┊┊┊┊ ➶ ❁۪ 。˚ ✧

┊┊┊┊ ➶ ❁۪ 。˚ ✧

⚠️ this story contains topics as eating disorders, body dysmorphia, low self esteem, negative thinking, perfectionism and obsession. please read at your own risk. ⚠️

—

When Jinah came home, Park Jay was lounging on the couch in the Kwon family's living room; Robin was resting her head on his lap and he was watching a RomCom.

After kicking off her shoes, she waddled into the living room and slouched down onto the couch, resting her head on Jay's shoulder. "Aaaaaand?", her best friend asked. Even Robin lifted her head and looked at Jinah with big eyes.

Jinah was still holding on to the photo she and Jake had taken at the photo booth in the arcade. A smile grew onto her lips. "It was absolutely astounding", smiled Jinah and giggled quietly. "Jake was so charming!" She shook her head in disbelief.

"And he was so handsome? His eyes are whole solar systems! JJ, I don't know what happened but the man I was hanging out with today wasn't my dorky co-worker! Jake is... I don't know..."

A pink hue shimmered on Jinah's cheeks and Jay smiled. He hadn't seen his friend this happy in ages. This smile was Jinah's real smile. "I'm glad you had fun, Jin" he said and gently patted the top of her head.

"You can never guess what he told me!", Jinah grinned and pulled her legs onto the couch. She turned around to face her friend, the picture still in her hands. Jay glanced at the piece of paper and quickly snatched it out of Jinah's hand, eyeing the boy on the picture.

His gaze softened when he saw the delicacy with how this Jake dude was looking at Jinah.

"What did he say?", he asked, giving Jinah back the memory of her very first date. Jinah smiled at the picture before looking at Jay. "He called me beautiful, JJ. Jake called me beautiful."

Silence washed over the living room. Just the chatter on the television was heard, as Jay slowly blinked and looked at Jinah. "What?", he asked and Jinah felt her body immediately turn cold.

Jay disapproved of this. Jay probably thought she was too fat and ugly for someone like Jake. A girl as petite as Namsoo probably had better chances with Jake. She was pretty, thin, feminine, cute and had long hair. Jinah wasn't beautiful.

"M-Maybe I misheard what Jake told me", Jinah quietly let out and looked at Jay. Jay furrowed his brows and glared at his friend. "What the fuck are you saying, Jinah?", he hissed. "Of course Jake would think you're beautiful! You're gorgeous. Haven't you realized that yet?"

Jay's words didn't quite reach Jinah's consciousness. It felt like her ears were stuffed with foam and she couldn't hear properly. And all of a sudden she remembered all the junk and trash she was eating and drinking today.

Fear spread across her body.

The food had been in her system for way too long! How could she forget about it! She felt sick to her stomach and slapped her hand in front of her mouth. Jay looked at her, his eyes wide.

"Jinah?", asked Jay.

"I-I...", answered Jinah.

In the speed of light the plum haired woman jumped from the couch and sprinted through the corridor. She was glad her parents weren't home. She heard Jay call for her, but once she reached the bathroom, she slammed the door shut and turned the lock.

She stared at the door in shock. She could hear Jay run after her. "Jinah!", he called, worry lacing his voice. "Jinah, are you okay?", he asked.

Robin was barking.

Jinah pressed her hands over her ears. "Go away!", she called. Jay banged his fist against the door. "Jinah, what's going on? Are you okay?" Jinah didn't answer. "Open the god damn door, Kwon Jinah!", Jay called—getting annoyed.

"GO AWAY!"

Jinah hand't intended to scream, but she didn't care. She turned around to the toilet. Walking up to it, she opened the lid, stuffed her fingers in the back of her throat and leaned over the bowl.

Jay was banging against the door, listening to Jinah throwing up. "Jinah?", he asked—this time quieter. He huffed out and walked up and down the hallway, waiting for Jinah to come back.

It took fifteen minutes for Jinah to come back out of the bathroom. Not a sign on her face that she just had thrown up. Jay walked up to her. She smelled like toothpaste. "Are you okay?", he asked, worryingly.

