Inhaling deep, shaky breaths, I honestly don't know how I am going to do this. The stage is dark, just like my fear. I can feel it, feel it being sweated through my petrified pores. Behind me, is Doug; waiting to begin the captivating orchestral intro to Hear The Chant. In front of me, are the buzzing yet quietened crowd; unified with their appreciation of the amazing set that Doug had just spectacularly given to them. Now, they are waiting for the final track that is to explosively call time on Doug's residency here at Revival.

The stage is blanketed in atmospheric darkness and silence.

The crowds anticipation is palpable.

Electric.

The silence is only broken by impatient cheers, whoops and whistles from the eager and energised clubbers, begging for the music to start satisfying their partying souls.

All of the practise and the perfecting of this song, has been for this moment. This suffocating moment.

I know this song, I know it like I know my own face, I know it like a dear friend. For weeks now, I have lived and breathed it—only now it feels like an enemy, an enemy that will destroy me.

As the crowd grow electrifyingly more restless, my panic is swelling inside of me. I know that I am now a very different Frankie Fenner from the one who emotionally got slaughtered on the stage all those years before, but that feeling has always still haunted me.

The jeers, The titters, the online savagery—it has always remained with me.

Inhaling hard through my nostrils, I close my eyes from where I stand on the darkened stage. I know I must push my fear back down my nauseated throat. I must confine my panic that is causing carnage inside of me.

I know this track.

I know I can sing this track.

It's just whether my stage fright knows any of that.

I feel so unbearably sick.

So unbearably fuzzy-headed.

It's like I am invisibly disintegrating where I stand within the shadows of the unlit stage.

From the neck down, my body is tense and rigid.

I know I am shaking, I just can't stop any of the shaking. I seem to have zero control over any of my terrified tremors. So powerful is my panic, I feel like I am beginning to step out of my body from an unseen exit. I know I am here on this stage, and yet, I feel like I'm not really here at all. Disoriented and numbly detached, I somehow find the strength to look behind me.

There, I see Doug.

I am anything but calm, yet the proud presence of him is.

Holding up his right hand, he's signalling to me the beginning of his five second countdown, but before he starts, he exaggeratedly mouths across to me. "I. Love. You." Then curling his thumb, he is telling me that he's now more than ready to unveil both Hear The Chant and Frankie Fenner to the world.

Five!

Four!

Three!

Two!

One!

The heart-stopping symphony echoes around the entire club, causing the clubbers to scream loudly with such insatiable excitement.

As it fades out, the spotlight on me begins to increase.

I am frightened, but the voice inside my head isn't. The time is now, Frankie...just sing! Sing for yourself and sing for Doug!

My singing instinct seems to soothingly enter me. My natural born gift, seems to bravely kick in.

"When the mind falls silent, and only loud memories start crying out."

I am singing.

I am singing the words to the opening first verse.

I am doing it!

I really am doing it!

My breathy vocals become the captain of my body and Revival is the sea that I'm now floating on. I no longer feel like I am drowning in the presence of the clubbers, I actually feel I am swimming amongst their joy for the song that I'm now singing to them.

The booming string arrangement starts to fill our ears, feeding all of our musical souls as the building beats start being felt through our feet as they get louder and louder and louder, until Doug throws us over the edge into the uplifting first chorus.

"Hear the chant of my love. Hear the chant of my vow."

As it powerfully comes to an end, the lights dim just as the tidal wave of drums die down all around us. Looking out at the mesmerised crowd, I stand on the shadowed stage and feel confident as I'm about to belt out the second meaningful verse to them.

"When the eyes don't see. Let your heart lead the way."

Just like before, Doug drags us all to the climax of the second chorus. His amazing producing arrangements starts taking us all higher and higher to a panoramic sound heaven.

"Hear the chant of my loss. Hear the chant of my shame."

Then with a genius drop, the killer hook explodes through our eardrums and literally captures our breaths as we continue to ride the fusing of symphonic sounds and untamed beats. So immersed in Doug's brilliance, I am dancing—dancing like I have been funkily possessed. My funky dancing causes a succession of euphoric screams and wild woo's from the Revival revellers in front of me.

This is what I was born to do.

This is who I was born to be.

I am ready to show the world that this is who I truly am. I feel more than ready to now deliver the fevered finish to Doug's musical artistry.

"Hear the chant, hear my love, hear my vow. Hear the chant, hear my loss, hear my shame."

My far reaching vocals reach every corner of the club, echoing around the musically charged and static sound space. Over and over, I sing the beautiful chorus, while the orchestral part of the track wraps itself around each and every reveller here.

Some sing along.

Some blissfully sway with their eyes closed.

Some dance with their arms high in the air.

Pride feels like it's about to explode in the centre of my chest.

Doug, has done this.

I, have done this.

We, have done this.

