Chapter 01

Arielle Nelson

I don't think anyone could ever criticize more severely than the way I viciously criticize myself.

Ugly

Worthless

Too big

Not pretty enough

Tan complexion

Waste of space

I look more like a zombie than a human being. I turned over to my nightstand table and shut my alarm off. Another day to pretend everything is alright. Faking another smile to everyone I see and face today.

I got up quickly and got ready in some simple loose jeans and a loose hoodie not wanting to wear anything too tight to show my rolls of fat, especially when I sit down, it's like they end up multiplying and I get more.

I started to apply my daily everyday makeup the eyeliner, mascara, lip gloss, and quite the amount of powder to conceal the foundation I applied to cover my zombie's face.

This is what girls do every day and boys always tend to like them, so that's what I have to do, try to get them to like me.

Even if it's just one

"You won't ever get anyone to like you. Why are you trying?" My brain shouted at me.

"Arielle please come downstairs when you're ready," My mom yelled from the kitchen.

After leaving my hair down I  looked at the mirror just focusing on my hair and trying so hard not to look at face my face because then I'll never leave this room, I'll just keep pointing out more things that are wrong with me. I picked up my bag and walked down the hallway and to my left I was greeted by the kitchen.

"I woke up late today sweetie I couldn't do breakfast, here's 10 dollars buy yourself some breakfast before school, it's the most important meal of the day, I love you," My mom said hugging me close.

"Thank you mom, I love you more. I'm going to start heading to school," I told her hugging her and leaving the house to walk to my car. Once I got in I grabbed a water bottle from the pack I always keep behind the passenger seat and reached into the glovebox department and got my ziplock bag with my pills and took one out and placed it on top of my tongue and took a swing of water letting it go down.

"I'm sorry Arielle, your weight is in perfect condition I can't prescribe you any medication when you don't need it." Doctor Jenny said looking at me then my papers shaking her head.

"For your height, you are at a healthy weight only weighing at 145, and you may not see it as a good enough weight but it is." She replied looking at me, this time she nodded her head.

I cringed when she said my weight, sound more like she said 270 then 145.

"ok um thank you I must get going bye," I said rushing out of there and never went back.

I got pulled out of my thoughts when my phone rings, David read the screen I let it ring until it stopped ringing and started pulling out of the driveway and start heading to school.

☻ ☹

"Hey I called you, why didn't you pick up?" David said right when I got out of my car from my parking space.

"Suck in your belly fat," my brain shouted at me again

I did what I was told just in time as David went to hug me.

"Nobody wants to feel my rolls of fat," the voice continued saying

"You know I don't answer any phone calls or text messages when I'm driving," I told him unleashing myself from his hug and smiling at him.

"Right, I forgot that. I just wanted to tell you before Heather gets to tell you," David said happily, I nodded my head and he continued. "I finally asked her out, I grew the balls I was missing and finally did it," David smiling widely and I smiled at him.

"Keep smiling,"  My brain told me.

"That's great David, I'm glad you're happy," I said to him.

At least one of us is happy

"Thank you, but it's like a huge amount of weight was lifted from my shoulders," He said.

Weight

My weight

"I got to go to David, but I'm really happy for you," I said hugging him once again and leaving.

I'm still not perfect for anyone to like, and I never will be.

Especially for David

I got to my locker and took out my first-period composition book and started going to class when I bumped into Jake. Jake, the most liked boy in school not just because of his looks but his personality he is easy to like in general. His arms go to my forearms holding me in place so I won't lose my balance. "Are you okay?" He asked smiling. "Yeah, thanks," I replied smiling again. And just like the other times, another fake smile is given. He looked at me and did not let go. I kept smiling because that's what people like right they do not want to see some depressed girl because of her weight and appearance.

"You know, a real smile never killed anyone." He said letting go of me and walked right passed me.

☻ ☹

"A real smile never killed anyone," His words kept repeating in my head throughout the whole day, it was on constant replay. I don't remember the last time I actually smiled, a real smile. "Hey Arielle," Heather said happily taking a seat next to me. "Hey Heather, I heard the big news," I told her. Her face grew a bigger smile then it did before. "He told you already. Everyone I went to talk to already knows, he might as well just make an announcement to the whole school from the office speakerphone." She said but her smile did not die down matter in fact it grew so wide it almost made her look like a clown that's smiling so wide since he's high.

I think I hate smiles

"So what are you going to eat?" She asked looking at the empty space in front of me on the table. "Oh, I already ate," I said looking at her then down at her plate. Chicken nuggets, the order contained at least 20 small popped chicken nuggets and fries. My stomach contains nothing but a couple of sips of water. "Oh, what did you eat?" She asked tilting her head at me. "The same thing your eating at the moment," I lied to her. Lying about eating became so easy for me over the year.

"Okay, oh Arielle I have a big favor to ask you," Heather said staring at me. "What is it?" I looking at her. "David asked me on a date for Friday night, but I'm so scared to go on this date just the two of us alone so, I came up with a great plan to invite you, can you please come?" She asked. "I'm sorry I don't want to be a third wheeler following you guys or being seated alone. Plus you guys have known each other for years why would you be scared?" I told her.

I don't want to see the smile on David's face when he's kissing you I thought

Because I won't be happy

Because how can you tell your friend you have a crush on the boy she's now dating

"It's just not the same now we are now in a relationship. And David found a solution to that, he will bring one of his friends, and we will all hang out at the arcade." She said happily. I nodded my head but I didn't give her a direct response.

☻ ☹

"Please Arielle." Begged David for the 5th time in the two minutes I answered my phone. "No, I'm sorry David I don't think I can make it," I told him taking out a pill and placing it on my mouth and taking a sip of water.

"It will be 50 for half the bag and a 100 for the full one." The girl with rich dark brown hair said while I looked through my wallet.

"I'll take the full pack," I said handing her the hundred dollar bill and taking the pills out of her hands.

"Pleasure doing business with you if you ever want more just come here during this time, not before nor after," She said to me before turning away and beginning to walk. I looked down at the bag, I can finally have the perfect body I always wanted, I can finally be noticed.

"Arielle, are you listening?" David questioned through the phone. "Oh yeah, listen I have to get going I hope you find someone who can take my place," I told him and hung up.

"Not like you had trouble before," I said to myself.

Authors Note

Okay so this is the first official chapter of this book, I hoped you enjoyed and please continue reading, don't give up on this book, please.

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ShamelessChels