I couldn't remember the nightmares that kept me up last night, but it meant I woke up late and was slow getting ready. I had to keep stopping to grab fistfuls of skirt because Hannah had dressed me in an A-line lavender dress with quite a few layers, and I was trying to walk as quickly as I could to the women's room. There was a mandatory meeting before brunch today, and I knew Silver would arrive punctually on the dot; she wouldn't reprimand me as long as I was in the door before her. 

I turned the corner and threw open the doors to the women's room. Abruptly all conversation hissed to a stop and I had eighteen pairs of eyes on me as I made my explosive entrance. I reddened, hoping everyone would go back to what they're doing once they realized I wasn't Silver.

However, everyone continued to stare as I walked over to join Beckii and Sylvannas on the cream colored couches. I noticed everyone had magazines in their hands or surrounding them on the tables and I quickly snatched up the closest one, not even needing to open it to be shocked. 

There I was on the cover in the photos we had taken a couple weeks ago. Ross and I were on the left, a candid photo of us laughing and holding hands as we made our transition between stages. On the right was a photo of Prince Alexandre and I, our hands just connecting as I stepped up to him. Though I couldn't place what was going on between us, it's clear that there was complex emotions apparent on both of our faces. Over the photos were a bunch of tacky question marks, and the sentence at the bottom read "Atlas is not just stealing the hearts of the masses." 

I flipped through with shaking hands, finding the parts about me. They mentioned that after the report's special, my standing in the public's ranks had shot up in every poll. There was speculation of what I was doing with the princes, mentioning my many dates with Ross and how often Prince Alexandre and I were absent together or seen leaving together. 

I looked up, seeing that all the girls were waiting for my reaction. "You can't believe this is all true?" I exclaimed, "Don't you get it? They're just trying to create drama!" I suddenly felt like it was me against them, and I wanted to run out of the room but I knew that would only add to their suspicion. 

Albany stood up and I groaned internally. "So not only are you stealing Prince Ross from us, but now you're after Prince Alexandre too?" she accused, "Can't you be a little less selfish Atlas?"

"Bullshit," I shot back, and Beckii stood up beside me, grabbing my hand to keep me from doing something too aggressive. "You know as well as I do that Prince Alexandre detests me. I'm not a threat to any of you." 

Albany snorted. "Well duh," she drawled, looking me up and down. 

"You do seem to spend a lot of time with the princes," Saffron said from her place by the window, and there were a couple whispers of agreement that passed around the room. 

"What do you even do with them?" Anouk asked, and I felt disappointment when I realized she wasn't on my side in this. 

"I don't do anything with Prince Alexandre," I said matter-of-factually, "and Prince Ross and I go on dates just like all of you do. I don't need to tell you what we do together to convince you that my intentions aren't malicious. I mean, this is a competition..." I winced as I said it; I didn't want them to see me as an opponent. 

"Have you kissed either of them?" Albany asked suddenly. I knew it was on everyone's mind, and they seemed like they were holding their breath in anticipation.

I looked around, but as I was about to open my mouth Fox interjected into the conversation. "Ross kissed me on our date last night," she added quietly.

I felt my heart sink at that, and it worried me. I wasn't going to be queen, so it was unfair of me to feel jealous or possessive. I couldn't help but feel hurt that she said his name so informally; I had thought I was the closest with Ross after everything that we've been through, but I was suddenly reminded that he was making his way through the girls and as the selection goes on he will get closer with more of them. 

Everyone's attention was on Fox now, so I took the opportunity to slink away towards the exit. Except as I was reaching for the handle it was pulled away from me and Silver appeared in the doorway. She seemed surprised to see me, but I turned quickly and sat at an empty chair near the door, not meeting her eyes as I looked at my hands in her lap. It seemed like she decided I wasn't worth it today.

"Big announcement ladies!" she said, waving a stack of manila folders in the air as she made her way to the front of the room. This week the french ambassadors will be visiting the castle as the financial  quarter comes to a close, and joining them will be the french princesses! As the selected, you will be expected to attend the welcoming ball at the end of this week, and all our lessons leading up to that will  be on hosting guests at the castle. It would be wise for you to pay attention to the preparations, once the elite are chosen they will have to plan similar parties for visiting dignitaries."

I winced, wondering if I will have to do that or if I'll even still be at the castle. Silver's voice faded away as I was reminded of Sjin back home. I wondered what he was doing right now; Ari and I were the only one's sending letters back and forth, and he didn't mention Sjin much.  I felt like I didn't even know Sjin anymore, but the realization hit me that he was probably the one who wouldn't recognize me when I came home. 

I thought of the princes, though Prince Christoph was still mostly a distant figure in my life. Ross must be moving on, knowing that even if I loved him back that my caste status would prevent me from being queen. Before I could stop the intrusive thought an image of myself in a wedding dress floated into my mind. Hannah would be the designer, I'd make sure of that. However, as my dream self knelt to be crowned, it wasn't Ross who I stood up to meet.

I violently pushed the thought away, my heart suddenly racing with anxiety. I tried to focus back on what Silver was saying, but our adviser seemed to be finishing up the announcements. As girls started to move towards the door for brunch, the magazine on the end table to my  left caught my eye again. 

I grabbed it and flipped to the full page picture of Prince Alexandre and tore it out in anger. I was about to throw it into a trash can, but something in the pit of my stomach told me not to, so I made sure no one was looking before I put the wad of paper down the front of my dress (a trick I had learned from Beckii and since carried all my belongings in there). 

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"You're... Atlas right?" I heard someone say to my left as I was perusing the dessert table. I had been so focused on the treats that I didn't see the older french princess approach me. 

"Princess Adalicia," I said, pausing to curtsy to her, "Yes, Atlas Avery, of Alsport."

She curtsied back at me, bowing low and giving me a knowing smile. "Lady Atlas, the freedom fighter." 

"Oh, um... that's not-" I stumbled out, trying to form a coherent sentence in my surprise. She linked her arm in mine and I was powerless as she led me across the garden and past the gazebo where people were dancing to the live band. The garden was beautiful, I had been watching the staff fly around all week putting it together: hanging lights, setting up tables, creating centerpieces that matched beautifully with the plants around it. Seeing it at night, lit up and twinkling, was magical. 

She brought us to a secluded table, pausing to give a perfect smile to the photographer who had followed us over before dismissing him  so that we could talk alone. The princess was the picture of grace, even the way she placed her hands on the table or picked up her glass of champagne, I  felt like asking her what her secret is.

"I'm meeting with all the selected," she explained, "but that's just a formality. You're my favorite"

I felt overwhelmed by the comment. "Oh... wow thank you," I managed to choke out, "I'm just, you know, being me..." I felt really lame next to this eloquent princess. 

"Waiting for the crown and everything," she continued, "I have a lot of time to follow the selection. I call it research to know who my future allies will be." She giggled and took a sip of her champagne, giving me a devious look over her glass. "The whole country seems to be rallying behind you, especially after last night's Capital Report."

I grimaced before I realized ladies weren't supposed to do that. We had another round of interviews last night, and though I had prepared as much as I could, I was nervous from the pressure of the questions. They were no longer about lessons and princes and kisses; we had been asked about policy and our thoughts about the social and  economic future of the country. 

Gavril Turps seemed like he was trying to wring me dry of my opinions, prompting me to talk about my childhood and thoughts about the new food program Ross had come up with. I had let slip that my real parents had died when I was young, and Turps pressed me so hard that I had no choice but to admit that I  used to be a three. It was all anyone could talk about in the papers and magazines, but I tried to stay away from them. I felt like I had announced my biggest secrets to the whole world, even though my parents death was in public record. 

"Only the lower castes," I pointed out as politely as I could. I didn't feel very comfortable talking about this so  soon after it had happened. 

"And the princes apparently," she added, leaning her elbows on the table in a non-ladylike manner, "Ross and Alex had quite a bit to say about you." 

I bit the bottom of my lip to keep it from quivering. It was odd hearing Prince Alexandre being referred to as just 'Alex', but now that I heard it I had a strange urge to call  him that too. It felt very personal. 

"I'm sure Prince Alexandre had nothing but good things to report about me," I said sarcastically, but I realized I didn't want to hear  what he said so I tried to change the subject. "Ross told me that you and your sister are close with the princes," I said. I saw her brow furrow as I addressed the prince by his first name only, but it seemed to please her and I mentally kicked myself.   

