I am not going to be happy.

I am not going to feel deserved, even when they say I'm worth it.  (Not me but you know those silly posts of so-called positive attitude that annoys the crap out of you, that says that 'You are worth it.' )

I am not going to be able to fit in.

I am not going to stand out.

Gosh, I just wish this world was a Matrix.

But then, what if it is a matrix?

It will still be me making decisions. 

It will be up to me to decide whether to jump across buildings or not.

And I will myself to cross the peril.