"I think one of the things I ate didn't quite fit my stomach's standards" she chuckled and Jay looked at her. "You sure?", he asked and Jinah nodded. "Of course. Why would it be something else. I don't get sick so often."

Jay nodded.

Once Jinah's parents were back he bid his goodbyes and walked to his car. Once he sat inside the vehicle and took out his phone. He should've done this ages ago. When he first started seeing things in Jinah's behaviors.

He gulped while his fingers danced over the keyboard.

Eating Disorder was glowing in his face. A gloominess surrounding the words. He took a deep breath and pressed Enter.

― 🐧♥️🦭 ―

Jinah felt as if she was walking on clouds, when she came to work the following Monday. She was still on a high from the date with Jake. She couldn't believe there were two more dates until both of them would decide in what direction their relationship was going.

Jinah was ready for everything Jake was throwing in her direction.

She had shown the picture of her and Jake to her mother and told her about the date. Nabi seemed surprised that Jinah was actually going on dates. She was happy for her daughter, of course. But she was surprised Jinah was putting herself out there.

Jinah was genuinely happy. She hadn't felt like this for a long time. But something about Jake was giving her motivation and was just making her happy.

After getting changed into her uniform, she made her way over to the seal enclosure. Jake was already doing his work and cleaning the windows of the enclosure. He was wearing a plastic overall, while he was scrubbing algae from the glass.

Jinah's heart did a leap.

"Good morning, Jake" she greeted him and walked up to the glass. Jake looked up and his smiled doubled in size. He had been thinking about Jinah the whole weekend. He even texted his friends Heeseung and Sunghoon about how wonderful Jinah was.

"Why, good morning Jinah! Someone's in a good mood today" he grinned and Jinah's cheeks turned red. "Well, I had a wonderful weekend after all" she grinned and Jake chuckled. "I'm glad you enjoyed yourself, Jinah." His gaze stuck to her a second too long.

"Have you thought about a continuation?", she asked and Jake nodded. "Of course I did!", he smiled. "This weekend is not possible though. But we'll find another weekend. We still have two more dates to go."

Jinah nodded and looked at Jake. A sigh left her lips, before she waved him and rushed to the penguin enclosure. Jake was making her feel weird inside. Everything seemed pink, fluffy and glittery.

This must be, what it felt like to crush on someone.

Was this how Namsoo felt towards Hanwool?

Jinah was on autopilot the whole day. She was doing her chores and her to-do-list, walked the penguins, had a public feeding session and when she was locking up and leaving, she didn't want this day to end.

Jake had a short shift today so she hadn't had the chance to see him a lot. What she didn't expect though, was a note on her windshield. It was written in messy handwriting and Jinah smiled seeing the Korean-English mix on the note.

Hey Jinah, you looked really pretty today. Smiling fits you a lot. See you, Jake, the note said. It wasn't anything special, but it was making Jinah's heart beat faster. Just as the woman took off the note and gently folded it, she heard someone call her name and turned around to the source of the voice.

Her smile fell immediately.

Dressed in a tight bodycon dress, Lee Namsoo walked over the car park to Jinah and her Mini. Jinah felt her insides turn—and this time not from the little amount of food she had eaten today. Something about Namsoo's aura was making her nervous.

"I have to drive through the whole city just to get a glimpse of my best friend" Namsoo whined, once she reached Jinah and gently hugged her. "Hey Namsoo", Jinah awkwardly answered, "what brings you here? You know I have long shifts—"

"I know, I know, I don't care" she rolled her eyes and looked at Jinah. "Hanwool-oppa has this event coming up and I need to look the best I can in order to impress all these people at this thing" she sighed and looked at Jinah. A pout formed onto her lips. "So I thought I'd pay you a visit and ask if you'd like to go shopping with me? Maybe you can find an early Christmas or birthday present for me?" She grinned promising and Jinah felt the weight of Jake's note in her hand.

Smiling fits you a lot, her mind repeated Jakes words.

