I feel like I'm making so many characters look like shit. Oh well, it's a fanfic. Chapter has viewed discretion, if you don't like blood or the thought of death do not read on!!
SUICIDE ATEMPT

Sasha's POV:

I enter school with a huge grin on my face. Yesterday was so funny! People high five me as I make my way over to the canteen. Because of the whole throwing food on Mikasa thing, I've become extremely popular. I'm pretty sure Eren is feeling happy too - he thanked me about thirty times on the bus yesterday and wouldn't stop grinning!

I sit down at a table and am immediately surrounded by a populace of students from all across the school. I smile at them.

"Sasha, you're so cool!"

"That was really awesome, Sasha!"

"So funny!"

People are chattering away about the incident yesterday and compliments flood in. I turn around to walk out of the canteen when I see Annie giving me a dirty look. I shoot back a face that says 'don't look at me' and saunter out, a group of people following me, making conversation with me.

"Aren't you Miss Popular?" I hear a voice say, teasingly. I glance to my side and see Eren, a wide, goofy smile plastered on his face.

"Hey!" I whine, playfully punching his arm. The first bell sounds, signalling the start of the school day. Eren and I walk leisurely to our registration classes, talking about our next big plan to embarrass Mikasa. We have no ideas.

In registration, there is the usual buzz of current events. Glancing around, bored out of my mind, I hear snippets of conversations.

"... And did you hear? There's a carnival soon!"

"... Discovered a corpse in the depths of..."

The door opens and everyone turns towards it. Mikasa is standing there, looking as timid as she did on her first day, except this time, it's more fearful and sadness rather than shyness.

"S-sorry I-I'm late..." she mumbles. The whole room is filled with a deafening silence until one of the more popular guys - Reiner- yells out.

"Isn't that the girl that Sasha dumped her food on yesterday?" The whole class bursts out laughing and starts pointing and yelling out insults at Mikasa. I watch, almost feeling guilty.

"Quiet!" Ms Zoë screams, thumping the desk with her fist. "Thank you! What was that about? This is a school, not a zoo! All of you, detention for fifteen minutes after school!" We groan in response. Fifteen minutes is how long it takes for most of us to get home if we take the school bus and the bus leaves at ten past three so we'll have to make our own way home.

Mikasa hangs her head and walks quietly over to an empty seat, as far away as possible from any of us. Her raven hair falls, covering her face so I can't see the expression on it. I keep my eyes on her and eventually, she sits down, her head raised to face Ms Zoë who is talking about joining extra-curricular clubs. I watch her posture in her seat. Shoulders tense, tears like glass over her blue-grey eyes, hands in her lap and her back slightly hunched over. She looks so... nervous.

The bell goes and we file out of the class, Mikasa kept behind to talk discuss her lateness. She'll be late for History with Professor Eld but that won't matter because he probably won't notice. We all call him Scatterbrain.

"Hey, Eren," I say, walking behind him. He turns to me. "Do you think Scatterbrain will give us homework today?" Eren laughs.

"Of course not! He'll be too busy giving us a lecture on how to pursue our dreams and telling us about all the research he's done and how he's contributed to the world, etcetera, etcetera," Eren gets pushed back into my slightly and I stumble backwards into Connie. Oh, shit. Connie.

"A-ah! I-I'm s-sorr-sorry!" I exclaim, becoming a stuttering mess. Connie just looks at me with cool eyes. I see Eren turn his head to watch me.

"It's fine," he says. "But can you stop stepping on my shoe?"

My face flushes crimson with embarrassment. I yelp and jump away from him, my body slapping against Eren's back. The impact propels me backwards again and I slam into Connie. Fuck my life. I give a sheepish laugh and grip onto the back of Eren's blazer, keeping my head down.

After all that commotion in the corridor, we finally make it to History. I sigh as I take my seat, not believing how much of a fool I made of myself. I take out my exercise book and pencil case and stare down at them. Eren takes the seat next to me and giggles a little before coughing to cover the laughter escaping his mouth. I snap up and shoot him a look of annoyance.

"What's so funny?" I ask, my tone warning. Eren gives me a broad grin.

"I saw what happened with Connie back there!" he says excitedly. I groan and slam my head against the desk.

"Don't talk about that!" I whine.

"But it was so funny!" Eren protests.

"Was not!" I huff and turn away to face the board. I busy myself with writing down the date and title as slowly and as neatly as possible.

"Good morning class!" Professor Eld says with too much enthusiasm. We all chorus with a monotone 'good morning' in return. "Today we'll be learning about Jack The Ripper. He was a murderer back in the time of the Industrial Revolution - which by the way, was when factories starting coming into being. Oh, yes! My father used to work in a factory and he would always say: 'Now, son, make sure you do well in school. Working in a factory is no easy task. Do well or else you'll end up like me.' Which is why I did well in my Historical Studies class and excelled in Historical research! Ah! I'm working on a new project and-"

Yeah. Professor Eld really is a scatterbrain, isn't he? I start to doodle in the margin of my History book. I draw aimlessly for a while before I'm distracted by the sound of the door opening. A certain black haired girl walks into the class.

