Trigger Warning

This has oneshot has previous self harm mentioned and is referenced throughout the entire fic so if you have any trauma in relation to that, please do not read. Your health and safety always comes first!

Seonghwa's POV

"Is everyone done with dinner," I asked as I stood from the table.

"Is Hongjoong Hyung going to come home and have some dinner," Wooyoung asked worriedly. I sighed, knowing how concern the boys always are about Hongjoong's health whenever he holes himself up in the studio which is more often than not.

"Hongjoong will be fine, I'm going to take him some food later. None of you worry about that ok, I'll look after him. Go get ready for bed, we have an early morning tomorrow," I said softly. The younger boys sighed before they all got up and started grabbing their plates quietly.

"Don't worry about the dishes, I'll to them tonight," I said quickly. The boys all slowly left, except San who remained behind.

"Sannie, go get some sleep," I said gently as I started grabbing the plates.

"I'll help you with the dishes," San said quietly as he begun grabbing the cutlery.

"Sannie it's fine, I can do it myself," I told him. Schedules lately have been long and the boys have been up doing so much, I just want to let them relax and get an early night for once.

"I know, but you deserve some rest too," San said. I sighed and reached over, ruffling San's hair softly. San smiled immediately with his dimples showing, nuzzling into my hand. I smiled softly and put down the plates, stepping closer to San and pulling him into my arms. He instantly cuddled closer in my arms, humming as he nuzzled into my neck. More in more each day San makes me think he really does channel a cat. I kept one arm wrapped around his waist and the other one gently scraping my nails over his scalp. San relaxed completely in my arms and I could tell just how much he needed some physical affection. I just stood there like that for a bit, allowing San to bask in the affection. Ok, maybe this hug was doing just as much for me as it was for him. I let my eyes slip closed and dropped my head on his shoulder, my arms moving to wrap around his shoulders. San's arms wrapped around my waist and he tugged me even closer. I'm not sure how long we were standing there for, a couple of minutes at least, before San's body suddenly started falling forwards slightly, his weight leaning on me completely. My eyes snapped open instantly and I quickly held him tighter and stood strong so he wouldn't fall.

"Sannie, sweetie," I said softly. He didn't reply so I focused on his even breaths against my neck and I smiled as I realised what had happened. He'd somehow fallen asleep standing and hugging me. It just shows how tired the boys really are. I slowly and gently moved around until I had an arm on his back and an arm under his knees before slowly lifting him into my arms. I made sure I didn't jostle him too much, keeping his head placed on my shoulder before carrying him bridal style back to his room. I nudged it open gently with my foot and walked inside to see Yunho already lying in his bed scrolling through his phone. He glanced up in confusion but his eyes lit up as they landed on San and I.

"Is he asleep," he asked quietly.

"He fell asleep standing up so he really needs a good rest," I replied softly. Yunho nodded in understanding and put his phone down before grabbing the side of his blanket and lifting it up. I walked over and gently placed San down behind the taller and watched fondly as he immediately cuddled up to Yunho, his head tucking into his neck. Yunho put the cover back down and wrapped his arms around San, hugging him tightly.

"You guys get some sleep alright," I whispered, bending down and kissing Yunho's forehead softly. I turned around and headed to the doorway to turn off the light and leave.

"Hyung," Yunho called out making me pause and turn around.

"Make sure you get some sleep as well. You're so busy mothering us and making sure we're resting but you're neglecting yourself," Yunho said. His concern was touching but I don't want him having to worry about me.

