Jimin Park

I sat criss-cross on my bed, in front of the black box that held...probably all the answers I need from the one girl I really loved.

Maybe it has answers?

Maybe it doesn't?

I just stared at it.

Pondering.

I felt so hesitant, but so impatient. I wanted to rip it open, but I couldn't bring myself to move.

If I open it, I won't have anything else from Grace. I don't want this to end, which is stupid to think because I haven't even opened it yet.

This is all I have left....

What could she have wanted to give me that she made a whole gift box?

I'm so curious.

I'm too busy feeling emotions that I get distracted. I'm listening to my mind more than using my actual body.

I let out a long breath.

What could be inside?

Anything could be in there. It could be hate or...well, hate. What is in there can either destroy my mood even more or...well, that.

I don't have a lot of confidence in this.

You shouldn't have confidence in this.

Grace hates you.

She f**king hates you.

You caused her all of this. You made her almost die! You ruined her life! Of course she'll hate your damn guts!

I flinched.

I actually flinched because of myself.

I can be so harsh to my own self.

She's going to blame you for everything because you deserve it.

You deserve nothing!

She's never going to forgive you.

You don't deserve it anyway.

I teared up, believing everything my mind was telling me.

It's not wrong.

I f**ked up.

Of course this box was going to be filled with hatred and more reasons why I should stay inside, surrounded by self-hate.

Why would it be something nice?

I don't deserve it.

I caused so much pain.

Yet, I have to see what's inside.

Slowly, I leaned over and grabbed the box. I sat back down and carefully opened the top.

My heart slowed and everything turned silent, like in a movie where something suspenseful happens.

I threw the lid on my bed and looked inside with my eyebrows rising.

It's a note.

On a sheet of notebook paper.

I took it out, not bothering to see if anything else was inside the box.

The box falls from my hand, as I hurriedly open up the piece of paper of what looks like a handwritten note from none other than...Grace Xiu.

I cleared my throat and prepared myself to read.

Breath...

Breath...

Hey, Jimin.

You're surprised to receive this, aren't you?

I know you are.

Let me just tell you that I know.

I know you regret so many things. I know you are drowning in your own guilt. I know you haven't left your house in awhile. I know you are losing a battle with your own, horrible mind and you can't fight back because you don't have my forgiveness to give you the strength.

I know you, Jimin.

Just like how you know me.

But, here's something you probably didn't know....

I forgive you.

My breathing hitched as tears already started to burn in my eyes. I didn't even try to fight it. I let the tears fall, but I made sure my tears didn't stain the sheet.

A blanket of warmth covered me as I continued reading.

I forgive you.

I looked up and cried.

She forgives me? Is this real?

I continued to read.

I am not mad at you, Jimin. I forgive you...you want to know why?

Yes, why?

I deserve hatred.

Why would you forgive someone like me, who did something so bad to you?

Because it's not your fault. You didn't mean for all this to happen.

This is media's fault, Jimin.

The same thing that drove you to do what you did, is the same thing that drove me to do what I did.

It isn't your fault, Jimin.

I wish I was there to answer more of your questions. I honestly do, but as you may know by now, I'm not there anymore.

I really couldn't stay in such a toxic environment that is L.A. Media is always surrounding me and if I stayed any longer, I wouldn't survive.

I left to a place that's far, far away from there. A place that will help me relax and get away from internet access.

I don't know when I'll be back. I don't know how long I'll be. I just know that I'm not coming back anytime soon.

The letter ends there and I have a small panic attack.

That can't be it!

I flip the paper over and there was more....

Thank God.

I had to write this letter to let you know something and to hopefully help you cope with yourself.

I know you're battling with your mind...and I know you're losing.

I have the same problem. I'm working on it, so you should too.

I seem to know a lot, don't you think?

Let me tell you this....

I love you.

My breathing stopped. It actually just stopped.

I felt myself shaking my head.

Again.

Is this real?

Yes, believe me, Jimin.

I love you.

I'll never stop loving you.

I forgive you.

I'll never stay mad at you.

Please believe this, Jimin. I mean it. I am telling the truth.

Don't live feeling guilt. Don't live in your regret. Don't be trapped in your own mistakes.

You are human. Humans make mistakes and whether it's big or small, it's still a mistake.

Don't regret. Learn.

I forgive you, Jimin.

Don't feel bad.

I feel better.

I will feel better.

Hopefully you will too.

Please remember....

I'll never stop loving you, Jimin.

I'll never forget you and I'll never try to.

Fight your mind.

Fight your thoughts.

Let this letter be a reminder that you are not hated by everyone.

Fight back....and win.

Be strong!

Because you are you...you are more than just your thoughts. You are strong and you have a big heart.

You can do this, Jimin.

I believe in you.

Live your life loving your loved ones and not focusing on people who only have fingers to type and not a brain to think.

Ok?

You'll do that for me?

You'll win?

And when you're able to talk to me again, you'll tell me the truth?

The truth?

I want you to be happy.

I want you to be strong.

Don't make the same mistake I did. Don't let the internet ruin your life because you're worth much more than just comments.

Love yourself, Jimin.

Remember.

I love you.

I forgive you.

I'll never forget you.

So, don't forget about me :)

Alright?

You promise?