Rafe looked utterly calm and placid as we drove up the dirt road to Kell and Maille's place at dusk. The road was overhung with greenery--- pines, cedars, aspens, a couple of larger deciduous trees and bushes in full regalia. It was almost June here and that famous neon green was in place. He drove as well.

We'd talked smack on the two hour plane ride, regaling Kell with the tale of our prior weekend, leaving out the tragic deaths that surrounded it on either end. Not one word had been spoken detailing the why's I was at Rosewood, and why he was so willing to come here today too. Kell was a master at hilarious conversation, he kept us both laughing.

Their home was at the end of the road. It had a huge circular driveway overlooking a cul-de-sac that overlooked the Flathead River and parts of the estate. Kell had simply given us the key code. I saw tire tracks--- recent ones, not going into the garage. Cleaning people must have been here. It was a large and impressive home--- not a cabin, with lovely worked stone arches, and beautiful tall French windows. The landscaping sported two incredible peacocks strolling across the grass as well. It couldn't have been more picturesque.

He stopped in the driveway and asked if we should put the car in the garage. I agreed, and pushed the buttons to admit us. The garage lit up at our approach, and showed the usual trash can, a couple of very high shelves with orderly tubs or storage, a jeep, two four wheelers, the hanging wind surf boards and rafting equipment, even though most of these things could also be borrowed from the family boat house down on the lake. I knew there was a smaller pondish thing somewhere up behind the house, a short hike.

"Aubrey."

I looked over at him. I think he had lost weight. His facial hair covered even more sharply angular cheekbones, and his eyes looked slightly sunken. He was wearing a black jacket over the customary hoodie. His dark hair had grown in as I'd dreamed it, and was standing up at crazy angles as if he'd run his hands through it. He did so now, and it all fell back into perfect place. He smiled at me, and his eyes crinkled in warm satisfaction. He leaned over--- pursed his lips and closed his eyes.

I smiled, and gave him a little peck on the cheek. His eyes flew open and his mouth rounded in a surprised oh. One hand snaked out and splayed expertly into my hair catching me by the base of my neck as he pulled me in for a real kiss. Rafe's kiss was perfect. Like it had always been. Taking my breath, leaving me with no doubt about his affection, or his intentions.

"God...." He let my lips go but held me still, his eyes closed.

"Rafe, if you care for me at all.... Please.... Don't take His name in vain."

"Done. Just don't leave me again." He ran his palms down my arms. "I promise."

"Okay. I won't leave again without telling you where I am going."

"No, that's not enough. Promise... you won't leave me... ever." His eyes were dark blue, very vivid in that moment.

"Just what would that entail, Mr. Stryker?" My heart clenched. What exactly was he saying?

He eyed me carefully and then looked up behind me at the hills covered in trees around us and the cloudy evening sky. "Aubrey. I promise I won't take the name of God in vain--- in front of anybody--- ever again."

I caught my breath. He was making me a promise--- the kind of promise that meant something. Far more involved than the amount of time we had spent together warranted. In fact he had said and done things that suggested he was far more invested in this very minimal relationship than he should have been.

"I—." I didn't know exactly what he wanted. Some kind of steady commitment? What was he asking?

He took my hand and reached past me to get our bags. "Let's go in and discuss this like adults."

"Have we ever acted like adults?" I laughed in relief, and he wiggled his butt--- his very cute butt in my direction.

We had to explore the house. In the middle of it was this gigantic window, high ceilings, and a lovely fire place. Kell and Maille's room was gorgeous, sitting on top of the house in a loft, with their kids rooms beneath. I was a little nonplussed as the kids rooms had all single beds and bunk beds and were pretty much full of toys. That left Kell and Maille's room and I felt weird sleeping there. One of us could sleep here and the other would have to sleep on a Bunkie? I thought about telling Rafe Kell's private rules for me, and then declined. I wasn't sure this man needed any more fuel for his fire. I might be in dazzling like with him, but I wasn't even thinking of love.

