A/N

Ok so I got a little carried away with this fic and it's over 10,000 words but you guys usually like the longer stories so I hope it doesn't bore you too much.

Wooyoung's POV

No one really knows this, but I get stage fright. I know, not something you'd expect an Idol to have. But when I was a trainee at BigHit, it was a really big problem. I would get anxious and even sometimes have anxiety attacks whenever I had to get up and perform in front of other's. There were times I even thought I would never be able to become an Idol because my stage fright was too much. After joining KQ, I begun to get better at performing in front of other's. The atmosphere was encouraging, the boys always being so supportive of everyone, however I never told them about my fear. That probably would've stopped me from being allowed to debut. Despite being able to perform in front of other's a lot better now, our rising popularity means there are always fans or paparazzi around us whenever we go out anywhere. Due to this, my stage fright has turned into me just getting anxiety whenever I'm out anywhere in general, during interviews or whenever we film things. I don't want any of the other boys knowing about my fear, as I don't want the possibility of me being kicked out or them not liking me as much when they find out I'm broken. I've managed to figure out a coping mechanism that helps calm me during interviews and outings and that's physical contact. If I hug someone, or keep someone close to me, it helps me calm down and get's rid of the anxiety. I've gotten into the habit of clinging to San whenever we go out, as he doesn't seem to mind and I usually need the comfort. Whenever my anxiety doesn't really subside, I am able to hide it by being louder to seem fine. I know the boys can sometimes get annoyed if I'm ever too loud, but I always make sure I tone it down whenever they say something or I notice someone's discomfort.

We're currently doing yet another interview and I could feel my anxiety beginning rise. I leaned over closer to San and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. He glanced down at me and grinned, grabbing my seat and tugging it closer to him before he wrapped his arm around my waist, resting his head against mine softly. My anxiety calmed down but not completely, so I moved my hand and clenched the bottom of his shirt in my hand.

"So the next question I have for you boys is. Out of everyone in the group, who is most likely to just walk into a room and hug someone," the interviewer asked. Everyone immediately laughed and turned around to point at San and I. San giggled and held me tighter, squeezing our faces together.

"It's definitely San and Wooyoung," Mingi said with a chuckle.

"I mean look at the two of them. They're literally clinging to each other right now," Yunho pointed out. I grinned and hugged San tighter, pouting to do some aegyo as the other's chuckled. The interview continued on for a little longer, but San and I remained holding each other until the very end.

"Well, thank ATEEZ, it was a pleasure to have you boys here today," the interviewer said.

"Thank you so much for having us," Hongjoong said as he stood up. The rest of us all got the cue and we stood before bowing together in thanks. The cameras were stopped and we all waved before we begun to file out and leave the room. As we got closer to the door of the building, I begun to get nervous, hearing the tell-tale sign of people standing outside. I quickly shifted to the left as we walked and slipped my hand into San's. As I did it I giggled loudly and bounced up and down, smacking Yeosang's butt as I moved away from him, acting loud to not raise suspicion as to why I am acting so nervous. Yeosang turned to glare at me and Hongjoong shushed me quickly. I glanced at the leader who was watching me disapprovingly. I sent him an apologetic look and quietened down quickly. I got my desired effect though, as San was holding my hand tightly and chuckling. As soon as the door opened and we walked out, paparazzi was hurrying over and flashing their cameras in our faces. Our security team was quick to make sure they didn't get too close, but they were still there. My heart begun to pound and I quickly scooted closer to San, trying not to panic and taking deep breaths. San didn't seem to notice my predicament thankfully, however he automatically pulled me closer to protect me from the paparazzi. I noticed up ahead that Jongho had grabbed out tiny leader and pulled him close to his side as well. It's funny how Hongjoong is older, but Jongho is a lot stronger and bigger, so it ends up being Jongho looking after the leader. It's sweet. When we got into the van, San I went to the back and sat down next to each other. I quickly curled into his side as he wrapped an arm around my waist and I calmed down slowly with the comfort.

"Everything ok," San asked, squeezing my waist gently.

"Yeah, I'm alright. I'm just a bit tired," I lied. He frowned slight before moving his hand to the back of my head and delicately tilting my head down so it was resting on his shoulder. I shifted slightly to get more comfortable, tucking my head into his neck, letting my eyes slip closed as I relaxed. Once we got back to the dorm, we all left the van to walk inside, but I was stopped by our manager.

"Wooyoung-ssi, can you hang back for a second," he asked. I was confused as to why he was only asking me to stay back, but it mustn't have anything to do with the others. This manager is someone we've had for about 2 weeks as our previous manager got a different job opportunity and moved on. The others all walked inside while I hung back and walked over to our manager.

"What's up," I asked him. He frowned immediately and it made me a little nervous, wondering what it is that he needs to talk to me about and why he would be frowning.

"You need to stop touching San-ssi on camera. It's bad for the group, and it's bad for him," he said suddenly. I was confused by his words. What is he talking about? Bad for us?

"I'm sorry, I don't understand. Skinship has never been an issue before," I told him.

"There's a difference between skinship and being a whiny, clingy brat. And you are definitely the latter. It's going to ruin San's image and you need to stop," he growled. I was shocked at his words and I shuffled back slightly. Is that true? Is me being that clingy going to ruin San's image? Mess things up for him? I begun to feel a bit insecure and I rubbed my arm awkwardly.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cause any hassles. I'm pretty sure San enjoys the skinship like me as well," I said nervously.

"Just shut up and do what I say. Keep your hands to yourself because no one needs to you groping your best friend. You may be gay but don't push that on everyone else," he spat. Wait what?

"What? It's not like that. I'm not gay, but even if I was it wouldn't matter. I just enj-."

"Just shut your damn mouth, and stop ruining San's image," he said. I was shocked once again, not expecting such harsh words and I curled in on myself slightly.

"I-I'm sorry. I'll s-stop, p-promise," I stuttered. He huffed but waved his hand, signalling the conversation was over now. I turned around and walked inside feeling anxious, insecure and slightly in a daze.

"Hey, Youngie you should see this video I found," San said when he saw me. He walked over to me and went to place his arm around my shoulder, but I quickly flinched and moved away from him.

"I need a shower," I muttered quickly before rushing off to my room. When I got inside, I saw Yeosang sitting on his bed on his phone. I didn't say anything to him, just hurried over to my drawers to get some clothes. When I lifted my hand up to open my drawers, I immediately noticed that they were shaking and I could feel the anxiety crawling up my throat. I quickly pulled the drawers open despite my shaking hands and I rushed to grab out my clothes. Once I had them, I practically ran from the room and into the bathroom next door. I went inside and closed the door quickly, dropping my clothes to the floor and stumbling over to the shower. I struggled to turn it on due to my shaking hands, but managed in the end to turn the cold water tap a few times. It wasn't hard for me to tell that I was falling into an anxiety attack. I've had them before, and I've managed to stop them before, but not this time. After the conversation with the manager, I was confused and upset so I couldn't take enough time to try to calm down. I tried to undo the buttons of my shirt, so I could get my clothes off, but my hands were shaking too much and I kept slipping. I whimpered and tried again, but I couldn't do it and gave up. My breathing was beginning to pick up even more and I fell deeper into the anxiety, letting it consume me. I gave up on getting my clothes off and just moved into the shower. The cold water came as a shock to me and my first instinct was to jump away from it, but I knew I needed to have it to try and calm down. I placed my back against the wall and slid down to the floor, letting the freezing water run over me. I pulled my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. I tried to control my breathing so that I could calm down, but it didn't work and I was just left gasping under the water.

Before I could do much more, the door to the bathroom was suddenly opened and closed again. I looked up and let out a sob when I saw Yeosang turn to me from the doorway. He didn't miss a beat, or even hesitate for a second before rushing into the shower under the water and sitting down beside me. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me onto his lap, hugging me tightly. I continued to cry, but hesitated to begin with, not knowing if I should accept the affection. Manager-nim said to stop, but then again, it isn't San, it's not on camera and I could really do with the comfort. I moved closer in his lap and clung to him tightly, trying to breathe slower but it was hard.

"Shh," Yeosang hushed me gently, rocking side to side slightly to soothe me. He rubbed my back and moved his head to nuzzle into my neck gently.

"Everything's ok Young-ah, you're going to be ok," he whispered to me. I sobbed again and grabbed his shirt tightly, trying to calm down.

"Listen to my heart Wooyoungie, listen to my breathing," he said softly. I closed my eyes and moved my head closer to his chest, trying to hear his heartbeat.

"You can do it, I believe in you Sweetheart. Just match my breathing," he said whispered before brushing my hair back. I focused as much as I could before a few seconds later, I finally caught onto his breathing. I slowly begun to match my breathing to his, continuing even when he slowed his breathing down slightly. I leant heavily against him, just focusing on breathing in time with him, allowing my heartrate to slow down. Yeosang suddenly begun to lean forwards and I whined, clinging to him tightly as I worried he would push me off straight away. He didn't however, just held me gently and a few seconds later the water changed from freezing cold, to a warmer temperature. Oh, he just turned on the warm water to warm us up a bit more.

"I'm not going anywhere," he told me. I nodded and kept taking deep breaths, relaxing in his arms as the water ran down over us. Yeosang just continued to hold me for a while, remaining under the water calmly. The peacefulness was interrupted when the bathroom door was once again opened. I glanced behind me slightly to see Hongjoong freeze in the doorway as he looked at the two of us. He quickly snapped out of it and closed the door, hurrying over to the shower and kneeling down.

"What happened," he asked quickly as he looked over the two of us.

"When Wooyoung came into our room area, he seemed off. His hands were shaking when he grabbed his clothes, so I came in here to check on him, make sure he was doing ok. I found him in his clothes under the shower in the middle of having a panic attack," Yeosang said. I didn't bother to correct him and say it was an anxiety attack, not a panic attack. Hongjoong quickly sat up and leaned over, turning the shower off. He moved squatted back down and opened his arms, gesturing towards the two of us. I wasn't sure what he meant, but Yeosang seemed to understand as he lifted me up and moved me over towards Hongjoong. He grabbed me quickly, disregarding the fact that I was soaking wet and I instantly clung to the leader. He stood up, holding me tightly in his arms as he did so. He walked to the side and grabbed some towels before carrying me from the bathroom and into Yeosang, Jongho and I's room. He bent over and placed me down on the floor gently. I let go quickly, not wanting to overstay the comfort.

"You're soaked, I gotta get these clothes off you," he said quietly. He quickly undid the buttons of my shirt and peeled it off me, discarding it to the side. I begun to shiver slightly, the being covered in water finally getting to me. He quickly helped me slip off my shorts before wrapping me up in a towel tightly. Yeosang walked in but he didn't say anything, just grabbed his own clothes and left quickly. Hongjoong quickly used the towel to begin drying me off. I begun to shiver more, so I cuddled closer to Hongjoong. He quickly paused the drying to bundle me up in the towel and pull me into his arms, hugging me softly. I snuggled closer and he kissed the top of my head gently.

"Come on, let's get you dressed," he said quietly. He moved me over to the draw and grabbed some clothes for me. He removed my towel and discarded it to the side. He knelt down and turned his head to the side, facing away from me. He helped me remove my underwear before replacing them quickly and standing up. He helped me into my pants and placed the shirt over my head, before adding my warmest hoodie. Once I was fully changed, he pulled me over to my bed and sat me down, sitting next to me.

"How're you feeling," he asked quietly.

"I'm fine," I replied, making him sigh.

"What made you have a panic attack," he asked me. Once again, there was no point in correcting him.

"I've just been a bit stressed. I don't even know why I panicked so badly," I said with a shrug.

"Is there anything that has happened recently. Something that may have added to your stress and cause you to panic more," he asked me. I quickly pushed the interaction that I had with the manager to the back of my mind, not wanting to think about it and I shook my head.

"Hmm. Perhaps you haven't been sleeping enough. Do you want to sleep with Sannie tonight," he asked.

"NO," I burst out immediately. Hongjoong seemed surprised at my outburst and I cursed myself for being so stupid. Everyone knows how close San and I are, and how much I love sleeping next to someone. He's obviously going to know something is wrong if I object to it, especially so firmly. He slipped his hand into mine.

"Did you and San have a fight earlier? You seemed fine in the interview, but did you argue after? Is that why you got more stressed and panicked," he asked me.

"We haven't fought. I just don't really feel like sleeping with anyone," I told him. He seemed confused, and rightfully so, but he just nodded in reply.

"Dinner should be ready by now. Are you ok to come out and eat, or do you want to rest for a bit," he asked me.

"I'll come out," I replied quietly. We both got up and walked out of the room, going out towards the kitchen. I looked to the loungeroom and saw San and Yeosang talking as San dried Yeosang's hair with a towel. I begun to worry that Yeosang about my anxiety attack, or well panic attack as they thought it was, but I saw San chuckle so I knew he wasn't.

"Dinners ready boys, let's eat," Seonghwa called out. We all immediately went to the table. San sat down and I would more often that not sit beside him, I chose tonight to be not. Yeosang walked over and sat down to me right while the other's filled the rest of the table. Everyone begun to pile food onto their plates, then the conversations started as we ate. I stayed relatively quiet throughout the entirety of dinner and I could tell most of the other's noticed. I mean it wouldn't be hard to notice because I usually talk a lot during dinner. Despite them noticing, they all seemed to know not to question it and just let me stay quiet. Another thing that was different for this dinner, was that for the entirety of it, Yeosang had his left hand resting on my thigh to give me silent comfort and support. He was obviously still worried about me after what happened and wanted to look after me. It was actually quiet soothing, so I didn't stop him.

Once dinner was finished, Yeosang, Jongho and I all went back to our room so we could get ready for bed. I was already in my pyjamas, as was Yeosang so we just slipped into our beds while the maknae quickly got changed.

"Lights out," Jongho said when he finished getting changed. I quickly laid down and nodded before he shut off the lights and the room went dark. I heard the other two settle down before going quiet, obviously preparing to go to sleep. I laid awake for an hour in the dark, not being able to fall asleep. I kept thinking back to what the manager said. I never realised that acting like that would hurt our image, hurt San's. I don't get why he only berated me though, because San does the same thing. Perhaps he only berated me because I'm the weak link, the one who can't do his job properly. The worthless one. Am I really that worthl-.

I was pulled abruptly from my thoughts when my bed suddenly dipped down and a body was laying down and resting beside me. I turned around and faced Yeosang as he draped his arm over my waist.

"Stop overthinking whatever you're thinking about and go to sleep," he said quietly.

"I wasn't over thinking," I whispered, making him scoff.

"After earlier, it was obvious you were going to lay awake and overthink," he said. Curse him and his ability to understand me so well. I sighed and cuddled up against Yeosang, resting my head on his shoulder and relaxing against him. He held me close and I was finally able to drift off without any thoughts intruding my mind.

~~~~~

Two days later we were all scheduled to g out shopping for some new clothes to fit in with our next concept. As we excited the van, the path was clear, no paparazzi or fans hovering around. In a way that makes it worse though, because it wasn't hard to tell that the paparazzi was around us. They were hiding around us, trying not to show they were here as they wanted to 'secretly' photograph us as if that was any better than shoving their cameras in our faces. I could see them though, hiding behind bushes, sitting at table, just watching us and waiting for some material. I begun to get anxious, all too aware of the eyes on us. I immediately looked to San, about to seek him out for comfort as I usually would, but then I remembered the conversation. Being a clingy brat isn't good and I need to stop. I deliberately made sure to move away from San so I wouldn't be tempted, but it made me feel even more anxious. My hands begun to shake as we continued to walk, so I quickly put them in my pocket to hide the fact that they were shaking. There was a group of people up ahead, girls and I could tell they were our fans as they continued to look over at us.

"We've got some fans up ahead Hyung," Jongho pointed out.

"There's not too many, so let's stop for a chat," Hongjoong said. What? NO. No, why? My breathing begun to get quicker and shorter as we got closer to the girls. Seonghwa walked right over to them, the other's following as they begun to talk. I curled in on myself slightly, trying to be smaller so I would be less seen then, blend into the background. I remained quiet and stayed at the back of the group, trying not to have to engage with anyone, however one of the girls came over to me.

"Oh my god, I can't believe I'm meeting the Jung Wooyoung. You are like so cool, and so hot," she said. I shifted on my feet slightly, not really engaging, too anxious to do too much.

"Can you say I love you Yujin," the girl asked. I glanced over at her, clenching my fists open and closed in my pockets as I fought to stay calm. I could see Seonghwa, Hongjoong and Mingi all side-eying me as they continued to talk to other fans.

"Um hello." I turned my head and looked down at the girl who was frowning in front of me. Everything got too much and my heart begun to race. I sent the girl an apologetic smile before leaving her and walking towards Hongjoong.

"I'm going to the bathroom," I told him before walking away towards the sign that said bathroom. I tried not to panic as I walked there, but I was too anxious and it was hard to breath. I hurried inside and started pacing, trying to take deep breaths to calm myself down. It was starting to work slightly, my heart calming down, but then I heard talking down the hall. I recognized San and Mingi's voices and hurried into a stall so they wouldn't catch me so frazzled and panicked. That will just lead to questions I don't need to answering right now. I began to take deep breaths to calm down quicker and I heard the door open.

"Youngie, you in here? You almost done," San called out.

"Just finishing up," I said quickly, managing to steady my breathing as I talked.

"Hurry up," Mingi said. I could hear the frustration in his voice and I instantly felt bad. I forced myself to take steadying breaths before quickly flushing the toilet to keep up the appearance and walking out. San and Mingi were by the doorway, San looking worried while Mingi looked annoyed. I didn't mean to make anyone annoyed.

"Sorry," I apologised, walking to the sink and washing my hands quickly.

"It's ok," San said quietly. We left the bathroom and walked back out to the rest of the group, where they were now away from the girls.

"Come on, we're heading back to the dorm," Hongjoong said. I was confused as to why we were leaving so quickly when we hadn't even done what we came here to do. I'm not complaining though because I'm more than eager to get away from all of these prying eyes. As we walked out of the building, we were instantly met by paparazzi who had obviously given up trying to hide. I glanced over at San, desperately wanting to grab his hand to stop myself from getting too anxious, but I can't. I tripped and stumbled slightly, as I wasn't pay attention to where I was going, but I didn't fall. A hand slipped into mine and I was pulled back against a body. I glanced up to see Seonghwa beside me and I quickly went to pull away, but he held my hand tighter. I don't think he even realised, but by him holding my hand, he was able to subtly calm me down before I could get too anxious. I linked our fingers together and held his hand until we got to the van an I had to let go to get inside. The drive back to the dorm was surprisingly pretty quiet.

"Wooyoung, can you come to my room for a bit please," Hongjoong asked as we got into the dorm. Oh god, what did I do. Whenever you're asked to go to Hongjoong's room, it usually means there will be a scolding or a parental talk because you're in trouble for something. I quickly walked to Hongjoong and Seonghwa's room and sat down on Hongjoong's bed as the other's followed me inside and sat on Seonghwa's bed.

"What happened earlier? Why were you so rude to the fans," Hongjoong asked me suddenly. I wasn't rude to the fans? I just didn't engage much with them.

"Sorry, I just needed to go to the toilet," I said. Or perhaps I got some bad anxiety from being around so many people and needed to calm down.

"That's no excuse to disregard the fans and be rude. They're the reason we can do what we do and we need to be respectful," Seonghwa said. I know the reason I acted like that was because of how anxious I was, but I can't tell them because I don't want them to think I'm broken. I mean I kinda am, but they don't need to know that.

"I'm sorry, it won't happen again," I promised.

"It better not Wooyoung. I don't enjoy having to scold you, so I'd rather not have to," Hongjoong said with a huff. I nodded quickly in reply. He sighed and opened his arms out for me. I hesitated slightly, but he gently grabbed my wrist and pulled me into his arms. I fell into them softly and hugged him tightly.

"How're you feeling after the day before yesterday," he asked quietly.

"I'm better," I replied with a nod.

"You come talk to me if you feel like that again alright," he said softly. I nodded in reply before getting up and leaving the room. I walked back to my room, pausing in the doorway when I saw San sitting on my bed. He glanced up at me, but didn't say anything. Manager-nim told me I was ruining San's image by hugging him so much, but there isn't a camera in the room at the moment so I can't really ruin anything. San stayed silent, just watching me, so I walked over and flopped down beside him. I quickly cuddled up to his side and let out a breath. For the first time since the conversation with the manager a few days ago, I was finally able to breathe easily and I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. San shuffled back and pulled me onto his lap, hugging me tightly. I relaxed on top of him, resting my head on his chest.

"Have I done something to upset you lately," he asked quietly. I was confused by his words and shook my head quickly.

"No, why," I asked him.

"You've been a bit withdrawn. Whenever I try to give you a hug lately, you've avoided me," he pointed out. Right, I guess that would seem suspicious.

"I just haven't been feeling the best these past few days, so I wasn't really in the mood to cuddle," I said with a sigh, cuddling closer to him.

"Aww, I'm sorry to hear that. Are you feeling better now," he cooed, running his fingers through my hair gently.

"Yeah I'm feeling better now," I said with a nod. I mean that's not really a lie, I'm feeling better and more relaxed now that I'm able to cuddle with him for a bit. He delicately kissed the top of my head and I snuggled closer to him. I basked in being able to be closer to him, to cuddle with him because I know I won't be able to do this much, especially when we're out because it will ruin his image. I would never do that to Sannie.

~~~~~

A few more days after that and we were being taken to an interview. We walked over to the chairs that were set out on in front of the interviewer, two rows of four. I made sure to sit on the opposite side of San, so I wouldn't be tempted to lean over and hug him when I would most likely begin to get anxious. It really didn't take very long for me to begin to get anxious and nervous. Within around 2 minutes of the interview beginning, I got too anxious and curled in on myself slightly, trying to blend into the back. They continued to talk and I slowly zoned out, just focusing on breathing and keeping calm. I zoned back in quickly however, when I felt an elbow jab into side. I turned my head to see Yunho looked at me with a raised eyebrow and I realised I missed a question that must've been aimed towards me. Shit, not good.

"Sorry, can you please repeat the question," I asked quickly.

"What dance have you enjoyed learning the most," the interviewer asked me. Everyone turned to look at me, including the staff off camera and my heart started to race at the attention, my hands beginning to shake slightly. I quickly gripped my knees tightly to try to stop them from shaking, or at least hide them. I opened my mouth to speak, but I found it hard to speak. I instinctively searched for San and met his eyes, calming down slightly.

"I uh, I really enjoyed doing the Inception choreography," I said quickly, glancing back at the interviewer once I finished. He nodded and moved on, asking the next question, but I zoned out once again. I was practically shaking in my seat, so I ducked down a bit more to not make it as noticeable. I stayed quiet for the remained of the interview, drifting in the background as I didn't want to have any of the attention on me again. Once the interview was done, we all stood up and bowed down in thanks, before heading out to the van. I quickly shoved my hands into my pockets as they were still shaking and I didn't want the other's to see. The minute we got into the van and everyone sat down, Mingi turned to face me.

"What the hell was that," he asked me.

"What do you mean," I asked with a frown.

"You promise me you wouldn't be rude again Wooyoung. You can't just disengage during an interview," Hongjoong said in exasperation.

"I'm sorry," I apologised.

"You need to do better next time Wooyoung-ah," Seonghwa scolded me. I felt disheartened at his words, even more worthless. How stupid am I that I can't live without some hugs and turn into a rude asshole when I can't hug someone. Maybe Manager-nim was righter than he thought he was. I swallowed dryly and nodded before turning to look out the window. I blinked a few times, trying to stop the tears from forming in my eyes. No need to be a wimp as well.

When we got back to the dorm, I hurried inside and over to my room, sitting down on my bed. My hands were still shaking quite badly so I took deep breaths to relax and allow them to still. The door open suddenly so I quickly put my hands down and stopped what I was doing, trying to look unbothered. Yeosang walked in and sat beside me with a sigh.

"What's going on Wooyoung. You don't usually act like this," he said.

"I just zoned out a little," I said with a shrug.

"You're usually really engaged and excited," he pointed out.

"I know, I'm just tired," I said quietly.

"You should sleep with San tonight. He always helps you sleep better if you're having trouble," he said. I nodded in reply, but I know I won't. I need to get myself used to not being all over San all the time, so I hopefully won't stress as much when it comes to being on camera.

~~~~~

Another week later and we're all sitting in line of tables at a fan sign, our fans lining up to meet us. We've been talking and signing books for around 20 minutes and I was beginning to feel restless. I desperately wanted to leave, but I stayed seated, pushing through the fear that was running through me. The next Atiny came over and handed me a book to sign and I grabbed it. My hands were shaking heavily by this point and my hand slipped, making me almost drop it but I managed to quickly recover.

"Are you ok," the girl asked me and I nodded quickly.

"I'm just a bit cold," I lied. I grabbed the marker from the table, and breathed in and out deeply, focusing on slowing my shaking my hands down so I could sign my signature. Once done, she grabbed the book, but there was still some time before it was time for her to move on, which means more talking.

"So how've you been going lately," she asked me.

"I'm good," I said with a small nod, looking down and moving my hands under the table to fiddle with my fingers under the table. Around 10 more seconds later there was a small ding and she moved on, and it was the next fans turn with me. I was beginning to get a headache and was finding it hard to concentrate as I was too worried about what was happening around me. Too scared of having so many people here, watching me. I jumped slightly when and arm wrapped around my shoulders and I turned to see San giggling beside me. My first instinct was to lean into it, but then the words 'ruining his image' ran through my head and I quickly slid away from him. I could see the hurt and confusion in San's eyes, but he was quick to play it off in front of the fans.

"I refused to eat Wooyoung's cooking last night, so now he's mad at me," he joked. I put a fake pout on my face to push the excuse more and the fans around us laughed. We continued on with signing. After a couple of seconds, San's hand slipped underneath the table, though he continued to talk to the fan in front of him. Not long after, I felt him slowly and gently placing his hand over my thigh. He left it just lightly touching it with a pause, giving me time to push it away. I mean, there's no camera's that are under the table, so nothing would be able to catch the contact, so I gladly left it. After realising I wasn't going to push it away, he placed it more firmly on my thigh. I took a few deep breaths before slipping my left hand under the table and gripping onto San's tightly. I noticed San glance at me worriedly before he flipped his hand and interlocked our fingers. My heart calmed down and my headache dimmed slightly but there was still that worry and anxiety gripping at me. The fan sign continued and after a while San had to let go of my hand to engage with the fans, but he moved his leg so his ankle was pressed against mine. I managed to push through until the hand of the fan sign and eventually, we were all standing and bowing down in thanks to our fans before going out to the van. I quickly sat down in one of the single seats near the middle of the van, putting on my headphones and playing soothing music to calm down more. Once we arrived at the dorm, I went to go inside but San grabbed my wrist and held me back. He waited until the other's were inside before turning to me.

"What's wrong," he asked me.

"Nothing's wrong," I replied quickly, but he shook his head.

"Why'd you push me away during the fan sign," he asked.

"I was hot," I said with a shrug.

"You told the fan you were cold," he pointed out. Oh my god seriously. Does he just hear everything?

"My stomach was hurting and I was feeling off the entire time so I didn't really want to be smothered," I lied.

"Are you feeling better now," he asked, his eyes furrowing in concern as he brushed my hair back from my forehead.

"My stomachs still a little upset, but I'll live," I replied.

"You need to tell us whenever you aren't feeling well Young-ah, so we can help you and make sure nothing happens," chided softly.

"I will," I said with a nod. That seemed good enough for him and he turned around and walked inside, where I quickly followed. When I got back to my room, I found Yunho sitting on my bed and groaned. Another lecture probably. I've been getting quite a few of them lately.

"Come to scold me as well," I asked with a sigh.

"Who's scolding you," he asked with a raised eyebrow. I just shrugged and stayed quiet, waiting for him to say what it was that he was here for.

"I just came to tell you that we've got another interview tomorrow," he said. Wait, what?

"Why? I don't remember any interview," I said.

"Yeah it was a last minute thing, that's why I came to tell you," he said.

"Ok," I said quietly. I tried to act fine, but realistically, my stomach was churning and my heart started to race once more. I clenched my eyes closed and tried to take deep breaths, but it didn't work. I jumped in shock when arms suddenly wrapped around me, having entirely forgotten about Yunho being in the room with me. He held me tightly and rocked me slightly, trying to soothe me. My breathing was erratic, but Yunho began to breathe deeply so I could match him. It only took me a few minutes for me to calm down, successfully being brought from my anxiety attack before I could properly fall into it. I clutched Yunho's shirt tightly in my hands and rested my head on his chest with a sigh. I hope that didn't just mess everything up, by forgetting he was there and showing me panicking.

"If you aren't feeling well enough to go tomorrow, you don't have to," he said quietly.

"I've just been feeling exhausted lately and I was expecting the day off tomorrow so I could relax," I said.

"You should never stress too much that you almost have a panic attack," he said gently. Once again, I didn't bother correcting him on the misconception.

"I just don't want to let you all down by missing the interview," I said. I mean that's believable right.

"You're not going to let anyone down for being too tired Wooyoung. Especially because we were supposed to have the day off tomorrow," he said.

"I'll be fine," I said with a shrug as I looked up at him. He didn't seem too convinced, but he just sighed and ruffled my head.

"Alright, just let someone know if you can't go," he said. I nodded to him before he left the room. I groaned and fell back down onto my bed, laying down and let out a breath. It didn't take long before the door opened once again and I looked up to see Hongjoong walking in. Right, someone's told him that I wasn't feeling well. I don't really care to be honest, I actually want to miss the interview anyway. Now that I can't really hug anyone, interviews having from fun to taxing. It's too stressful for me without being able to have that comfort and I don't want to go back to ruining ATEEZ's image. I sat up as he sat down beside me and he placed his hand against my forehead.

"Where are you feeling sick," he asked me.

"I'm just exhausted and my stomach is sore," I lied.

"Why didn't you say anything to me about not feeling well," he asked with a frown.

"I don't want to mess anything up," I said honestly.

"You could never mess anything up, especially if it's something you can't control," he told me. I didn't say anything in reply, just stayed seated next to him and he sighed.

"Get some rest. I'll talk to the staff about letting you sit out the interview tomorrow," he said.

"Thank you," I said quietly, before laying down to wait for him to leave. He needs to think I really want to sleep so he doesn't question me not wanting to go tomorrow. Once he finally left, I grabbed my phone and begun to play games on my phone, just hoping I would get to sit out.

Jongho's POV

Wooyoung has been acting really weird for the past few weeks and it's a bit concerning. He's been rather quiet and disengaged whenever we're out and he doesn't pay attention to any of our Atiny much. The rest of us had a meeting about it a couple of days back.

"He's just being a brat and is in that rebelling stage," Mingi said.

"I don't think so. There has to be something wrong for him to act that way," San said shaking his head.

"Sannie, he's been rude to fans and he's zoning out in interviews," Seonghwa said.

"Let's not just to conclusions and just wait it out, see if he snaps out of it," Yunho said.

I personally think there might be some underlying issue that none of us have noticed or realised. I want to get to the bottom of what is happening with my Hyung because despite not showing it all the time, I really do care about them all. I don't know how I can figure it out though. I haven't noticed anything out of the ordinary, apart from how he's begun to be acting. None of us have. In order to figure it out, I need to notice all the little things, be able to study what he's doing and find something different and I'm not like that. Hold up. Who do we know that is great at seeing every single little thing, spotting stuff that are hard to spot and coming up with explanations about it? Atiny. Perhaps they've been able to notice something different lately, something wrong with Wooyoung. It wouldn't hurt for me to investigate it anyway. I pulled my phone from my pocket and pulled up YouTube, searching up 'Jung Wooyoung Problem' and categorizing it to most recent videos. The first one that popped up was one that was posted not even two hours ago with the title 'Does Wooyoung have Anxiety?' I instantly tensed at the title and sat up straighter. I really need to watch this. I quickly put my headphones in and clicked play on the video. It's a three minute video, so I'll watch it all. I quickly realised it was a compilation of clips from recent fan signs, interviews, on the street and even tweets from other Atiny about their experiences. I watched closely as my usually cheerful and energetic Hyung is silent and distant in interviews. The editor added a note, pointing out how he seems to fall into the background and try not to be noticed. I can see that now, and it's odd because that's how Yeosang sometimes is, not Wooyoung. It went to a black screen with a note saying that his hands have been shaking in interviews, then clips showing it. I frowned worriedly and watched as his hands were indeed shaking but he tried to hide it every time, putting them in his pockets or sitting on them. There was a tweet from an Atiny mentioning how Wooyoung's hands were shaking so badly he almost dropped her album. It shocking to see that none of us have noticed this, even more so that he seems to be actively trying to hide it. The next set of clips didn't seem too weird to me as it was just Wooyoung being asked questions. That was until the editor pointed out that every time he was asked a question, he took a few seconds to realise and then anxious as he looked around for a bit before answering. The editor also notes how he always seems to be searching for San who usually would be sitting beside him but for some reason now no longer does. They pointed out how perhaps having San close helps Wooyoung with his anxiety and that's why he has never shown signs this much. My stomach started to churn as I thought about just how much we've missed, how badly we've messed up by not paying attention. The next and last set of videos were of us when we're walking around at places or filming stuff. In these, there were numerous times that Wooyoung would reach his hand out slightly as if wanting the comfort but retracting it almost immediately. My heart broke as I saw a few clips of Wooyoung reaching towards me, but then stopping himself, looking almost like he was going to burst into tears. The video ended with the editor saying that they hope all us members are looking after Wooyoung and that we help him through his anxiety. Well, shit.

I cured to myself and jumped off the couch, hurrying to Seonghwa and Hongjoong's, hoping the leader hadn't gone into the studio. Thankfully though, he was there drying his hair with a towel, while Seonghwa was reading a book on his bed.

"Hyungs we need to talk. It's urgent," I said quickly. They immediately stopped what they were doing and moved so they were both sitting down on Seonghwa's bed and I quickly sat on Hongjoong's, across from them.

"What's wrong," Hongjoong asked. Ok, how am I supposed to tell them this? I should build up to it right. Like, I should explain how Wooyoung has been acting, the video, what it could possibly mean. Give it to them slowly.

"Wooyoung has been getting anxiety whenever we go out." Or I could just blurt it out without any explanation. That works as well. They both looked confused, understandably so.

"What makes you think that," Hongjoong asked me.

"Wooyoung Hyung has been acting a bit different lately as we all know, so I wanted to find out why. I hadn't noticed a reason, so I thought, why not see if Atiny had noticed anything. I searched it up on YouTube and I found this video that had clips from the past few weeks, where he clearly looked anxious and nervous," I explained. I probably could've started with that.

"Can you show us the video please," Seonghwa asked. I nodded and pulled out my phone, moving to sit next to them and pressing play as I showed them. I could see the exact moment their faces dropped as they realised just as I did. They watched the entire video before I turned it off and they remained quiet. I waited patiently while they processed it and after a few more seconds, Hongjoong suddenly dropped his head into his hands with a groan.

"You can't blame yourself for not realising it Hongjoong, we all missed it," Seonghwa said quietly. Hongjoong shook his head and looked up.

"I've been scolding Wooyoung for being rude, when all along he was just scared and anxious," Hongjoong said. I mean, that's kinda true.

"Before this began and he started acting weird, he had a panic attack in the bathroom and I never followed up properly," he added after a few seconds. I was surprised to hear that as I was never told, and it seems neither was Seonghwa.

"No on noticed the signs, but we can help him now," Seonghwa said gently. True, but how could we not realise this? And it's not like it just magically appeared, this must be frequent.

"How could we miss it for so long. It doesn't just magically happen overnight and come out of nowhere. He has to have had anxiety for a long time, possible before he even came here to KQ, who knows," I said with a sigh.

"It's like they said in the video, Wooyoung usually stays close to San. It might be a coping mechanism for him," Hongjoong pointed out.

"But why would he suddenly stop staying near San Hyung? Especially if he knows it helps him," I asked. It just doesn't make any sense.

"San's noticed Wooyoung shying away from his touch and avoiding him quite a few times lately, but we aren't sure why," Hongjoong said with a sigh. We were quiet for a few seconds before Hongjoong stood up and moved over to me, wrapping his arms around me tightly.

"You did good Jjong, you looked after your Hyung," he said softly before pulling away.

"What're you going to do," Seonghwa asked him.

"I'm going to go have aa chat with Wooyoung, we can't let this continued. Jongho, you sleep in my bed tonight," he told me. I nodded and he left the room quickly. I just hope he'll be able to look after my playful Hyung and get him back to the loud and annoying boy we all know and love.

Wooyoung's POV

I was laying on my bed on my phone while Yeosang finished up getting ready for bed when there was a sudden knock on the door. Yeosang told them to come in and the door opened to show Hongjoong. I hope he's got good news and managed to convince the staff to let me sit out the interview tomorrow.

"Yeosang-ah, can you go and sleep with Jongho in my room tonight please," Hongjoong asked. Yeosang seemed confused but didn't say anything about it.

"Goodnight," he said quietly as he left. I'm confused as well too be honest, and worried. Hongjoong is acting odd, so I'm beginning to think he's come with bad news, not good news. Hongjoong walked over and sat down on my bed, patting the spot next to him and motioning me to go closer. I quickly shuffled to the side so I was next to him. He wrapped his arm around my wait and pulled me closer to him. I tensed slightly, worried about ruining the image once again, but then I remembered that we aren't being watched so I relaxed and cuddled up against him.

"Did they say no to letting me have the day off tomorrow," I asked him quietly.

"There's nothing that anyone can say that would stop me from letting you stay home, unless you want to go," he said firmly. I was surprised by his tone and how protective he sounded, but it felt nice.

"If you're feeling too anxious, you can stay home," he said. I went to nod, but froze as I registered the wording he used. I said I was sick, not anxious. I lifted my head quickly, seeing Hongjoong watching me closely. It took me a few more seconds, but the look in his eyes made me realise he knew. My stomach dropped and I immediately went to jump up, my flight instincts kicking in as I didn't want to hear my leader ask me to leave. Before I could leave though, Hongjoong tightened his grip around my waist and held me down.

"I'm sorry, I'll do better," I whimpered, my eyes welling up with tears. Hongjoong opened his mouth to say something, but I really don't want to hear it, I can't take it.

"I c-can go, s-so you don't have a br-broken me-."

"Jung Wooyoung, you be quiet and listen to your Hyung right now," Hongjoong cut me off sharply. The firmness in his tone made me go quiet and I blinked up at my Hyung.

"You won't be going anywhere Youngie, and you certainly aren't broken," he said softly.

"You promise," I asked quietly.

"Yeah baby, I promise," he nodded. I let out a breath I didn't realise I was holding and felt relief at the knowledge I wouldn't be kicked out, but I still worried about what would happen now.

"How long have you had anxiety for," Hongjoong asked me quietly. I felt vulnerable and exposed like this, but I trust my leader look after me, even if an irrational part of my brain still worries about being kicked out. I moved closer and cuddled further into his side for more comfort.

"I've had stage fright since I was young, way back in BigHit as well. Whenever I performed in front of people and had all the attention on me, I would get anxiety, but I found a way to keep calm so it wouldn't be much of a problem," I said.

"San," he said quietly and I nodded slowly.

"It's more the physical contact that calms me down, not just San, but Sannie's the one I've gotten accustomed to seeking out," I explained.

"Why'd you stop then," he asked me. I curled in on myself slightly as I remembered the conversation with the manager. Hongjoong, the ever attentive leader he is, caught on astonishingly quickly.

"Who said something," he asked lowly. I whined and shook my head quickly, not wanting to say.

"Has someone threatened you," he asked me gently.

"No one threatened me," I said quietly, shaking my head.

"Ok. But who said something to you, and what did they say," he asked me. I bit my lip nervously, but he ran his fingers through his hair, calming me down.

"They let me know about how me being so clingy was ruining San's image and the image of the band," I admitted quietly I felt Hongjoong tense against me and I whimpered, worried he might be annoyed at me, but he just pulled me closer.

"Who told you that," he asked me.

"Manager-nim. He pulled me aside a few weeks ago. It was the night I had an anxiety attack in the shower," I told him.

"He was way out of line Wooyoung. And what he said cannot be any further from the truth," he said.

"What do you mean," I asked quietly. He frowned and immediately hugged me tightly.

"The way you act, your personality, it brings up the image of the group and brings up our spirits. It does not ruin our image in the slightest," he told me.

"How does it help when all it does is look like I'm constantly trying to grope my best friend," I said, looking down in shame. Hongjoong gasped and I looked up quickly.

"There's nothing wrong with physical affection. If any of us didn't like it any way, we would tell you," he said. I sniffled and cuddled closer to him, nuzzling my nose into his neck.

"It's stuff like what you're doing right now that we love so much," he said softly.

"If you ever want to have physical contact with anyone, you can do it without question, especially if it brings you comfort. I know and trust that you will stop if someone says they don't like it, which I doubt anyone will," he added. I nodded into his neck.

"Do you still want to sit out tomorrow," he asked me gently.

"Can I sit with you during the interview and hug you if I get anxious," I asked him.

"Of course, but would you rather be next to San," he asked and I shook my head.

"Sannie will be mad with me right now because I've been avoiding him so much," I said.

"You can have tomorrow of and so can San. You can explain to him what's been happening and work things out ok," he said. I feel better doing things that way, as I can relax and hopefully I can cuddle with San. I know he will forgive me the minute I tell him why I've been acting off, that's just the type of person he is.

"Can you stay here and sleep with me please," I asked Hongjoong quietly.

"Of course," he said immediately. He got up and turned off the light before joining me again in the bed. we laid down and slipped under the blankets. I cuddled up closely to my leader and closed my eyes, drifting off to sleep.

~~~~~

I was awoken the next morning by a hand running through my hair softly. I slipped my eyes open to see San standing beside my bed, smiling softly. I was confused to begin with, but then I remember my conversation with Hongjoong last night. I did say I was going to talk it out first, but it's been so long since I've been close to him and I couldn't stop myself from jumping up and tackling him into a hug tightly. I must've caught him off guard as he stumbled and fell back onto the floor. He didn't worry though, chuckling and holding me tightly, pulling me onto his lap. It felt so nice to be able to hug my soulmate like this without having to worry about how bad it is, and I found myself beginning to cry into his shoulder.

"Oh Youngie, darling," San said softly as he leant back slightly, wiping my tears with his fingers.

"I'm s-sorry for how I've b-been acting," I apologized, receiving a soft smile in return.

"You don't need to apologize, because I'm not mad. What happened though? What did I do to make you avoid me," he asked gently.

"You did nothing wrong, I was just trying not to ruin your image," I said quietly.

"What do you mean," he asked in confusion.

"Manager-nim told me I was being too clingy and it was ruining our image, your image," I explained, making him scoff.

"That's absolutely not true. I love your clinginess," he said, nuzzling into the top of my head softly. I sniffled and nodded, shifting closer to him. It's now or never.

"There's something else," I said quietly. His face shifted in concern and he nodded quickly.

"What is it? You can tell me anything," he said softly. I was nervous to tell him about it, but I need to do it.

"I get stage fright. Whenever I go out in public, or do interviews and have everyone's attention on me, I get anxiety. I have since I was first a trainee at BigHit," I said quietly. I could tell he was shocked, but he didn't say anything and just let me continue.

"I uh, I cuddle up to people whenever I begin to feel anxious because it calms me down. And sometimes when I'm really loud, it's to help me hide how anxious I am," I said quietly. Once I was done, I stopped and fiddled with the bottom of his shirt to show that I was done. He immediately hugged me tightly and kissed the top of my head gently.

"Thank you for telling me. If you ever feel anxious, you can always come to me and I will forever accept you with open arms," he said softly.

"Thank you," I said, hugging him back tightly. I'm glad everything is going to be ok and that I'll have the other's by my side to look after me without judgement.

Bonus Scene (Warning: Swearing)

Hongjoong's POV

I stormed down the halls of KQ, anger seeping through my veins. I got to the door I was looking for and I grabbed the handle, swinging it open harshly. There were two people in the room, Eden, and our soon to be fired manager.

"Who the fuck do you think you are," I said angrily. I could see the shock on both of their faces, especially Eden's. I paid no mind to it and stormed over to the manager, slamming my hands down firmly on the table in front of him. The manager jumped in fright and I felt a slight sliver of satisfaction, but not enough so I continued.

"How dare you pull Wooyoung aside, MY MEMBER, and you tell him filthy lies, just because you can't handle the fact that he is better than you in every way because your life is pathetic," I fumed.

"What do you mean? What's going on," Eden asked.

"This shithead pulled Wooyoung aside alone and berated him for being happy and enjoying physical contact. He made Youngie think he was ruining our image and subsequently caused him to have numerous anxiety attacks," I said. Eden's face immediately shifted into anger at my words.

"You did what," he seethed.

"I just told Wooyoung to tone it down," Manager-nim said.

"Bullshit you told him he was basically groping San when he was just hugging his best friend for comfort," I spat angrily. If I wasn't an Idol, I would be punching him in his stupid face, even though I'm not a violent person.

"You need to leave, now. You'll be receiving a letter of termination in the mail very soon asshole," I said.

"You can't do that, you have no authority," Manager-nim said.

"He can, and he just did. Goodbye," Eden said, waving him off. Manager-nim huffed but stood up and left the room quickly, leaving Eden and I to calm down.

"How is Wooyoungie doing," Eden asked me quietly after about 10 seconds.

"He's better now that we've got everything figured out, but he was really struggling for a while," I said with a sigh.

"I will talk the CEO and I'll make sure his contract is terminated immediately," he told me.

"Thank you," I said quietly. I'm just happy Wooyoung won't have to see that vile man again. No one messes with my members. Wooyoung deserves to be happy, and from now on I'm going to do everything I can to make sure he is.

A/N

This was requested by @Marauderette and I hope you enjoyed it. 

Thank you everyone for reading and I hope you liked it :)