"I'm fine puppy, I'm just going to wait up a little bit for Hongjoong to hopefully get home and if he doesn't then I will drop him off some dinner and come back to bed," I promised. Yunho nodded before settling back down. I quickly turned off the light and left the room, closing the door behind me. I went back to the kitchen and went back to cleaning the table, moving all the dirty dishes to the bench before packing the dishwasher. I hate leaving things a mess so I was relieved once the dishwasher was on and cleaning the dishes up. I let out a small yawn and rubbed my eyes before checking the time. It was almost midnight and Hongjoong still wasn't home. It's not uncommon for him to be at the studio this late but they've been having 7am morning's which means Hongjoong gets barely any sleep. I sighed and went to the cupboard, grabbing out a container and bringing it over to the leftovers. I quickly filled the container and closed the lid before putting away what was left over. If Hongjoong isn't going to come home now, it's up to me to make sure he isn't overworking himself. I quickly put on my shoes and my coat before leaving the dorm, making sure the door was closed and locked behind me. Our dorms aren't too far away from KQ, only about a five minute walk so I quickly made my way down the street.

~~~~~

Before long I found myself standing outside of Hongjoong's studio and I knocked gently. I waited about 10 seconds but Hongjoong didn't open the door so I knocked again, harder this time. Once again Hongjoong never came to the door and I rolled my eyes. He's obviously got his music too high in his headphones so he can't even hear me knocking on the door. Luckily I'm one of the few who knows the code to his studio so I quickly input it and opened the door. When I went inside, I expected to find Hongjoong sitting at his desk with his headphones on, focusing completely on whatever song he was working on. However, what I saw was the complete opposite and I was shocked. Hongjoong was sitting on the couch with his knees drawn to his chest, his head on top of them. I quickly closed the door and put the food off to the side before hurrying over to the couch.

"Joong," I said softly as I sat down beside him. His head snapped up and he jumped slightly as if he didn't realise anyone had walked in. My heart broke as I saw his eyes were red and slightly puffy and he had a few tears falling down his face.

"Shit Hwa, you scared me," he said, wiping his eyes quickly.

"I knocked twice but you didn't answer," I replied quietly. I moved my had to the back of the couch, keeping my stance open and inviting. Hongjoong didn't hesitate to shuffle over and sit beside me, leaning over and rest his head on my shoulder.

"Why're you crying? What's wrong," I asked softly. Hongjoong doesn't let himself be vulnerable in front of others much but we've developed a close bond over the years and I've helped him through a lot.

"I feel like a failure," he whispered. I made a distressed noise at that and hugged him tighter.

"You are not a failure Hongjoong! Do you know what's giving you those thoughts," I asked him.

"I'm stuck on this song. I've been stuck on it since yesterday and I did absolutely no work today. God I'm so stupid," he said with a groan, sitting back up again. I frowned at that.

"You aren't stupid Joong, you're a genius. You've created so many songs, so many amazing songs. We wouldn't be where we are today if it wasn't for our amazing leader. You are amazing Kim Hongjoong," I said firmly. He smiled briefly before it fell once again.

"It's so frustrating though Hwa. I've been sitting here for like 5 hours doing nothing. It just made me want to bang my head against the wall," Hongjoong groaned. I froze at that, my eyes instinctively running over Hongjoong's head in worry.

"Did you, did you hurt yourself," I asked him softly. Hongjoong looked back up at me with wide eyes before they softened. He rolled up his sleeves and held his wrists out to me. I didn't look down though, I looked straight at him. I don't need to see anything, I trust his word and it's more encouraging for him to know that. Hongjoong was silent for a few seconds before smiling softly.

"I'm still clean Hwa, almost coming up to 3 years now," he said. I smiled at him and gently placed my hand on his forearms, sliding them down to rest on his wrists. Hongjoong has always felt a lot of pressure as an Idol, even when he was a trainee. He always pushes himself to be perfect, to do more than humanly possible and it's unrealistic. He used to turn to self-harm and had been doing it since he first became a trainee. I found out about it only a few months after I became a trainee and as expected, I freaked out. I wish I had of had a better reaction than yelling at him and telling him he shouldn't be doing it. If I could go back and do it again I would've been gentle and reassuring but thankfully it turned out fine. We got into an argument and didn't talk for a few days but I researched about self-harm and how to help someone who goes through it. We ended up going off somewhere and talking it out. I apologised profusely and made sure he knew I was there for him and would do everything I could to help him and I told him that I still cared about him and this wouldn't change anything. We both opened up that night and we cried together and Hongjoong explain why he did it. He told me sometimes he felt so helpless and so overwhelmed and that's why he turned to self-harm, because it made him feel in control, it made him feel physical pain instead of emotional pain. Since then he's done his best to stop doing it, going to therapy to talk about things and turning to me whenever he needs. He's had a few relapses but we've pushed through that and he's been doing so well. None of the other boys know about it as Hongjoong didn't want them knowing. He uses bracelets to cover up his wrists or make up to hide the scars.

"I'm proud of you, you know that right," I said softly. He chuckled at that and shuffled closer, hugging me again.

"You're always proud of me Hwa, even when I relapse," Hongjoong whispered.

"Well first of all, you're doing so well and you haven't relapsed in almost three years. Second of all, even if you do, I'm still proud of you because you're trying so hard," I said softly, leaning down and pressing a soft kiss to the top of Hongjoong's head. It was quiet for a few seconds before I heard a sniffle and my eyes widened.

"Joongie," I gasped out in worry. He lifted his head up and smiled softly despite his eyes being filled with tears.

"Happy tears," he sniffled. I let out a breath of relief and bundled him up tightly in my arms.

"You scared me for a second there," I said quietly.

"Sorry. Can I tell you something though," he whispered.

"Yeah of course. You can tell me anything Joongie," I said firmly.

"I'm not always good at keeping away the thoughts. I do still think about it and sometimes I really want to do it," Hongjoong said.

"And that's ok Hongjoong. No one expects those thoughts to go away completely so soon. You're just doing really well to not listen to them ok. Everything's still ok," I said gently.

"We should probably go home now, it's kind of late," Hongjoong said with a sigh.

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea," I said with a chuckle. We both got off the couch, stretching to get rid of the kinks before Hongjoong went over to pack up his things. I waited for him and we walked home together, making sure to remember his food.

