They say home is where the heart is, it was the same for me also but in a very twisted way. As I stood in front of my former house, all the excruciating memories flashed in my mind like a harsh blow of wind. I felt hostile, combined with embittered resentment and unwitting fear as well, that was how I knew I was finally home.

Clenching onto the rusty iron gate, I tried to tame my wildly beating heart who was dwelling in immense anxiety.

"L, you don't have to go there if you don't want to." Orson consoled, giving my shoulder a gentle squeeze which I didn't even notice was tensed. Taking a deep breath, I glanced at him with a monetary smile while his face was arched with distress as his soft eyes flashed nothing but solicitude.

Why did he have to be like this? Why couldn't have he been like my father, callous and eldrich? It would have been then easier to forget him, his endearing ways, his solacing touches, his dainty kisses.

"You will come with me, right?" I muttered aside, desperation lacing with my tone while I struggled to keep on my facade of bravery. Promptly, I was terrified of going there alone, and unknowingly, I felt the requisite of his presence.

"you don't have to ask me twice" He aided as he grasped my shaky hand in a tight grip and his lips tucked up in a tender smile. Averting his gaze and shunning the warmth from his touch, I let out a sigh before ambling my eyes on the abandoned and immensely damaged house in front of me.

The colors on the walls were entirely worn off and the plaster was coming off as well, the windows looked rusted while the door appeared to be broken. I felt like its current state exhibited its prior members perfectly. Broken and bruised, that's how we all were.

Not bothering to respond, I gradually made my way inside, dragging Orson along with me. The porch was filled with dirt and the door was covered in spider webs. Gulping, I hesitantly clutched the doorknob before twisting it, my heartbeats syncing with my ragged breathing.

The door crack opened, the inside was caliginous as there were no lights. I could have felt my anxiety rising when all of a sudden something dropped to the ground, making Orson screech which just added fuel to my distress.

I quickly took out my phone from my pocket with trembling hands then turned on the flashlight. His face displayed sheer fear. Unknowingly, a chuckle escaped from my lips as I caught a glimpse of his childish pout.

"Even a kindergartner is braver than you, Orson!" I jested and he just rolled his eyes, his cheeks turned to red in embarrassment.

"It's not my fault, okay? I have heard people saying that your house is haunted." He deflected while eyeing the house with his phone's flash timidly. I snorted at his statement and pulled him closer to my side, walking cautiously around the house.

"Well, I wouldn't be surprised if it was. That bitch and her husband were too maligned to let others live in peace even after their deaths." I derided and my chest tightened involuntarily as I got remained of their deaths yet again, it was a wonder how I still felt something for them, even after the shits they had done. Was this the way you were supposed to love your parents? Selflessly and being ignorant about their atrocious nature?

The floor beneath us made a cracking noise each time we took a step, making Orson squirm. Even though I wasn't able to perceive everything properly due to the lack of light, I could have made out that the state inside the house wasn't any better than the outside.

"Why the house is in such a disastrous state? Doesn't anyone take care of it? " I inquired and Orson just sighed, his eyes flashing dejection as if he was recalling a sour memory.

"After their deaths, the house was inherited by Lilac. And he neither came to this house nor sold it as it was the last part of you he had left." My vision got blurry as tears yet again made their way into my eyes. I could only imagine how much pain he had gone through, that even at such a young age.

I chose to stay silent as I didn't want him to hear my trembling voice. We somehow made it to the stairs and started to climb up together, side by side with our hands still tangled with one another. Soon we were in front of my former room.

"Can you wait outside for me?" I breathed out softly and though he had an utterance of concern, followed by a hint of fear as well, still he stifled it, flashing me a smile with a nod.

Taking a deep breath, I slowly unlocked the door while holding the phone tightly. I knew that I wasn't ready to be here alone but I needed this closure by myself. Flashing the phone's light, I tried to get a proper glimpse of my room. It stenched here, making me almost throw up. Looking around, I could have reckoned that my old mattress and table were still here.

Recalling, I remembered that my table had a lamp. I carefully walked over to it and hesitantly turned it on. And for the first time, God was in my favor because the lamp still worked. Though the light was quite dim now but with the help of my phone's flash, I was able to discern better than earlier.

Glancing around, I reckoned nothing was changed, except for the dirt and damages. It still consisted of a small closet, a table with the most fragile chair, and a single mattress with no bed. Yes, it was like this always. Even after growing up in a financially stable household, I was still compelled to live in the most minimalistic way possible, and the worst part was that only I had to follow that rule.

But there was only one part of my prison cell that I cherished the most, it was the big window in front of the table. My impeccable delusion of serenity, that's what it meant to me.

After mom used to be done with beating me up and had left the room, I would have sat on this chair and stared out at stars through this window for hours with my wounded body and scarred soul, playing Ed Sheeran's songs on repeat.

During those times, I wouldn't have felt a single pain and that's how I realized, there was no such thing as bodily pain if you were able to deceive your mind with an illusion of solace.

Not knowing what to do, I just sat down on the chair, not caring about dirt and it made a cracking noise but I snubbed it. The moonlight came through the window and just like before, I just stared at it with a sigh. Have you ever felt several emotions at the same time to the point you went numb?

I knew my psyche had given up on her callous facade when I failed to be indifferent. I was numbed but with too many emotions huddling inside my chest. I felt happy to be back in my sanctuary yet the ghastly scars behind it kept reminding me of how it would always just be an illusion only.

Tears after tears kept streaming down my cheeks while I gazed at the dazzling moon with blurry sights. Realizing that Orson was alone for too long and probably be peeing his pants off in fear, I quickly wiped my tears before getting up but just as I was about to go, my sleeve got stuck to something. Flashing the light on it, I saw it clung to a nail from the table.

As I was untangling it, my gaze fell on the drawers attached to the table. I curiously opened it and flashed the light on it. There was nothing inside of it but when I bent to examine it properly, I found an envelope at the very end of it. My forehead creased as I pulled it out in tumult.

It felt heavy, so I unfolded it and emptied it on the table. A particularly familiar bracelet along with a letter came out of it. My breath stuck in my throat as I held it closer to the lamp. It was the same bracelet I had brought 10 years ago for him. The silver bracelet glinted under the lights while the lucky charms attached to it dangled.

All the memories of that night suddenly became vivid in my mind, how excited I was while customizing it and buying it. But it was ruined, entirely wrecked. Clenching the bracelet, I stuffed it inside my jacket's pocket, along with the unknown letter.

Taking a final glance around the room, I turned around and sauntered to the door, feeling scantily encouraging to face my reality and to tell him the truth.

Opening the door, I was immediately faced with Orson pacing in front of the door while biting his nails, a habit of him whenever he was anxious.

"They say old habits die hard but here I see them just mutating, far away from dying." I retorted with a snort as I flashed the phone's light at his face while he looked like a deer caught in headlights, making me involuntarily smile at his antics.

He just rolled his eyes and took my hand before glancing at me with solicitude lacing on his face.

"Are you okay, L?" He bewailed and I just averted my gaze from his while biting onto my lip to suppress my sentiments. We both knew I wasn't, so denying it is of no use

"Do you want me to answer it sarcastically or philosophically? I can do a maniacal one pretty well right now as well because this house is giving me psychological thriller vibes. Like we are trying to hunt down a serial killer in an abandoned warehouse." I rumbled, laughing to myself like a true mania. Well wasn't I one? I was too fucked up to feel emotions or at least express them.

He turned me to him and though there wasn't much light around us, I could have still sensed him close to me. I felt him cupping my face and if I would have been in my nonchalant facade, then I would have pushed him away instantly but currently, I was numbed, so I had let him.

"L, the more you suppress your emotions, the more strongly it will hit you back and the damage would be too calamitous for you to fight back." He avowed, his thumb softly grazing my cheek. I reluctantly pushed him back and cleared my throat.

"Come to the terrace with me," I mumbled before leading him to the terrace of this house.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Orson and I were standing side by side, leaning against the railings of the terrace. The dazzling moonlight and the lights from the other houses around gave enough brightness to discern the terrace properly. Suddenly, a subtle smile settled on my lips as I was reminded of the night when I found Clavicus on the office roof. It was a wonder how much had happened since then.

"It was the night of our prom, I remembered how I was trying to quell my excitement for it and how I was cursing you for convincing me to wear a dress." A chuckle escaped from my lips, the memory of me struggling and stumbling while wearing the dress flashed in my mind, subconsciously playing with the bracelet inside my pocket.

"I bet you were tripping over like a drunken man." He bantered and his lips twisted in a teasing smirk. I rolled my eyes and flipped him the bird, adding satisfaction to his jest.

A shudder ran through my body as the cold wind passed by me. Orson noticed it and instantly took off his jacket, and was about to cover me with it when I stopped him by grabbing it.

Biting back a smile, I stood close to him, our arms were touching each other, and put the jacket over us. It took him by surprise but a subtle blush was noticeable on his cheeks.

"I was getting ready when dad suddenly knocked on my door. At first, I was shocked, to say the least. I was even anxious, thinking that he will order mom to beat me up for going to prom." I sighed and long gone was Orson's smile, it was now replaced with hostility. He despised my father the most, even though dad had never beaten me but he made sure mom filled up his place and Orson knew that.

"Did he do anything to you? Had he hit you?" He bombarded me with queries, his expression displayed resentment as he flared his nose in anger. A smile graced my lips at his rage, it wasn't a usual sight to perceive. He never got angry easily, his soft nature didn't allow him to do so. That was why his fury was amusing to me.

"Can you hold me for a second, Orson?" I whispered, my head held up high, staring at the moon endlessly. This was the first time I was talking out loud about that night, those atrocious memories, and the scars that it left on me for my whole life to the point where I had forgotten what it was to be vulnerable because the moment  I had let myself be free from the facade of indifference, all I thought about was this.

He didn't even wait for a second before pulling me to his embrace while I had let myself be free in his arms. I won't lie, it didn't magically cease all the agony that dwelled in my chest but it did numb it out for a second.

"Hey, you don't need to talk about it if you don't want to, L. I will rather be unknown to the truth than see you in misery."  He soothed and softly ran his fingers through my tangled hair, unraveling it in the process, just like my intricate heart.

"But I need to do this, I can't live with this heaviness in my chest anymore. I just want it to stop." I sobbed out, my voice cracking in the last while I pressed my cheek against his chest, soaking his shirt with my tears. I could have had felt his tears on me as well, I knew he was in pain to see me like this.

"On the contrary of my thoughts, dad rather seemed happy when he visited me that night. For the first, he acknowledged me as his daughter and told me how he was sorry for what he did and wanted to redeem himself. I almost sympathized with him and you know what? That was the last time I ever had felt empathy for anyone."  My fist clenched as I continued.

"He wanted to start a new beginning of our family and I was so fucking desperate for love that I believed his devious ways. He offered me brownies which apparently he made for me only and naively, I ate it all when suddenly darkness engulfed me, and the next thing I knew, I woke up in a very familiar house, tied up." I could have felt Orson tensing up as he gripped me tighter.

"It was dad's brother's house, Uncle Vincent." Suddenly my mouth felt bitter at the mention of his name.

"Wait, wasn't he the only family member who always been there for you? I remembered you talking fondly about him back in high school." He appeared puzzled and a sardonic chuckle left my mouth. How I wish that he was as praiseworthy as I thought during my whole childhood but the reality was woeful.

"And he was the same person who along with his son, ruined my life and gave me nightmares." I quivered and my body felt like it was placed in between burning coals. Orson's expression started to harden as if he knew where it was going. He held me tighter while his burning gaze stared into my soul.

"What did they do to you, L?" He seethed and I just kept staring at him blankly with tears falling freely from my eyes.