After checking out the amazingly beautiful house, Rafe simply dropped our bags on the living room floor. I went to the refrigerator and opened it. Remnants of plenty of things to cook with met my eyes, but I told Rafe we could also choose the on-site cafeteria down at the studios. He then dropped the bomb that Axis had already been to Rosewood once, for a two week counseling session, and although they had not met my parents, he was very familiar with the area and what Rosewood had to offer.

"But I've never been up to the family houses."

"Well, then we'll have to remedy that." I smiled and turned from the frige. "I could fix us a really nice steak and salad."

"I saw a grill. Is it grilling meat?" He came to my side, pulling open the door and as he brushed up against me that same warm radiance drew us together in accelerated awareness. He reached past me, trying to ignore it after one impossible, incredulous look. He was hyper sensitive, as I was, to our proximity.

He decided to grill the meat and went out to start the barbecue, and from there took a walk around the grounds. I knew Kell and Maille's place was well landscaped and that the peacocks belonged to everybody. I was pretty sure there were bunnies around as well. Ashlynn had let her fuzzy lops go under the barn about ten years ago. They had done as God commanded and replenished the earth.

I made the salad, feeling a bit anxious now that he was here and we were scheduled to have that talk. I mean, it needed to be addressed, I suppose. We'd had one really amazing weekend together, and wished we could have spent more time with each other, it was true. I had never had as hot of a connection with another guy as I did with Rafe, but--- he was a whole lot of man.... Probably more than I could handle. And being an inactive member of the church wasn't helping my decisions about him. It could go either way. He might know the lingo, and be familiar with the standards, but he hadn't been living them for a good long time. Judging from his music videos, which he made sure to show me--- as if I needed to know that about him before I made the decision to become something more to him. More than what? I already felt---- but perhaps---- he didn't understand what these feelings would mean to someone like me.

I was a one man woman. I would fall in love and when I did, it would be forever. So far, I had studiously avoided the condition in favor of education and acquaintances. I had also made up my mind to be married in a Mormon temple. That meant living certain standards for at least a year, and I was pretty sure, even if he cleaned up his life, he wasn't about to take his videos off YouTube, or change the lyrics of his million dollar songs. A good number of them weren't temple worthy.

And marriage---- well--- it was certainly a subject I needed to address. I was twenty-nine. In my own profession, I would be advising women of my age to get started on their families before it was too late. Biological clock and all. I wasn't extremely worried--- but--- and here the nagging little mommy voices interceded---- perhaps I should be.

I put the salad on the table just as Rafe came in the patio door with the grilled steaks. He set them on the table, mentioned how yummy the salad looked and then pulled out my seat for me. I noticed he'd changed into gym type pants, those kind of snap down the sides ones, and a white t-shirt with a matching black lightweight jacket---- with a hood. He really wore hoodies well.

We talked at dinner about what we'd missed since we'd last seen each other. He told me a lot about his TV talent search job, and how much it meant to him, to work on changing his image, without compromising who he believed he really was.

"Why do you feel you need to change your image?" I asked, confused, since he was so honest about being true to himself, and if the person he was before was still acceptable to him, just not to others, he felt---- well, if he was changing just to please others I didn't feel it was such a good reason to do it.

"In this business you have to appeal to a wide range of people. If you get pigeon holed you might not get out of the hole."

"But you aren't sure that the person you were represents the person you want to be known as right?"

"Correct. Troy was changing his life around, and it prompted a more vigorous examination of my own life. This happened about ten years ago, mind you. We didn't even see the band lasting this long. None of us wanted to be doing this at forty, and here we are."

"It must still have value."

"Yeah! It's really, really fun!"

I looked at his eyes. He was confused by his own vehemence. He wanted one thing and yet actually wanted something else. His smile was lop-sided. He knew he didn't make sense. And yet, in a funny way, I think I understood the feelings he was having.

"You want to go for a walk?"

He wiped his mouth again for good measure, and then held out his hand. I liked that. I liked it very much.

*****