Authors note- I am so sorry in advance lol please don't hate me

Charlotte's pregnancy was the worst kept secret around the nursery. She had wanted to keep it quiet til they had a drs appointment but Mia couldn't stop telling everyone. She was so proud that Char was carrying her baby.

Charlotte could feel her strength weakening with each week more. She still was sick in the morning about a quarter past 10 in the morning and then again at 5pm. She was struggling to get into the doctors for her first appointment and the soonest she'd be able to get in was at 12 weeks. She didn't really mind though because she had done this a time or two.

Ellie and Renee were ecstatic to be getting a new sibling and had told all of their friends at school. Charlotte had received a few gifts from various parents at the nursery. She felt so loved and couldn't help but spend several minutes a day admiring her stomach in the mirror, knowing she was growing her sweet baby in there. It brought peace to her during the day and at night, her dreams ran rampant.  She had the same recurring flashback where Nick had found Charlotte packing up Renee and trying to leave and he strangled her for the first time.
She'd sit up choking and gasping for air. It would send her into fits. It felt so real and she couldn't move on from it. Mia held her as she would sob and clutch her stomach, trying to make herself small. It had been the third night in a row that week when Charlotte finally told Mia what she was reliving.

Mia could feel red flashing before her eyes as she cradled Charlotte in her eyes,"You're safe now baby. You'll never worry about that again." She would brush her cheek gently," You have always been worthy of love."

Charlotte nuzzles in closer to Mia,"I'm scared." She whispered. "I'm so scared of messing up this baby."

"Don't be discouraged, my love. You have done nothing except protect Ren and Ellie and they love you so dearly. You've never messed up any of your children and I know this baby," Mia ran her hand along her bump,"is so lucky to have you as its mother."

She was quiet for a while processing what Mia had said and when she opened her mouth to speak, a yawn slipped out. Mia could see how exhausted she was," Shhh, let's go back to sleep, sweetheart."  But by the time she had finished saying it, Charlotte was fast asleep against her chest.

Mia knew something was wrong with Charlotte. She was getting sicker and sicker, but it seemed to align with morning sickness so she let it go. But Charlotte was waking up each night in a panic which wasn't good for her or their baby. And not only that, she had shut down sexually. Mia didn't mind going without sex but she could tell how badly Char wanted to let go but she couldn't. Something was stopping her. She figured she'd talk with Charlotte about it at the doctors when their appointment finally came.

After a long 6 weeks, it was time for their first doctor's appointment with their baby. They were hoping to get an ultrasound and possibly the heartbeat. Charlotte had slept surprisingly well the night before. Mia suspected it's because she was relaxed enough to be excited for the appointment. She couldn't stop talking about all of the things she was betting their baby could do.

"I don't know, I think this baby might be able to taste the difference between Mr Pibb and Dr Pepper." She laughed as Mia teased her.

"Oh really? Not that the baby is going to cure cancer or end world hunger?"

"Nope. I have realistic expectations. I'm thinking they will like," she rubbed her belly as if she was thinking,"mint chocolate chip ice cream with extra chocolate syrup and sprinkles."

"Baby, I'm thinking that you're talking about yourself. Are you wanting to get ice cream afterwards?"

"I was thinking we could go before?"

"Get your shoes on, sweetheart." Mia grabbed her keys before realizing what Char was waiting on. She had put on her shoes and was just waiting to be carried to the car,"Oh my god I've spoiled you too much, Char."

Charlotte couldn't stop laughing as Mia carried her out like the princess she was. She even buckled her in and got her a blanket to cover her up because it was chilly. No wonder she was so spoiled. She held Mia's hand as she drove them to the shop

"Mia?"

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"I think I have a crush on you."

"Oh my god, I didn't even know you were gay." Mia teases her," I just thought we were roommates."

"Well according to history, we are."

Charlotte smiled and laid her head on her shoulder. She rested and just listened to the sound of Mia's breathing, it kept her calm. She did lose her calm though when they arrived at the ice cream shop because she was so excited. She was jumping up and down. Mia thought it was adorable.

"Alright pretty princess, let's go."

Mia had never seen Charlotte eat something so fast like this mine chocolate chip ice cream. She was a bit amazed and a bit scared. Damn, she really just didn't think Char had it in her. She was only on her 3rd bite and Charlotte's was gone.

"Mia, I'm gonna run to the bathroom before we head out." She smiled and kissed her cheek before walking over the door. She was having a bit of stomach pain but figured it was just getting close to the time she had morning sickness. She couldn't stop daydreaming about it, she loved the baby so much. She had to keep her mind on it rather than the traumatic memories of her pregnancies previously. She had to admit that she hadn't ever been so stressed during them at the time because it was normal to her. She was just in survival mode and didn't know better, but she knew better now. It was clear her body still felt the trauma because she spotted through her first two pregnancies almost consistently.

It should've frightened her when she started to see small spots of blood when she would wipe, but she didn't know it wasn't normal. She didn't even tell Mia she had been spotting for weeks because she had always had this experience during pregnancy. Her mind was in a haze as she wondered whether she would be having a boy or girl. She knew exactly what she'd name a little boy, but she had never gotten a chance with one.

When she stood up from the toilet and felt a sharp shooting pain, she attributed it to the sudden movement. She shook it off and washed her hands before making her way back to Mia. Mia had been waiting for her by the door since it was taking a while.

"Are you okay, sweetheart?"

"Yeah, just an upset tummy. Think I ate my ice cream too fast."

"Alright baby, there's water in the car you can drink. Let's head to the doctors since it's about that time." She placed her hand on the small of Charlotte's back guiding her to the. She made sure she was all comfy and snuggled up before starting the drive to the office. It was about a 15 minute drive and they talked about alot of things, mostly to do with the nursery and when they'd have the baby start there.

When they arrived, there was a ton of paperwork that needed to be filled out. It took over a half hour to get it back to the desk and every minute they waited, the more nauseated Charlotte felt. She hadn't been at the doctors since she was healing from her assault. She was so lost inside of her mind,she was shaking. Mia watched and placed her hand on the back of Charlotte's neck, brushing her thumb against it down her back. It was one of Charlotte's way of being calmed down. It brought her back to reality and it was like she snapped back into the present and she threw her arms around Mia. She couldn't get close enough to her. She didn't understand what was happening. It was happening again and she could feel the empathetic stares from those around her. Mia was her safety and she didn't care if everyone knew.

She held her stomach tightly and thought she was going to get sick any moment, but was pulled from the thought when the nurse called her name out. She followed them back into the room and made herself comfortable on the seat. She was taking slow breaths trying to regain that excitement she had before coming.
She lifted her shirt and cringed at the cool gel when they squirted it on her stomach.

Mia played with her hair and held her hand with the other. "Ready to see our baby?" She was grinning from ear to ear.

Char nodded, her smile small. The nurse brought in the screen and put the Doppler to Charlotte's belly. She was pressing down pretty hard and it caused Char to clench her teeth. It was worth it to see their baby and she pushed through.

Relief washed over Charlotte as she watched the screen show her womb, but she was looking everywhere for the baby and couldn't find it. Ultrasounds were difficult to read so she tried not to think too hard about it.  The room was silent and Mia knew something was wrong when the nurse had to call on the doctor before even saying anything to them.

An older woman walked in with a knowing look on her face, she tried her hand at the Doppler.  She still wasn't saying anything, just making notes in the chart. Finally the doctor turned to Charlotte and Mia, pity in her eyes.

"I'm so sad to inform you Mrs and Mrs Roberts, but you are in the midst of miscarrying this pregnancy."

Mia's heart stopped and she felt the tears burning in her eyes. Her poor baby and Charlotte. Her babies were hurting and she had no idea.

"It can last anywhere from a few days to a whole month. We can see the babies on the ultrasound, they are just very tiny."

"Babies? There were multiple?" Mia asked, her voice betraying her.

"It looks like you were carrying twins. If you guys are wanting to try again..." The doctor rambles on for a while about different things they could try. But Mia couldn't get over the numbness on Charlotte's face. She said nothing and she didn't cry. She was expecting a big reaction based on how Charlotte had been emotionally but was almost unsettled on how emotionless she seemed to be.

"Thank you." Charlotte said very quietly before pulling her shirt down. "Can we have the ultrasound please?"

Her hands shook as she took it from the nurse and looked at her sweet babies. She couldn't believe she had let this happen and handed it off to Mia. She didn't want to look any longer.

The car ride home was silent and when they arrived, Charlotte went into the guest bedroom and didn't come out for days. Mia left food by the door for her and tried to get her to come and talk but Charlotte never budged from her spot on the recliner. She didn't believe she should have any comfort when she couldn't even keep her babies alive. She felt like the floor had fallen through on her.

This was the loss of her life.