"S-sorry I'm late..." she murmurs.

"It's quite alright, Mikasa(Meek-arse-ah), now take a seat," Professor Eld says, nonchalantly before chattering on about his life story with Historical research while most of us crease in laughter at his mistake with Mikasa name. Too funny.

Mikasa takes a seat beside Connie and I flare in anger. How. Fucking. Dare. She? I stand up - Professor Eld doesn't notice, he's too busy going on and on and on about crap and school research - and I stomp over to . I ready my fist, my mouth curled in a scowl. When I'm close enough, I launch my fist. It collides with the back of her head.

She turns around and stares at me, eyes wide, tears shimmering like glass over her silver eyes.

"What the fuck was that for?" she asks and the whole class is in different stages of dying of laughter.

"Sitting next to my boyfriend!" I yell and Connie looks up at me.

"Who's your boyfriend?" he asks raising a brow and I feel all the blood circulating in my body gather at my cheeks at that precise moment.

"I-I... no. N-no one." I stammer. "I-I d-don't ha-have a boy... boyfriend."

Connie pulls a face and turns away. I, on the other hand, give Mikasa the finger and walk back to my seat. I sink down, cross my arms on the desk and rest my head on them. Eren rubs my back soothingly, cooing words of comfort into my ear.

At break, we - being Eren and I - go to the table Mikasa is sitting at and slump into the seats opposite her.

"Why did you make me look like a fool?" I ask immediately.

Mikasa snaps out of some kind of trance - or bubble of thought, whatever - she was in and turns to us, eyes shimmering again. I groan. What a drama queen.

"What do you mean? You came out of nowhere and punched me." she retorts.

"That's because you sat next to Connie!" Eren suddenly says.

"She's not his girlfriend." Mikasa morbidly mutters.

"Why are you always such a bitch?! What the fuck? I didn't do anything to you and you fucking used me! Is that what you call a friend? You pathetic piece of shit! I can't fucking believe you! And now you're targeting my friends because of some stupid fucking argument we had - which, by the fucking way, was your fault, you shitty human being! Don't fucking mess with my friends, you -" Eren yells, his mouth spilling out vile words.

"Eren, stop..." Mikasa cries, her face tear stained. "I didn't do anything to you! You've been ignoring me and you sent this text to Annie saying that you never liked me and..."

Her tears cut her off.

"Don't fucking lie!" Eren screams and storms around the table, the rage and anger he feels prominent on his features.

"Way to fucking go, bitch." I say just as angry.

Mikasa stood slightly moving away from Eren.

"I'm s-sorry E-ren..." She is so pathetic! Eren raised his hand and slapped her across the face, the sound echoing through the canteen.

Even I winced at the contact, it looked at sounded really painful.

"I wish you were fucking dead! No one likes you!" Eren screams and walks out of the canteen.

I send one last glare at Mikasa before leaving, following Eren.

Mikasa's POV: (TRIGGER WARNING - SUICIDE ATTEMPT)

Fuck my life.

I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. What did I ever do to anyone? It was like this at my old school back in Trost too - everyone hated me for no apparent reason and I ended up self harming. Look what I relapsed in!

In a blind rage, I swing the blade wildly across my left arm, pressing hard enough for it to pierce the skin each time. This one's for being a bitch. This one's for hurting Eren. This one's for being weak, pathetic, a loser, useless, ugly.

Maybe if I were dead...

I'd be better off dead, wouldn't I?

My brother wouldn't have to look after such a fucking loser. Eren would be happier too. Sasha - she'd definitely squeal in delight when they announce my death. Annie. Christa. Connie. Everyone.

I know what I'm doing when I pick up the bottle of pills and fill up a glass with water. I don't bother reading the label - it won't matter once I'm dead, will it? I fill the sink up with warm water and plunge my cut arm into it, watching the blood seep out and mix with the water. I pour some pills into my mouth - eleven? Twelve? Why am I going into details? I'll be dead soon, the world will be rid of a burden.

That's all I ever was.

I down some water, feeling the pills blocking my throat. I gulp down a few more mouthfuls, relishing the feeling of the cool liquid going down my throat. I might as well try to enjoy something before I die.

The water's a pale red now - maybe if it was pure blood, it would be darker. The cuts aren't closing, in fact they're doing the opposite - blood is flowing faster now. I can feel my useless heart palpitating. This is the last time I'll feel such adrenaline coursing through my veins. The last time I'll look at my bathroom tiles. The last time I'll feel the cool tiles against my bare feet. The last time I'll experience... anything. The thought starts to seep in and the water's cooling down. It's not quite room temperature but it's steadily approaching it.

