Trigger Warning

Obviously attempted suicide give the title but just in case, this is all about a suicide attempt so please don't read if it is triggering

Yeosang's POV

Everyone is gone. Well they aren't at the dorm at least, due to the different schedules they all had. Today is my day off, my first day off in 2 months and I have been waiting and preparing for this day for so long. Today is going to be a good day, the first in a long time, and probably my last forever. You see I may be Kang Yeosang of ATEEZ, the sassy, savage and secretly soft member but that certainly doesn't mean I'm happy. I haven't been happy for a long time, there isn't much to be happy about to be honest. Yes I'm in ATTEZ but I'm not even a vital member and I hardly sing, don't really dance much. The only thing I'm really here for is my looks, but all the boys have good looks so that's literally nothing. I've been struggling for a while, the only thing that's kept me going was the members, but now I don't think it's enough. None of the boys have even noticed that I'm struggling anyway, in fact they hardly notice me, no one does, so no one will really care once I'm gone. I'm hurting and I just want it to stop, luckily there is a very easy way to make it stop. I wrote some notes a week ago, 7 in total. One for each of the boys, explaining how much I love them and how much I will miss performing with them but it's time for me to go unfortunately. I planned everything out over a month ago but I needed to wait for the right moment, when everyone is gone. I don't want to do this when they're all home. Call me a coward but it isn't fair to them, knowing they were a few doors away and thinking they could've stopped me when they couldn't have done anything at all.

I went to my desk draw and pulled out the bits of paper that were tucked safely under some books, hidden away. I went from room to room, gently placing down the letter with the persons name on it on their respective pillow. I then went to Hongjoong and Seonghwa's bathroom and looked through the cupboard, successfully finding the bottle of strong pain killers that Seonghwa used to use when he hurt his ribs. They would do perfectly for me. I walked back to me bed and sat down, pulling out my phone for one last call before I go. It only rang three times before it was answered.

"Hey Sangie, how's your boredom going all alone at the dorm," Wooyoung's bright voice greeted me. I bit my lip slightly to try and stop myself from tearing up. Wooyoung is my best friend, has been for over 6 years and I love him a lot. It's hard knowing this is going to be the last time I hear his voice.

"It's not too bad, I'm actually enjoying it. At least I don't have to hear your whiney voice," I responded weakly after a few seconds, hearing him giggle in return.

"Yes, well you just called to listen to this whiney voice so that kind of contradicts your statement," he said.

"True," I hummed in reply.

"So why did you call me anyway," he asked me.

"I dunno, I just missed you a bit. How's it going at the recording studio," I asked him as a few tears slid silently down my cheek.

"It's really good, Sannie sounds amazing and Hongjoongie Hyung was rapping like a legend. Hwa Hyung hasn't gone yet," he replied. I could picture his smile in my mind and my heart clenched slightly.

"That's good," I said.

"Yeah, listen I need to go but I'll talk to you more tonight alright Sang," he told me.

"Ok, bye. I love you Young-ah," I said quickly, not wanting to miss the chance to tell him.

"See, why can't you say that in front of the other's. Anyway see ya Sangie-."

"Wait," I said quickly.

"What," he asked, confusion evident in his voice.

"You didn't say it back," I said quietly. I heard him chuckle slightly through the phone.

"You don't need me to say it to know how much I love you Yeosang. Now stop being sentimental and I'll see you tonight. Love you," he said before hanging up. I just sat there for a few moments, not doing anything but thinking about the conversation I had with the younger boy, making sure I would be able to remember in my last moment. It would be a good last memory. I sniffled and wiped my eyes quickly before placing my phone down on my bedside table and sitting back down on my bed. I grabbed the bottle of pills and uncapped it, pouring all of them into my hand. It was about half full so it was a fair amount and hopefully enough to put me to sleep forever. I am just praying that it is enough. It was at this point that I realised I didn't have a cup of water so I placed the pills on the bed in a small pile before leaving my room and going to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. Once it was filled, I went back to my room and returned to my position in the middle of the bed. I once again scooped up the pills and took a deep breath before I begun to take them. I put them in 3 or 4 at a time before swallowing and soon enough I had taken them all. There was no going back now. I placed the glass on my desk, blinking slowly as I already felt slightly sleepy. It must work pretty quickly. I just sat there, waiting for the effects to hit me and finally take me and eventually, I found it hard to keep my eyes open and I felt myself falling back slowly before I lost consciousness...

Yunho's POV

Mingi and I were supposed to have a full day doing a photoshoot but lucky for us, there was some technical issues so we got to head home relatively early. It means we get to go back to dorm and spend some time with Yeosang who was supposed to be alone at the dorm today because he didn't have any schedule. Plus Mingi and I get to relax and have an extra day off.

"Bro I am so glad the shoot got cancelled because I am so ready to just eat junk food and play video games," Mingi said with a sigh as we walked into the dorm and closed the door behind us.

"Yo Sangie, we're home," Mingi called out, receiving no reply.

"He's probably on his phone," I shrugged and Mingi nodded. "Wanna play some video games," he asked me.

"Yeah, the controllers are in my room," I said. We went over to my room and walked inside. I went straight to my cupboard and went rummaging around to find the controllers.

"Hey, what's that paper on your bed," Mingi asked suddenly. I lifted my head and looked up at him, raising my eyebrow in confusion. He shrugged and pointed to my bed so I stood up and looked where he was pointing. Sure enough, there was a piece of paper sitting on my pillow with my name in neat writing. I glanced at San's bed and saw that there was a note on his bed as well. Weird. I walked over and grabbed the note, opening it quickly.

"Read it out, maybe it's a love note from a secret admirer," Mingi giggled. I rolled my eyes but begun to read what was written.

"Dear Yunho, my favourite big golden retriever. I just wanted to say thank you for being in my life and I want you to know that nothing." I stopped abruptly in confusion at the words written on the paper and I had an uneasy feeling in my gut. Mingi seemed to pick up on my unease and furrowed his eyebrows before moving behind me and reading over my shoulder quietly. I quickly continued to read in my head, my heart beginning to pound and my stomach dropping with every word I read.

Dear Yunho, my favourite big golden retriever. I just wanted to say thank you for being in my life and I want you to know that nothing that happened was your fault. I love you so much and I know you love me just as much but I can't take it anymore, I'm sorry. These past few years that I've known you have been really amazing, when you're involved. You've always been there to comfort me when I've asked for it and for that I really appreciate it. I want to further acknowledge the fact that absolutely nothing is your fault and there is nothing you could have done to stop it. I am so sorry if you're the one that finds me, I tried to do it while you were all the way but someone has to find me I guess. I love you so, so much Yunho, you were a guiding light in the darkness but unfortunately there was just too much darkness for me.

I hope you don't grieve too much, I want you to continue on in life and continue being happy. Make sure you guys don't disband, you don't deserve that and you'll be fine without me in the group because I don't really do much anyway. Keep making music, keep dancing well and stay safe, don't miss me too much ok.

I love you, Yeosang

"Oh my god," I whispered in shock, snapping my head up to look at Mingi whose eyes were wide. We were frozen for a few seconds before it fully kicked in what the paper was. It was a suicide note from Yeosang, our brother is going to kill himself and we may be too late.

"Fuck. YEOSANG, YEOSANGIE," Mingi yelled as we both rushed out of my room and sprinted down the hall and slammed open the door to his room. I froze and my legs almost gave out at what I saw. The room was clean and Yeosang was laying on his bed 'sleeping' peacefully, it would look fine if we hadn't just read that note. The things that stuck out straight away was the empty glass on the bedside table, the unmistakably bottle of some sort of pills discarded and the fact that Yeosang wasn't on his bed properly, he was laying across it and his arms were laying out when they are usually curled up and clasped together on his chest or under his chin. We're too late. We came home too late and he's dead. I covered my mouth and choked out a sob at the realisation, not moving from the doorway. Mingi however, rushed past me and straight over to Yeosang. He grabbed his arm and I noticed a few seconds later that he was checking for a pulse. He then leaned over placed his ear near Yeosang's mouth before letting out a sob. No, god please no. Not Yeosang, not our precious Sangie.

"Yunho, Yunho he's still alive. He's got a pulse and he's breathing, barely but it's there. Yun we need to wake him up, please help," he begged. The minute I heard the words still alive, I rushed over to the other side of Yeosang and grabbed his arm, helping Mingi pull him up.

"Yeosangie, Sangie. Baby please, please wake up, I beg you. I'm so sorry we weren't here but please don't leave us," I begged, tears streaming down my face as I sobbed and shook him. Mingi was crying slightly beside me as well. He started tapping Yeosang's face but he wasn't reacting so he hit slightly harder in desperation but he still didn't wake.

"Yeosang please. YEOSANG WAKE UP," Mingi yelled, shaking him harshly. The yell seemed to somehow get through to the smaller boy and I saw his eyes slip open.

"Mingi, Mingi he's awake. Oh thank god, he's awake," I said, quickly cupping Yeosang's face and looking at him. His eyes were slightly hazy and he seemed confused but I don't care, he's alive right now and that's all that matters.

"Sangie baby," I whispered, placing my hand over his heart and hearing the beating of his heart. Yeosang looked around before whimpering and shaking his head.

"Yeosang, Yeosang look at me please," Mingi said quickly. Yeosang did as asked but he looked a bit out of it and confused.

"How many pills did you take Yeosang, we need to know," Mingi asked hurriedly. Yeosang's face just went red and he started to sob, trying to curl in on himself. I understood right away that he was probably scared, confused and no doubt embarrassed right now. He's going to be too distraught to answer many questions so all we need to do right now is to get him to hospital as quick as possible. I quickly slipped my arms under his thighs and back and lifted him up.

"We need to get him to hospital right now, we're not out of the woods yet," I said quickly. Mingi nodded and we rushed out of the room, him grabbing the keys on the way out. We didn't even stop to get changed or put on our shoes, only thinking about getting Yeosang to hospital as quick as possible. Mingi got straight into the drivers seat and started the car while I jumped into the back with Yeosang still in my arms.

"Drive Mingi, drive," I said quickly. He didn't hesitate, driving as quick as possible without breaking the law.

"Hey Sangie, it's ok, you're going to be ok," I whispered, making him whimper slightly and shake his head.

"Yunho he's still got the pills in his system, I don't know how long ago he took them," Mingi said nervously. What do you do when someone might overdose on pills? I have an idea but it isn't very appeasing or clean. But who gives a shit, it's Yeosang's life on the line.

"I'm so sorry for what I'm about to do baby but it's to protect you," I whispered, placing a kiss to his head gently. Yeosang looked at me in confusion, opening his mouth in confusion but I took the opportunity to shove my fingers into his mouth. He gagged and whined but I didn't stop, I pushed them further, making him lurch forwards and vomit straight onto the seat next to us. Some of it got on my fingers but I didn't care, I did it once again, making him vomit one last time as he started to sob.

"Did he throw up," Mingi asked.

"Yeah, I made him," I replied.

"Sorry baby, so sorry but I needed to try and get some of it out of your system," I said softly, turning back to Yeosang. He just continued to cry but he wrapped his arms around my neck and cuddled closer to me. That's a good sign. I was worried he would hate us for helping him or something but he was still cuddling me. I felt bad hearing his sobs but I'd rather him crying then having to bury him 6 feet under ground.

"It's ok Sangie, everything will be ok," I whispered, stroking his hair gently. We made it to the hospital in record time, Mingi parking quickly before we both jumped out. I was still carrying Yeosang as we ran into the hospital that was thankfully relatively empty.

"Help, someone please help," Mingi yelled out, people immediately rushing over.

"What's seems to be the matter," a man asked.

"Our friend took a heap of these pills, I'm not sure how many but I think it was at least half full and I don't know when he took them but it was within the past 2 hours. We found him unconscious but managed to wake him up and he's thrown up twice," Mingi said quickly, handing over the empty bottle of pills that he seemed smart enough to grab. Two more people rushed up with a gurney and I carefully placed him down. He desperately tried to clutch at my shirt but the nurses pulled him away.

"Hyungie," he cried out as they pulled him away and my heart shattered. That was the first word he's said and it was calling me his Hyung when I'm barely 4 months older than him. I slowly sunk to the floor and begun to sob but barely two seconds later arms were wrapped around my waist and I got lifted up. I steady myself on my feet and leant heavily into Mingi, wrapping my arms around his waist.

"What is the patients name," a lady with a clipboard asked.

"His name is Kang Yeosang, he has an extensive run down of his medical history in the records. He um, he's an Idol and a well-known one. W-would there be any chance we could wait somewhere more private," Mingi asked.

"Of course sir. Right through that door and to the right is a private room," she replied.

"Will he be ok," I asked weakly.

"I can't promise you anything but he is in the best care. You've helped him quite well, so you've given him a good chance," she replied. We nodded in thanks before walking to the room she told us about. We quickly sat down on one of the couches and huddled up together, holding each other and just crying sadly at the recent events. I don't know how long we were sitting there for, probably an hour when there was a buzzing in my pocket. I sniffled and pulled out my phone, seeing that Hongjoong was calling. That's when I froze. Mingi and I never told anyone what happened with Yeosangie, we never told them that we took him to hospital.

"Shit, they're going to be thinking Yeosang is dead," Mingi said quietly. I answered quickly and went to say something but stopped when I heard the unmistakeable crying and screaming from Wooyoung. Fuck.

"Hyung-."

"B-Boys, I need you to come back to the door right away ok. It's an emergency alright," Hongjoong said shakily. I could immediately tell that Hongjoong was trying not to break down and I felt horrible knowing that we could've given them the head up.

"Hyung Mingi and I found Yeosang," I said quickly.

"W-What," he asked.

"Our shoot was cancelled so we went home early and we found him. He was unconscious but we managed to wake him and take we rushed him to hospital. I got him to throw up a few times and he's being looked after by the doctors at the moment. I don't know what's happening at the moment but it's been an hour and they haven't really told us anything so I'm hoping he's doing ok," I said quickly.

"He was awake," he asked quietly.

"Yeah. He was a bit out of it but he was awake, he's not dead Hyung. I am so sorry for not forewarning you Hyung. We just, we were running on adrenaline and trying to look after him and then we were just looking after each other. We didn't even think to call you guys," I admitted. He was quiet for a few seconds and I could still hear Wooyoung crying the background.

"What hospital," he asked me.

"******* Hospital," I replied before the phone beeped, signalling he hung up. Now all we do is continue waiting.

Hongjoong's POV

"I can't believe you're actually coming home with us Hyung," Wooyoung giggled as we got out of the van and headed towards the door to the dorm. It's true that I generally go back and do things in my studio but it was a long few hours of recording and I miss hanging out with the boys sometimes.

"Very funny Wooyoung," I said, rolling my eyes but smiling fondly as we walked inside.

"Let's start preparing some dinner so the other's can eat when they get home," Seonghwa said.

"I'm just going to quickly run to my room and put on one of my jackets," Wooyoung said as he walked off.

"You mean Yeosang's jacket," San called out after him. Wooyoung just cackled and I heard him open the door.

"What should we cook," I asked as we went through the cupboard.

"Maybe make some Ramen? It's nice and easy and always tastes good," he replied.

"Alright. Sannie, can you get the noodles," I asked. The younger nodded and went over to the pantry, leaving Seonghwa and I alone.

"You did well today Hwa," I told him as I leaned back against the bench. He blushed slightly and a small smile graced his lips as he nodded in thanks. I went to add something else when there was a heart-shattering scream that sliced through the silence like a knife. San shot out of the pantry, his eyes wide as we all looked at each other.

"Wooyoung," he breathed out. The word broke us out of whatever had us pausing and we all ran as fast as we could to Wooyoung's room, hearing harsh sobs and cries. We swung open the door and saw Wooyoung on the ground in the middle of the room, crying hysterically with one hand clutching his chest and another holding some sort of paper. San bolted forwards, sitting down and gathering the other in his arms, placing him in his lap and hugging him tightly.

"Youngie, Youngie it's alright. What's wrong," he asked quickly.

"No, no, no. NO," Wooyoung screamed out, still sobbing. His cries were harsh and painful and it was making me feel like crying despite not knowing what was happening.

"Young-ah, it's ok, you're safe. Come on jagiya, take a deep breath for me," San said softly. Seonghwa knelt down and placed his hand on the youngest's back, rubbing softly.

"I don't know what's wrong Hyung," San said quietly, trying to console Wooyoung but nothing seemed to working. I don't understand either. Wooyoung was fine less than five minutes ago, he just came over here to grab at jacket and now he's in hysterics. He let out another sob and clutched onto San slightly, crying into his neck. That's when I noticed a piece of paper on the ground with Wooyoung's name on it, the same paper that he was holding when we came in. Maybe that will have some answers. I moved forwards and bent down, scooping it up and opening it to read, an uneasy feeling in my stomach.

Dear Wooyoungie,

Meeting you was one of the best thing that has ever happened to me. You were this cute, bubbly and outgoing kid and I was this shy and quiet one. That bite you gave me started our friendship and since then, you've helped shape me into the person I am now. I love you, so much, more than anyone else in this world. You became my safe place, somewhere I could go to feel better, happier. It hurts me a lot to do this to you, it's probably one of the few regrets I will have. I need you to know that nothing is your fault Youngie and there is nothing you could have done to stop me. I've been planning this for a few months, making sure you and the others weren't here when I did it because I didn't want to do this with you guys here. I sincerely hope you aren't the one to find me but given how we're roommates, it's likely you will and I am so sorry for that. You made these past few years for me bearable, but I just can't do it anymore.

You're my best friend Wooyoung, my brother and it would be a shit thing for me to do to say don't grieve but I hope you don't grieve for too long, you deserve to be happy, not sad. Please don't disband, you guys are amazing and ATEEZ means a lot to many people. You can just give my lines, or I guess line in every song to someone else.

I know I hardly say it but I really do love you Wooyoung, a lot. I hold you very dear to my heart and my last thoughts will be about you, which means they will be happy thoughts. Thank you for all you have done for me and please stay safe.

Love, Yeosangie

No. No, please don't tell me this is what I think it is, it can't be. Not Yeosang. Not our sweet, precious Yeosang. Please tell me he's not gone. I rushed over and knelt beside the boys.

"Wooyoung, w-where's Yeosang," I asked quickly, my heart pounding in my chest.

"H-He's dead. His, his call was to say g-goodbye," Wooyoung cried before bursting into more sobs. Both San and Seonghwa froze at his words, heads snapping towards me in confusion, not understanding what he was talking about. I was trying my hardest not to panic, I'm the leader and I'm supposed to be level-headed but I was finding it increasingly hard and my stomach was filled with dread.

"Seonghwa, Hwa, I need you to call Jongho and get him back to the dorm right away ok," I said as we both stood up quickly, the other two staying on the floor.

"Hyung what's wrong? What does Wooyoung mean Yeosang is dead? H-He's fine? We saw him this morning," San said. I could hear the fear and confusion in his voice and I felt bad knowing I couldn't say anything to reassure him right now. It's as clear as day what has happened. Yeosang was the only one here alone today and he isn't here anymore, that paired with the note and how long he has been alone, means he's gone and done something and we may never see him again. We won't see his precious smile, hear his angelic voice, his sweet and innocent giggles and feel his rare but warm and comforting hugs. How did we not see it? How could we never notice the signs and how bad he was hurting?

"The ah, the note is from Yeosang. It's, it's a suicide note," I said, not knowing any easy way of saying this. San gasped and his eyes went wide as his hands tightened around Wooyoung. Seonghwa though, he whined slightly before running out of the room.

"YEOSANG, SANGIE. PLEASE STOP PLAYING, YEOSANGIE," he yelled as he rushed from the room, most likely to search the house for the younger boy. I could hear the panic and worry in his voice and I knew that if he couldn't find him, he would most likely shut down. Seonghwa is the eldest and he thinks of us like his little brothers, it's no secret that Yeosang is one of his favourites and he always tries to protect the younger given how innocent he is. I quickly pulled out my phone and clicked on Yunho's number. I need him and Mingi to come back to the dorm so I can tell them, this isn't something I can tell them on the phone and it certainly isn't something I can wait to tell them about. It didn't take long for Yunho to answer so he's was most likely near his phone.

"B-Boys, I need you to come back to the door right away ok. It's an emergency alright," I said, cursing myself internally for the shakiness of my voice. I don't want them worrying and stressing about what's wrong without being in the comfort of the rest of the members.

"Hyung Mingi and I found Yeosang," he said suddenly, making me freeze.

"W-What," I asked in reply. Is he, is he gone? Did they find him dead? Please tell me they didn't!

"Our shoot was cancelled so we went home early and we found him. He was unconscious but we managed to wake him and take we rushed him to hospital. I got him to throw up a few times and he's being looked after by the doctors at the moment. I don't know what's happening at the moment but it's been an hour and they haven't really told us anything so I'm hoping he's doing ok," Yunho rushed out. Oh my god, oh my god, he's not gone? They may have saved him.

"He was awake," I asked weakly. San and Wooyoung looked up at me at my words, Wooyoung still sobbing but there was slight hope in his tear filled eyes.

"Yeah. He was a bit out of it but he was awake, he's not dead Hyung. I am so sorry for not forewarning you Hyung. We just, we were running on adrenaline and trying to look after him and then we were just looking after each other. We didn't even think to call you guys," he said nervously. I knew he felt bad for not telling us but there is no way I can blame them for that. They must've been so scared finding Yeosang and having to try save his life and I'm just thankful they were able to get to him in time.

"What hospital," I asked. Wooyoung whimpered and San sniffled, both looking tense.

"******* Hospital," he replied and I hung up quickly, wanting to reassure the other two in the room.

"He's in hospital boys. Yunho and Mingi managed to keep him conscious and they took him to hospital," I said quickly. San sobbed in relief and Wooyoung sniffled, holding tightly on to San like his life depended on it.

"HWA," I yelled out for the older. He came running into the room a few seconds later.

"I can't find him, Joongie I can't find him," he cried, tears streaming down his face. He rushed to me and hugged me tightly, sobbing sadly.

"Shh, he's ok Hwa, he's still alive. Yunho and Mingi found him in time and took him to hospital so he has a good chance of surviving," I whispered softly, running my fingers through his hair. He suddenly became a dead weight in my arms, his legs obviously giving out in relief but I just tightened my hold on him and gently lowered him to the ground so he wouldn't get hurt. He continued to cry and I finally let out my tears, albeit quietly, just crying into the elders shoulder.

"Ok boys, listen to me," I said after a few minutes, sniffling one last time and patting Seonghwa's back as he moved away slightly.

"I want the three of you to head to the hospital and find Yunho and Mingi alright. I'm going to call Jongho and wait for him so I can explain what happened to him," I said. The other's nodded and Seonghwa quickly moved to the two younger one's, helping them up and guiding them out of the room. I rook a deep breath before grabbing my phone and dialling Jongho's number.

"Hey Hyung, how was recording, I'm almost finished up here," he said.

"Hey Jjong. I'm going to need you to finish up now. I know you still have another half an hour but there's been a bit of an emergency at the dorm so I need you to come back," I told him. I tried to do it as gently as possible without lying to him because that isn't right but I don't think it was gentle enough.

"Ok, yeah of course. Is everything ok," he asked quickly. Great, he's going to be worrying and I can't give him peace of mind right now.

"I'll explain when you get to the dorm, I'll be in your room. Just don't panic ok darling," I said quickly.

"Ok Hyung," he replied before hanging up. I got up and walked over to Jongho and Mingi's room, sitting down on the maknae's bed and letting out a small breath. This is going to be a very hard conversation to have because Jongho and Yeosang are quite close and Jongho looks up to the older.

I was waiting for about 15 minutes before I heard the front door open and rushed footsteps, the door to the room slamming open to reveal an anxious maknae. Crap, I didn't do well getting him to not panic.

"Hyung what's going on? Is everyone ok? Why wouldn't you tell me," he asked quickly.

"Shh, calm down aegi, come here and sit down," I said softly. I grabbed his hands and pulled him down to the bed, sitting next to him and holding his hands.

"Hyung what's wrong because I know it's something bad. You wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't," he said, biting his lip nervously. There's no easy way to say this and I can't lie to him just because he's younger, that wouldn't be fair at all.

"It's Yeosang. He's ok now, and he should be fine but he tried to take his own life today. Mingi and Yunho found him and rushed him to hospital. The last they saw him, he was awake and the doctors were taking him," I said softly. Jongho stayed completely silent once I finished talking, just processing my words with wide eyes. I didn't say anything more though, knowing he needed time to process what I just told him. Yeosang is fine but that doesn't change the fact he wanted to end his own life and none of us even had a clue he was having those kinds of thoughts. I gently rubbed my thumbs over the top of Jongho's hands, only letting go when he stood up about 15 seconds later. He looked to the front of his bed and walked over, grabbing the paper on it that I hadn't noticed. Did Yeosang write a letter to all of us. I'll have to take a look at mine later. As heartbreaking as it may be, I want to try and understand how he was feeling. I watched silent as he read the letter, his fingers tensing slightly and his jaw clenching. I could tell he was trying not to show his emotions, it's what he does when he's feeling them strongly. I don't know how much was written on the paper but he was reading for a while and I was getting a little restless and jumpy. That was a good thing though because it meant the minute Jongho stumbled slightly before dropping to the floor, I was able to lunge forwards and catch him just before he hit the floor. Crap.

"Jjong. Hey aegi, you with me," I asked gently as I lowered him to the floor and placed his head in my lap. His eyes were closed and his face lax, meaning he passed out. I sighed softly and ran my fingers through his hair, brushing it from his face. It was a shock to see him pass out but this was big news and everyone reacts differently to these kinds of things. It only took a few minutes before his eyes blinked open slowly.

"Hey baby. You're ok, you just fainted love," I said softly. He looked up at me before sitting up and nodding slowly. I cupped his face slowly and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. He leaned closer to me and I hugged him softly, squeezing his shoulder gently.

"Do you want to come with me to the hospital? We can see if we're able to see Yeosang," I said. He nodded immediately. We left quite quickly and I drove us to the hospital. The minute we walked inside, we were directed to a private room where the rest of the members were waiting. Wooyoung the poor boy, was still sobbing but he was now cuddled up tightly to Mingi on a couch. Yunho was sitting on a second couch with San in his arms as the younger whimpered and had his face buried in his chest. Yunho opened his other arm out a bit and Jongho immediately rushed onto the couch, cuddling into the taller boys arms without a word. I looked to the last couch, my heart breaking at the sight of Seonghwa sitting alone and just blankly staring at the wall with his hands clenched tightly into fists. Now I may be the leader and I always feel pressured to act strong in front of the members but Seonghwa is different. I can lean on Seonghwa, just as he can lean on me. I immediately rushed over and sat next to him, hugging him tightly and letting out a small whimper.

"Let it out Joong," he whispered with a sniffle. That's all I needed to promptly burst into tears. It was painful, thinking about how one of our brothers was doubting himself, was hurting and having bad thoughts and we didn't even notice a thing. We could've helped him, but we didn't see the signs, and that's on us, not Yeosang.

Yeosang's POV

I felt weird, really weird. My muscles were sore and my head had a slight sharp pain. I slowly blinked my eyes open, noticing immediately that I was in a white room. I was confused at first but then all of the memories of earlier came back to me.

"Mr Kang." I flinched slightly and looked to my left to see a man standing by the bed with a clipboard in his hands.

"Do you know where you are," he asked me.

"Hospital," I said quietly.

"Do you remember what happened," he asked. I nodded.

"Can you tell me what happened," he asked.

"I'm not dying anymore am I," I asked him as the realisation hit me. That wasn't what shocked me though. What shocked me was that I felt relieved. I was thankful that Mingi and Yunho found me when they did. After listening to their cries, seeing how much pain they were in when they thought I was dying, how bad would they be if I actually died. I was expecting for them to maybe cry a little and mourn a bit but they sounded so heartbroken and distraught. I don't think I would be able to forgive myself if I ever put them through that much pain. I probably scared the absolute shit out of the boys, h-how could I do that to them?

"No, you aren't. The doctors flushed all the leftover pills out of your system. I'm just here to ask you some questions," he said.

"No, you're here to see whether I should be locked up because I tried to kill myself," I scoffed.

"Did you," he asked me.

"Obviously," I said rolling my eyes.

"Well I'm not here to try and lock you up. I'm just here to try and see how you're feeling," he said.

"I'm fine," I shrugged.

"Do you want to ta-."

"Can I see my family please," I asked, cutting him off.

"I'm sorry, we haven't been able to contact your family," he replied.

"They bought me here. The boys, my members," I said.

"Oh, they're in the waiting room at the moment," he told me.

"I wanna see them, please," I said, sitting up quickly.

"I'm sorry but I need to evaluate you before you can see anyone," he replied.

"Look, yes I wanted to kill myself but I realise it wasn't the right option and I'm happy I'm alive. I care about the boys, more than anything in this world and I don't want them going through too much pain. That's enough to stop me from trying to kill myself again," I explained.

"I'm sor-."

"Do you seriously think I'm going to try and kill myself in front of my family? You can evaluate me later but right now I need to see the boys. They're most likely really worried about me and I feel so bad for that. Please, please let me see them and talk to them. I need to make sure they aren't hurting too much," I begged.

"Ugh, you can't tell anyone I'm doing this ok," he said.

"I won't, I promise," I said. He moved away and pulled out his phone, saying something quietly into it that I couldn't hear.

"They're on their way," he told me. I nodded and fiddled with my fingers anxiously. I want to see them but I'm not too sure how happy they'll be to see me. They probably hate me right now, and I get it, I deserve it. I'll take all their anger if it means I can see them and it'll make them feel better. What I did was selfish, I realise that now. I was so caught up in my head and thinking I was useless, I associated the boys with those thoughts. I just assumed they wouldn't care if I was gone, despite knowing how much they love me. There was a knock at the door and I looked over as the man walked out. I pulled my knees up to my chest and bit my lip nervously, my eyes welling up slightly as the door reopened and the boys started to walk in.

"Jagiya," Hongjoong breathed out, running to me and hugging me tightly. I was confused and surprised at his actions but I leaned into the hug.

"Everything is going to be ok aegi, everything will be just fine. None of us blame you for anything ok, not one bit. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you, I should've noticed that you hurting. I'm so thankful that you're still here aegi because I love you so much, we all do and we'd be so heartbroken if you were gone," he whispered softly, pushing my head to his chest and holding me tightly. They aren't mad? They don't blame me and they're apologizing? I let out a small sob before bursting into tears and clinging to Hongjoong tightly.

"M'sorry. I'm so s-sorry Hyungie," I cried. There was movement and then I felt arms wrap around me from the other side. I lifted my head to see Seonghwa beside me with teary eyes and a sad smile.

"There's nothing to be sorry for aegi. You were hurting and just wanted it to stop. We're sorry we weren't there for you, to help you feel better when you needed us," he whispered, cupping my cheek and wiping my tears. I moved my arm and quickly clutched to his shirt and pulled him closer. He got the hint and went back to hugging me, placing soft kisses to the top of my head. I just continued to cry for a few minutes, safe in the embrace of the two eldest, listening to their gentle reassurances and sweet words. After a few minutes the bed dipped and I looked up to see the other boys all climbing onto the bed and joining the hug. I let out another sob, my heart clenching and I quickly reached out a hand. Wooyoung immediately grabbed it and linked our fingers together. His eyes were very red and he had tears tracks all down his cheeks. How could I ever think doing this was going to be ok for my best friend? I burst into even more tears at the thought of how much I could have hurt them and squeezed Wooyoung's hand tightly. It took a little while for me to finally calm down and stop crying. Once I stopped crying, the other's all moved away, except Seonghwa who I stayed cling to and Wooyoung as I was still holding his hand. He quickly sat where Hongjoong previously was and held my hand tightly.

"Hyung," Jongho said quietly. I looked over to see him standing close to Yunho's side.

"Yeah," I asked.

"I know you said I wouldn't but I really would have missed you helping me at vocal practice. H-Having you there with me helps me feel calm and, and I w-wouldn't," he broke off into sobs and my heart broke. Jongho almost never cries, I think in the time I've known him I've only ever seen him cry 3 times.

"It w-wouldn't feel r-right with-without you there," he cried, turning into Yunho's hold. I took a deep breath and looked up, blinking to try and keep the tears away.

"I l-love you so much H-Hyungie. I know, I, I don't say it much but. But it doesn't make it a-any less true, I just, I don't show my feelings well," he sniffled.

"I know aegi, I know. I love you too Jjongie," I said softly. He nodded and gave me a small smile through his tears.

"Sangie we all love you, a lot. We can't just replace you or take over your parts. You're unique and those parts are unique to you, no one else can do them," Yunho said. I sniffled and nodded, looking down at the bed sheets.

"I never questioned how much you guys love me," I whispered. They were all quiet for a few seconds.

"I'm so fucken glad you're still here Yeosang because I don't think I would ever get over you being gone," San said suddenly. I looked up and met his eyes. The were red and puffy but they looked determined and sincere.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"It's ok, you don't have anything to be sorry for. I just want you to know that's how I feel and most likely how everyone in this room feels," he told me.

"We're sorry we didn't notice something was wrong and we left you to deal with it by yourself. We have a second chance now and we promise to do better," Seonghwa said softly.

"I just. Yunho, Mingi," I said. They both nodded in reply.

"Thankyou, for you know, saving me. I kind of regret doing it in the first place, so thankyou," I said quietly, biting my lip nervously.

"Of course Sangie, we'd never just leave you there when we could protect you," Mingi said quickly, giving me a watery smile. I turned to Wooyoung who was still holding my hand beside me, looking down with his hair covering his eyes. I don't even want to think about his reaction when he found out what happened. He would've been terrified, at least I would've been if the roles were reversed.

"Young-ah," I whispered. He slowly lifted his head up, his eyes meeting mine. I immediately noticed the tears that were already falling down his face and it caused a few to fall down my own.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry," I said, moving away from Seonghwa and holding out my arms. Wooyoung quickly moved closer to me and wrapped his arms around my waist, tucking his head under my neck as he cried. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him so he was basically lying on top of me. I kept one arm on his back but lifted the other to run through his hair. I clenched my eyes closed to keep the tears away as I held the younger boy tightly.

"I'm s-."

"Don't. Don't you dare say sorry. I was so scared when I thought you were dead. I got home and found the note and you weren't there so I thought you were gone. I'm just glad you're ok," he said, kissing my neck softly.

"Your, your call. Was it to say goodbye," he asked, moving his head so he could look at me. I tensed slightly at his words but he just gently rubbed circles into my hips.

"I just wanted to hear that you love me one last time. Then I could go with a happy memory," I admitted sadly.

"Oh Sangie. You beautiful, beautiful idiot. You'll never stop hearing me say how much I love you from now on," he said, nuzzling my nose with his own.

"If you ever feel like things get too much, we're here for you. Let us carry some of the burden with you. You remember Guardians of the Galaxy right," he asked me. I nodded in reply, confused as to why he's asking.

"Near the end with the infinity stone. They couldn't survive holding it alone but they could survive holding it together. That's the same here. If you try to go at life alone, it'll get too much but with all of us, it'll be ok," he said softly.

"You get that right," he said, kissing my nose gently.

"Y-Yeah," I sniffled.

"Yeosang." I looked over Wooyoung's shoulder to see Hongjoong giving me a soft smile.

"You take all the time you need ok aegi. We're all here for you and we'll do whatever needs to be done to make you feel happier alright. You can take as long as you want, we'll be here every step of the way ok," he told me. I nodded, smiling with a small sniffle.

"I love you all so much," I said, pulling Wooyoung closer and hugging him tightly because I needed to hug something.

"We love you too." Mingi

"Love you Hyung." Jongho

"We won't ever stop loving you." Yunho

"I love you very much baby." Seonghwa

"Love you Sang." Hongjoong

"I love you very much." Wooyoung

"It's always eight makes one family, that means all eight of us together forever." Of course Sannie is always so sentimental, but he definitely isn't wrong...

A/N

So this is my first fic for this book. I hope you guys liked it and I hope people will read these stories as well although there will probably be less people because this only includes ATEEZ. 

I have quite a few requests already so I'm not taking anymore at the moment, I just want to get through the one's I have first

This was requested by @orangebutterflyyy and I hope you enjoyed it

I'm not sure if it had the best ending but I hope the rest of the fic made up for it

Stay safe and healthy everyone!