noun

       • necessity; a lack of something; a requirement; poverty.

transitive verb

       • to have a need for; to require; to be obliged.

Connor is awake the moment Troye shifts enough to slip out of bed. He doesn't bother opening his eyes until Troye's footsteps have faded beyond the door of their bedroom, Connor's phone snatched off the nightstand with barely a sound or moment to spare. Then, he turns to watch the open door and wonder whether this is like the last time Troye woke up so early.

He waits for a while, watching the entrance like he's expecting his boyfriend to make his way back through it any moment now, before settling tiredly against the pillows with a sigh. He can hear the tap running, a glass clanging against the laminated kitchen counter, and footsteps flowing towards the living room.

It doesn't sound like a bad day. It sounds like the kind of sleepless night everyone has on occasion, especially when their mind's packed full of things to worry about. It sounds like Troye might actually be just as concerned about the stupid business card as Connor is, as much as he's been trying to deny it. It sounds like he's probably out there debating whether or not he's actually going to fulfill his promise to call the number, weighing the pros and cons where there's no one to interject in either category.

Connor wants to be there when he calls, he really does, but he also knows that sometimes things have to be done alone. Troye's not fragile or in need of supervision, can do things himself and make his own decisions, and he doesn't need Connor hovering over him in case it turns out to be something bad. He just needs him to be there when he comes to him and be there when he doesn't, to smile and kiss away his frowns and hold his hands even harder when he wants to claw himself to pieces.

So Connor sighs and settles back against the sheets, rests an arm over his stomach and closes his eyes to better hear the silence ascending through their apartment.

It'll be fine. And if it isn't, then he's at least eighty percent sure they're in a good enough place for it to still be survivable.