As my high piercing vibrato hauntingly starts to tail off, the surging waves of the beating symphony and the vibrating bassline also begins to tail off.

There is now just a pulsing sound that surrounds me on the darkly lit stage. It's just me, that pulsing sound, and the electrified anticipation of the crowd in front of me.

Holding my mic, I close my eyes to gift them all with the atmospheric ending of the track. With a breathy tone, my sweet vocals begin.

"Hear the chant, hear my love, hear my vow." To finally finish with a melodic chirrup. "Hear the chant, hear my loss, hear my shame."

Doug takes the helm of the beautiful conclusion of the song, playing out with an angelic arrangement of violins and an harp. Once the celestial sounds are no more, the stage and the club is promptly plunged into carefully orchestrated darkness.

I did it!

We did it!

Revival literally comes alive with wild and crazy praise.

Even though I can't see anything, I can feel everything.

Absolutely buzzing, I wait for the lights to come back on.

I also wait, to see Doug.

"Okay guys, before you all go, I'd just like to say a few parting words before I go as well." With Doug's voice being heard over a mic, the lights on the stage soon shine down on it, and on me. I see him, smiling right at me as he walks confidently with the mic in his hand. "Hear The Chant is a very special track to me, made even more special by the phenomenal vocals of Frankie, here...I think you'll all agree, right?" Cupping his hand behind his right ear, he encourages a response from the clubbers. Sure enough, they yet again go absolutely wild. "Not only did Frankie agree to do this track with me, she also agreed to be with me." The crowd becomes happily even more hysterical, which makes Doug and I both laugh. Lacing our fingers together, Doug then looks across at me with a smile that is a perfect blend of pride and love as he brings the mic back up to his mouth. "Tonight has meant a lot to the two of us, and I can assure you that this is just the beginning of a Fenner and DiCarto collaboration." His hand squeezes mine, just as he smirks my way. Looking back at his captive audience, his smile remains small around his mouth. "I would just like to personally thank you all for the memories, here at Revival. Week on week, you have all been great. I'm counting on you lot to keep the music movement alive. One track at a time, the ladder of music we will climb!" Doug fist pumps the air, and the room erupts into an uproarious celebration of his inspirational words. As the clubbers quieten down, Doug then looks at me again. "I'm just checking whether my girlfriend has anything to add." He grins at me, then at the crowd with a quick little shrug of his shoulders.

Grinning yet feeling suddenly a little shy, my reply is brief. "Umm, just an enormous thank you, that's all." Tilting my head, I glance at the cheering and whistling crowd, then coyly back at Doug. It is one thing to sing in front of an audience, it is quite another to publicly speak to an audience.

Kissing my knuckles, Doug is grinning from ear to ear. "You can see why I fell for her, right? She is beyond gorgeous!" As flattered as I am, he is slowly now killing me here. Sensing that his flattery is beginning to make me feel awkward beneath the heat of the stage lights and the constant stare of his crazy fans, Doug wraps things up quickly. "Thanks again. Stay safe everyone. DiCarto out!" Giving a gentlemanly little bow, he lets me wave before we both turn to finally leave the stage. Once out of public sight, Doug lifts me off the ground and swings me excitedly around and around. "You were amazing, just amazing!" He swings me around a couple of more times, obviously still buzzing. "I'm so proud of you!" It's only then that he finally settles me down onto the flooring of the backstage area. Wanting to hold my face between the palms of his soft hands; mere millimetres away from my lips. "You did it, Frankie. You looked and sounded amazing out there tonight. I've always told you that a beautiful voice can reach parts of the soul that the eyes will never see...and you reached the soul of every single person out there tonight, Frankie...you really did." His thumbs delicately brush against the softness of my cheeks, while his brown eyes gaze back at me with spheres of beaming pride. Just as his lips are about to merge with mine, his body abruptly jerks.

"That was the most awesome thing I have ever seen!" Tezzer is roughly congratulating Doug, smacking him hard on the back with over enthusiastic praise. "If I wasn't so impressed right now, I'd be more than a little grossed out with you just about to snog my sister and all that...but, I am impressed!" He smacks Doug again on the back, then turns to me. "Seriously sis, you blew the roof off with your voice. I don't think I have ever been more chuffed to be your brother." He grins, giving me a really clumsy and brotherly hug. "Can we do a post-performance selfie?" He grins some more, his phone aimed and ready.

Doug is laughing, disbelievingly shaking his head from side to side. "If we do the selfie, will you then leave me to snog your sister?"

Tezzer's smile is crooked. "Absolutely, I'm not hanging around for that." My brother quips, whilst getting ready to do his pretty Peckham boy pose. "Right guys...smiiiiiiiile!"

Yeah, my excited brother got his selfie.

And I, got my snog.

The track above is: SOMEBODY SPECIAL - NINA NESBITT

💋 Mallion Musings 💋

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