Content Warning: Sex/intimacy. It's far from being smut, but I felt like it was important enough to their relationship development that I include a chapter dedicated to it. (And I wanted to try my hand at a tasteful love scene.) It's about the emotions, so there are no body part words or euphemisms because I would actually crawl out of my skin and die a fleshy bone pile if I ever put them into my writing.  

If sex/intimacy makes you uncomfy, feel free to skip the chapter, you won't be missing anything crucial. 

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I had no reason to be nervous. I knew what to expect.

But I couldn't calm my racing heart, despite my languid pace, as I approached Alex's room. The anxious fluttering in my stomach kept me wide awake, chasing away any exhaustion I had been feeling when I had left my room.

The tea party meeting had gone well into the early morning, and today was filled with a flurry of activity as Elite lessons resumed. We were going over more complicated politics in preparation for the debates, but I had a hard time concentrating after all that happened the past 24 hours. We had decided on a plan involving the capture of each state province building during the closing Selection ceremony, and I was to trigger those protests with my debate topic. I would argue for a constitutional monarchy and an end to the castes, somehow adding coded messages into it to tell the nation they had the go ahead.

Recounting those conversations clouded my mind and caused the stress to tighten my muscles until they ached from the stiffness. Tonight was supposed to be special, but I was struggling to separate our relationship from the grander scheme we were planning. I was having doubts. I was wracked with guilt. I was afraid of the consequences. I couldn't stop thinking about it.

I had made myself miserable by the time I softly knocked on Alex's bedroom door. I heard him call to me, so I let myself in without waiting for him.

I sighed when I saw the prince sitting at the end of the bed, looking casual in his sweatpants and tee-shirt. He grabbed a worn bookmark and set his reading material down next to him, looking up to give me a gentle smile. I forgot how easily he could calm me down, and I was already starting to relax.

I didn't move from where I stood, and he didn't stand up; we just looked at each other.

There was very little that needed to be said. We could have commented on the rebellion, the Selection, the events of the past few days, or how we weren't supposed to be doing this. . . but we didn't. The two of us knew the consequences, and we had accepted them long ago. We disregarded them every time we touched or kissed. We were already stealing moments that didn't belong to us.

There was no backing out. There never was.

Without a greeting, I slowly walked over to Alex. I climbed onto the bed to straddle his lap, shedding the thoughts of royalty and rebellion with every step. He looked up at me as he wrapped his arms around my waist, but our lips hovered over each other's as we closed our eyes, pausing.

What we were doing was against the rules, but with the feeling of Alex's breath on my face and the smell of his skin flooding my senses, I knew this was right. I hadn't ever been so sure of something in my life.

The limbo brought every memory of him to the forefront of my mind; all the turmoil and bitterness of our first exchanges mixed with the passionate declarations of love. Nothing had ever been easy for us, not until this moment when we closed the gap in that first kiss.

He reached his hands up, threading his fingers under the collar of my robe and pushing it aside to grip my bare shoulders. My skin was electrified from the touch, and it sent a wave of desire coursing through me. I moved to pull the ribbon around my waist, letting the entire thing fall away and sighing when two hands wrapped around the sides of my ribs. Alex broke away from me long enough to pull his shirt off before returning and leaving a trail of kisses down my neck.

I thought I knew what to expect. Alex was a virgin after all, and I was just happy to be that first for him, but I wasn't prepared for what I felt. It was like it was my first time too, and I didn't think that experience existed to this extent.

There was a normal amount of uncertainty, but the image of him completely relaxed and unafraid would be burned into my memory forever. I felt connected to him in a new and different way. I had compared our interactions to an elegant dance before, but that didn't begin to describe how well we moved together. We already knew each other, but I was meeting a new side of Alexandre that only deepened my love for him.

He was tuned in to my emotions so perfectly, and yet I didn't immediately recognize how focused he was on my pleasure and immersion. The subtle glances and pauses made me feel loved and considered. The excitement and adrenalin caused my mind to race, but Alexandre seemed to pick up on it whenever I strayed into thoughts about the problems we were plagued with. I thought I knew everything there was to know about sex, but I didn't know how he managed to bring me back to the present so gently yet effectively.

I didn't expect to feel so lost and found in the same moment. Here in his bed, we were our most authentic selves, and I couldn't remember a time I've been able to experience freedom like this. I wasn't Atlas the Eight, or Atlas the Elite, or Atlas the revolutionary. Alex chased away any expectations I thought would be put on me as we shared this together.

Wrapped up in Alex's embrace, I fell in love all over again. I had needed him for so long and getting to finally touch him without a single regret was intoxicating. Maybe it was only for tonight, but in these moments, he was mine - fully and willingly. In the back of my mind, I thought it was ironic that he could be so easily readable when he allowed it. Alexandre's eyes were intense and expressive, and I didn't need words to know what he was feeling. It was an enchanting experience to see him open himself up like that, and I treated it delicately, intent on giving him the care and affection he deserved.

This was a once-in-a-lifetime love. I knew he felt it too. If there was any doubt from our initial fights and arguments, they were shattered tonight. I was hopelessly and irrevocably in love with Alex, and I wouldn't ever love someone like this again.

~

"Are you okay?" Alex asked, concern filling his face as I pushed myself onto my knees next to him. I reached for the glass of water he had strategically placed on his nightstand, glad he had planned ahead.

"What do you mean?" I asked, confused.

He relaxed back against his plush headboard again, but he reached up to draw his hand across my cheek. "You're crying," he noted quietly, letting his hand slowly fall onto the bed again.

"What? Oh," I muttered, only just realizing it. I tried to quickly wipe away the couple of tears that had slipped down my face with the back of my hand. "Sorry," I added, shaking my head to clear my thoughts, ". . . endorphins or. . . whatever."

