I watched as Aubrey walked stiffly back to the door and closed it, then wiped my eyes again, and shook my head as Lance quirked a grin.

"Shut up." I said as he started to chuckle.

"Just observing." He stated kindly, but not without his customary needling humor.

"I've fallen hard."

"I can see that for myself. And you gave her the ring."

I thought about the ring. I'd carried it-- this six thousand dollar ring-- around in my jeans pocket, loose-- seriously-- tempting God to lose it for me and prove once and for all what a failure at that side of life I had become. I didn't even once deny that a spiritual side of life existed, but I'd changed my concept of it over time. And somewhere in the back of my head after I'd made that first vow and bought the damn ring, I'd carried it recklessly, daring God to take it—and make of me a liar.

Lance knew what the ring meant. He knew that for him-- to prove that I hated injustice and intolerance and hypocrisy, I had advocated a lifestyle and the right to choose that lifestyle, even a lifestyle I didn't personally live. I'd embraced an even more contradictory lifestyle from the one our father desired for us. I wasn't just a quiet donator either. I rallied, walked in parades, did interviews and lobbied politicians for gay rights. And I openly shunned those who chose differently than me. I did this for Danny, and for Lance, and for myself in a way.

But suddenly I saw my efforts not as noble, but as the hypocrisy they were. Supporting one side, meant shunning the other, and that meant I was -- at least in my mind, denying other's right to choose.

I held my head--- ahhh! It went round in circles. Aubrey came out of the bathroom, and much to my relief Lance said nothing. I took her hand and we went to make our good-bye's to my parents.

Time to attend to my chosen lifestyle.

My mother did not address Aubrey--hypocrite, I thought in amusement. She would go out of her way to make homosexuals feel welcome, and slutty girls, and my one time fling girlfriends that everyone knew weren't going to last, but the one truly good thing???? Ha!

My dad on the other hand behaved like a gentleman. He'd gone down to the store, and now was back just in time to say good bye.

"It was so good to meet you, my dear." He held her hand warmly, looking hopefully into her eyes. I understood his hope. I found it endearing.

Once I may have found it annoying, claustrophobic—invading my privacy and pushing his views, with just a look I knew it was possible for him to convey so many dreams. I had learned to respect his right to dream, but I did feel they were pipe dreams, and dreams for someone else, not based in reality. But I adored my dad.

"I really enjoyed your hospitality, Fred. I hope we get to spend more time together."

He beamed, which of course, made Lance and I beam as well. Anything that made Dad beam, made us beam. Just a beaming bunch of fools.

"You keep our boy here on the straight and narrow." He managed to toss out there, again so hopefully.

She squeezed my hand, glancing at me with humor. "I'll do my best."

I winked at them both, wanting to roll my eyes, ready to get out of there. We kissed him good bye, Lance and I, as we always did, and shut the door.

The balmy evening breeze was too warm. "Whew!" Lance said, and I didn't know if he meant the dismal heat, or the longer than usual sappy leave taking, or both.

"I'll take my own car. I'm meeting Darnel for dinner and you guys later at the club, yes? Where are you going to eat?"

I glanced at Aubrey. It wasn't exactly a surprise, but I doubted she'd been to any of the more exclusive downtown restaurants lately. She didn't seem the type. She was walking ahead of us, so I signed the letters to Lance. We had a deaf grandmother—we knew sign.

She turned as I finished and caught the last two letters.

Her eyebrow quirked. "L-O."

She knew sign. Damn. Oh well.

Lance tossed back his head and laughed, heading out to his car.

*******