Exactly one month has passed since we arrived at the castle, but I had decided to hide out in my room during the small women's room event to celebrate. I had actually been hiding in my room for three days straight, too scared to face any of the princes after the french royals' party. I thought isolating myself from everyone except the occasional maid would allow me plenty of time to clear my mind and get my thoughts straight, but my mind only seemed to race and spin more with the oppressive quiet. 

I scanned the letter that Ari wrote me again, looking for any hints or clues about Sjin. There was a mention that they both missed and loved me, but I knew those words could just be empty platitudes because someone was definitely reading my mail. I warned Ari before I left not to put anything to sensitive in the letters, but I secretly wished he was speaking in code through them. 

I knew I needed to leave soon, to return to my brother and Sjin and start a new, simple life together. I tried to console myself by saying that Sjin had loved me when I had nothing to give, but it wasn't all that convincing. I tried to strip away the titles, fancy clothes, and royal politics from the princes and I, but I just couldn't picture what they would have done if we had met in the streets. Would Ross still want a classic romance with all the thrills of first kisses and shared secrets if we were both starving in the streets?

I got drunk - really, really drunk. Technically my maids had to do whatever I commanded them to, but it didn't stop them from heavily protesting before smuggling me bottles of wine and champagne from the kitchen late at night. In the safety of my bedroom, I imagined that my subconscious would decided for me what I wanted to do and I even set out a notebook and pen for me to write my decisions on. In the end, all I wrote down was that I wished Ari was here with me and ended up crying and hugging to toilet for a few hours. 

After quite a lot of arguing with my maids, I ended up wandering the halls in my pajamas trying to find the library. I thought I was feeling more sober after throwing up, but the dark halls disoriented me, and any landmarks that would help me get my bearings seemed to all swim together in my head until I was utterly lost. 

I wasn't too worried, knowing I could ask a guard or servant to escort me back to my room when I needed to. Eventually I stopped trying to figure out where I was and let the numbing alcohol guide my steps down stairwells and around corners, ending up in a very remote part of the castle. The doors were starting to get closer together and I caught a few glimpses of open rooms as a couple servers moved in and out of them even at these late hours. They were tiny; my bedroom closet was bigger than two of them combined, and they had two beds bunked to suggest more than one person lived in them. 

I felt very uncomfortable all of the sudden, and I was getting odd looks from a couple maids who knew I wasn't supposed to be down there. I sped up a little, keeping my head down until I rounded a corner and realized I had met a dead end corridor.

I felt bile rise up in the back of my throat at the unexpected sight that greeted me. Albany had her back to me on the bench she was sitting on, and though she was far away I could see the zipper had been pulled down the back of her dress and the top half was pooling around her waist with the rest of her skirts. 

She was leaning forward, her face buried in the neck of Prince Alexandre as she nibbled on the skin there. The prince, with what little shred of dignity he had left, looked at least a little uncomfortable as she was undoing the buttons of his shirt with her hands, his back pressed against the wall and his hands falling uselessly in his lap. I would have laughed at how terribly he was playing the part if my blood wasn't boiling at this point. 

I didn't mean to stare, but I was so shocked that I had found these two, of all the people in the castle, on my drunken walk that I didn't realize I was standing still at the end of the hallway until Prince Alexandre opened his eyes and looked directly at me. His expression went from mildly uncomfortable to horrified shock when he realized who I was, and then a mixture of grief, anger, and embarrassment flashed in his eyes before I remembered where I was and took off running. 

I held the ends of my nightgown as I ran, trying not to flash the guards and servants as I stumbled back through their quarters and up a set of stairs that I thought would get me away from them. I tried to find the garden or the library to hide out in, but I was disoriented and didn't know what floor I was on now. Right now I would have welcomed anything familiar, but I don't think I've ever been in this part of the castle before. The alcohol, once a welcomed numbing agent, was now clouding my thoughts and giving me anxiety as I felt out of control of my thoughts and body. 

Once I was sure there wasn't anyone around, I took the chance to sit on a bench in the alcove of a window, recognizing the south side of the castle, the one where my balcony looked out on. I tried to get a better baring, hoping I could deduce where my room would be from here by comparing the fountains and statues I had become familiar with.

I was concentrating so hard that I didn't hear anyone approach until a hand was placed gently on my rounded shoulder. 

I gave a quick yelp of surprising, before slapping my hand over my mouth in the most unattractive way possible. 

"I didn't think you were into voyeurism Lady Atlas," Prince Alexandre opened. 

I pushed his hand off of me, trying to stand by spinning to quickly and falling back down on the bench. 

"Go away," I muttered, not trusting myself enough to speak full sentences in the state I was in, "I couldn't sleep." 

"I would think you wanted to run into me considering my bedroom is right down the hallway," he said, nodding up the hallway to my left, "Ar- are you drunk?"

"No," I spat, "And I didn't know your bedroom was over here. "I got, um.." I admitted lamely, "I got lost." 

He grabbed onto one of my arms and snaked the other one around my waist, trying to hoist me up. "Come on," he said, "I'll take you back to your room, you really should be sleeping right now." 

"Get off," I slurred, pushing him away and simultaneously knocking myself off balance. He grabbed me again, this time with more force. "Don't you have some girl to be fucking!?" I shouted at him. 

He seemed genuinely taken aback. "Woah..." the prince said under his breath, "I didn't realize it would upset you this much." 

"I'm not-" I yelled. 

"In all honesty, you were a welcome distraction," he interrupted as we started walking, "Albany can be kind of... It all happened so quickly." 

I didn't know what to say to that and I didn't want to seem jealous or upset, so I stayed silent. 

He took note of my silence as we walked. "I also didn't think you were a heavy drinker," Prince Alexandre said, changing the subject, "You seem rather out of sorts." 

Suddenly everything I had been worrying about before I started drinking came slamming back into the forefront of my mind, and I had to bite back bitter tears. "I need to go home," I blurted out before I could stop myself, "I have a boyfriend, I had a real life out there. I don't belong here."

"Boyfriend?" Alexandre repeated more to himself than to me, "You can ask to go home at any time, why are you still here?" 

"I didn't mean to fall in love," I found myself saying in response, "I was only in it for the money, I don't even care that much about social justice."

We were approaching my room now, and I could feel the air between us change as I said it. I felt myself start to shake, knowing I said too much and that he would definitely tell Ross and Prince Christoph and I would be sent home tomorrow. I realized I had just made my choice, but it didn't make me feel any calmer or better about my situation. 

We stopped at my door, Prince Alexandre placing me between him and the closed door so we were facing each other. "Fall in love with who?" he asked quietly, looking at every inch of me except my eyes so that our gaze didn't meet. 

I furrowed my brows, confused. "Prince Ross, who... who else would I-" 

My heart caught in my throat as he leaned down, and before I could process what either of us was doing I was closing my eyes and parting my lips in preparation for his kiss. 

"Goodnight Atlas," he whispered, the sound of the door behind me opening as I realized he had just reached under my arm to twist the knob and push it open and was, in fact, not about to kiss me. I could feel my face flare up in embarrassment, but Prince Alexandre either didn't notice or didn't react. He turned without another glance and walked off, leaving me there in my doorway in stunned silence. 

I felt an emptiness in my chest that I didn't feel before as I watched him walk away, a small part of me wanting to call him back.