┊┊┊┊ ➶ ❁۪ 。˚ ✧

┊┊┊┊ ➶ ❁۪ 。˚ ✧

⚠️ this story contains topics as eating disorders, body dysmorphia, low self esteem, negative thinking, perfectionism and obsession. please read at your own risk. ⚠️

—

The drive to the restaurant was quiet. Namsoo and Hanwool were sitting in the backseat, whispering sweet nothings into each others ears. And Jinah caught Hanwool sneaking his hand under the hem of Namsoo's skirt.

Jinah's hand clenched around the steering wheel. She wasn't jealous of the fact that Namsoo finally had the man of her dreams. She was fuming at the thought of Namsoo looking so beautiful and slim that a man would want to do unholy things to her.

The Gemini was glad when they arrived at the restaurant. Jinah quickly parked her Mini and climbed out of the car. She waited for all of the passengers to step out of the vehicle, before locking it. She pushed the car keys into the pockets of her denim pants and grabbed her card wallet, walking after her co-worker, friend and her boyfriend.

The burger place was a small, pub-looking like restaurant. It didn't smell as greasy and oily as Jinah had feared it would. They walked in and Hanwool took the lead. He walked up to a waiter and have them a quick side hug.

"Hansol" he spoke and greeted his friend, "you surely have a place for me and these guys, right?" Jinah blinked and leaned towards Namsoo. "He knows him?" Namsoo nodded. "Oppa is a foodie, he tests a lot of restaurants and pubs in his free time so he knows a lot of guys who work here and there." Namsoo smiled proudly and Jinah nodded.

This Hansol dude quickly managed to snatch a nice table in the back for them and the four young adults sat down. Hansol came and gave them menus.

Jinah frowned looking at the disgusting pictures of the food in the menu. Jake hummed next to her, thoroughly reading through the menu. "Jinah-sshi" Hanwool spoke up and Jinah's head perked up. "I wanted to thank you for paying that time" he said and Jinah nodded—remembering the awful evening with Namsoo's college friends.

"It's no biggie. Y'all didn't even order so much."

Jake looked up. "You paid for them once?", he asked and furrowed his brows. "Isn't it typical Korean that the oldest pays for a meal?", he asked and Namsoo let out a sarcastic chuckle. "Not in our case. Our Jinah is always so happy to treat us with her black credit card" Namsoo hummed and Jake looked up.

"B-Black?", he asked, his eyes moving to his co-worker. How could Jinah have a black credit card? She was only twenty years old and worked a job that should pay better than it did.

Namsoo tensed the aura and gasped. "Oh my, you didn't know?", she asked and clasped a hand in front of her mouth. She turned to Hanwool and gently hit his arm. "Oh my" she said cutesy, "what did I do? Did I speak too much?"

Something about this Namsoo chick was annoying the shit out of Jake. But he wasn't sure what it was.

"Your co-worker Jinah" Namsoo started and sarcastically smirked at Jake, "is the daughter of your boss."

Silence washed over the table.

Jake gripped the menu tighter in his hand. Jinah and him had spoken about their families from time to time. But he had never guessed that Jinah was the daughter of his boss. "Surprised?", asked Namsoo and looked at the annoying young man.

She didn't like Jake. He looked boring, had a weird face and just didn't fit into her aesthetic. She also didn't like the fact that Jinah wanted to hang out with him after work. Why did Jinah want to do this? This Jake kid wasn't good enough for her.

Jake looked at Jinah. The Gemini was mortified and looked at Namsoo. She wasn't comfortable with Namsoo screaming her heritage to everyone. "N-Namsoo" she whispered, "I told you I don't like it when you tell this to people."

Namsoo ignored Jinah and looked at Jake. "Jinah is pretty wealthy" Namsoo continued, "I don't think you understand that you're practically working with Seoul Zoo's new heir." Jake's face fell and he gripped the menu in his hands.

Jinah felt uncomfortable. She let go of the menu to hug herself. Jake saw this and gulped. "S-Shall we order some food? I think I'm dying of hunger" he smiled and looked over to the cute girl on his left side.

