I don't know how long I have been sat here in my hotel room, just trying to figure out what I am to do next. I guess I have two choices: I either return to the party and forget what I saw, or I don't return to the party and don't forget what I saw.

And I can't forget what I saw.

I wish I could. I wish I could unsee Doug taking a line of coke up his nostril, I really do. But I have seen it, and it changes everything.

Doug isn't who I thought he was. If coke is a big part of his lifestyle, then he isn't someone I can still be with. And that's not me being over dramatic or a bossy mare, it's me just being honest with myself. Falco used me, cheated on me, lied to me. I was never in love with him or anything, but he abused my fondness for him. All he cared about was using my voice to get him in the charts, so he could get higher on his drugs. When the cruel taunts came about my weight, he promptly dumped me. That kind of crap from a guy, only makes a girl stronger. And this girl is stronger. I've lost weight and found a new me.

I know that Doug isn't using me to get ahead in his career or anything. He's way more successful than I'll ever be. He's Doug DiCarto, for crying out loud. He's a huge success all on his own.

But, I'm doubting us.

I believe that he genuinely likes my voice.

I believe that he genuinely likes me.

It's not actually Doug's feelings that are in doubt here...it's mine.

I just don't want to be with someone who takes drugs.

I just don't.

No matter how I feel about Doug. I just don't want to be involved with someone who takes them. I'm all about moving forward in my life, not going backwards. I'm twenty seven now. I have no room for drugs in my life. I've been there, wore the t-shirt. I'd like to think that I've matured enough to not ever go back to dabbling with lines and pills. But if Doug still wants to do them, then he can go right on ahead and do them...I just can't be there to watch it.

With doubt and disappointment fogging my brain, I hear loud knocking on my hotel door. "Frankie, you in there?" With unsure strides, I slowly decide to open it. As soon as Doug sees me, his frown lines deepen across his tanned forehead. "I've been waiting for you, we're going in a minute?" His usual brown and attractive eyes are now black and dilated orbs from the coke.

"I'm not coming." It's so hard to look at him. So hard being in this situation because of him. "You go on ahead." I say, feeling a swell of emotion rising in my throat.

Doug stands quietly, like he's assessing what the hell is going on. "Have I done something wrong?"

Looking up at the ceiling, I sigh so loud with the hurt that is constricting the whole of my chest. "The coke, Doug...I can't be around that."

His brows are pulled tight, while his hyped up body struggles to stand still. "It's just a bit of coke, Frankie...it's no big deal?"

My resigned eyes briefly look his way, then slide back down to the floor. "It's a big deal to me, Doug." When he tries to hold me, I back away from the man I never thought I would ever back away from. "Drugs are something I have moved on from. Falco was heavily into them, I've personally outgrown them and I have seen people get messed up because of them...they have no place in my life anymore."

Doug half laughs, scratching his head like he's suddenly so confused. "I can take or leave drugs, Frankie. You're making me sound like some hardcore addict or something, when I'm not."

I lift my head, trying to sound a lot less emotional than I really am feeling. "I wouldn't know, you've never spoken about drugs before."

With a confrontational stance, Doug eyes me firmly with his hands on his hips. "Well, we're talking about them now." His jaw becomes hard; hard and distinctive with annoyance. "For one, I'm not Falco. Two, I only take coke now and again. Three, you look so damn sexy when you're upset." The white stuff seems to have turned the dial to Doug's personality onto MAXIMUM.

MAXIMUM confidence.

MAXIMUM dominance.

MAXIMUM horniness.

He's trying to persuade me to kiss him, but I'm still too churned up about everything. "Don't." I back away some more, just needing to distance myself from the guy who is causing cataclysmic chaos within me.

Doug's dilated spheres narrow. "What's got into you?" He now looks suddenly offended.

"What's got into you?" I sarcastically counterattack.

His head flinches back, glancing around as if he's looking around for some answers. "Listen, we have to go?"

Being stubborn, helps me from falling apart. "I told you, I'm not coming. Maybe you can find another girl to share with Mack tonight?" Just rolls right off my sarcastic tongue.

Doug is now rubbing the back of his neck. "What?"

With hurt and irritation, I fully explain my acidic sarcasm. "Mack thought it was okay to try and get a little over familiar with me earlier. He said that you've shared girls in the past, so you'd be okay with sharing me tonight?"

Doug frowns so incredibly hard, swallowing hard as well. "He wouldn't do that?"

"Oh, so you're saying that I made that up?" Is my even more hurt and irritated reply.

"I'm not saying that at all, I'm just saying that Mack knows how I feel about you. He wouldn't try and tread on my toes."

"Well, he did."

Sighing heavily, Doug looks back at me, no longer sure what he can say to make this right. "This is all so messed up." He mutters under his breath, anxiously running his hand through his hair.

His reaction leaves me even more confused and upset. I've just told him that his mate tried it on with me, and he is still standing here, unsure what he should do. He's not even trying to explain why he has shared girls with Mack. He's right, this is all so messed up. "You'd better go." I quietly tell him, feeling suffocated by his presence.

With his coked-up eyes looking so full of confusion, Doug tries to reach for me again. "Just come with me tonight, we can talk about this later?"

Withdrawing from his touch, from his request, I solemnly shake my head. "There's nothing to talk about, Doug. You like doing coke. You like sharing girls with your mate. I think that just about covers it." My voice is beginning to sound brittle. "Now, just go."

Whether I like it or not, Doug holds me by the shoulders. "It was just a bit of coke, Frankie. And the sharing a girl thing, that happened only one time and it happened a very long time ago."

He wants me to look at him, but I can't. I'm too full of churned up chaos. Too full of hurt and doubt. "Please, I just need to be alone?"

His hands squeeze the roundness of my shoulders, his tone trying to be as persuasive as it possibly can. "Nothing has changed, Frankie. My feelings for you are still the same. Coked up or not, they're still the same." His head lowers, wanting me to look into his eyes. When I do, he weakly smiles. "Just come with me?"

With tears brimming on my lower lashes, I heavily shake my head. "I just need some space, Doug."

His thumbs are now stroking my shoulders, using anything he can to eliminate the unsaid distance between us. "I believe you about Mack, and l'll be having very strong words with him, you need to know that."

As I stare back into his regretful eyes, loud knocks are heard on my hotel room door. "Doug! Time to go, mate!"

His eyes move from the door, then back onto me. "Give me a sec!" He smiles, tentatively and with nerves hovering around the corner of his lips. "That's Tim. You sure you don't want to come?"

Inhaling a courageous breath, I nod. "I'm sure."

Disappointed and subdued, Doug's chin lowers. "We'll talk about this properly when I get back, okay?"

"Okay." My lie is so easily given to him.

Sensing that I can't handle his lips being on mine, he instead kisses me gently on my forehead. "Okay, I'll see you later, then."

"Okay." Another lie is given, but this one painfully twists in my guts as Doug reluctantly turns to leave me. As soon as he is out of the room, a devastated gasp flees from my throat. Chased by my burning hot tears. God, this hurts. It hurts so much. It all feels so excruciating, because I know I won't be talking to Doug about this when he gets back later, he won't even see me later...because I'm getting on the next available flight back to London.

**AUTHOR INTERRUPTION**

Is Frankie right to run?
Or wrong to flee?

Thoughts....comments....all much appreciated as always my sweets 💋

The video above is the beautiful song: I DON'T WANT TO KNOW - SIGRID