Anxiety (Kang Yeosang)

Yeosang's POV

Despite needing to wake up and earlier than most of the boys because I need to host ATEEZ School Road with Hongjoong and Seonghwa, I still decided to get up a bit earlier to fit in an hour of extra practice at the studio.

"Yeosang, you ready to go? I need to go to the airport so if want me to drive you, we need to go now," Maddox said as he poked his head in the door.

"I'm coming Hyung. Sorry, I lost track of time," I apologized as I quickly packed up my bag and followed him out of the room.

"No stress Yeosang, it's fine," he said, ruffling my hair slightly.

"Are you excited," he asked as we got into the car.

"A little, it'll be fun with Hongjoong Hyung and Seonghwa Hyung. Plus the other's aren't there so we may actually be civil," I said with a shrug, making him chuckle.

"Yeah, Wooyoung won't be screaming every few seconds," he said.

"It'll be nice and quiet," I nodded.

"We're here. Have fun Sang," he told me.

"Thanks Hyung," I said as I got out of the car. I walked over to the small building we had stopped at and walking inside. I checked my watch and was happy to see that I still had 5 minutes before we were supposed to be filming.

"Yeosang, good to see you. Is Seonghwa and Hongjoong with you," our manager Jaehyun asked as I walked into the building. There were only a few rooms and a recording studio so it was pretty cosy. But wait, Hongjoong and Seonghwa aren't here yet?

"What do you mean are they with me? I was just came from some early practice," I told him.

"Oh, that's odd. They aren't here yet. You go start getting ready and I'll call them, they might be stuck in traffic," he said. I nodded and he left to step outside so he could call them.

"Yeosang, come here so we can attach your microphone to your shirt," Sooyeon, one of our staff members asked. Sooyeon is like a mother figure to us and has been with us since before we even debuted. She's in her early 50's but she's an amazing staff member and always looks out for us, sometimes even stopping by the dorm with some home-cooked food for us to enjoy. I followed her over to some chairs and sat down as she begun fixing up my shirt and the microphone.

"How're you feeling? Did you get enough sleep? I know you said you just came from some extra dance practice, which means you woke up early," she said as she started to clip up the microphone to my shirt.

"Yes Noona, I got enough sleep," I replied.

"Are you sure? Did you get over 5 hours? I would say 8 hours but knowing your schedules it's not really possible," she said with a sigh as she finished fixing the microphone to my shirt.

"I got 4 hours, is that enough," I asked.

"I guess, but try get some more sleep alright Sang, even if it means you have to ask to cut down on some schedules," she said with a soft sigh as she fussed over my hair.

"Will do Noona," I said, giving her a small smile. She went to say something else but the door opened and Jaehyun came back inside. I stood up and walked over.

"How far away are they," I asked him.

"I'm not sure. I couldn't get through to either of them," he said. I was starting to get a little anxious now, biting my lip nervously. Why wouldn't they be answering? Especially Hongjoong, he always answers his phone, even more so when it's from a staff member. I need them here to help me record this episode because I can't do it alone.

"Are you sure they aren't answering? Did you try them twice," I asked, fiddling with my fingers.

"I tried them three times each," he clarified. Where are they? And what are they doing?

"We should just get Yeosang to start recording, we can alter the script a little until the other two can get here," the director said as he walked up. What? No. I can't do that, I need them here with me. I turned to Jaehyun with wide eyes and shook my head quickly to try and show him how much I REALLY did not like that idea.

"Yeosang, I have to go back to the dorm to figure out what's happened and you need to begin without them because we don't have long to record," he told me, clearly not understanding what I was trying to tell him.

"Can I just wait for them please," I asked quickly, grabbing his hand and biting my lip nervously.

"You'll be fine Yeosang, I'll be around 20 minutes, 30 tops," he said. I wanted to protest but he was already walking out the door, leaving me with the rest of the staff members.

"Alright Yeosang, let's get you into the booth and we'll start recording. We have slightly modified the start of the script and we'll correct the rest as you start recording," the director said. As much as I don't want to do this, I can't really say no.

"Ok," I nodded. I walked into the booth and closed the door, going over to the seats and sitting down on of, turning it slightly so I could face the script. I was nervous as I looked over the script because a lot of my lines were different. I have trouble finding the courage to talk in interviews when I have all the boys there with, or in things with a predetermined script. Now I have a new script and I'm all alone! There was a tap on the window that signalled they were recording so I could start.

"Hana, dul, set, 8 makes 1 team, annyeonghaseyo ATEEZ imnida," I spoke up, saying our usual greeting. I went to say the next part but my breath caught in my throat and I paused, unsure what to say. It's so dumb, all I literally had to say was that it was just me alone for now because Hongjoong and Seonghwa disappeared but I just couldn't. My anxiety was showing it's stupid head and I was unable to continue.

"Yeosang, you good," the director asked through the intercom.

"Yeah I'm fine, sorry," I said shaking my head.

"Just take a breath and continue, we can cut out the mistakes," he told me. I nodded and clenched my hands, trying to stop the slight unnoticeable shaking in them.

"It's Yeosang here today, alone because um, because." I paused again and groaned slightly as my eyes got misty. I don't know why they're asking me to do this when I clearly can't.

"Yeosang? What's going on? Just take a deep breath and continue on, we don't have a lot of time," the director said.

"Ok, yeah sorry," I said, trying to not to sniffle and let myself cry. I want to, I know I want to but I can't because this is the job.

"It's Yeosang here today, alone for now because Hongjoong and Seonghwa aren't, they aren't here b-but I don't know, I don't know why. Why aren't they here?" I started to spiral slightly, my breath catching once again before my heartrate sped up and the tears finally fell.

"Why aren't they here? Why do I have to do it alone," I cried. A few seconds later the door was swung open and the director hurried inside.

"Yeosang, Yeosang it's ok. Try to take a deep breath for me," he said as he rushed over. I let out a sob and shook my head quickly. He swiftly unclipped the microphone and put it somewhere off to the side before giving me a small hug. I clung to him tightly and he quickly helped me to my feet before directing me out of the room.

"It's ok, you're ok. You don't have to do anything without your Hyungs here," he said softly but it was too late, I was already panicking too much. He sat me on a chair and I let out another sob but mere seconds later Sooyeon Noona rushed over and hugged me. I wrapped my arms around her and held her tightly as I sobbed into her shoulder.

"Hey Sangie, it's ok darling. There's nothing to be scared of," she said softly, running her fingers through my hair.

"Do you have your anxiety medication here Yeosang," she asked gently. I shook my head quickly and gripped the back of her shirt tightly.

"That's alright. Just breathe with me please, take your time," she said. I nodded and let out a small sniffle, trying to quieten down my cries so I could listen to her breathing. It worked and she breathed deeper to help me follow along which I did. I took a few deep breaths, my heartbeat slowly slowing down and my cries lessening. Sooyeon continued to run her fingers through my hair and rub my back. Once I was slightly more calm, I moved my head away from her shoulder slightly and saw the director standing by us, looking a bit worried.

"I'm sorry," I said, feeling bad for making so much of a fuss over so little as to just doing something by myself.

"It's ok, you have nothing to be sorry for. I'm sorry if you I pushed you too much, we can definitely wait and even reschedule if need be," he said quickly. I sniffled and nodded, resting my head gently on Sooyeon's shoulder. He left for a minute or two before coming back with some sort of fabric in his hands. He quickly unravelled it to show that it was a blanket and Sooyeon moved to the side slightly as he wrapped it around me. I felt even worse as they did that. Everyone's being so nice despite the fact that I know I ruined all the plans they had for how today would go. And it was with that thought that I started crying again, not as bad as before, but still sobbing.

"Oh Sangie," Sooyeon cooed as she hugged me once again but tighter. She helped me off the chair and sat down on the floor with me by the wall, pulling the blanket tighter around me. I just cuddled up to her side and hoped Hongjoong and Seonghwa would come soon because I just really want to see them.

I don't know how long later it was but I heard the door open and I looked up to see Seonghwa and Hongjoong rushing inside. I jumped up and ran to them, hugging them as tight as possible.

"I'm sorry baby, I'm so sorry," Seonghwa said quietly. I fought back a sob at finally having them close to and hugging me.

"We didn't hear our alarm and we overslept, I'm so sorry Sangie. We didn't mean to leave you alone," Hongjoong said and I felt him place a kiss on my head. I started to shake slightly, feeling overwhelming relief.

"We've got you baby," Hongjoong whispered. I buried my face in his neck and he hugged me tighter. I felt safe in his arms, like it's the safest and warmest place I could be right now. I felt Seonghwa rub my back and he placed a soft kiss on the back of my neck. I slowly started to relax in their embrace. After a little while, Hongjoong leaned back and looked at me. I sniffled and blinked, unsure what he was doing. To my surprise though, he cupped my face gently and wiped away the tears from my face. Hongjoong doesn't usually do any physical affection so when he does, it's nice.

"Take a deep breath and try calm down if you can. Don't rush it though, we've got plenty of time and everything will be ok," he said. I nodded, relieved that I wasn't going to be rushed and I managed to calm down after a little bit. Once I was calmer, I looked up at Hongjoong who was watching me worriedly. He's such a good Hyung and he's always there when I need him, even if he's busy. I moved closer to him, snuggling my head into his chest and letting out a breath.

"Do you want to go home? Maybe reschedule to another time," he asked suddenly.

"Are we allowed to do that," I asked him quietly.

"Of course," Seonghwa replied straight away.

"I'm tired and I kind of want to sleep a little," I admitted quietly, unsure if that was the right thing to say. I squeezed Hongjoong's shirt worried, trying not to overthink what I said when I felt a small squeeze on my hip. I looked up at Hongjoong, seeing his gently smile and smiled back slightly, relaxing once again. Whatever it is, I'm sure they'll help me through it.

Hongjoong's POV

I was awoken by a knock on the door to my bedroom and Seonghwa nudging my shoulder gently. Why do I have to wake up? I'm too comfortable. It was with that thought that I whined and cuddled closer to Seonghwa, craving his warmth.

"Someone's knocking on the door," he whispered, despite the fact that he was nuzzling his head against mine with a sigh. Yeah, so maybe we tend to be a little lazy when we wake up but we don't have much today, just some recording from ATEEZ School Road with Yeosang in like an hour.

"They can wait," I mumbled but we were suddenly interrupted as the door swung open and Mingi rushed inside.

"Hyungs you overslept. You were supposed to start recording School Road like half an hour ago and Yeosang is freaking out," he said quickly. Fuck! Seonghwa and I both shot up quickly, tripping over each other and falling to the floor in a heap. We both quickly scrambled up and rushed to our drawers to grab out some clothes to wear.

"Jaehyun is waiting outside to drive you so you should hurry up," Mingi said quickly before leaving the room.

"Shit, shit, shit, how could we have over slept," I groaned grabbing a top and some sweatpants. It's only recording audio so we don't need to look fancy.

"We need to hurry because Yeosang is upset and we need to help him. God, I hope it didn't bring out his anxiety," Seonghwa said and it was hard to miss the worry and panic in his voice. We both hurriedly got out of our pyjamas and into our clothes we picked out before running over to the bathroom to brush our teeth. We didn't even bother with doing our hair or makeup before we ran outside and into the car.

"You guys slept in," he questioned as he drove off.

"I know, I don't know how though. How bad is he," I asked worriedly.

"He was fine when I left but Dejun told me he panicked while recording so they got him out but he's with Sooyeon Noona right now," he told us. Ok, so bad but not horrible thankfully. I jumped slightly when something touched my hand but I quickly squeezed Seonghwa's in reassurance. Seonghwa really is a mum, he get's anxious when one of the kids are upset. Jaehyun quickly parked outside the building and Seonghwa and I jumped out, running into it. My heart broke when I saw Yeosang huddled up in a blanket in the corner of the room, cuddled to Sooyeon's side. His eyes were red and puffy and there were tear tracks down his cheeks. When he saw us, he whimpered and jumped up, running towards us. I met him halfway and hugged him tightly, Seonghwa doing the same.

"I'm sorry baby, I'm so sorry," he whispered softly.

"We didn't hear our alarm and we overslept, I'm so sorry Sangie. We didn't mean to leave you alone," I said softly, kissing his hair. Yeosang starting to shake in my arms and I cursed myself internally, knowing just how shy and anxious Yeosang can get even when we're around.

"We've got you baby," I whispered. He buried his face in my neck and I hugged him even tighter, trying to help him feel as safe as possible. Seonghwa rubbed his back and placed soft kisses to the back of his neck, helping him slowly relax in our arms. I moved back a little bit, moving my arms to cup his face, wiping away the tears still gathered on his face.

"Take a deep breath and try calm down if you can. Don't rush it though, we've got plenty of time and everything will be ok," I told him. He nodded and slowly started to take deeper breaths, calming down almost completely. To my surprise he moved closer to me and cuddled up to my side, nuzzling into my chest. I'm not sure why he would move closer to me when Seonghwa is right next to him and clearly better at hugs and comfort.

"Do you want to go home? Maybe reschedule to another time," I asked him.

"Are we allowed to do that," he asked quietly.

"Of course we are," Seonghwa assured him.

"I'm tired and I kind of want to sleep a little," Yeosang said quietly as he clenched and unclenched his fingers around my shirt. It was a clear sign of him getting anxious so I quickly squeezed his hips to ground him a little. He glanced up at me and gave me a small smile before resting my head on his chest.

"That's completely fine Yeosang. I'll organise to reschedule it to another day. You just go back to the dorm and get some rest alright," Jaehyun said.

"I'll drive you boys back," Sooyeon said as she walked over.

"Thank you Noona," Seonghwa said gratefully. She drove us to the dorm and waved goodbye as we thanked her and went inside.

"Thank you Hyungs," Yeosang said quietly as the door closed.

"It's no problem Yeosang, I'm just sorry we left you by yourself," Seonghwa said with a sigh.

"It's fine, it wasn't your fault," he said.

"We don't have practice for at least another 4 or 5 hours so you can get some rest," I told him. He nodded before walking off. Seonghwa and I headed off back to our room and sat down on our beds.

"I can't believe we slept through our alarms," I groaned.

"I know, I just hope he isn't too upset. We should definitely keep an eye on him though. He had a panic attack today which means it may have triggered his anxiety around crowds again so we need to make sure he feels safe and comfortable," Seonghwa said.

"Yeah, I know. I'll keep his anxiety meds in my bag just in case," I told him.

"I hate seeing him cry," he said with a sigh.

"I know, I think we all do. To be honest I was surprised he came closer to me for comfort when you were right there next to him," I said, flopping back on my pillow. I heard Seonghwa scoff and I sat up slightly, looking over at him to see him looking at me with a raised eyebrow.

"What," I asked, confused at his reaction.

"You seriously don't notice the way that kid looks at you," he asked me. I have no idea what he's talking about. I shook my head, conveying my confusion.

"Yeosang looks at you like you've hung the stars, he completely idolizes you," Seonghwa said. I would hardly say he idolizes me, or thinks I hung the stars.

"It's Yeosang Seonghwa, he doesn't really think like that," I pointed out.

"No, he just doesn't show his emotions very well but it's clear he looks for the approval of you and he feel safe around you. Don't you notice how when he makes mistakes in practice, he looks to you for help and corrections, not Wooyoung or Yunho, he looks for you. And when we do group thinks, 7 times out of 10 he will go and spend time with you in the studio. He loves you and he feels safe around you," Seonghwa said.

"He loves and feels safe around all of us," I pointed out.

"You don't get it," he groaned. He isn't making any sense at all. I went to reply but the door slowly opened so I paused. Yeosang poked his head inside, shuffling in and I stood up quickly, worried as to what he was doing here. Was he hurt? Was he scared? Did something happen? I was going to ask if everything was ok but he just quietly walked past me and hesitantly crawled into my bed. I glanced over at Seonghwa and rolled my eyes as he stared at me pointedly with raised eyebrows and a small smile.

"Are you ok Sangie," I asked, looking over as he laid down and cuddled up to my pillow.

"I'm ok but I couldn't sleep because I was alone. Wooyoungie and San aren't here at the moment," he said quietly. I smiled softly and sat down on the edge of the bed, tucking the covers over him.

"Get some sleep Sang, we'll be right here with you," I told him. He nodded and grabbed my hand in his, linking our fingers together before closing his eyes and relaxing. I was once again surprised at his open affection but I figured he was just a bit put off still from earlier. I wasn't really sure what to do so I looked over at Seonghwa who was still watching us quietly. He widened his eyes and nodded to Yeosang. I mouthed 'what' to him in confusion. I seemed to be very confused lately.

'Cuddled him,' Seonghwa mouthed back. I was a little unsure but I slipped underneath the cover and laid down. I didn't say anything but Yeosang shuffled over and cuddled up to my side, resting my head on my chest. Aw, he is just adorable. I wrapped my arms around him and held him tightly, rubbing hopefully soothing circles in his back. It only took a few minutes before he drifted off to sleep and his breathing evened out.

"What just happened," I asked quietly, looking up at Seonghwa.

"Yeosang just completely proved my point," he chuckled. I guess he did. I looked down at the sleeping boy in my arms and smiled slight, tracing his eyebrows softly.

"I could get used to this," I said quietly.

"Yeah, I can tell. You look like a proud father," Seonghwa sniggered.

"Shut up," I replied with a frown.

"Is this really all you do if the boys come to you for comfort," I asked him, not taking my eyes off Yeosang's peaceful face.

"Usually, it kind of depends on the person," he said.

"He's so cute," I whispered.

"I know," Seonghwa replied softly. Yeosang let out a soft breath before snuggling closer to my chest. Yeah, I could definitely get used to this! I kept my arms wrapped securely around his waist and rested my head on top of his.

"Are you gonna sleep a little," Seonghwa asked me.

"Maybe," I said quietly, not wanting to wake up Yeosang.

"I think you should sleep a bit Joong. Yeosang is going to be out for a while and you barely sleep long enough as it is, you could do with the extra sleep," he said gently as he walked over.

"You're mothering me now," I asked with a soft chuckle.

"I always mother you Hongjoong. In fact I'm pretty sure I mother you more than the other's," he said.

"He really does Hyung, you don't look after yourself." I jumped slightly at the reply from Yeosang, looking down to see him still with his eyes closed.

"Are you eaves dropping Sangie," I asked, poking his nose softly. He scrunched it up and glared at me slightly. It didn't look very scary, more cute because he was still half asleep.

"I wasn't eaves dropping, you guys just were talking really loudly," he whispered.

"Alright, well get back to sleep darling," I said softly. He hummed softly and closed his eyes once again and let out a soft breath.

"You sleep too Hongjoong," Seonghwa said.

"Fine, now will you shut up so Yeosang can sleep as well," I asked, closing my eyes and relaxing against Yeosang.

"Goodnight Joong, sweet dreams," Seonghwa whispered and I felt him place a kiss to the side of my head.

"Night Hwa," I whispered, slowly drifting off.

A/N

This was requested by @Hana and I hope you liked it

Thank you all for reading