How was she friends with such a rude girl? Lee Namsoo may used a cutesy tone in her voice and her bulky and muscular boyfriend might like her; but to Jake Sim she seemed as fake as the fake tan his old Highschool teacher had used.

Namsoo looked at Jake. Her nose was stuck in the air. She disliked this guy. A lot. Who did he think he is to just change the subject when she was doing him a favor and telling him who Kwon Jinah truly was.

She felt it happen again. The disgusting jealousy that crept up her throat and made her hate everyone who took a step too close to Jinah. Her Jinah. It was already enough that she had to accept Park Jay and Jinah's stupid dog. But this arse? She wouldn't accept him. She didn't want Jinah to be friends with this guy.

He was ugly, rude and impolite. Someone like that didn't deserve to be in Kwon Jinah's heart. And Namsoo would do everything in her power to prevent these two from getting closer.

She didn't give a fuck about Jinah's friends. She was her only friend. The best friend she could ever get. And the only friend she needed. Namsoo knew how to push Jinah's buttons and make her the best version of herself.

"You okay?", asked Hanwool grabbing Namsoo's thigh and giving it a little squeeze. Namsoo smiled. "Of course, love." She tilted her head and leaned upwards and pressed a cute little kiss on Hanwool's jaw.

Namsoo wasn't okay at all. Jinah was hers. And hers only.

― 🐧♥️🦭 ―

Jinah ended up ordering way too much food.

The way she gobbled down a burger and a portion of sticky and crispy chicken, while also stuffing her mouth with fries made her feel disgusting. Especially after swallowing down a cup of diet coke.

She felt like a pig. She could already feel the fat mold around her already fat body and make her heavy and big. Too big. She hated herself for doing this. Why did she stuff so much food in her mouth? Why did she had too eat so damn much?

Wasn't restricting enough? Did she had to go out of her way and force herself to throw this shit up again? She didn't know. Maybe it was for the best.

Hanwool and Jake were currently talking about Rugby, so it would be the best way to go and do it now. When the boys and Namsoo were distracted, right?

"I-I head to the bathroom" Jinah stood up and started walking to the bathroom, when Namsoo jumped up. "Wait, I'll join you!", she kissed her boyfriends cheek and walked to her best friend. Jinah gulped. Why must Namsoo follow her?

Namsoo linked her arms with her friend and the two of them made their way to the bathroom. While Jinah went into a stall, Namsoo stood by the mirror, checking her reflection and telling her about how great Hanwool was as a boyfriend.

"He's seriously so hot" Namsoo spoke, while Jinah locked the stall door and lifted her shirt. Her stomach was bloated. Obviously. It felt heavy and big and disgusting. She wanted to throw up so bad.

Jinah had never made herself throw up.

But hey! If she threw up the food, she wouldn't feel bad about missing it. Because it was seriously tasty. Now Jinah just had to get rid of Namsoo. Because she felt like the longer she waited, the heavier she became. She would just throw up this dinner and then fast until tomorrow night.

She could do it!

"Are you even listening to me?"

Jinah flinched. How long had she stared at the tiles of the stall, while rubbing her bloated stomach? She wasn't sure. But she could hear how annoyed Namsoo was getting. "Are you done yet?", asked Namsoo and Jinah reacted impulsively: "Can you leave? I think I need to take a dump."

"Ew!", Namsoo gagged and sighed. "Yeah, no problem I leave you and your shitty problem by yourself. Hurry up though. I don't want to stay late just because you have to shit." Jinah waited until she heard the bathroom door close and knelt down.

She closed her eyes, opened her mouth and pushed index and middle finger into her mouth. She gagged, but didn't vomit yet. Deeper!, her mind screamed. Jinah pinched her eyes close and pressed down the very back of her tongue.

She started throwing up.

Holding on to the toilet bowl she threw up her dinner. She hated vomiting so much, but the feeling of eating tasty food and simply getting rid of it like that felt liberating. After she finished vomiting she pressed the flush and went to clean her hands and mouth.

She rinsed her mouth with water and hoped she didn't smell like vomit. She had gum and perfume in her backpack in her car.

She looked at herself in the mirror.

She looked at herself and touched her stomach. It was still big, but didn't feel as heavy. A manic smile crept onto Jinah's lips. She could eat how much she wanted, she just had to threw it up immediately and then starve for a full day.

She was going to look so so pretty!

She left the bathroom and went back to their table. Namsoo looked at her, while Jinah was sitting down. Jake smiled. "You okay? You're a bit pale, Jinah-sshi" he said and Jinah nodded.

"I'm fine" she said but quickly closed her mouth. It still smelled like vomit. She hoped Jake didn't smell it.

After Namsoo managed to make Jinah pay—again—the two duos bid their goodbyes. Hanwool and Namsoo wanted to go to a bar for a while, just enjoying each others presence. Jake accompanied Jinah to her car. He pursed his lips.

"Jinah-sshi" he started and Jinah looked at him. "My flat's just around the block. I'll walk from here." He spoke and Jinah nodded. "Listen" he continued, "I don't care if you're the CEO's daughter or whatsoever. I understand why you don't want people to know. But to me your Kwon Jinah, not Mr Kwon's precious heir."

Jinah looked at the young man. "Why are you saying this?", she asked. Jake chuckled. "I want to be your friend, Jinah-sshi." Jinah blinked. "You're funny, charming and I can learn a lot about the work of a zookeeper from you!" He grinned.

"I don't want to be your friend because you're rich or the heir to Seoul zoo. I promise. I wanted to be your friend for the past month now."

Jinah looked at Jake. He wanted to be her friend? She didn't mind Jake. He was nice, charming and took good care of the seals.

"I'd love to be your friend" she answered. "Then drop the -sshi and explain how the fuck is she your friend?!" Jake pointed towards the direction Namsoo and Hanwool had disappeared to. "She used you for the money, send passive-aggressive comments towards you and uses you."

"Stop" Jinah said, feeling tension built up in her stomach. "No, Jinah-sshi! Can't you see?" Jinah shook her head. "I said, stop" she begged. "Namsoo's my friend since school days. She's a good girl."

"She's mean, arrogant and self-centered."

"Who are you to judge my friends like that, Jake Sim? You don't know Namsoo the way I do. You're in no position to judge them like this." Jinah's brown eyes sparkled dangerously. "I know I'm not, but—"

"No. You don't have any right. If you want to be my friend just to be mean towards Namsoo, you can leave."

Jake bit his bottom lip. "If she's your best friend, why did she tell Hanwool-sshi how disgusting you looked?"

"What?"

"After she came back from the bathroom she laughed and told Hanwool-sshi that you're disgusting and your face is as greasy as the food." Jake said and Jinah bit her bottom lip. "She didn't say that. Namsoo would never say that!"

"Okay, she didn't say that, but she uses you! She immediately said that you'd pay even if it was my idea to go to this fucking shop. It didn't even taste that good to me!" Jake didn't know why he was getting so agitated, but he was mad.

Mad at Jinah for being so blind and not seeing how conceited her "best" friend was.

Mad at himself for still being way too distant to be able to help Jinah.

Mad at Lee Namsoo for taking Jinah for granted.

Jinah bit her bottom lip. She was frowning. Angry tears had formed in her eyes and she stared at Jake in shock. "No one asked for your opinion" she glared. She felt sick and cold. Her stomach was aching, her throat was burning and she felt cold.

Jake huffed out. "I want to be your friend and help you—"

"I don't think I want a friend who judges my best friend."

Jinah went to her car and unlocked it. Without saying good bye she started the engine and drove off. Jake watched her Mini in the distance and scoffed. He had a bad hunch about Lee Namsoo and he would make sure Jinah would know it.

— ❄︎ —

𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠!

𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞.

𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮.

—𝕤𝕟𝕠𝕨𝕗𝕝𝕒𝕜𝕖𝕤𝕠𝕟𝕞𝕪𝕝𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕠𝕡