A/N: Thank you for almost 300 reads on "Attention"! I can't put in words how happy these numbers make me. Thank you so, so much!

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⚠️ this story contains topics as eating disorders, body dysmorphia, low self esteem, negative thinking, perfectionism and obsession. please read at your own risk. ⚠️

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Jinah woke up the next day feeling exhausted and cold.

She pulled her quilt over her shivering body while moving her right arm to her nightstand to grab her phone. 04:30 the white numbers on her phone screen read. It was early, way too early.

Jinah slowly sat up. Her pajama top was sliding of her shoulder, but the twenty-year old climbed out of her bed. It was supposed to be a warm June day, but Jinah felt code. She quickly got up and pulled some sweatpants and a hoodie from her wardrobe.

If she was awake, she could go for a run as well.

After getting dressed and brushing her plum colored hair, she exited her bedroom and tip toed to the hallway. She heard the shuffling of Robin's feet behind her and saw the tired Golden Retriever walk up to her.

"Care to join?", she whispered, while Robin bumped her fluffy head against the one of her owner and licked her cheek. "I take that as a yes" Jinah giggled and slowly stood up. She got Robin's leash.

Jinah hid her hands in her sleeves as she and Robin entered the elevator and drove down. The dog yawned. Jinah looked at her. "You could've stayed at home, Rob" she said petting the ears of her fluffy dog. Robin tilted her head and snorted.

"My, my" Jinah rolled her eyes, "are you controlling me?", she asked and held tightly onto the leash. "No need to worry, Robin. I have everything under control."

Jinah was under control. She knew it. She exercised control by restricting the food she ate—or didn't eat. It was one of the only things in her life, that Jinah could control. And she knew, one day or another she would finally be small enough, slim enough and maybe even pretty enough to be loved.

She just wanted to feel special.

"I really pigged out last night" Jinah told Robin as they climbed out of the elevator and walked out of the lobby. "I ate so much. The food wasn't even that good. It was greasy and tasted so bad..." she shivered. "466 calories, can you believe that?", she asked and pulled Robin's leash tighter into her hand before starting to jog down her neighborhood.

She had a slow pace at first, sometimes she made breaks in between for Robin to pee or poo and then she continued to run. Her pace quickened as the sun slowly started to rise above her.

Jinah hoped that running before work would be enough for her to loose the calories from last nights dinner. Once home she would weigh herself and check her body. Hoping to see results.

Jinah ran for about an hour.

When she came home she saw stars dancing in front of her eyes and had to hold herself by the front door of her apartment. Robin barked at her—worrying about her owner. Jinah slowly breathed out and closed her eyes for a second.

"Let's just drink some water and then make myself a Greens drink" Jinah whispered and gently pushed herself off the door frame. Her stomach was aching, but she didn't care. She was used to the pain.

Especially on days where she restricted herself to intake any food.

After taking a hot shower, that made her feel even more dizzy than before, she got dressed in navy colored yoga pants and a loose sitting black hoodie. She waltzed into the kitchen and opened the cabinet that held the powder supplements.

She got her shaker and poured in one tablespoon and a bit of apple juice into her shaker and started shaking. The drink turned green and became thicker. Jinah smiled when she looked at it. This smoothie was very calorie-deficient. It would be enough to fill her until the evening.

It had to.

While Jinah was drinking her smoothie, she was watching TV. She didn't realize her father entering the living room until he greeted her. "Good morning. Jinah" Marcus Kwon spoke and looked at her. "You're awake early" he spoke and fixed his tie.

"I went out with Robin. Couldn't sleep anymore" she said. She didn't have to tell her father that she woke up because she was cold and had goosebumps all over her arms. "How's the weather? Do you think I need to wear a long sleeved button down?", he asked pointing to his attire.

"I don't think that's necessary" Jinah said, "your office has AC." She smiled at her father who went and kissed her forehead. He glanced at her smoothie. "Your having greens for breakfast?", he asked and Jinah nodded.

"Healthy as ever" he spoke with an unidentified undertone in his voice.

Marcus watched his daughter with tender eyes. Him and his wife had talked about Jinah's behavior recently. Especially since Nabi was immensely worried about the weight of her daughter. Marcus had told her, that she weighted less than Jinah had weighed when she was her age and that she shouldn't worry.

He knew, whatever Jinah was going through, she could handle it. She was his strong little daughter. She could move mountains if she wanted to.

Maybe Marcus Kwon was delusional. Maybe he didn't want to see how thin Jinah had become. Maybe he wanted to close his eyes on the fact that Jinah was spiraling down a road, she couldn't control.

Jinah finished her smoothie. "I'll brush my teeth and head out" Jinah stood up from the couch and turned off the TV. "I'll see you tonight." She walked up to her father and kissed his cheek before walking off.

Yes, Marcus Kwon definitely closed his eyes about his daughters struggles.

― 🐧♥️🦭 ―

"Good morning!"

Jinah flinched, as she climbed out of her Mini and stared at the brightly smiling young man opposite of her. "You own a car? How sweet!", the young man chuckled and Jinah blinked twice. "G-Good morning Sim Jake-sshi" she greeted her new co-worker and locked her car.

She turned around and started walking to the entrance of Seoul Zoo—Jake catching up to her. "I'm sorry for my impoliteness yesterday" the boy with the fluffy brown hair said and scratched his nape.

"I'm not used to all the honorifics here in Korea" he said and Jinah looked up. "You're not Korean?", she asked and Jake pursed his lips. "I feel more Australian than Korean, to be honest. My parents are Korean though. I'm an Australian-Korean" he explained and Jinah nodded.