~~~~~

When we got home, I brought Hongjoong straight to the kitchen and heated up his food for him, waiting with him until he ate it all and I put his dishes in the sink.

"Let's go get some sleep," I said, turning back to Hongjoong.

"I just want to check in on the kids first," Hongjoong said. I knew it would be pointless to try and stop him as it's basically a tradition for him to check on everyone before bed. We went to Yunho and San's room first, finding them curled up asleep just how they were when I left them.

"They're so cute," Hongjoong whispered.

"They are. Sannie actually fell asleep on me earlier," I told him as I shut the door quietly.

"It's amazing how often he cuddles up to us on the couch and falls asleep on people," Hongjoong said with a chuckle.

"No he literally fell asleep on me while we were standing," I said. Hongjoong frowned and glanced up at me.

"He was that tired," he asked.

"Yeah, he was exhausted," I said with a nod.

"I should probably talk to abeoji about trying to cut down on schedules and let everyone have some rest," he said with a sigh before we moved on to the next room. Mingi was fast asleep as well, stretched out across the whole bed. Hongjoong and I both held back chuckles at that. We then went to the Jongsangwoo room. We both paused as we saw no one in the maknae's bed.

"Where's Jongho," I asked worriedly.

"In bed with the other two," Hongjoong said, his voice showing a hint of fondness. I frowned in confusion but turned to Wooyoung's bed and grinned. The three of them had somehow managed to squeeze onto one bed, Jongho and Yeosang packed together like sardines with Wooyoung lying on top of both of them.

"Wooyoung must've had trouble sleeping. Jongho and Yeosang may act like they hate physical affection but when it comes to Wooyoung, they'll move mountains to make sure he's safe and healthy," Hongjoong whispered. I nodded, knowing he was no doubt right. Usually if Wooyoung has trouble sleeping he'll go to San but given that San is occupied, I'm glad Jongho and Yeosang allowed him to indulge in some cuddles.

"See everyone's asleep, now it's time for us to go and get some sleep as well," I whispered. Hongjoong giggled quietly but nodded and we left the room, closing the door and heading to ours. We were both quick to get changed and ready for bed.

"Wanna sleep together tonight," Hongjoong asked. I nodded immediately and he chuckled. He turned off the lights and we both settled down, cuddling up to each other. Hongjoong rested his head on my shoulder and cuddled his hands up against my chest. I reached down and gently grabbed both of his hands and pulled them up close to my mouth. I gently kissed both of his wrists, making him giggle softly.

"I love you," I whispered. He cuddled closer to me and nuzzled his head further into my neck.