She seemed to take the bait. "Oh my gosh," she groaned, slouching and putting her hand on my wrist, "close doesn't begin to describe it with Adalene. Seriously, if she could wallpaper her room with pictures of Chris, she would have already done it." 

I turned in my chair to look towards the dance floor where the two of them were swaying back and forth to the upbeat song. They must have said something funny because the princess threw her head back to laugh and Prince Christoph looked down at her as if that laugh held everything good in the world. The implication suddenly made me sad; Prince Christoph would have to marry one of the selected.

"They're so in love," she muttered, and I turned back to her, "Isn't it gross?" She gave a twinkling laugh, and I couldn't help but smile at her easy going personality. The princess was so different than what I imagined she would be like. 

"Oh! Speaking of love!" she said, sitting up to lean closer to my face and talking fast, "What do you want to know? I've got all the secrets. I bet Ross didn't tell you he sucked his thumb until he was twelve." 

I couldn't help but give a surprised laugh. "I don't think you should be telling me this," I said quietly, trying to keep from smiling. 

She winked at me. "Our secret," she grinned, "And I could go on and on about Alex! He has a secret love for flower arranging, but you didn't hear it from me." 

I  felt warmth spread across my chest, looking over my shoulder at the dance floor where Prince Alexandre was dancing with Albany. He didn't seem to be very into it though, as if he was distracted by something. I turned around quickly as I thought he looked over here. 

"That's actually really sweet," I admitted, "I can't imagine someone so cold and callous doing something so delicate as arranging flowers."

She tilted her head to the side at my comment, giving me a confused look. "Huh? Alex isn't like that at all. I thought you two were close?"  she said like a question. 

"Oh, no," I said, unable to keep from laughing, "that's just what the gossip magazines say. We don't really get along all that well actually." 

"No, I didn't mean because of what the magazines are saying," she said, only growing more confused, "It's just that he-" 

She suddenly brought her champagne glass to  her mouth and turned away to start chugging what was left of her drink. I was confused until I heard someone approaching on the gravel pathway and saw that Prince Alexandre was approaching us. 

"Lady Atlas," he said, extending his hand out towards me and bowing, "Would you like to dance?"

I looked over to Princess Adalicia, who seemed surprised to be brought into the conversation. "Oh," she muttered turning her empty glass upside down and shaking it, "I'm gonna go grab another drink, don't wait up for me Atlas!" She jumped up and sped away, but not before looking over here shoulder and winking, though I couldn't tell who it was really for. 

 "Sure..." I said warily, wondering why he would come over here just to ask me to dance. He took my hand and lead me towards the gazebo, leading us towards the center of the dance floor. 

He took my waist and we started to turn to the music, but he kept me quite a distance away from him. He said something, but I couldn't hear him over the music and talking around us. 

"Sorry?" I asked loudly, hoping he would repeat it. 

He looked around discretely and then pulled me closer, seemingly very uncomfortable. I wasn't prepared for it and my stomach flipped as we pressed up against each other. I could barely feel anything under the lace layers of my dress, but I could definitely feel his arm wrapped around my lower back and our bodies pressed together. Prince Alexandre seemed to grow more uncomfortable, especially when I put my arm around his shoulders like we had been taught during lessons. I had only ever danced this close with Beckii at practice, but instead of her sweet perfume I was hit with a wave of Prince Alexandre's earthy aftershave. 

"I thought I'd come rescue you from Adalicia," he said once he regained his composure. 

"Ah," I said in understanding, looking away so that our faces weren't as close to each other. 

"What information did she give you to blackmail me with?" he asked, his tone light. It didn't feel like it was all a joking question though. 

"Nothing," I grinned, "she didn't tell me anything about your love of flower arranging."

He winced, turning his head and squeezing his eyes shut as he gave me a tight lipped smile. "Thats..." he looked at me sheepishly, "not true..." 

I realized he wasn't joking. "Oh my gosh that is SO true!" I laughed.

Surprisingly, he gave me a chuckle. I could feel the deep rumble against my chest, which only gave me more butterflies in my stomach. 

"Great," he breathed, "now you're going to sell my secrets to all the magazines and the whole country will find out." 

"Well, they're not always accurate," I muttered, looking up to meet his eyes. 

"Yeah, I saw that too," he sighed, looking over my head at anything but me. 

"Yeah, they couldn't be farther from the truth right?" I gave a breathy laugh, but the feeling between us had already turned to something more serious. 

He looked down at me to match my gaze, and I couldn't help but notice as his eyes flicked down to look at my lips before he blinked back to my eyes. I bit my lip out of habit, my heart hammering in my chest as I regretted my comment. 

He opened his mouth to say something, but then Ross appeared at our side with a "May I cut in?"

We broke apart immediately, looking away from each other. I didn't realize we had stopped dancing until after we let go. "Go ahead mate," Prince Alexandre muttered without looking at his brother, patting his shoulder before disappearing into the crowd of dancers. 

Ross watched Prince Alexandre leave with furrowed eyebrows, but at once turned to me and gave me a genuine smile. "Thought you might need some help," he commented, offering me his hand. We linked up and started dancing, but I was more comfortable being this close to Ross than I had his brother. 

"Yeah," I muttered absently, looking around to see where Prince Alexandre might have gone.

"Are you okay?" he asked, leaning closer to me, "Did he say something mean to you?" 

I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. "No... no. Nothing like that." 

"What was all of that about then?" he pried. 

I looked up at Ross, who seemed hurt with the way I was acting. I tried giving him a small smile and shook my head. "It wasn't anything," I assured him. I tried to move the subject off of Prince Alexandre and I. "How have you been? I haven't seen you much lately." I felt guilty for how accusatory I sounded. 

"Sorry Atlas," he apologized, "I've been really busy."

"Kissing other girls." 

We both seemed taken aback as I said that without thinking. The pain was clear in Ross' face, his brow furrowed in worry. "I'm sorry dear. Do you want me to stop pursuing other girls?" he asked, making my face flush red with embarrassment, "You just seemed like you... uh, I mean, you know, in case you-" 

"No!" I exclaimed, "You should keep dating the other selected..." I broke apart from his grasp. "I'm sorry your Majesty," I said quickly before he could reply, "I'm feeling faint. I think I'm going to retire to my room for the night." I gave a quick curtsy and turned on my heals to leave. 

"Atlas, wait a second-" he said, but I was already weaving my way through the crowd and didn't hear anything else he said after that. 

I was nearly to the exit of the gazebo when someone scooped me up, gracefully spinning and pulling me to him in a fluid motion. 

"Good evening Lady Atlas," Prince Christoph greeted, giving me a smile that didn't reach his eyes. 

"Good evening your highness," I smiled, panic rising in my throat, "I was just about to retire to my room for the ni-"

"I thought we could chat a bit," he said. I tried to pull away from him but he kept a firm grip on me and just pulled me closer as I fought him. 

"I really should go-"

"You don't know anything about us Atlas," he said into my ear with a gruff, low tone that came out as more of a quiet snarl.

I looked at him incredulously, but he continued. "These stunts you're pulling? On the report and with the media?" he pressed, "They reflect back onto us. You could really hurt Ross or Alex if you keep this shit up. I'm trying to like you Atlas, I really am. If it were me, I would have sent you home the first day." 

"Get off of me," I said lowly, giving him a harder shove. 

"That being said, my brother's intend to keep you here for a little while longer. Keep your head down and your mouth shut if you know what's good for you."

I struggled against him, breaking into a cold sweat as he kept talking. He left me go, but not before giving me a piercing stare and saying, "An eight can't become queen, you know that right Atlas?"

I felt tears welling up in my eyes, so I whirled around and ran off before he could get a reaction out of me. Luckily no one else stopped me as I escaped out of the garden and back to my room. My maids must have not been expecting me back this early, because no one greeted me as I pushed the door open and slammed it shut behind me. I kicked off my shoes and tried to pull my dress off, but it was laced up too tightly up my back and my maids would have to take it off of me. 

I collapsed on the bed in a mound of fabric, hearing paper crinkle as my head hit the pillow. I pulled out the picture of Prince Alex and I from the magazine for the hundredth time this week. Prince Christoph's words echoed around my brain, and I felt my chest tighten. 

I didn't want to be queen. I wasn't going to be queen.  

An eight can't become queen, you know that right Atlas?  

I wasn't going to be queen.