"That good?" he teased, giving me a foxy smile and running his hands through his hair to fix it slightly.

I laughed breathlessly, trying to bring myself back to reality. I was still reeling from the idea of crying from sex, having previously thought it was a myth. "It was a little intense," I chuckled, rolling my eyes nervously and biting my thumb nail, "you really. . . know your stuff."

"I'm not that sheltered," he scolded lightly, breaking into a grin when he saw my blush, "Our library has three stories. . ."

"Oh yeah?" I laughed, rolling onto my hip and stretching my arms above me, "You'll have to show me some of those books."

"They're mostly journals," Alex mentioned.

"Journals!" I mocked.

"Historical firsthand accounts," he clarified with a grin. He watched me reach for my robe and commented, "Do you want to try out the bath? It's plenty big enough for the both of us."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "What's your motivation?" I asked suspiciously, giving him a devilish smile.

"Turns out I really like making you happy, Atlas," he replied innocently, running his hand down my arm lightly, "Also, I made you cry. . . I feel like I should worry about some kind of endorphins crash."

I checked in with my body for a moment, recognizing the familiar runner's high crash. It happened after cage fights too. My hands were trembling slightly, and I was starting to feel an uncomfortable ache that didn't feel strictly physical. Normally I delt with those feelings alone, but tonight I welcomed the help.

"You're probably right," I mumbled, taking a deep breath.

"Come on," he prompted, shuffling off the bed and offering me a hand. I paused to take Alexandre in as he stood waiting for me. Even now his cheeks were still dusted with a blush, and his muscles were hard and defined from the exertion. His skin had a dewy look to it, and I couldn't help but compare it to polished marble.

He was attractive doing the most mundane tasks, but he was practically glowing after we had finished, and there was a quiet charism in the way he moved and smiled. He exuded a calm confidence that reminded me of his royal status. I guess a gorgeous partner was one of the bonuses of dating a prince.

Alexandre bent over to grab my wrist. "You're practically drooling," he joked, pulling me up to standing and smirking at me, "Stop objectifying me."

"I'm not!" I defended, chuckling as I added, "It's just a little leering."

The prince laughed at my quip as he took my hand and guided me into his bathroom. He drew the bath and grabbed towels, all while I sat and watched from the marble steps leading up to the tub. With all the columns and classical wall murals, I was reminded of the Greek God mythos; he was certainly built like one. He offered a hand, which I gladly took because my legs were still a bit shaky, and then climbed in after me.

"It was your first time," I pointed out as he reached for the soap and started rubbing my back, "I should be the one taking care of you."

"I wouldn't say no to that," he chuckled, increasing the pressure on my shoulders, "But I wasn't lying earlier, I like taking care of you, Atlas. I love seeing you happy and relaxed, knowing I was a part of it."

"I don't need to be taken care of," I told him quickly, feeling something instinctual and defensive come over me.

"No, of course not," he replied lightly, "you don't need it, but I don't mind taking over occasionally. . . Geez Atlas, relax your shoulders." He tugged down on them lightly before rubbing at a knot near my neck.

"Sorry," I muttered, rolling my shoulder back a couple times, "It's where I keep my stress."

"Yeah, I'm familiar with that one," he commiserated, pushing my hair away from my neck. The bathroom was quiet, so the movement of the water created a soft, twinkling echo.

I startled when I felt him press his lips against the skin of my shoulder. I willed myself to relax again, but he ran his hands down my body, under the water, to work on the tension in my lower back. He didn't pause, didn't react to my scars, even though he ran his hands across all of them on his way down. Even Sjin used to flinch.

"You okay?" Alex asked gently, noticing me tensing up.

My eyes unfocused as my mind returned to Alexandre and our relationship, absently watching the ripples in the water as I did so. I felt warm and safe, a foreign experience to someone who was previously homeless. I didn't ever want this to end.

Alexandre had said something last night, and it had been bothering me in the back of my mind all day. He spoke about what he couldn't give me, but this glimpse into what could have been proved it was untrue.

"You're wrong," I whispered, the words escaping me before I could stop it.

"Hm?" he asked, wrapping his strong hands around my arms to massage the muscles there, "What do you mean?"

"It wouldn't be stress-free," I told him quietly, ". . . but you would give me a happy life."

Alex's hands froze for a moment and I heard him take a deep breath. He was quiet for a long time.

"If I could keep us locked up in here for the rest of our lives, I would," he replied eventually, sounding distant, "but it wouldn't be like this all the time. I don't think my parents even talk to each other that much. Not that my father isn't a miserable bastard to begin with, but running a country sucks the life out of you; It's not great for maintaining loving relationships."

"You really think that would happen to us?" I asked, genuinely curious.

Alex didn't take a lot of time to think about it. "No. . ." he answered, "No, I don't think so."

We were quiet, the discussion sobering.

I told him to turn around so I could return the favor. I silently admired all the curves and dips of his muscles as I searched for tension with my hands, trying to memorize all of his features. With our last day together looming, I was terrified I would eventually forget this.

Once we were done in the bathroom, we toweled off and found our clothes. I thought about leaving, but Alexandre took my hand when I moved towards the door and stopped me. "Stay with me tonight?" he asked, adding "I'll wake you up early, so you can be back before your maids get there."

I didn't have to consider it long. "Alright," I answered simply, a grin spreading across my face, "I can stay."

Sleeping with Alex, in the most innocent use of the phrase, was just as satisfying. As soon as we were in bed any stress melted away again with our cuddling and quiet whispering. We fell asleep tangled in each other's arms, and his soft breathing in the dark lulled me into a state of utter peace. It was the best sleep I'd gotten since coming to this castle. . . Perhaps long before that as well.