"Love you too," he said quietly. I held him tightly and we slowly drifted off to sleep together.

Wooyoung's POV

"Come on Wooyoung, you need to push harder than that," Yunho said. I am pushing hard. Can't he see I'm trying.

"Let's go through Halazia again after a quick break," Yunho said. I deflated at that, quickly going over to grab a drink of water. I'm trying hard, I really am, I'm just exhausted. We've had pretty much non-stop schedules for weeks and it's taking a toll on me. I don't know how the others aren't as affected by it but I certainly am and I just want a break. It's just constant schedule after schedule, waking up early and barely sleeping at night. I just want it to stop, I want a break.

"Alright let's get going again," Yunho said. I let out a deep breath and slowly pushed myself to my feet.

"Wooyoung, hurry up please," Yunho said. I frowned but hurried over to my position. My legs felt slightly like jelly but I remained silent. If everyone else is doing fine with all of this, then so am I. The song started and we began dancing. 20 seconds in we got to San and I's special part. I spun around quickly and landed on my knees, holding back a whimper as I landed kind of hard. San freed me and I pushed myself up to my feet, only I could barely do that, my arms almost gave out and I felt exhaustion setting in even more. I twisted slightly before going to slide forwards on my arm but it gave out and I fell flat on the ground. It was barely even a fall considering how close I was to the ground and I wasn't hurt in any way but it pushed me closer to the edge. The music stopped immediately and I heard a groan.

"Wooyoung this is simple stuff, you shouldn't be making mistakes like this." Yunho's words were what pushed me over the edge. I've had enough, it's too much. It's too overwhelming and exhausting and I WANT TO STOP. I burst into tears where I was laying on the floor before lifting my head and bringing it down onto the ground again. It stung a little but that was better than feeling the crushing exhaustion that's been threatening to suffocate me recently. I went to do it again but there was a gasp and then a thump. Before my head could hit the ground again, I was scooped up.

"Don't do that. Don't ever hurt yourself Youngie," Hongjoong said as he spun me around to face him. The tears fell harder and I started to sob.

"I can't d-do this Hyung, I need a b-break. I'm so t-tired. I w-want it t-to stop," I cried, my breathing coming quicker.

"Ok, ok, that's ok. You can have a break. We're taking a break right now," Hongjoong said quickly. I shook my head and continued crying.

"We have too many schedules," I whimpered. Hongjoong pulled me into his lap and held me gently, rocking me slowly and running his fingers through my hair.

"What do we have for the rest of the day," Hongjoong asked. His hold was comforting and I cuddled closer in his lap, tucking my head into his neck and trying to calm down my crying. Hongjoong held me tighter and continued rubbing my hair gently.

"We have another two hours of practice and then we were supposed to be filming some more content for Wannateez," Yeosang said.

"Ok. Ok we can work with this. Is there anyone else who needs to stop doing schedules immediately or can you hang in there until tomorrow," Hongjoong asked. Everyone else all said they could last and I let out a sob at that. I'm just pathetic. I'm the only one who is crashing and burning right now, it's so stupid. I lifting my hands to my hair and grabbed it tightly but before I could tug, Hongjoong was instantly grabbing my hands and gently tugging them away.

"No Wooyoung, don't do that," he said quickly.

"I can keep going," I whimpered, pulling back. I don't want to be the only one missing out on schedules cos I'm not good enough-.

"Nope, you and I need a break. We're going to go home and get some rest because we're both pretty exhausted right now. I was supposed to talk to abeoji a couple day ago but I forgot so I'll talk to him tonight," Hongjoong said.

"You guys need to continue practice and be your normal chaotic selves for wannateez," Hongjoong said. There were noises of agreement and shuffling before I felt another hand on my back. I sniffled and turned around in Hongjoong's hold to see San knelt down beside me.

"Sannie," I whimpered. He smiled sadly at me and opened his arms. I let out a sob and quickly shuffled over, falling into his arms and hugging him tightly.

"Go home and get some rest Youngie, you are exhausted. I know you're thinking down on yourself right now but you've been having trouble sleeping lately on top of our schedules, it's understandable that you're more exhausted than us ok," San said softly. I sniffled but nodded.

"I love you jagiya, just relax for tonight ok," he whispered, kissing my forehead softly.

"Love you too," I said quietly. San gently picked me up and passed me back over to Hongjoong who accepted me with open arms.

"Let's go grab our bags and head home ok," Hongjoong said softly as he wiped my eyes with his thumbs softly. He stood up and gently pulled me to my feet, guiding me over to our bags. I went to grab mine but Hongjoong swooped in and quickly grabbed it for me instead.

"Hyung please don't," I begged. I already felt invalid enough. Hongjoong paused before his eyes softened and he held out his hand.

"Come on, let's go home," he said softly. I bit my lip nervously but gave in and grabbed his hand, allowing him to tug me only gently.

~~~~~

Our manager had us driven home quite quickly after and we walked inside quietly. Hongjoong turned to me once the front door was closed but I quickly looked down.

"I'm gonna go to my room," I whispered. I went to move forwards quickly but before I could, Hongjoong grabbed my wrist to stop me.

"Can I talk to you on the couch please," he asked. Oh god, now is when he's going to tell me off for earlier.

"Hyung I'm sorry. I know I messed up an-."

"Wooyoungie calm down, that is not what I wanted to talk about. Take a deep breath and please don't cry, there's nothing wrong and I'm not going to yell at you," Hongjoong said softly. I nervously bit my lip and sniffled, pushing back my tears.

"Let's go to the couch ok," he said gently, grabbing my hand and pulling me along. We both sat down and I grabbed a pillow and tucked it into my lap.

"Youngie, how long have you been feeling like this, so exhausted? And how long have you been having trouble sleeping," Hongjoong asked me softly.

"Um, about a week or two," I admitted quietly. Hongjoong sighed and deflated slightly.

"Wooyoung you have to tell me these things ok. I'm the leader, it's my job to make sure you guys are all doing ok, that you're all healthy and happy," he said softly.

"It wasn't that big of a deal," I said with a shrug.

"Wooyoung it's a very big deal. I don't want to be insensitive but I care so much about you and I want to look after you. You had a breakdown earlier Youngie. You were pushed to your limit and then you were pushed too far and I don't want that to ever happen again," Hongjoong said firmly. I frowned at that and looked down at my hand, picking at my nails.

"Young-ah don't do that please," Hongjoong said, reaching over and placing his hand on both of mine to stop me.

"Sorry," I said immediately.

"Can you promise that next time you start getting overwhelmed you will tell me so I can make sure you get a break when you need to," Hongjoong said softly.

"Ok, I promise," I said quietly.

"Good. Now do you want to go and have a shower and then relax a bit," he asked softly. A shower sounds nice but I did just promise I would let Hongjoong know when I get overwhelmed and right now I'm not sure I can last an entire shower without possibly falling.

"Um Hyung, I don't think I can shower by myself right now," I said quietly.

"Why not," he asked with a frown.

"I'm not feeling great right now. I fell earlier, that's what set off the breakdown I guess. I'm scared I might fall if I shower alone," I admitted quietly. Hongjoong's face softened and he shuffled closer.

"That's alright. Do you want to shower later when Sannie gets home so he can help you," he asked me gently. It's true, if I ever am tired or feeling a bit needy, I usually go to San to shower with. As an KPOP group that's been together for 4 years, we're all comfortable together and have at one point needed to shower together. It's quite comforting if anything. Hongjoong barely does it though, the only person he's done it with is Seonghwa.

"Can you just help me please Hyung," I asked quietly.

"Oh, yeah. Yeah, of course. Come on," he said quickly as he stood up. I smiled slightly, happily. We both went to our rooms and grabbed our clothes before going to the bathroom. Hongjoong got the shower ready, making sure to get it at the perfect temperature. Once it was right, we both quickly got undressed and took off our jewellery before stepping into the shower and under the water. I slipped within seconds and my knees buckled slightly but Hongjoong was there and caught me swiftly.

"I've got you, you're ok," he said softly. I nodded and exhaled shakily, steadying my legs again.

"You stable," Hongjoong asked softly. I glanced up at him before nodding quickly and he let me go again.

"Grab me the soap and I'll wash you, you can just relax," he told me. I quickly grabbed it and handed it over to him. He washed me gently, paying extra attention to rub my back and shoulders. It felt so nice that I felt my eyes slip closed and I actually started falling asleep. I didn't even realised I had begun falling forwards until Hongjoong was wrapping an arm around my waist to stop me from falling.

"Don't fall asleep on me Youngie, you can sleep later," he chuckled.

"Sorry Hyung. Is it my turn to wash you now," I asked him.

"You don't have to wash me Wooyoung, I can do it myself," he said.

"Nonsense, I'm washing you," I said, spinning around quickly. He chuckled but handed me the soap and sponge. I spent a few minutes cleaning him, tubbing his back and shoulders before turning him around and washing his chest.

"That tickles," he said with a small chuckle. I grinned at that, feeling better after hearing him happy. I moved to his arms and scrubbed down towards his hands. What I saw though, made me freeze and my stomach drop. There were scars all over his wrists, pale and very obvious. I was shocked and scared for Hongjoong.

"H-Hyung. Hyungie," I whimpered.

"What? What's wrong? Are you feeling dizzy," Hongjoong asked me immediately, grabbing onto my arms as I clung to his.

"Hyungie why," I asked, my eyes welling up with tears. Wait no, no I shouldn't act like this. Why am I acting like this?

"Why what baby? Why are you upset," Hongjoong asked quickly. I couldn't find the words so I just hugged him tightly. He paused for a few seconds before hugging me as well, rubbing my back.

"Come on, let's get out and you can tell me what's wrong," he said. He quickly washed off the soap before helping us out of the shower and wrapping towels around us. I was still in a state of shock, just going through the motions to dry off and get changed. Once Hongjoong was dressed, he reached over and grabbed his bracelets. That's when I realised. Hongjoong has worn those almost as long as I can remember, most likely to cover up the scars. I still can't believe he hurts himself. Hongjoong went to put on his bracelets before freezing and spinning around, his eyes wide.

"Oh god," he gasped. Before I could stop myself, my eyes welled up with tears and Hongjoong's face filled with panic.

"My room. Now," he said quickly. Hongjoong actually self-harms, and we never knew, I never knew.

Hongjoong's POV

I grabbed Wooyoung's hand and tugged him from the bathroom and over to my room, sitting us down on my bed.

"Wooyoung breathe, I am fine. I promise I am fine," I said quickly, noticing how scared and confused he looked. I didn't even stop to think what would happen when I showered with Wooyoung without my bracelets. I should've stopped to think about that because now rather than sitting the boys down and explaining things properly, Wooyoung's already seen and is already panicking.

"Hyungie you hurt yourself," he whimpered.

"Ok I need you to stop and listen to me. I have a few things I need to explain to you and I don't want you to panic," I said quickly.

"Hyung," he replied sadly.

"I know, I know. But please just listen to be baby, I beg you," I said, practically whispering at the end so my voice wouldn't crack. I could feel my eyes welling up with tears but I desperately tried to hold them back.

"Hongjoong Hyung," Wooyoung whispered, shuffling over and hugging me tightly.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"No, don't be. I'm listening," he said quickly, sitting back but dropping his hands into mine and holding them tightly. I smiled in appreciation and took a deep breath to calm down.

"Ok, so this is going to be a bit of a hard subject to talk about because I've only talked about it with two other people," I said nervously.

"That's ok, I'm all ears and no judgement," Wooyoung said immediately. I smiled in appreciation and squeezed his hand.

"It's true, those scars are from self-harm. I used to self-harm back in trainee days, beginning back when it was just me. Seonghwa found out not long after he became a trainee and he's helped me through things a lot. I started going to a therapist to talk through things and I still sometimes book an appointment here and there. I started trying to get clean once Hwa found out and I was doing alright but I had quite a few relapses for the first 12 months. I tried my best but some habits are hard to get out of. It was hard but Hwa was there for me and I've been doing my best. I've now been clean for almost three years," I said. Wooyoung was quiet for a little bit and I was beginning to get a little anxious. Will he think different of me now? Think less of me? My thoughts were cut off by him suddenly lunging forwards and embracing me tightly.

"I love you Hongjoong Hyung, and I am so proud of you, so, so proud," Wooyoung said. I felt my eyes well up with tears and I hugged him tightly feeling relief flow through my body.

"Y-You are," I whispered, sniffling slightly.

"Of course I am Hyung. God you're so strong Joong," he whispered.

"It's Hyung to you," I sniffled, making us both chuckle. We pulled apart and I noticed Wooyoung's eyes were a little red. He reached up and brushed the tears from my cheeks softly.

"Can I ask why you never told us," he asked quietly.

"I was so scared, I still am. I don't want everyone to know and I don't want anyone to feel differently about me," I admitted quietly.

"I can respect that Hyung but just so you know, no one will think any differently of you," Wooyoung said softly.

"I know. I'm going to tell them one day. I want to tell them when I reach three years," I said.

"That sounds great Hyung. I know you can get there," Wooyoung said, cupping my cheek softly.

"You're an amazing human being my Captain," Wooyoung said. His eyes were so pure, so sincere, it made my eyes well up once again.

"Youngie I'm just no hurting myself, it isn't like I've achieved world peace or something," I pointed out.

"I don't care. You're my idol and someone I look up to and now I do even more," he said firmly.

"Shit Young-ah, why do you have to make me cry," I sniffled, the tears falling again.

"I guess we're just cry-babies today," Wooyoung said with a shrug.

"Am I allowed to ask a few questions," he asked. I quickly wrapped an arm around his shoulder and pulled him close to my side.

"Of course you can," I replied softly, wiping my eyes dry quickly.

"Did you do it because it helped calm things down in your mind, when you get overwhelmed," he asked quietly. My heart clenched and fear shot through me.

"Wooyoung-ah please don't ever do it. I see you all the time doing things like tugging your hair or hitting your head whenever you get overwhelmed and I do my best to stop that but I don't want you getting ideas alright," I begged.

"Of course not Hyung. Truthfully, I don't even realise I do it sometimes. I promise I don't hurt myself, it's a sting at most," Wooyoung replied.

"I know, I just need to make sure Woo. And yes, that is why I used to do it. Now I have methods to deal with the thoughts that still come and to process them without acting on them. It's taken time and I'm still learning but I'm getting better," I said softly.

"Will the scars ever go away? Not that they're bad, I'm just wondering," Wooyoung said. I smiled softly and ruffled his hair to show I wasn't upset with what he said.

"I don't think they will Wooyoung, but that's ok. I kind of like them now, they're like a reminder. They're a part of me now, of my past and I'm not ashamed of it. I've grown and I've overcome it and now it's just a reminder of how strong I can be," I said softly. Wooyoung grinned and nodded, flopping down into my lap.

"We should probably actually rest like we were supposed to," he said with a yawn. I chuckled at that but nodded.

"That we should. Do you want to cuddle," I asked him. He sat up immediately, so quickly that he didn't pay attention to the bunk above him. Luckily I was quick enough and put my hand between his head and the bunk, stopping him from getting hurt.

"Come on," I said with a chuckle, laying down on holding out my arms. He was quick to lay down as well and cuddled up in my arms.

"Hyung," he whispered.

"Yes Young-ah," I said with a chuckle.

"I love you so much and I'm proud of you. I want you to know that," Wooyoung said firmly. I felt a smile slip onto my lips and I held him tighter.

"I love you too sweetheart," I replied, letting my eyes slip closed in content.

A/N

After my previous chapter, I was requested by 3shinjirarenai3 to continue on with the theme of harsh issues in society nowadays that many people go through. Around 17% of everyone around the world will at some point in their life turn to self harm, 45% of those use cutting as their method, much like how it was described with Hongjoong in this oneshot

I know that some of my readers will most likely have gone through something like this or will at some point think about it and I want you all to know that you aren't alone. You are beautiful, handsome, you are smart, you are talented and I am so proud of you. Keep your head up and push through. I would recommend that you go to someone for help, preferably a professional like a therapist but even asking a friend is a good first step. You are all valuable and you are all loved

Thank you for reading this fic and I hope despite the subject of it, you still enjoyed it and it was ok