But right now, Jinah didn't feel like smiling at all. When she and Jake were fighting after Jake had met Namsoo for the first time, he had thrown harsh words about Namsoo in Jinah's face. And Jinah knew that Jay wasn't keen on the pretty girl either. But right now Jinah was feeling lost.

She knew what Namsoo wanted. She wanted her to pay her an expensive outfit with her credit card. She wanted Jinah to pay for her stuff, because Jinah was well, rich.

"C-Christmas is in six months", stuttered Jinah and watched Namsoo's expression turn sour. "A-A-And your birthday was three months ago." Namsoo rolled her eyes. "Oh come on, Jinah! Stop the details! I know you love me, so it's the least you could do." She locked her eyes with Jinah's. "Best friends do stuff like that!"

Jinah looked at Namsoo. She knew this was wrong. She knew her paying food for Namsoo and her friends was wrong. She knew that paying every little thing Namsoo saw on trips was wrong.

It wasn't even Jinah's own money. It was the money of her parents in the first place. She knew she shouldn't throw it around like this.

She started shaking. "I-I don't think I can go shopping for you." Namsoo widened her eyes. "For me?", she asked, her brows furrowed. "Are you implying that I'm using you for your money?" Namsoo faked a gasp and Jinah felt chills creep up her arms.

"T-That's not what I said."

"But you thought it, didn't you?"

Silence washed over the women. Namsoo clicked her tongue. "You make it look like I'm a gold digger. I'm your best friend, Jinah!" Namsoo went a step closer and hugged Jinah. The Gemini tried to wiggle out of the embrace, but Namsoo held her close.

"We're best friends, Jinah. I taught you so much about being a normal woman in a normal world so it's the least you could do. A dress won't make your family bankrupt. Y'all are rich-rich." Namsoo held tight onto Jinah's body and Jinah felt fear in the pit of her stomach.

"L-Let me go" she asked quietly and Namsoo hugged her once more, shook her head and let go of Jinah. She furrowed her brows and tilted her head. "Sorry to ask, Jinah, but did you gain weight?"

Jinah felt her world crumbling down. How did Namsoo know? She did gain a little bit of weight due to her anorexia turning into bulimia and her starting to binge and purge. She felt dizziness in her head form and held onto her car.

"W-What?", she asked and Namsoo chuckle. "So, I'm right!" She hid her grin behind her hand and Jinah felt like throwing up. "If you want me to keep your weight gain a secret, you better go shopping with me. I'll forget it immediately, I promise."

Jinah knew this was wrong. She knew. But now Namsoo had her grip on her. Jinah didn't want other people to know how fat she was.

Namsoo saw the distress in Jinah's face and grinned cheekily. "Go shopping with me and I won't tell that ugly co-worker of yours how fat you are. Josh was his name, right? Or was it" she made a pause and stepped closer to Jinah, "right... it was Jake." Jinah's bottom lip started shaking and she looked at Namsoo with wide eyes.

"Don't" she breathed out and Namsoo chuckled sweetly. "Then go shopping with me."

"I'll do anything... just don't tell Jake about my weight. Please." Tears were pricking at the corners of Jinah's eyes and Namsoo realized that she finally found the one flaw in oh-so perfect Kwon Jinah. She found the spot where she'd be hurt the most.

Her weight and this Jake dude.

And Lee Namsoo wasn't one to give up on a challenge. Even if it meant blackmailing her best friend. Even if she was lying; because when she hugged her best friend she realized immediately how underweight the tall girl was. But she had a strong poker face and wanted to hurt Jinah where it would break her down the most.

Namsoo would have never guessed it was her weight. But now that she knew about Jinah's insecurity, she would use it in her favor. Now she knew how to get the best out of Jinah. Even though Jinah's weight slightly scared her.

Especially when she felt her ribs poking her when she was hugging her best friend.

— ❄︎ —

𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠!

𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞.

𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮.

—𝕤𝕟𝕠𝕨𝕗𝕝𝕒𝕜𝕖𝕤𝕠𝕟𝕞𝕪𝕝𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕠𝕡