Savannah ran into her apartment. She could still hear Ross’s stunned voice calling out to her. She had ignored him and ran for dear life. God alone knew how she managed to get out of the building and scrambled into a taxi that happened to be waiting for somebody else. She had thrown some bills to the driver, shouting at him to:

“Drive! Drive!”

When they were a block down from her office, only then, did she give him her address. He looked in his rear view mirror, seeing the bead of perspiration on her brow, the dilated eyes and wondered whether he was transporting a burglar or a murderess. He was a foreigner, trying to make a living in the Big Apple. He shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. She’d paid him enough to have an early night. He had nothing to complain about.

Savannah hastened out of the taxi, thanked the driver and closed the door. The delivery from the bakery was carefully sealed and left at her doorstep. Savannah picked it up and went inside. She shut her apartment door, making double sure it was locked. She ripped at the clothes on her body, divesting herself of every last item. She placed it into a bin liner and dumped it into the non recyclable bin. She could not look at those clothes again. It would remind her of her stupidity. She wanted no reminders of what she’d done or of Ross. She peeled her boots off and that followed into the same bin liner as her clothes. Shivering uncontrollably, she called Louise, informing her, she would meet her at her place. She did not want to be in her apartment. Ross would rock up there, she just knew it. She had to hurry and get out before he arrived.

First she had to scrub of every trace of Ross’s touch from her body. That was going to take a while she silently acknowledged with a scarlet blush, for she can’t remember a single part of her body that he had not touched. Savannah groaned in disgust. She was ashamed of herself. How could she have been so stupid?

Why? Why? Why the hell had she been so careless? Not that she could ever deny how earth shattering their explosive lovemaking had been, or the fact that she was immediately craving a second helping of his special brand of loving.

You have no shame!

Now their relationship was so ruined. How could she ever look him in the eye again? She can’t continue working for Ross, not after what they had done. It was just too awkward and painful. There was only one solution. 
 

Ross had hastily showered at the office, cursing himself for letting Savannah escape. He was a SEAL. He should have been able to stop her! He knew she would go to her apartment, so he rushed through a shower before, taking his own car to her place. He knew she’d enjoyed their love making as much as he did. Her soft groans of pleasure had spurred him on.

Why did she run? Was she shy now?

He smiled, thinking about how amazing she had been. What frightened Ross was his unquenched desire for her. He wanted her again. How stupid was he to think, once would rid him of his desire for her. He wanted her more now than before he’d had her. Ross got to Savannah’s apartment. He pounded on the door endlessly... no answer. He called her mobile like fifty times, she did not pick up. Her mobile was actually switched off.

Savannah put on the performance of her life in front of her friends. On the Saturday morning, they had enjoyed a few hours of ice skating. Requiring a bit of attention, it kept Savannah’s mind occupied just for a few hours. They’d worked up an appetite. Whilst the girls enjoyed a hearty hot lunch, Savannah merely pecked at her food. She forced herself to smile brightly.

They must not suspect a thing!
How could she have been so stupid?
How could she have made love with Ross?

Whatever would her friends think especially since they made their Ross fantasies known to her in graphic detail, in no uncertain terms?

Late in the afternoon, when they had returned to their cabin, it was quiet nippy, still Savannah wanted fresh air. She craved some time alone.
‘Savannah its freezing outside,’ Louise cautioned.

Who cares?
‘I won’t be long,’ she said lightly, threading on a heavy fur jacket.

It had been a strenuous effort, smiling, laughing, looking happy, pretending like her life was hunky dory, when she had just had sex in the office with her boss not even twenty four hours ago. She’d allowed him to take her virginity, a man she was not in a relationship with. And worse, there was a man whom she was in a relationship with, who did not even have an idea of the disgusting thing she had done.

You are despicable, Savannah!

She bit on her lower lip, the metallic taste of blood made her scowl distastefully.
 
A blinding curtain of snow began to fall. Snowflakes, like confetti were lining her shoulders. Savannah was forced to return inside the cabin. The girls had the log-fires burning in the old fashioned grate. She psyched up a huge smile and opened the door.

‘I’d love to say it’s beautiful outside,’ she laughed, ‘but I’m freezing now, and drenched to my skin.’

‘Serves you right, you smart alec. I filled up the bath tub for you,’ Jodie grinned.

‘Thank you so much,’ Savannah sighed happily. ‘Half an hour guys,’ she pleaded.

‘Take your time,’ Louise smiled. ‘We’re going to have a lovely lamb stew. It will only be ready in an hour.’

‘Go,’ Jodie pushed Savannah towards the bath. ‘Oh, you’ll need this,’ Jodie handed her a glass of red wine.
‘I am being truly spoilt,’ Savannah laughed softly.

‘How about a game of monopoly when you come out?’ Jodie suggested.

‘But you always steal from the bank!’ Louise accused.

‘Do not!’ Jodie scowled with a guilty face.

The last thing Savannah felt like doing was engaging in a board game, but she could not deny her friends. ‘Set the game up in the mean time,’ Savannah smiled.

‘Yes,’ they chorused. ‘And you’re making breakfast in the morning Savannah,’ Louise instructed.

‘Deal,’ Savannah agreed before she took comfort in a leisurely bath. She should not be alone, because then she started doing post mortems of her and Ross making love. Savannah shut her eyes. She could feel Ross’s lips on her throat. She could feel his hands all over her body, touching every inch of her. Heat coursed through her as she remembered him inside her, delighting her, thrilling her, satisfying her, yes he had satisfied her...absolutely.
 

Ross returned to Savannah’s place on Saturday morning, still no sign of her. He called her again, her mobile was still switched off. He went home and returned again on the Saturday evening, she was still not there.

Where are you Savannah?

Ross slumped onto the pavement outside Savannah’s apartment. Fear gripped him, like never before. Where could she be? He could not think rationally.

Savannah ... please, just let me know you are all right.

As he sat there helplessly, it finally, dawned on Ross she had not run because she’d been shy. She was humiliated. He had seduced her. Savannah had not wanted to make love. She had said “no!” She had turned her face away from him when he’d lowered his head to kiss her. He had cruelly used his physical advantage to take her. To make matters worse, he had taken her innocence. It was he who had put her arms around his body. It was he, when they were naked, who had lifted her hands to his chest. Savannah had tried to stop him when he dipped his hand into her most private sanctuary. Instead, he had just casually brushed her hand away.

Ross wanted to kick himself. He wished the earth would open up and devour him. He was not worth living. He was scum. How could he repay her? What he’d done could not be undone. Would Savannah ever forgive him?

Whatever happened to his self control? He was a man who prided himself on his iron will. Why did he violate her? Why had he not respected her when she’d said “No?” Ross had done the unthinkable. No amount of self deprecation could offer him any comfort. He doubted even if Savannah forgave him, whether he could live with himself again. He hated himself right now.

Filthy, despicable swine!

On Sunday evening, Ross returned to Savannah’s apartment. Relief swelled inside him. He just knew she was in. Every nerve cell in his body was attuned to her presence behind that door. Even though all the lights were out, she was there, he knew it.

‘Savannah open up!’ Ross thumped on her door. ‘Savannah ...please ... let me in,’ Ross’s hands pummelled relentlessly.

The door was wrenched open. Ross slumped in almost losing his balance. It took him a few seconds to adjust to the darkness of her lounge. He felt his way on the wall, found the switch and threw light into the room.

A suitcase was casually standing very close to where he stood. There was no music playing, the TV was of. There was no life inside the apartment. It was freezing cold, almost as cold as the biting chill outside but not as cold as the thick ice around his heart. Ross allowed his eyes to travel over Savannah. She looked just as he felt. There were dark shadows under her eyes. She looked pale. She had a long jacket on, still tightly belted around her waist. She still had a pair of very high heeled boots on, not the ones she’d had on, on Friday. Ross longed to put his arms around her, not for his own need, but to offer her ... what comfort?
It would be the last thing she would want from him. Had her last meal been just like him ...breakfast on that fateful Friday morning? He cowered silently, hating even thinking of that day but unable to erase it from his mind. It had been beautiful, but what he had done was wrong!

Savannah would not look at him, but she could tell he was in jeans and a sweater. He had not shaved in the last three days it seemed. His eyes looked hallowed. His body was all tensely coiled up...waiting to unleash his powerful strength. She recalled the potent strength of his weight on her body; the delicious taste of his tongue on hers; his arousing fingers inside her body...

‘Savannah ... I am so very sorry. What I did was despicable. You have every right to lay a charge against me ... infact I will go with you.’

‘What!’ Her head flung up.

Ross groaned, his eyes shut for a second. ‘I raped you Savannah. I am a criminal.’

‘You did not!’

‘You did not say “yes.” Infact you said “no.”

She looked away. She could not look at the tortured pain etched on his face. It tugged at the strings of her heart to see Ross taking blame for something he should not.

‘You did not rape me Ross,’ she repeated. ‘You would not have ...we would not have ... I am fully convinced if I said “stop”, you would have.’

‘Would I?’ A pained look filled his face. ‘What kind of an animal was I? You said “no” yet I ignored that.’

‘You did not hold me against my will,’ she murmured.
'I could have walked out. The door was not locked,’ she reminded him.

‘Why didn’t you warn me Savannah?’

She turned away.
Where was the time?

She had been so consumed by her own need. Ross’ lovemaking had been intoxicating. She had been lost in his expertise, unable to resist, greedily wanting more and more.

‘Your first time should have been special. I should have been gentle.’

You were...special and gentle.

She knew he was just a foot behind her. She could feel his breath blowing on her hair, yet he did not touch her.

‘Your body was meant to be worshipped on a bed ... filled with rose petals.’

‘Please leave!’

‘Savannah ...’

‘I emailed my resignation to you yesterday.’

‘No Savannah ... please. I need you. I cannot work without you.’

I cannot work with you ...anymore.

‘You will get used to it ...
eventually. Please don’t make this more difficult Ross.’

‘I won’t ask your forgiveness. All I ask is please, accept my deepest apology.’

Her back was to him. She shut her eyes. ‘There is nothing to forgive Ross. We were both consenting adults.’

‘Come back to work tomorrow.’

‘No! Please ... just leave.’

She did not have to turn around. Immediately she felt his absence. The door was still opened, the chill of the wind was rushing in, filling around her dead heart. Very slowly she closed the door and took up the seat again that she had vacated when Ross had pounded on the door.

The room was colder than an industrial cold room. Finally Savannah was feeling the chill in her bones. She should make herself some food, nourishment to sustain her energy levels. She’d hardly eaten over the weekend, gallantly keeping up a smiling front and pretending her loss of appetite was due to some tummy bug she had quickly invented. Savannah picked up her suitcase and trotted to her bedroom. There was no way she could put a single morsel of food into her mouth, so why bother even preparing anything?

After her shower, dressed in warm flannel pyjamas, with mechanical effort she slid into bed. She just lay there with her eyes wide opened, staring at the ceiling. The room was in darkness, but her eyes had adjusted. Not that she’d had the light on before her shower. Everything was familiar in her bedroom. She knew exactly where to find her sleep wear. She had not bothered brushing her hair or putting any creams on her face or body. She was too afraid to close her eyes. She would see Ross’s dark passionate eyes smiling at her. Nor did she want to subject herself to a replay of their foolhardy sex in Ross’s office.

How could she have been so dense? Why didn’t she think of the repercussions? Now she was without a job. Not that it would be difficult to walk into another job. She was a highly skilled professional, but she and Ross had worked well together and he paid her a fantastic salary, not to mention all the other financial benefits that construed her remuneration package.

All she had become was another notch on his bed post. Well ... technically there had not been a bed. She recoiled just thinking of their reckless act on the sofa in Ross’s office. What if somebody had walked in? What if one of her friends had come looking for her?

And what about Robert? How was she going to look him in the eye again? Though Robert had not officially asked to date her or requested exclusivity, there was an expectation of boundaries. Savannah could not deny that. She had not even bothered informing Robert that she was going away for the weekend. On Friday as soon as she’d parked her car in Louise’s driveway, she had switched of her cell, too afraid Ross would call.

What of Ross’s lover? She’d just been a one night stand or one afternoon stand. Ross had come to apologize. There had been no talk of a relationship. Was Savannah expecting Ross to say, he’d broken off with his current flame and that he wanted a relationship with her now? She was sure Ross preferred his women experienced and sophisticated, not unskilled like her, just lying on her back, just taking and not reciprocating. She recalled how Ross had to put her hands around his shoulders, he had lifted her hands to his chest, so she could caress him.

She shut her eyes, remembering the masculine wall, the taut chest muscles, his body so beautiful, not an ounce of fat. Savannah had thought she was going to implode when Ross had lain over her, his chest pressed against her soft flesh. Her breasts had delighted at the joining of their flesh. And the erotic things he had done to her, things she had taken the greatest pleasure in...things she had silently begged him not to stop doing to her. How could Savannah ever look Ross in the eye again and not blush with embarrassment?

She shut her eyes for a painful second. She could never work for Ross again. It would kill her if he would ask her to make dinner reservations for him and a new love interest. She was only human, she could not subject herself to that. She had made the right decision by resigning. A clean break was the best course of action. This way when Ross continued with his active sex life, she would not silently fume and rage at her uncontrollable jealousy.

She did not know what she was going to say to Jodie and Louise. How was she going to explain her sudden, resignation? She could not say she had a better offer from some other company. She had none. Besides, they knew she was not moved by money. Savannah would not just impulsively up and go to another organization just for the sake of more money. Loyalty was a hallmark of her character, and she could hardly frown upon the extravagant salary package she currently enjoyed.

Savannah looked at her bedside clock, it was ten past eight. She felt tired and lifeless. She had been awake for so long, she’d hardly had four hours of sleep. It was Monday morning, on a normal day; she would have already been at work forty minutes ago. Ross would have gotten his first cup of coffee ten minutes ago.
Stop it!

Savannah washed her face and went into the kitchen still in her pyjamas. She craved some coffee. Too impatient to wait, she made herself the instant variety and again slumped into the very seat she’d occupied last night. She had just taken a sip when there was a knock on her door.

Ross!
She could hardly describe the sudden action of her heart as just beating faster, it seemed to have wrenched out of position.

‘You’re wearing the same clothes as last night,’ she raised her eyebrows at Ross.

He was standing there, still unshaven, looking forlorn like a beaten lost soul in an unforgiving desert sand storm. Ross looked down at his clothes as if it only now seeing his appearance from another’s eyes.

‘I’ve been driving around ... I did not go home.’

Savannah’s eyes widened.
What the hell had he been doing during the freezing night?
She only now saw his bloodshot eyes, the dark shadows beneath his eyes. A designer stubble now covered his face. It looked appealing she had to admit.
What would it feel like to touch it...with my tongue?
How her lips ached to kiss him; to run her tongue down that column of his throat. Her fingers tingled in remembrance, touching that hair roughened texture of his beautiful chest. Disgusted with herself, Savannah quickly brushed away her sinister thoughts.

‘May ... I come in?’

Instinctively she wanted to say no, but his normally broad upright shoulders were slumped. He looked a sorry sight. She stepped aside. He took that as an invitation and promptly slumped into the cushion that still held the imprint of Savannah’s body. Savannah swallowed, Ross normally walked with such athletic grace. He was practically dragging one foot in front of the other. She walked to the kitchen, made him a coffee and returned to her lounge. Without a word, she handed him the strong, piping hot brew. Ross stared blankly at the cup as if wondering what he was supposed to do with it.

‘Thank you,’ he lifted it to his mouth and summarily emptied the cup.

Savannah flinched, surely the steaming coffee had scaled his mouth. Ross seemed indifferent to its temperature. She took the seat opposite to where Ross sat.

‘Come back to work Savannah.’

‘No! I can’t work for you anymore.’

She saw the self recrimination cover his face. ‘It’s not the reason that you think.’

‘Are you denying your resignation had anything to do with us having sex?’

Here was a glimpse of the former Ross Templeton. Self assured, confident, authoritative and he called it sex...not making love.
If she needed any convincing, his next words were confirmation.

‘Savannah you and I are professionals. Can we not work past what happened? Put it behind us.’

Easy for you to say ... you cold detached, emotionless, Sex on Wheels fiend!

She stood up, shifted away from his direct line of vision. ‘I’m not comfortable about working together. It’s too ...’

‘I know it was your first time Savannah,’ he stood up. ‘I know it should have happened in more conducive surroundings. You have absolutely no idea how much I regret it.’

Her head swung his way.
So he did not even enjoy our ...what we did? Lord I must have been the most pathetic lay he’d ever had! This is so much worse than I thought!

‘Look Ross ...’ She could not address him formally anymore, not after the way he’d made love to her. It was not just sex as far as she was concerned.
‘I was just your secretary. Nobody is indispensable. The Personnel Agency can replace me with another secretary within five minutes of your call to them.’

‘It will take me time Savannah, to train somebody, to vet that person, to get the efficiency I got from you.’

‘It did not take that long,’ she countered.

Yes. You are one of a kind Savannah. One and ... only.

‘I don’t want another secretary. I want you.’

I want you.

It echoed in her ears with fierce hunger. It had been murmured passionately and hungrily the first time he’d spoken it. She had to get rid of Ross. She had to get as far away from him as possible. He was not making this easy at all.

‘Please ... I want you to leave.’

‘I will double your salary Savannah.’

She baulked not at what the intended offer entailed, but at his audacity. ‘Surely you do not presume I base decisions on its monetary value!’

He shut his eyes. ‘I know that Savannah ... I am desperate here to get you back as my secretary.’

“His secretary.”

Savannah walked to the door, opened it and glared at him dismissively. ‘Do not ever come back Ross. My mind is made up.’

He stared at her helplessly, resignation washing over his face. It seemed his mouth opened to say something, just as he stood a breath away from her at the door, but thought better of it and walked out angrily.     
                             
             -end chapter twelve-