"I believe in promises." I said softly. "And I kept mine. I told you I wouldn't leave you that night, and I didn't, nor any night that we've been together. But it would be stupid, Rafe, to make promises to each other that we can't keep."

He took one step toward me and then stopped, searching my face. "Your promise was not to leave me. Ever."

"I take it back."

He swallowed painfully, blue eyes full of disbelief . "Don't do this, Aubrey."

"It's done. It was done before it started." I went around the couch, knowing what I had said was essentially true, but feeling like I was about to cry my eyes out in the saying of it.

He picked up a couch pillow and threw it across the room. "Do you even know what you're saying?"

I made it to the bar separating the living room from the kitchen and walked quickly to Kell and Maille's room, intending to pack my stuff--- whatever stuff I had---

I heard his deep intake of air. I felt bad, but this had to be the only way. We'd tried, but having fun together wasn't all there could be to a relationship. And sex definitely not.

"Aubrey--- we are better than this. We haven't even tried to discuss staying together, finishing what we started."

I whirled around. "What I hear from you is--- Want, need. What I hear from you is--- maybe--- figure it out--- I don't hear commitment-- I don't hear love. And this---" I flung out my hands, pleading with him. "We keep running smack up against it, Rafe! We want something--- but we aren't willing to ---- never mind--- we can't. It isn't a matter of being willing. We've as many good times now as we have had fights."

"You! You are having fights!"

I rolled my eyes. "I am saying things like they are. I am facing it all head on. Better now than after we've been married for ten years and have five kids." I twirled to the bed, shoved my few belongings into the back pack I'd brought and thought about the stuff I might be leaving in my feather filled bedroom. I didn't even feel obligated to clean-- knowing that Kell would have a housecleaner in later. I had to get out of there.

"Don't you feel anything for me?" He'd changed his tactic. I pushed past him standing in the doorway, flew to the stairs and slipped on sneakers. I retrieved my phone and asked the strip (air strip) if Mom had left yet. They told me a half an hour.

Perfect.

"I do." I said, choking on a sob, feeling the stupid burning in my throat and eyes.

"Then why are you running away from me?"

"You yourself have warned me off! Just yesterday as a matter of fact! You said, that guy is crazy, dangerous, a chameleon, saying one thing and then doing another. You think I don't hear you, but I do. And every time you push me hoping I will give in, you apologize. Do you want to spend your whole life apologizing? Rafe! That's idiotic. I am not that girl. I won't forgive infidelity, I won't overlook it. I don't want the part member family. I want to be in it together--in it for the long haul-- forever. I like you, I really do, and I think you're possibly the sexiest guy on the planet, and you are definitely talented and fun and--"

"I love you for taking me to Loula's." He interrupted softly, gazing into my eyes steadily. "I love you for singing with me even against your better judgment. I love you for overcoming your fear. I love you for not leaving the beach when it was freezing cold in order to stay in our embrace a little longer. I love you for long walks to dinner, for listening, for talking, for fighting, for trying, for giving me your all, for trusting me. You trusted me Aubrey--- you threw those panties out of the water that night in the pond, you trusted me not to violate you and guess what? I wanted to--- but I didn't. I get you."

I stood at the door, it was open and a light dusting of overnight snow was on the ground. I stared at him, my eyes so full and swimming with tears I couldn't see him. I knew what he was doing--- the night time thing. The make up after a fight thing.

"I love you for being honest with me." I said, and let the bag slip off my shoulder.

He quirked a smile. "I'm hearing love. Are you hearing love?"

I couldn't say anything.

"Marry me, Aubrey." He came down the stairs slowly. My eyes snapped up to his. "I'm serious. Marry me."

I turned and stared at the door, ready to leave, wanting to leave, hating his trump card. Hating him for making that decision, throwing that out there. A last ditch effort to hang on to something that needed to be done away with.

I slumped down on the step and hugged my knees to my chest, burying my tears in my jeans. I felt his hand instantly on my back, smoothing a head full of curls.

"We don't work, Rafe."

He kept stroking my hair, leaning into me now, sitting next to me, but he didn't say anything.

I thought about our time together. All this time. So much time. Experiences. The beach, the roller coaster, the Ferris Wheel, the cotton candy kisses. I thought about the massage, the dancing in the kitchen, the skinny dipping, the hike. I thought about the fluid awakening of silence on the glacier pool waterfall. I thought about the pillow fight--- and about making up, sleeping in each other's arms--- really--- that feeling of never wanting to let go.

But---

I heard echoes of our voices--- don't talk religion with me--- ever. I wanted somebody who talked religion with me. I heard him telling me that his videos were an off shoot of his personality, and that he had another side to his personality, and that he only showed me part of himself--- that he was emotionally unable to show the other side of himself--- to me--- maybe to everyone.

I yanked on my hair.

"You're not a little girl." He whispered slowly, gently. "You aren't naive enough to believe that love doesn't claim baggage. We all have baggage. We come with it part and parcel, things we carry along, things we downsize and improve on. Things we change and exchange. Come on, Aubrey. We were made for each other. You can feel it. I can feel it."

I gasped. Feeling the terrible weight of what if.... what if he were the one and I left him here, and never looked back? What if he isn't the one? What if there is no one?

His arm slid around me, he leaned his chin on my head, and pulled me into his warmth. I resisted, feeling terrible--- betrayed by my own self-knowledge--- confused at what I had expected-- and now, what had been placed before me. How could this be?

"We all have doubts, Aubrey."

"I've only known you five days."

"It feels like forever, doesn't it? It feels like there was never a time when you weren't part of my life."

"It feels like a whirlwind."

"Okay, that too!"

"We aren't the same religion."

"We are--- I just need to--- fix it."

"Fix the religion?"

"Fix my--- concepts of it."

I didn't know what to say to that. It wasn't exactly a promise to come back to church, now, was it?

"If I fix it, Aubrey, will you marry me?"

"I don't get what you mean--- fix it."

He sighed. "I'm not sure either. I don't know if it means coming to a place where you are at, or being temple worthy, or repenting....see I do know the lingo. Not like I don't remember." He hugged me. "You once said you were down with addiction recovery."

"Yeah, with addictions. But you're talking a lifestyle overhaul. One you are only contemplating to keep me in your life."

"That's not true. I told you the day we met that I was changing my lifestyle."

"Yeah, trying to combat the bad boy image to reach a different audience." I said bitterly.

"There's more to it." He finally said, as if admitting something he wasn't planning to. I steeled myself. This couldn't be a clincher. I had to stick to what I knew to be right. Rafe and I weren't good. Part of us was good, but long term, this wouldn't work. He took a deep breath.

"Aubrey. Come with me to LA. I want you to meet my folks, and the band." he squeezed my shoulders and kissed the top of my head. "You can talk to my dad."

I looked up at him. "Why should I talk to your dad?"

"He can help you understand me."

"I don't want help understanding you. I can do it myself, and I've weighed in and found--"

"You've found nothing. You don't know. Please, give it a chance. Today. Come down today."

"My mom is leaving in a half an hour. I'm going with her. I'm going home."

"Perfect. I'll go home with you."

I stood up. "Rafe." I opened the door and stepped out.

His eyes pleaded with me and I didn't know what else to say. I wanted to really shut that door, shut it hard and forever, but no matter how hard I willed myself to do it--- in the end, I couldn't.

*******