Have you ever heard of athazagoraphobia? It's not a made up word. It's my fear.

Ever since I was little, I was always afraid that I would be replaced, ignored, and forgotten. My parents couldn't help me. How could they? They were dead.

Maybe that was one of the reasons I got this phobia. I was bullied and my "friends" stabbed me in the back.

I know that I'm different. My intelligence is above, above-average and I can solve most of the problems I'm given.

I have perfect grades but I have horrible communication skills. Why? Because I'm scared.

If I start talking with someone, I'll become attached and I'll start to see them as a friend. Then, they'll stab me in the back like everyone else and I'm left alone, broken even more.

So I don't communicate with my other classmates. They'll see me as a over-confident girl who doesn't care about anyone but herself but I can handle that.

Sure, it hurts when I hear people whispering about me but false hope and friendship hurts me even more. So, I just have to deal with it.

If I let myself believe I can actually make a friend, I'll just hurt myself even more.

Its better for me to stay away. For my sake and the sake of others. I'm a depressing person that wants to be happy. Stupid, right?

I just need to get through the day. And then the next, and the next, and the next, and the next, and then...

But, sometimes its hard. It's hard to see people having fun, laughing, and enjoying each others company.

It's hurts that I cannot feel the same way they can.

I don't want to be forgotten so I make it so there's nothing to forget. I don't want to be replaced so I make it so there's nothing to replace.

But I can never forget them. I remember every person I met, every person that was kind to me, every person that was cruel to me, every person that stabbed me in the back, every person that tried to help me, every person that abandoned me.

It's hard to live with athazagoraphobia, but I have to.

Not many people have even heard of this, much experienced it for themselves.

I want to make friends. I want to live a normal life.

But the world is a cruel and twisted place. We don't always get what we want. We don't have it that easy.

Instead, the world makes us suffer and suffer until we finally realize that just dreaming doesn't accomplish anything. You have to do something to get something.

The world is a cruel place, indeed, but this is the world we must live in. Sure, it sucks but what other choice do we have?

I don't want to end my life, I want to live it to it's fullest.

I don't want to hurt myself, I want to make myself happy.

I don't want revenge on anyone because I want them to be happy as well.

I don't want anyone else to experience the pain that I have experienced for so long.

I'm going to try. And if I fail and get hurt, I'm going to try again.

I'm probably going to get hurt a lot along the way. And I'm probably going to feel like giving up.

But, for the sake of myself and others around me, I'm going to try.

Because that is what makes this world such a great place. Because there are people that are willing to try.

And one day, I'm sure I'll be able to get over my fear.

One day, I'll be able to understand what it means to be happy.

One day, I won't be begging people to not forget me.

Instead, I'll be the person who helps others and cherishes every moment before it fades away.

Because life can make an abrupt turn for the worse, or for the better.

It's all up to you to decide which one it is.

My name is Ellie Leonia and I am one of the people who have athazagoraphobia.

And I'm going to try and make the world a better place.

[This is a work of fiction but there are people who have this fear. Please do not take this as a joke. It is a serious matter.]

-EpicMelody