"Did you recently move here with your family?" She unlocked the the gate with her keycard and held the door open for Jake. "No, just me. I felt the need to try something new" he chuckled. "I actually wanted to study Physics but I didn't have enough credits to visit a Korean university."

Jinah nodded. "Makes sense. It's super hard getting enough credits for good universities here. I did have a few, but I preferred to become a zookeeper." She awkwardly smiled at Jake.

"May I ask how old you are, Jinah-sshi?", Jake asked as they walked to the locker rooms. "I'm twenty." Jinah held the straps of her backpack. "2001 or 2002?", asked Jake. "02-liner", Jinah mumbled. "Turned twenty this month" she smiled awkwardly remembering the birthday party her parents and Jay's parents had thrown for her.

"Then we're the same age!" Jake grinned brightly. "I was born November 2002!" Jinah looked at him. "Oh my... then you're either a Scorpio or a Sagittarius" she widened her eyes and Jake chuckled awkwardly.

"I'm a Scorpio sun, Pisces moon and Aries rising" he said and Jinah widened her eyes. "Oh my gosh... that's a tough combination. Are you okay?", she asked and looked genuinely worried. Jake chuckled.

"Are you saying it's weird?"

"No, Jake-sshi."

"Just Jake is enough."

That threw Jinah off-guard. She blinked twice and opened her mouth. She barely knew the kid, yet he offered her to speak comfortably. Maybe it was because he was raised in Australia. They didn't use honorifics there.

"If it's okay with you, I'd still use -sshi" she quietly muttered and Jake nodded. "Sure, don't stress yourself over it!" The Scorpio looked at the young woman and smiled. Jinah seemed nice! Maybe he could befriend her. The more the merrier.

Especially now since his best friend Sunghoon was busy with his new full-time job as a roadie and Heeseung always being occupied with university and his new girlfriend. It would be nice to have a co-worker to hang out with!

They reached the locker rooms. Jake smiled at her and went into the mens locker room, while Jinah only nodded and went into the women's locker room. She shook her head once she was inside.

This young man was oozing happiness and cheerfulness.

How could someone be so incredibly happy? He must be very content with his life and himself. Nothing Jinah could relate to. She was naturally pessimistic and with the growing hate towards her appearance she find it hard to be genuinely happy.

Sure, being with Robin and Jay was making her smile sincerely. She loved chatting to her life line about literally everything; and with Jay she didn't feel exhausted from faking to be happy. He genuinely made her happy.

Being Namsoo's friend on the other hand felt like a chore to Jinah. She faked her smile, she faked her happiness around the girl just because Namsoo had everything Jinah wanted. The beautiful face, the fit and slim body everybody envied because it attracted a lot of attention; the cute smile. Namsoo had everything Jinah wanted.

Jinah didn't care about the wealth, the gorgeous apartment and the stuck up parties she had to join. She didn't care about meeting idols, actresses and actors. She didn't care that she probably had more money on her bank account than regular twenty-year-olds.

She just wanted to feel special. Look prettier. Fit and slim. No, not slim; Jinah wanted to be thin. So thin, she could hold her thigh between her thumbs and index fingers.

Jinah looked down on herself. She took both of her hands and grabbed around her thigh. She still couldn't connect her index fingers. Her bottom lip started shaking and she quickly let go off her thigh.

The Gemini got dressed into her work uniform and put her belt around her waist, when she heard her phone vibrate. She took it out of her belt bag and stared at the lock screen. It was a notification from Namsoo.

Bestie Namsoo: Morning babe! You won't believe what happened last night! Hanwool and I did it! His stamina is out of the world and the way he held and touched me... god I think I'm falling even more in love with him. Thank you for paying last night. You're a life savor, babe! xx

Jinah felt a pang in her heart.

She quickly deleted the notification from her lock screen and pushed the phone in the belt bag. This was making her feel even more inferior, insecure and terrible. She quickly shook her head and left the locker rooms.

The walk to the penguin enclosure was quiet. Jinah was in thoughts, as always. Overthinking little things like how perfect Namsoo was for snatching a man that made her feel like a full-ass woman.

Once in the enclosure, Jinah did the usual morning procedure of feeding the animals, cleaning the enclosure and picking the penguin who was supposed to go for a walk today.

Emmanuel was pit-patting behind her, honking at her from time to time and pecking her shorts with his beak. "What's up?", she asked the animal, who honked once more. "It's not your turn, Emmanuel" Jinah said and shook her head. "I'm not taking you for a walk again!"

Emmanuel clicked his beak and jumped into the water. Jinah watched him, when her eyes landed on the seal enclosure opposite of her. She saw Jake smiling, while feeding the seals—he was throwing the fish high, making the seals bark in excitement. Maki was bouncing around Jake's feet and Choi Seungcheol was standing in the distance, watching Jake and helping him in case he needed any help.

From the distance it looked like Jake was doing great. A smile spread onto Jinah's lips as she turned around. "Okay, where are you?", she asked looking for a specific penguin. She smiled once her eyes landed on the penguin she was looking for.

It was a rather old male, almost eighteen years old—which was old for an emperor penguin, Their life span was between fifteen and eighteen years old. She walked up to the penguin.

"Luffy" she called the animal and the penguin clicked its beak. "Ready for your walk?" Luffy looked at Jinah and slowly started to waddle towards the door. "Good boy" she grinned and walked after the elderly penguin.

Emmanuel stayed behind, honking his disappointment that Jinah picked good ole Luffy instead of him.

— ❄︎ —

𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠!

𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞.

𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮.

—𝕤𝕟𝕠𝕨𝕗𝕝𝕒𝕜𝕖𝕤𝕠𝕟𝕞𝕪𝕝𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕠𝕡