A/N

Big Trigger Warning

There is multiple deaths in this fic and there are suicides. All of these are in dreams but they are still talked about and detailed a little so if this will trigger you in any way, please do not read

Seonghwa's POV

Sitting in bed and waiting for Hongjoong to return home from the studio at night seems to be a common occurrence for me. Sometimes waiting up is futile as he spends WAY too many hours in the studio but he promised he'd be home until 1am. It's currently 1:20am and he still isn't home but I'll give him until 2am before I storm down to the company and dragged his tiny ass back home and into bed. I let out a sigh and pulled out my phone, logging onto Instagram to scroll through for a little bit. It was while I was scrolling through that I noticed a certain account. Their name was SolostanSeonghwa and they had posted a photo of Wooyoung but it was edited so that his face was bruised. The only reason why I knew it was edited, was because I was the person who took that photo, otherwise it would seriously worry me that Wooyoung was hurt. I clicked on the account and scrolled through their posts, feeling sick to my stomach as I continued. This person had multiple posts of my members, my boys, showing multiple injuries and below each and every post was a caption talking about how they wished something happened to them. The wish Yunho burned to death, Mingi got shot in the head, San was hit by a car. It was disgusting, and very unsettling. It all looked so realistic, I actually found myself worrying for the state of the boys. I quickly reported the account before deciding I needed to go see the boys. It wasn't like I thought they were actually hurt, I just need to, you know, double check. I went to Wooyoung and Yeosang's room first, quietly opening the door just in case they were asleep. The main light was off but the lamp beside Wooyoung's bed was still on so I walked inside. I looked over at Wooyoung's bed and smiled fondly. Wooyoung was laying down and watching some sort of video on his phone but cuddled up beside him was Yeosang who had his eyes closed and seemed to be sleeping peacefully. It was quite adorable if I must say. They both looked perfectly fine and content thankfully.

"He fell asleep about half an hour ago," Wooyoung whispered.

"He looks comfortable," I said quietly.

"I'd hope so. Goodnight Hyung," he whispered with a small smile. I waved goodnight to him before leaving and quietly closing the door behind me. The next room I checked in on was Mingi and Jongho. Like the last one, the main lights were off but both of them had their bedside lamps on. Jongho was reading a book he's been interested in lately and Mingi had headphones in, though he took them out when I entered.

"All good," I asked them, glancing around to make sure everything seemed ok.

"Yeah, we're going to bed in a bit," Mingi replied.

"Alright, well goodnight then," I said, giving them a small smile.

"Goodnight."

"Night Hyung."

Last but not least, Yunho and San. To say I was surprised to find the two cuddled together on Yunho's bed would be a complete lie because San likes to sleep next to someone most nights. He was curled up against the tallers side fast asleep and Yunho was just quietly running his fingers though his hair. Both looked perfectly fine.

"San fell asleep about three minutes after getting into my bed," Yunho said with a quiet chuckle. Yeah, that sounds about right.

"Is he ok," I asked.

"Yeah we're good. I'm going to go to bed pretty soon," Yunho replied.

"Alright, well get a good rest ok, you should already be asleep," I told him.

"Same to you. Don't wait too late for Hongjoong Hyung," he replied. I nodded before leaving and going back to my room. The boys are all fine, that's good, but what about Hongjoong? I know the chances of him being hurt are slim to none but there's still a slight possibility something could happen to him. I mean he should be fine right? Right? I ran my fingers through my hair and paced anxiously. I just couldn't get those pictures out of my head. They're fake, I know that. I was there for pretty much all of them but they still look so real. My hands started to shake for some reason so I quickly sat down on Hongjoong's bed and placed my hands in my lap, just waiting for him to return.

*****

I must've have lost track of time because it felt like only seconds later that the door opened. I shot up quickly, looking over Hongjoong hurriedly to check for any injuries. He paused and raised an eyebrow before closing the door and shrugging off his jacket.

"What's wrong," he asked me. I just shook my head, rushed over and hugged him tightly, relieved that he was perfectly fine. I could tell he was probably confused but he still hugged me back. I stayed holding him for a few more seconds before stepping back.

"Did it go well? Everything ok," I asked him, trying to act nonchalant.

"Yeah it was great, I got through a lot," he said grin. I nodded and sat back down on the bed as he started getting ready for bed. I watched him carefully as he did his night routine, making extra sure there was nothing wrong, just in case. Once he finished getting dressed and removing his make up, he turned back to me and once again raised an eyebrow.

"You sure you're alright," he asked me slowly. Yeah, I realise it was probably weird me watching him like that.

"I'm fine," I said quickly but I know Hongjoong is able to see right through me.

"I'm fine Joong," I said rolling my eyes. I could tell he was still sceptical but he let it go. I stood up and went to my bed, laying down and closing my eyes. See, everything is fine.

*****

"Hey Hyung, how deep do you think this river is," Jongho asked. River? I looked to where he was pointing and saw that sure enough, there was a river that was raging right beside us. That looks quite dangerous.

"Probably very deep," I replied carefully.

"It looks cool," he said, stepping closer to the edge. The very unstable looking edge.

"Jjongie get away from there, it's dangerous," I yelled out quickly.

"It's fine Hyung, nothing's going to happe-HYUNG." I yelled out as the rocks gave away and Jongho went plunging down into the river.

"Jongho! Jongho!" I ran to the edge, trying not to get too close to it so I wouldn't fall in but I still needed to try and see if I could see Jongho. I couldn't and I begun to panic even more. Oh god, I can't believe this happened. Please don't let him die. Please. He can't. Not Jongho. Not the Maknae. I noticed a path that lead down to the river. I rushed to it and ran down to the riverside, searching and searching until my eyes landed on a distinctly human shaped form beached a little further down the river. My breath caught in my throat and I ran quickly, as fast as my legs could take me. As I got closer, I immediately knew it was Jongho and I knew it wasn't looking to good. He was laying face down and I quickly dropped to my knees as I got to him. I flipped him over and my heart stopped. His lips were blue, his face pale and his eyes were closed. I looked at his chest and it wasn't rising or falling so I checked his pulse but there was nothing. Oh my god, he's dead. My baby is dead. H-How? My mind went numb and the only words I could hear in my mind were that he's gone and he's never coming back. Ever.

I awoke with a gasp, looking around quickly and realising I was in my room. But Jongho? What happened to Jongho? Oh god. I got up quickly and rushed from our room to Mingi and Jongho's room, somehow managing to closes the door quietly so I wouldn't wake everyone up. He's probably fine but I need to see him to be sure. The lamps were no longer on but the moon shone enough light for me to be able to see the sleeping figure of our youngest. He looked fine but the image of him laying lifeless by the river wouldn't leave my mind and I needed to make sure. I just couldn't leave without talking to him, I need to hear his voice. I gently nudged him a few times, knowing he wakes up pretty easily. Sure enough, his eyes open and he sat up, looking at me in confusion.

"Hyung? It's the middle of the night, why did you wake me up," he asked quietly, glancing over at Mingi's bed. I froze at his words. What am I supposed to say? I didn't really think past making sure he was alive and well.

"Hyung? What's up," he asked again, blinking tiredly. Now I feel bad for waking him up. And over something as silly as a stupid nightmare a grown man had.

"Do you want to sleep next to me Hyung," Jongho asked quietly. I was surprised the offer and I looked at him to double checked that he meant it, not seeing any doubt in eyes. I nodded quickly, I'd be stupid to not take him up on the rare offer. He moved to the side slightly and I quickly slipped under the blankets next to him. I wasn't sure what was allowed so I slowly wrapped an arm around his shoulder, waiting for him to push me away but he surprised me even more by cuddling closer and resting his head on my chest.

"If you wanted to cuddle Hyung, you could've just asked. And preferably at an earlier time," he said with a sigh, relaxing against me.

"It wasn't what I was going to ask," I said with a shrug, also relaxing and letting my eyes slip closed.

"Sure it wasn't," he mumbled, snuggling even closer. That's how I fell asleep, the younger boy cuddled up to my side.

*****

I woke up the next warning, nice and warm and I wasn't sure why it was that I woke up. That was until I heard the gentle talking around me. I kept my eyes closed, acting like I was still asleep to try and listen in and what they were saying. I know, eaves dropping is childish but who cares. I moved a little to get more comfortable, knowing it wouldn't raise too much suspicion as I move around a lot in my sleep. It was then that I realised Jongho and I somehow switched positions during the night so I was cuddled up on Jongho's chest with his arms wrapped around me tightly.

"Is he still asleep?" Ok, so Hongjoong is here.

"Yeah, he was just moving around a little bit. It's kind of cute how he does that, like a restless little kitten," Jongho said quietly. Don't blush, do not blush.

"Continue on Jjongie." Yeosang is here as well I guess.

"He just came in the middle of the night and woke me up but he wouldn't say anything when I asked what he was doing," Jongho said.

"How did he seem," Hongjoong asked. I felt gentle, dainty fingers run through my hair (no doubt Hongjoong) and I felt most of the tension leave my body. I heard a few giggles and I fought the urge to whack them over the head.

"He seemed scared and anxious. He was just staring at me like he couldn't believe I was there so I asked for him to lie down next to me and he fell asleep like that," Jongho said with a sigh.

"He did seem anxious when I came home last night," Hongjoong said anxiously. What gave it away, the fact I looked like a nervous wreck or the fact that I hugged him like it was his last day on Earth?

"Wooyoung told me he came and checked in on us before bed," Yeosang said.

"He checked in on Mingi and I as well," Jongho added.

"He was probably having an off day where his anxiety peaked a little. We should just look after him today, make sure he doesn't have too much stress," Hongjoong said. I should probably try to act a bit more normal at practice today, so they don't get to suspicious.

*****

"San? What are you doing," I asked, watching as he poured a whole heap of pills into his hand.

"What do you think I'm doing Seonghwa. I'm sick of life," he said, throwing away the bottle. No honorific?

"San," I questioned, not liking what he was saying. He didn't even give me a chance to react before he put all the pills in his mouth and downed them with some water. Wait, ALL OF THEM?

"SAN. SAN SPIT THEM OUT," I yelled, rushing over and trying to get him to throw it up but he shoved me away.

"San, San please," I begged. He coughed once, twice and then the third time, he had foam starting to bunch at the corner of his mouth. I stepped closer to him to try and help but he suddenly dropped to the floor and started seizing. I froze, not knowing what to do as I watched the terrifying scene unfold in front of me. I have never seen something as scary as one of my younger brothers seizing uncontrollably on the floor. I dropped down and desperately tried to help but I didn't know what to do. I wanted it to stop, and it did. Except everything stopped, his seizing, his moving, his breathing, EVERYTHING. I screamed, shaking his shoulders to try and get him to react but he stayed unmoving. His had foam still dribbling down his face and his eyes were wide open and blank.

"SAN!"

I gasped and shot up, looking around and quickly understanding I had another nightmare, just this time a bit different from the one a few days ago. The light was peaking through the curtains which means it's already morning. Which means it definitely won't be odd for me to run into San's room and wake him up like a madman, definitely not. And that's what I did, I ran straight to San's room and quickly shook him awake. He sat up in confusion, his tired eyes searching the room quickly in worry.

"Hyung? What's wrong? What's going on," San asked quickly. There's no foam, there's no seizing, he's alive. I was filled with relief and I quickly pulled him into a tight hug.

"Hyung," he asked, hugging me back and resting his head on my shoulder. Right, what am I doing. I paused before quickly pulling away. I didn't know what to say or to explain what I did so I maybe panicked a little.

"It's time to wake up," I said, before rushing out of the room. I went to the kitchen where Wooyoung was already awake and making us breakfast.

"Morning Hyung," he said brightly.

"Morning Young-ah," I said absentmindedly, sitting down on a stool. San's ok, but I can't help but think about what could've happened to San, had that have been real. I mean it could be real. He could still overdose on pills. We have a lot of different pills, just sitting in our bathroom cabinet that anyone could get into. Anyone could grab a bottle of pills and down them and I can't allow that. I need to make sure none of them can get hurt, even if it means taking away every last pill. In fact, that's what I'll do. I got up abruptly and rushed to the bathroom that was unoccupied. I grabbed a bag from the top draw before opening the cabinet and pushing all of the pills and medication into it and carrying it to my room. Hongjoong wasn't there so he must've woken up a little earlier. I put the lid onto the box and slid it underneath my bed, somewhere no one would go to look for it.

*****

As usual, Wooyoung's cooking was great and we were all sitting down eating, except for Mingi for some reason. Speak of the devil, he walked into the room almost as soon as I had that thought/

"Hey, does anyone know where the Panadol is," he asked, rubbing his forehead slightly. Alright, the first calling.

"I'm looking after all of the pills from now on. So if anyone need some, just come to me," I told them.

"Why did you take all the pills," Hongjoong asks with a slight frown on his face.

"I'm looking after them," I said with a shrug.

"Well can I please have some Panadol because I have a headache," Mingi asked me. I glanced over at San who was eating his food gently and I couldn't help but think of the nightmare where he had foam on his mouth and his eyes were blank with no sparkle. He needs that sparkle, it's what helps make San, San. My stomach churned slightly at the image and I stood up quickly.

"I'll grab you two," I said quietly before going to my room quickly. When I got to my room, I slipped inside and closed the door, clenching my eyes closed as they begun to water. Seeing San like that scared me a lot and I'd never want to ever see one of the boys like that. I took a deep breath to try and calm down but a few tears slipped down my face. I tried to get rid of the image but it wouldn't leave my mind, it kept popping up and more tears streamed down my face. The door suddenly opened and I spun around to see Hongjoong walking in. Shit. I quickly tried to wipe away my tears but Hongjoong noticed, obviously, and he walked over, cupping my cheek softly.

"Sorry, I'm alright," I said quickly.

"Shh, don't apologize and don't even bother trying to lie. What's wrong," he asked softly. God this is embarrassing. How can I tell him that I'm a grown man having nightmares? No way I'm saying that.

"I'm just, I'm just a little stressed," I lied. Hongjoong sighed and pulled me into a gentle hug, rubbing my back softly.

"You should've told me Hwa. I would've helped you earlier," he said softly.

"It's fine, I'll be alright," I said quickly.

"Promise you'll come to me if you're ever feeling overwhelmed. I'll always be here to help you relax," he said gently.

"Of course I will," I promised. That is a complete lie. I would never bother Hongjoong any more than I absolutely have to because he's already so busy as he is.

"Don't forget, Mingi needs some Panadol alright," he said. Right, Mingi's Panadol. I quickly went over to the bed and grabbed out the box, grabbing to Panadol pills for him. I went back out to the kitchen where Mingi was now the only one still sitting at the table.

"Mingi-ah, here you go," I said, passing it to him.

"Thanks Hyung," he said, getting up and going to the kitchen to down the pills.

"Hyung?" I spun around to see San looking over at me in concern.

"Have you been crying Hyung. Don't cry," he cooed softly, walking over and wrapping his arms around my waist softly. I looked down at his gentle and very much alive eyes, with the small sparkle in it. He's ok. My tears almost begun to well up once again so I hugged him tightly and buried my face in his neck, letting out a breath. He hugged me tightly and leant his head against mine softly. I held him tighter and turned my head slightly to place a delicate kiss to the side of his head.

"Are you doing alright? Why were you crying," San asked quietly.

"I'm ok, I was just feeling a little stressed out but Joong helped me," I assured him. San pulled away slightly and smiled up at me before placing a gentle kiss on my cheek.

"Ok, just keep looking after yourself Hyung," he said before pulling away completely and walking off. I'm just glad San's ok, that's all I could ask for.

*****

If I thought my last nightmare were bad, nothing could compare to what I'm witnessing right now. Everything was fine, I was walking through the dorm and it didn't seem like a nightmare. Until I got to the empty white door of Yeosang and Wooyoung's door, or what was supposed to be the empty white door. Instead what I found made me almost pass out. At least the last times, I had a chance to save them, to try and stop them. Now all I could see was Yeosang's lifeless body hanging from the door, a belt hooking between the door and wrapped around his neck. I already knew he was gone but I tried to hope, that by some chance he would be ok. I shakily lifted my hand and placed it against his neck, searching for a pulse but I couldn't find one. The tears immediately started to fall and I let out a sob. I quickly opened the door, catching Yeosang's motionless body as it fell and I collapsed to my knees with him still held in my arms. I quickly unclipped the belt and flung it to the side, looking down at the small boy in my arms. There was an angry red line, running all the way across his neck and I let out another sob. I pulled him close to me and buried my face in his hair, crying hysterically. I can't do this, I can't keep looking at him. Except I can't stop myself. I don't know why but I just continued looking down at his blank and unresponsive face.

I woke up in a cold sweat, panting heavily as my heart pounded. I checked the time and saw it was 1am, meaning Hongjoong isn't home yet because he said he was staying until at least 3am, if not sleeping at the studio. My immediate urge was to rush to wherever Yeosang was and check on him but I'm beginning to realise that isn't the best idea. I haven't had a nightmare in a few days but I remember how silly it was when I shook San awake for some stupid reason. I quickly laid back down and closed my eyes, waiting to fall back asleep. But that of course didn't last very long because I kept having this feeling of impending dread in the pit of my stomach and I couldn't stop myself. I won't be able to sleep unless I confirm Yeosang is perfectly fine. I got up quickly and left my room, rushing to Woosang's. Yeosang was in his bed asleep, as to be expected and I didn't really want to wake him but I still felt the need to be close to him. I looked up at the door (I know, stupid idea) and I saw the mental image of Yeosang hanging from it. Oh god, I'll never be able to look at that door again without picturing that horrendous scene. I glanced over at Wooyoung's bed but he wasn't in there so I assume he's gone to sleep with San. I bit my lip nervously before deciding it wouldn't hurt to stay lose to Yeosang tonight to be sure that he's ok. We're a close group and while Yeosang isn't one for much skinship on camera, he's surprisingly not too bad with it off camera. I lifted the blanket and slipped underneath, cuddling up to Yeosang softly. He squirmed a little but cuddled even closer to me. I wrapped my arm around his waist gently and relaxed. Yeosang began to stir slightly and held my breath slightly. He lifted his hands up, curled into tiny fists as he rubbed his eyes.

"Youngie," he mumbled quietly. Oh my god, that is so freaking adorable, I cannot.

"No baby, it's Hwa," I said softly.

"S'Hwa Hwa Hyungie. M'kay, sleepy. Go sleep," he mumbled snuggling even closer. You know what, this was the best idea I've had in a while. His eyes slipped closed and his breathing evened out as he fell back asleep. I leaned down and kissed his forehead gently, before my eyes caught on the collar of his shirt. I gently moved it down, looking at the smooth, pale and untouched skin. There's no marks, no red, that means he's ok. And he's with me right now, so he can't get hurt. I sighed and let my eyes slip closed, keeping my arms wrapped tightly around him.

*****

I woke up the next morning to Yeosang moving around and I opened my eyes to see him watching me with a raised eyebrow.

"When did you get here," he asked me. I blushed, too embarrassed to tell him I had a nightmare, so I lied once again.

"Ah, I was getting some water and I heard you whimpering so I checked on you. I thought you might be having a nightmare, so I decide to lie beside you and I must've fallen asleep," I lied

"Oh, I don't even remember. Sorry for keeping you awake Hyung," he apologized.

"It's fine Sangie, I'll always be here to look after you darling," I said softly. I felt a little guilty for lying, but one again, I only care about making sure the boys are ok, that he's ok.

*****

After leaving Yeosang, I got ready for the interview that we were having later that day. Once I was dressed, I went to the loungeroom and sat down waiting for the other's, Hongjoong and Yunho joining me soon after as we waited for all of the other's to join us.

"Hey guys, which belt do you think would look better with this outfit? The red or the black," Yeosang asked as he walked in, holding up the two belts in front of us. My eyes went wide and I thought back to my nightmare, his body hanging from the door to his room. They're dangerous, they can hurt him. What happens if he decides to make my nightmare come true, I can't let that happen. I jumped up quickly and rushed over, taking the belts from his hands.

"You don't need one," I said quickly.

"Yes I do, my pants are a little small and it spices up my outfit more," he said, trying to grab the belts from my hands but I pulled them away quickly, beginning to panic.

"No you don't, in fact you don't need any belts," I replied. He doesn't need any belts, belts are dangerous and unneeded. I quickly went to his room and opened the door to his cupboard, beginning to pull out all of the belts he had. There's a fair few because we all have a lot of different belts to go with every outfit.

"Hyung stop! What are you doing," Yeosang yelled at me. I finished with his belts but I turned to the other half of the closet and saw Wooyoung's, I need to grab those as well because Yeosang could use them. I moved over and started to pile them up beside Yeosang's.

"Hyung stop it. What is wrong with you," Yeosang yelled once again.

"Yeosang just leave alright, go back to the loungeroom ok," I heard Hongjoong say as I knelt beside the pile of belts and begun scooping some up. It was quiet for a few seconds before I felt a hand on my shoulder and I jumped slightly, turning my head to see Hongjoong looking at me with kind eyes.

"Are you trying to grab all the belts," he asked me. I paused but nodded in reply.

"Belts can be harmful so I need to get them away from the kids," I explained.

"That's a fair point," Hongjoong nodded before helping me grab the belts and carry them to our room to drop them on the bed.

"Now I just need to grab the other's belts," I said with a sigh. I went to leave the room but Hongjoong suddenly grabbed my hands and held them gently. I was confused and I tried to pull away but Hongjoong looked at me delicately and I found myself stopping.

"The other kids will be just fine, they're really responsible and now Wooyoung and Yeosang will be as well but right now we need to go to the interview. I can see his point, Yeosang was the only one really in any immediate danger and he'll be safe now. I bit my lip nervous but nodded and followed him out to the van. I sat next to Yunho in the van and I couldn't help but notice the minute the van started moving, his seatbelt wasn't buckled in. What if we were to crash? I quickly reached over and buckled it in for him, receiving an appreciative smile in thanks.

"Does everyone have their seatbelts on," I asked everyone. No one replied so I quickly looked around, my eyes landing on San who was giggling with Wooyoung and practically sitting in his lap which meant he didn't have his seatbelt on. If the van was to crash right now, the odds of surviving without a seatbelt on are incredibly slim. I can't have Sannie getting hurt.

"YA CHOI SAN, PUT YOUR SEATBELT ON," I yelled quickly. San jumped back into his seat and buckled in quickly, while watching me with wide eyes. it was unnaturally quiet throughout the van and I finally registered what I did. God, I'm so stupid. I quickly leant back in embarrassment, fiddling with my fingers. At least they're safe, that's all I can ask.

*****

Have you ever looked at something and just thought, if this was to happen then everyone would die? Sitting down in the building waiting for our interview to be set up was boring, but not too bad. However, when I looked up and saw the ceiling fan spinning round and round, shaking around and looking scarily like it was about to come of it's hinge. If that fan was to come down, there's no doubt that it would kill everyone underneath it. And right now, it's the boys and I underneath it. I quickly got up and walked over to our manager who was waiting by the doorway.

"Are we going to have the interview here," I asked him. He nodded in reply and I looked up at the fan again, feeling nerves build up inside me.

"Is there any chance we could change the room we're doing it in," I asked anxiously.

"Why would we want to change it," he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"It looks a bit dangerous, like it might fall," I said, pointing to the fan.

"It's fine Seonghwa. It's a ceiling fan, that's how they're supposed to look," he told me. I don't give a shit how it's 'supposed' to look.

"Something could happen, it might still fall," I said shaking my head. I was beginning to feel panic bubble up inside me. Every second we wait not talking, is another second closer to an accident happening. Before our manager could reply, Hongjoong suddenly walked up.

"What's wrong," he asked looking between the two of us. I fiddled with my fingers nervously.

"Seonghwa is freaking out about the fan falling," manager-nim replied. Hongjoong glanced at me, before looking over at him.

"I'll look after it," he told our manager who nodded and walked off. Hongjoong turned back to me an unreadable expression on his face. I looked down quickly in slight shame. I'm worried about the fan, a lot, but I'm going to guess and say that me acting like this will really annoy Hongjoong. He already has enough problems as the leader, trying to get everything ready. I heard him sigh and I tensed up, ready for him to get annoyed but arms were suddenly wrapped around me and I was pulled into a hug. He, isn't annoyed? He isn't annoyed. My breath stuttered at the knowledge and I lowered my head down onto his shoulder, gripping onto his shirt tightly. I squeezed my eyes closed and tried not to think about scenarios where the fan would fall but that's all I could think about. I could picture it clearly. Everyone talking and laughing and then there's a bang as something breaks and the fan comes careening to the floor. The blades would still be spinning, so they would slice through the flesh and bone of the boys ki-.

"Shh, it's ok Hwa. It's ok." I was brought out of my head as Hongjoong whispered and rocked me softly. An involuntary shudder ran through my body at my previous thoughts. I noticed that I was practically squeezing Hongjoong to death but despite that, he wasn't complaining.

"Sorry," I said, pulling away quickly and looking back down at the floor.

"Seonghwa, what's going on," he asked quietly but I quickly shook my head.

"What if it falls, it could be dangerous," I whispered. Hongjoong didn't reply and I glanced up to see him peering at the fan with furrowed eyebrows. After a few more seconds, he slowly nodded.

"I'll deal with it, don't worry."

*****

20 minutes later we were finally starting our interview, in a room, with no fan. I turned to look at Hongjoong who just glanced at me and flashed me a small smile, squeezing my hand gently that he was holding under the table.

*****

"Wooyoung stop, this isn't funny."

"But it is, come catch me Hyung," he giggled.

"Wooyoung you're holding a knife. You know you shouldn't run around while holding a knife," I said, watching anxiously as he bounced around without a care in the world.

"It's fun, catch me Hyung," he said, running towards the kitchen.

"Jung Wooyoung, stop this right now. You might hurt yourself," I said in exasperation. He didn't listen though and continue running. I don't know what it was that he tripped over, all I know is that he yelped and disappeared behind the counter. I gasped and ran towards the kitchen, turning the corner to find him laying on his back on the floor. Oh god. No. The first thing my eyes were drawn to, was the very obvious handle of a knife protruding from his chest and the blood seeping onto the ground.

"Wooyoung," I cried out. I ran and fell to my knees beside him, grabbing his hand as tears begun to fall down my face. He coughed and a few drops of blood splattered from the corner of his mouth and dribbled down his face. My heart broke and I let out a sob at the sight. There's no way he could survive something like this. I started openly sobbing as I clutched his hand and slowly lowered my forehead down to rest on his.

"I'm sorry Youngie, I'm so sorry baby. I failed you as your Hyung, I failed to protect you," I cried. He let out a gasp and squeezed my hand, as if wanting to tell me something. I moved back to look at him, seeing more blood dribbling down his face.

"H-Hyungie," he whimpered.

"I'm here baby, I'm right here," I sniffled.

"L-love y-you Hyu-Hyung," he said brokenly before his hand in mine went limp and the light in his eyes slipped away, leaving them blank and glassy. I screamed.

I woke up abruptly, not knowing what was happening but all I could think about was the nightmare so I let out a sob. I felt arms wrapped around me and I gasped but clung tightly to them. I slowly begun to get my bearings back and I realised that I was on the couch and it was the middle of the day. I dimly remember sitting on the couch after a light practice but I must've fallen asleep. The arms around me tightened and I could immediately tell it was San who was holding me.

"I'm here Hyung, I'm here. Everything's ok," he consoled me softly. I slowly relaxed but then I remember Wooyoung and the light seeping from his eyes. Not a good memory.

"Where's Wooyoung," I asked quickly.

"He's cooking, why," San replied. I didn't answer, just tried to get up but San held firm and stopped me from moving.

"Hyung are you ok? It sounded like a pretty bad dream," he asked cautiously.

"I'm fine," I replied, finally slipping from his grasp. I walked quickly to fine Wooyoung, finding him in the kitchen as San said he was. He was cutting up vegetables with a very big, very dangerous knife and the first image that popped into my head was it embedded into his chest.

"What are you doing," I yelled out in worry. Wooyoung jumped in fright and the knife slipped from his hand, clattering to the floor uneasily close to his foot. There were rushed footsteps and a few seconds later, San, Ming, Yunho and Jongho rushed over.

"What happened," Jongho asked before their eyes all landed on the knife on the floor.

"Hyung scared me," Wooyoung said shakily.

"Youngie," San gasped before running over and checking on him. I looked down at the knife, just laying and glinting on the floor, mocking me. Anything could happen and that knife would be lodged in the chest of our happy little energizer and he would be no more. It needs to be gone. I grabbed a box from the bench and set it on the floor quickly and grabbing the knife, dropping it into the box. Not just that knife, all of the knives are dangerous. I looked up and saw one of our knife blocks, sitting barely a meter away from Jongho. I rushed over and pulled the knives out one by one, dropping them into the box quickly. The boys were unnaturally quiet as I continued piling every single knife I could find into that box.

"Uh Hyung, what're you doing," Jongho asked slightly.

"I'm confiscating the knives," I said. Isn't it kind of obvious what I'm doing?

"Why're you confiscating them," Yunho asked.

"I'm getting rid of them because Wooyoung almost got hurt," I said, placing the last knife into the box and beginning to clip up the lid.

"I almost got hurt because you came out of nowhere and yelled at me. It's your fault for scaring me," Wooyoung said. My fault? My fault for protecting him?

"Shut up and get out of the kitchen, it's too dangerous," I snapped, making a few of them gasp.

"What is wrong with you Hyung," San asked. I glanced up at them angrily before my eyes flittered to the side and I noticed the chairs sticking out. They're in the way. Someone can trip over them. If Yunho was walking, he might trip over it and get hurt. I could picture it clearly in my head, the way he would trip and the sickening crack as his head connected with the floor. It's dangerous. I rushed past the boys and quickly pushed the chair under the table, rushing to do the same with the remaining seven. The chairs are safe no, but what else isn't. I looked around quickly, my heart pounding and my breath quickening. The candles. What if a candle fell or something happened and it lit the cloth on fire. If the dorm went up in flames with everyone in it. I let out a whimper at the thought and rushed over to them. I blew them all out quickly but I wasn't satisfied so I moved them forwards, away from anything that could be possibly flammable. The next thing I noticed was the couches. They've always been a bit too far back and they stick out onto the walkway. If Mingi was to try on that, he'd most likely fall back and because he's so tall, he'd clip his head on the corner of the bench most likely. Hitting something like that would either mean instant death or a slow but unstoppable death. So definitely dangerous, very dangerous. I moved over so I was behind the couches and I started to push them forwards quickly. I noticed in the corner of my eyes as someone rushed over and Wooyoung was suddenly pulling me away from the couch.

"Hyung, what the hell is going on," he asked quickly.

"It's dangerous," I said, shoving him away quickly and pushing the couches further forwards.

"It's not dangerous Seonghwa Hyung, it's a couch," he said. I shook my head before turning to him. My eyes caught on the choker around his neck. It's a choker, it's literally in the word, it could choke him. I reached forwards to grab it and rip it off but Wooyoung caught both of my wrists and held them tightly.

"Stop it Hyung, just stop," he said, his eyes searching my face for something unknown.

"It's dangerous," I said.

"It's not Hyung. It's a choker, we wear them all the time and it isn't even squeezing my neck," he said. My eyes begun to well up with tears, the panic and anxiety of not being able to help him getting to me.

"It could choke you," I whimpered weakly.

"You need to calm down ok Seonghwa Hyung," he said, his grip tightening around my wrist. I don't know what's going on, I don't know how to stop it. Wherever I look is another danger. Another thing that could cause the boys harm. I was overwhelmed and I didn't know what to do, so I broke down and started sobbing uncontrollably.

Hongjoong's POV

"And then you just press this button and it adds the beat in," I explained. I'm in my studio a lot, everyone knows this. But this time I had Yeosang sitting beside me, watching and listening with rapt attention as I explained how everything worked.

"That's really cool Hyung," he said, giving me a small smile.

"It is isn't it," I replied, ruffling his hair softly. I jumped slightly when I heard my phone ringtone but I grabbed it quickly, answering when I saw it was Jongho. Wooyoung better have not almost burned down the dorm again. I sighed and went to ask what was happening this time but before I could, Jongho spoke urgently.

"Hyung Seonghwa Hyung's snapped and he's gone hysterical," he said. I froze and my eyes went wide at his words.

"What happened," I asked quickly.

"I don't know. He just started putting all the knives in a box and then he ran and pushed in the chairs but then he blew out all the candles and moved them and then he pushed the couches close to the tv. I don't know what's going on but he also tried to take Wooyoung Hyung's choker," he explained. Shit, that does not sound great.

"What's happening now," I asked worriedly.

"Wooyoungie Hyung stopped him and then he just started screaming and crying. Wooyoung Hyung, Yunho Hyung and Mingi Hyung are trying to restrain him so he doesn't hurt himself." It was at his words that I paid more attention and I could hear the faint sound of screaming in the background.

"We'll be home as soon as possible, just keep him safe," I said before hanging up.

"Seonghwa Hyung," Yeosang asked quietly. I nodded and we started packing up quickly, rushing to go home hastily.

*****

When we finally got into the loungeroom of the door, my heart broke. Wooyoung was sitting behind a hysterical Seonghwa, his arms wrapped around him and holding him to his chest while Mingi was holding onto the eldest's arms that were struggling slightly. Yunho was knelt beside them, hovering around in case something happened. Seonghwa was sobbing and half screaming in their hold and it's something I never want to hear again. I looked around for Jongho and my heart broke even more as I found him by the kitchen bench, his arms wrapped tightly around San who had his face buried in his neck as his shoulders shook. San never was able to bear hearing or seeing any of us in pain. I took a deep breath, knowing I need to keep a level-head and figure out how to calm Seonghwa down as best as I can.

"Sangie, go help Jongho look after San," I told him. He nodded and moved quickly to the pair in the corner. I went over to the group on the floor and knelt down. Restraining him like this will probably make him stress even more.

"Youngie Minmin, let Hwa go," I told them.

"We can't, he'll just start freaking out," Yunho said, shaking his head.

"Just let him go, I'll look after him," I said. I could tell they were still sceptical but they did as asked. Seonghwa immediately went to get up but I lunged forwards and replaced Wooyoung's place, hugging Seonghwa tightly from behind. I've been noticing how he's been uptight lately and always worrying about protecting the boys.

"The boys are safe Hwa, everything is ok," I whispered softly, placing a gentle kiss to the back of his neck.

"I need to make sure they're safe," Seonghwa said, shaking his head. Ok, so I was right, it is about keeping them safe. I could hear the fear in his voice and it made me realise that this wasn't just a small worry. Something bad must've happened to have shaken him up this badly.

"Darling we can't protect them from everything. They're going to get hurt, we can just be there to pick them back up when fall," I said gently. Seonghwa froze before turning in my arms and leaning his head against my shoulder, tears streaming down his face. I frowned and held him close, trying to not to cry at the sight of my rock so broken.

"I never was," he said quietly with a sob. I glanced up at the other three that were standing a little bit over to the side and saw that they looked as confused as me.

"What do you mean Hwa," I asked him, pushing his fair off his forehead. He didn't say anything, just shook his head in reply. There was a sudden gasp and I looked up to see San rushing over and sitting down in front of us, grabbing Seonghwa's hand gently.

"You have nightmares, don't you," he asked slowly. I felt Seonghwa stiffen in my hold and everything was beginning to make so much more sense. Nightmares would help explain why he's been so worried lately.

"You slept next to Jongho out of the blue one night and he said you seemed scared and worried. Then a few days later you woke me up like a crazy man in the morning and you hugged me as if someone was going to take me away. You even slept with Yeosang out of nowhere one night," San said.

"Today. Today you had a nightmare before you went to Wooyoung. Did he hurt himself with a knife or something," San asked gently. Oh, my, god.

"He was running. I told him to stop because he could get hurt but he didn't listen. He tried over and it stabbed him in the chest. He died in my arms," Seonghwa said with a sniffle. Jesus that's brutal. It was quiet for a few seconds before Wooyoung rushed over and collapsed into Seonghwa's lap, hugging him tightly.

"I'm ok Hyung, I promise. I'm sorry for yelling," Wooyoung said softly. Seonghwa hugged him tightly and I felt him relax in my arms, seeming relieved to have Wooyoung close to him. I would be the same if I saw him die in my arms, I don't even want to think about that. What else has he had to watch in his nightmares, and how many has he had?

"What other dreams did you have? It might help to talk about them," I said softly as Wooyoung moved away.

"They weren't dreams," Seonghwa shook his head. I frowned down at him in confusion, waiting for him to clarify.

"Dreams are nice," he whispered. Oh, I get what he means now.

"Do you want to talk about it," I asked. He let out a small breath and nodded slightly. He had calmed down enough that he was no longer crying, just trembling slightly in my arms. The others all came closer and sat down on the floor around us, showing that they were listening.

"It was just over a week ago when it started I guess. I was waiting for Hongjoong to come home and I went on Instagram and I came across this account. Every post was about one of you and depicted you getting hurt some way. They edited photos of you injured and it creeped me out and I started worrying about you guys," he said. That must've been the night where he randomly hugged me out of nowhere. He hugged me really tight and I was confused why but it makes more sense now.

"My first nightmare was the same night. I was by a cliff with Jongho and he fell, right into a river. By the time I found him, he was dead on the river bank as he had drowned.

"I'm right here Hyung, I'm ok," Jongho whispered softly.

"I know, but, you were face was so pale and your lips were blue," Seonghwa sniffled. I squeezed his hips gently and he moved his hand to lay over mine.

"I um, the next one I had was about Sannie. It was different, worse in a way because I had to watch as he suffered and died," Seonghwa said sadly.

"W-What happened," San asked.

"You swallowed a bottle of pills and you started having a seizure. There was foam coming from your mouth and I wanted it to stop but when it did, it was so much worse," Seonghwa said, a sob slipping out. At his words, I found myself slightly picturing the images but I quickly pushed them away, not liking the idea at all. Seonghwa turned to look at me with tear filled eyes.

"He stopped but he stopped everything. His face was blue and his eyes were open but there was nothing in them, they were just empty," he said, the tears falling. I found my own eyes welling up with tears but I quickly pushed them back and instead delicately wiped the tears falling from Seonghwa's eyes.

"Is that why you took away the pills," Mingi asked softly.

"If I look after the pills, no one can take too many," Seonghwa whispered. I understand his reasoning for it now, I know I definitely would've done the same thing.

"Yeosang was next," he said, so quietly we could barely hear him but I know they heard it as they glanced to the person mentioned. Seonghwa drew in a shaky breath and closed his eyes tightly. I worried that he was going to picture what he saw and get worked up again so I quickly pulled him closer to me.

"He's ok Hwa, he's right here ok," I said. Seonghwa reopened his eyes and glanced over at Yeosang who was staying quiet and he nodded.

"Yeosang's the only one I didn't have any chance to save. I had no idea what was happening, I just came home and found that he had used his belt to hang himself from his bedroom door," Seonghwa said slowly. Yeosang gasped and I saw the realisation dawn on his face just as things clicked into place for me. I knew we were both remembering the way Seonghwa panicked that morning and took away all of Yeosang's belts. I'm glad I went along with it at the time, otherwise it may have escalated a lot more. Seonghwa let out another breath and curled up more in my lap. Despite being tall, he looked so small all curled up in my lap.

"I started noticing little things that can hurt them. Like not having a seatbelt on and having a car crash," he said. It was at these words, that I realised Seonghwa was talking to me. He was letting everyone know but he was mostly looking at me and he was directing his words at me.

"In the van, when you yelled at Sannie Hyung," Jongho mentioned quietly and Seonghwa nodded.

"You already knows about fan incident but at our interview, I just kept picturing it falling and killing everyone," he said.

"I figured it was something like that," I nodded. I panicked slightly when Seonghwa burst into tears, thinking I had done something to really upset him but then he continued.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to annoy you guys so much lately," he cried.

"Hyung there's nothing you need to apologize for," Yunho said quickly but Seonghwa shook his head.

"I know I've been driving you all crazy lately but I just can't help it," he said, drying his eyes slightly.

"Group hug," Wooyoung said quickly and before I knew it, everyone was crowding together and we were all hugging in the middle of the floor.

"We can get you some help Hyung, take you to see someone," Wooyoung said softly. I understand the thought, but the wording was slightly off.

"We don't think there's anything wrong with you but talking to someone might help you feel less anxious," I added.

"I'll do it," Seonghwa said with a small nod. I was relieved that offering that didn't upset him and I kissed his cheek softly.

"I love you Hyung. Thank you for doing everything you can to keep us safe," Yeosang said gently.

"Can I just add that you are the most adorable thing in the world when you're sleepy Sangie," Seonghwa said with a small smile. I watched as Yeosang flushed bright red at his words.

"I know right. I keep telling you guys he's an absolute Angel when he just wakes up and he will literally reply with the cutest answers to what you ask but no one believes me," Wooyoung said with a pout.

"He is pretty cute," San added.

"Hyung I take it back, I don't love you."

A/N

This was requested by a friend of mine

I hope you all enjoyed this and thank you for reading