"Raped me, beaten me up, and mocked me for ever trusting my dad. My dad had sold me to them for 3 fucking days in exchange for saving his business from going bankrupt." I cried out as I had slid to the floor and tugged my hair while crying my heart out. I was feeling as if I was reliving those nightmares.

"I still see their menacing gazes in my every nightmare, their cruel words still ring to my ears, and every time I let anyone touch me, all I can imagine is of my beggings that I did to them that night to just spare me for once." I bawled and Orson just stood there, watching me in disbelief, his own eyes teary.

He fell to the ground and sat beside me, his hands shaking as he wrapped his arms around me. I just clutched his arms tightly and kept crying out loud. I was screaming, digging my nails into him. I just wanted the pain in my heart to stop. He just kept holding me right and rubbed my back softly while crying silently.

"My whole life I trusted him, Orson! I fucking thought of him as my only parent but he betrayed me." I wept and buried my face on his chest.

"Let it all out, don't keep it yourself, not anymore, L." His voice cracked as he struggled to compose himself. I just had let myself lamented in his arms for God knows how long.

By now, I had stopped crying and kept staring blankly at nothing in particular as I rested my head on his lap while he gently ran his fingers through my hair. Both of us were still on the floor.

For even a momentary second, I was feeling at peace. Years after years, I struggled to keep my nightmares buried deep inside of me but tonight, I had realized one thing, you don't heal if you just bury your agonies, sometimes you just had to let them out, even if you felt like you were in immense pain. It was better to be vulnerable in pain than indifferent.

"I am sorry that I couldn't protect you that night and all this year. But I fucking promise you one thing, L, from now onwards, I will make sure when you're in pain, you won't be alone. I know I don't have a magic wand that will vanish your traumas but I will hold you tight when you will feel your world-shattering." He muttered softly, breaking the silence between us. I didn't bother to respond, I didn't have the energy to do so.

"I wanna go back to the hotel, I hate being here,"  I uttered quietly with a sigh and slowly sat down beside him. He nodded his head and stood up before offering me his hand. I glanced at him with a small smile as I held his hand and got up. We then turned on the flashes of our phones and started to make our way downstairs.

Soon we were in front of his car and I took a last glimpse of my former house as I got inside the car. This was it. After years of burying my pain, I finally got to give them a proper funeral to lament.

"Ready to go?" He questioned as he started the engine, I just hummed in response as I stared out of the window while curling up in my seat, hugging my knees to provide warmth to my aching chest.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I felt something shaking me and I was quick to be alarmed, opening my eyes and looking around in panic.

"Hey, hey! It's me, Orson. Look at me, L." My heavy breathing slowly got normal as I found Orson patting my back. He appeared to be worried as he gazed at me out of concern.

"Don't touch me in my sleep again." I asserted, clearing my throat, and he hurriedly gave me a bottle of water. I drank it in one go while trying to calm my wildly beating heart. Peeking out, it seemed like we had reached the hotel.

"I am-m so-rry, L. I- I di-dn't mean-n to sca-re you-u." He stammered as his face held an utterance of guilt. I sighed and was about to explain my reasoning when suddenly something fell out of my pocket and I got remained about the bracelet.

Glancing around, I found it on the ground and picked it up. My eyes fixed on the bracelet as I dangled it in between of fingers.

"What is it, L?" He inquired as he scooted closer to examine. I glanced at him and found his eyes red and puffy while he sniffed now and then. I smiled slightly at him and took his warm hand in my cold ones, then hooked them on his wrist while he observed me curiously, creasing his forehead.

"A customized charms bracelet, I had bought it as a gift for you to give on the prom night, but never got the chance to give it to you." I sighed and gazed at him with a dejected expression. He stared at the bracelet with endearment gleaming as he grazed it delicately.

"You seriously gave a rat charm here?" He laughed softly and continued to examine it further. I chuckled along with him, leaning to his side, and rested my head on his shoulder.

"Hey! It's not my fault that you were obsessed with that filthy animal back in high school." I shrugged and he just rolled his eyes at me.

"For the records, it was a hamster and he definitely wasn't filthy!" He sneered before looking at me with a smirk.

"But you really had put a lot of thoughts on this bracelet, didn't you? If I didn't know any better, I would have thought that you were in love with me back in high school." Unknowingly, my stomach felt a flutter at his teasing. But it was true, I did put a lot of thinking when I customized it.

There were a total of 5 charms in it, a guitar, bike, hamster, sea wave, and lastly, a Sun.

"Shut the fuck up, Orson!"  I chided and hit him on the head. He just cackled and rubbed his head.

"But why the sun though? I don't remember any incident behind it."  He wondered and I held back a smile as I recalled why I gave it.

"We had our first kiss in the sunrise," I replied, and his cheeks turned a light shade of pink. I chuckled at his bashful antics. I still remembered that memory vividly. There were only a few moments of my life that didn't make me miserable and it was one of them.

I didn't know what made me so impulsive but I unexpectedly found myself getting out of the car in hurry and ran to his side. Then opened his door and offered him my hand while he watched me in confusion.

"I owe you a dance from the prom, so will you have this dance with me?" I proposed with a small smile playing on my lips. This took him by shock but he didn't waste any time to take my hand, as if scared that I might have changed my mind soon.

"Hell yeah! I wouldn't miss this opportunity even if the world was ending." He exclaimed dramatically with a toothy grin and I rolled my eyes at him before shaking my head.

We strolled to the hotel's garden, hand in hand. It was a truly beautiful place as it was adorned with some fairy lights and statues with water fountains.

Taking out my phone, I played 'Found'  by Jacob Banks before smiling at him and placing my hand on his shoulder as he stared at me tenderly.

"Now what do I do with this love I found?
What do I put in the hole inside the ground?
Oh, I'm falling higher
Flying deeper
Oh, the love I found." He pulled me close as the song played and we slowly started to dance to the rhythm. I gazed at him, only to find him looking at me already.

"What do I do with the smile trapped in my mouth?
How do I prove there's a ghost this time around?
It's like catching fire
Walking on water
Oh, the love I found" A smile made its way to my lips as he twirled me before pulling me to his chest, holding me tighter than ever, as if he was afraid that I would have vanished at any moment.

"Say the word and I'll burn it all

Play the chord and I'll bleed some more
We ain't getting younger
Age's just a number
Oh, oh, oh

Maybe clouds won't break my fall
Maybe it will be enough
Time's getting older
The light's getting closer
Oh, oh, oh" At this point, we had just stopped dancing and were staring at each other's tearful gazes. Our hearts were wondering only if those things hadn't happened that night, maybe we would have been something more, something that we had yearned for years.

"So what do I do with this love I saved for you?
What do I move to the space I held for two?
Can you taste the choir?
Can you feel the whisper?
Oh, the love I found, ohh

Oh, oh, oh-ooh
Oh, oh
Oh, the love I found." Our faces were inches away, our breaths were merging, and for the first time, I didn't hold myself back as I leaned closer before placing my lips on his. I felt him freeze for a second before wrapping me in his embrace and moving his lips in sync with mine, making me shiver.

Tears fell freely down our cheeks as we kissed one another in longing, before pulling away softly. We were out of breath as we stared into one another's eyes.

"I love you, Orson," I whispered out softly to him.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

4424 WORDSSSSSSSSS!!! Oh my goodness! I have updated after like ages. I didn't even remember what I was writing before when I started this chapter 😂 I don't even think anybody remembered my book anymore. It would be I wonder if I got even 10 views on this chapter ☠️

Anyways, I hope you guys liked this chapter and hopefully it explained many of the reasons behind Lilith's harsh personality. Again I am sorry if I wasn't able to explain the subjects properly or showcase the traumas of a survivor properly.

Anyways, love y'all ♥️🤍🖤💜💙💛🧡❤️❤️❤️❤️