm your security blanket?"

            He snuggled me some more, running his hands up and down my sides. "You're soft." He was also rubbing his scruff into my neck.

            "You're scratchy!" I pushed him back. He rubbed me some more and then unerringly sought my lips. In seconds his kiss had escalated from simple and sweet to far more intoxicating. I--- of course--- even through the memory of that other kiss--- responded and wiped that image out of my brain. Rafe picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He jostled me against him, as we kissed and twirled, and smiled into each other's lips.

            "Did you like the concert? Did the Temple people like it?"

            "We all sang along! We all enjoyed it very much. You are an incredibly talented performer."

            "I wasn't going for compliments. I meant really."

            "Rafe---." He settled me back on the ground, against his body, as the morning breeze lifted both of our hair and shirts and caused us to huddle together for warmth. "Okay--- you want my opinion? You are super sexy on stage. Your movements incite swooning in the female population. I don't even think you move all that much. You just have that ability. So--- I say capitalize on it more. I feel---- I feel that you use your movements when you think applause is lagging.... It doesn't always fit with your messages. You sometimes go through your songs by rote. Maybe you've done them a thousand times and you personally never want to hear them again. But--- to them--- your fans--- they have to be like the first time. They have to be meaningful. You have to take them with you each song, each journey. You need to be believable. I think you can do better."

            He had backed up from me. I wondered if I had got some of that from Mack—and the feelings talk. Or some of it, perhaps, from listening to my mom coach vocalists from all over the world. But I did think my observation was spot on. In his case. I felt a disconnect sometimes.

            "More emotion." He murmured.

            "It was a really good concert. Your fans were well pleased. That was just a teeny tiny suggestion--- since you asked."

            "And one thing I can count on, Aubrey, is that you will tell me."

            "Finding the emotion is the hardest part." I said, blowing out my breath.

            "I harp on it all the time." He nodded, rubbing his scruff. Then his eyes cleared as the bus door opened and Anita Crimmons, the yoga instructor came out.

            "Is it just the three of us this morning?" She yawned and stretched. She had her coffee in one hand and her mats in the other.

            "No. I think there were more. At least---."  As he started to say this others came to the bus door.

            I hadn't brought my own mat. No one had said anything. Rafe went to the cargo bay, opened it and hooked to the side of this one were mats. He pulled a few out and we went out on the sand shore. There were about seven of us: Rafe and me; Mutt; Jeff; Ben; Moll Givens—the lighting director; Holli Elman—Tour manager, and Kati Philips—sound engineering technician. It was a small group, but then I saw that others--- crew from other buses were coming.

            Anita was not the type to wait around though. She started warming up with stretches and a few basic positions, and eventually took us through a fairly advanced work out. She incorporated meditation and no one spoke of course. Except her. And she was strict. She was loving, but strict. My mom was into yoga, and she was a better instructor, less into self. I missed her suddenly, frantically.

            It was a forty minute workout, which is advanced if you haven't been doing it for awhile, which I hadn't, like three or four months. I was feeling it instantly--- and looking at Rafe I could tell he was too. At differing intervals, people did finishing stretches and quit earlier--- many came out and started the run--- complete with security personnel. I waited till Anita was done and then we went out on the shore. There was a decent shoreline and a running path up higher. It was a fairly nice place to run. The sun was full up, but the morning breeze wasn't done. There were a few clouds, and this weather seemed very much like Southern California.

            I hadn't yet run with Rafe. He fell in beside me, matching our steps. He didn't look at me much though, at least that I could tell, and he didn't falter at all. I knew he was used to running. A seasoned runner. I was surprised I hadn't seen him on the beach at home. I ran every day.

            Ben ran with us. He was bigger than Rafe, just a bigger guy, not fat or anything. His muscle definition showed me he habitually did another form of exercise as well--- probably weight lifting. He talked to Rafe periodically, but I was on the other side and couldn't hear what they said.

            As the sun came up, I felt the heat of it, and my body all heated up. I wondered what Ben had in store for us, and I felt my stomach rumble. I hoped we could get some food. I'd brought enough of Mom's regenerative herbs for the month, for me and for Rafe if he wanted it. And we had stuff to make our smoothies in the frige. I was pondering this when Ben leaned out to look at me.

            "Did you bring swimming suits? Clothes you don't mind getting really dirty in?"

            "Yeah." I breathed harder than I wanted to, and Rafe looked at me critically--- probably worried that I was still sick. I felt guilty. I wasn't and hadn't been sick. Just upset.

            We rounded the lake heading back for the third lap, and were passed by the guys from Gunn--- I'd met them--- Jeremy, Paul, Mike and Levi. I was rehearsing their names, since they were new to me, when someone came up and fell into step beside me.