How long until these damn pills work? My vision is kind of hazy and my head is starting to spin - not wildly, it's just a mild throbbing and everything is swaying, as if I'm on a ship.

The symptoms get worse and when I cant even make out the shape of my arm clearly, I know this is the end. This is it. A small smile tugs at my lips before disappearing when I hear my brother coming upstairs.

I left the door unlocked.

I'm plunged into darkness and the last thing I hear is a knock at the door before I hit the floor and I'm out cold.

My eyes are coming into focus and all I can see is white. White, white, white. My head, oh, my head. It hurts and my whole body feels exhausted as if it has just fought a lengthy battle.

Dead people don't feel pain do they?

Beep. Beep. Beep. Oh gosh, will someone turn their mobile down? I turn my head and see a bunch of wires in my arm, connected to several machines.

Oh. Oh.

I'm alive. That wasn't part of the plan. I'm not supposed to be alive. I'm not supposed to be hooked up to machines. I'm not supposed to be lying in a hospital bed.

I lift my arm, just to make sure and wince when it tugs at the various wires. I lower it again and stare up at the ceiling. The door opens and a figure with black hair walks in. Levi. Oh gosh.

"Mikasa? Mikasa, you had me so worried! Why would you do something like this?!" He asks in a rush, too fast for me to mentally answer each question, so I just give a groan in response.

"Le-vi..." I whine and my voice sounds hoarse and croaky.

"Mikasa, it's okay. It's okay. I'm here now and you're alive. I love you." He says and I know he's crying because his voice catches several times and she tries to muffle a sob into his palm.

"You... weren't supposed to... save me." I choke out, tears filling my eyes, blurring my vision.

"Of course I was, Mika. You're my sister - a beautiful one, at that and my only family." He cries.

"I want to... die." I sound so weak and it's so embarrassing and I don't want this - I don't want to be here.

Levi doesn't say anything - lets his sobs fill the silence. The bland walls suddenly appeal to me very much and staring at them drowns out the sound of my brother crying. It drowns out the guilt, the hatred, the anger, the sadness.

What they say is true - the hospital really does grow on you. I take a shower the following morning as I wait anxiously for my scan and blood test results to come back. I use strawberry scented soap like I usually do and when I re-enter the room, my brother comments on how I don't smell like the hospital anymore.

The results come back a while later and my organs seem to be fine - at least I had the sense not to use paracetamol, I would have damaged my kidneys and liver if I had - and I just have a few deficiencies in Vitamin D, calcium and iron. I'm prescribed some ferrous sulphate tablets, dissolving tablets and these disgustingly massive ProD3 tablets. Along with those, I'm also forced to see a therapist once a week and visit a support group, as well as having to take medication for depression. Great.

Since everything seems to be fine, they doctors discharge me - 'no point in keeping you here', as they say - and Levi leads me back to the car. We're off, driving towards our house, the landscape whizzing past, my eyes trying to take in as many details as I can.

"Mika, why?" He asks and I can hear so much sadness in his voice, it tears me apart.

"I don't know." I say simply, not wanting to talk about it because my head is filling up with Eren and Sasha and everyone laughing and the anger they have towards me and I feel like trying again.

The car jerks forward and my brother is staring at me, eyes shining with tears, hands gripping the steering wheel.

"That's not a reason!" He cries and I want to disappear.

"It is..." I whisper.

"It's not! I can't fucking help you if you don't share anything with me!" He yells.

I swear I feel the entire car shake as it sings the words back to me, ringing them in my ears. The tears come and I storm out of the car and run in the direction we came. I have no idea where I'm going but I just need to get something into my lungs - something that isn't going to cause me to suffocate in guilt.

I run and run and my legs are throbbing and I don't want to carry on but I force myself to. I just want to be as far away from everyone as possible. The snow crunches under my feet - apparently another snowstorm hit us while I was out - and I shiver as a gust of wind blows past, sweeping my hair to the east. I should have told Levi to bring legwarmers.

I keep running as a few flakes of snow start to fall. I'm almost at a forest now until I bump into something. I land on the floor and wince slightly as a jolt of pain rushes up my spine - my body's still kind of weak - and I look up to find a feminine face looking down at me with concern.

"I'm so sorry! I just - Mikasa!" it says in a panic and I recognize it.

Armin. Oh gosh. My heart starts to thud and I feel all the sadness hitting me like a snowball in the side of the head.

"Oh, God! Let's get you outta here." Armin helps me up as we make our way to his home, he lives there with his grandpa.

I can't write fight scenes though I shall try and write one at some point so I will try ok? Sorry 😐
Au revour kittens
Kat xoxo 😽