Michelle 71

I find myself pouring over the schematics Gally has created. He is busy directing some of the Builders, although I'd say his directions are closer to yelling. Which is fair, because none of them are paying any attention.

Doug hasn't stopped glaring at me since I punched him in the face, although Ben has died down. He doesn't seem particularly bothered by me anymore than any of the other Builders are.

"Making any sense?" Gally looks over at me, crouching on the ground.

I can't really make eye contact with him. Like, some pit in my stomach is weighing me down to the ground, like some really heavy thing. I'm not that good with metaphors, nor am I good with feelings. I look up to see Dave winking at me, and I only feel a bit worse.

What happened to me being better than both of them? It's not like I'm not good enough for David, but it's also not that I am good enough for him, you know? I exist in this sort of in-between, where I am not nice enough, or normal enough for him, but he isn't fun enough for me. He isn't flames and arguing and plotting like Gally and I.

Which is why I feel weird with Gally's face hanging so close to mine. David, for some reason, seems to trust me with Gally, even though I have kissed him before and all but admitted to having some sort of awkward thing going on with the guy.

Gally doesn't bother with apologising, which I appreciate. I don't know how I could handle more touchy-feely emotional displays. If push comes to shove, Gally and I might just end up ripping our clothes off in a corner of the Glade.

I mean, whatever.

The newness of me being back at work has worn off. I slipped out for three days, to take a break or whatever. I can't even remember what I did. The days sort of blurred together, while I hid out in the Deadheads. Since David and I, or, I guess, I don't know.

I've been back for the last two days. Captain Gally wants all hands-on-deck, so to speak, while we lay down the flooring. We're hoping the Creators are sending up more tiles tomorrow with the Greenie. They ignored Gally's request last time.

Also, some pipes would be nice, or perhaps even a toilet. They didn't fulfill any of Gally's requests. I don't know why we are still building this when I don't think we are getting up the Supplies I need. They'd need to essentially pack the Greenie in a two by two by two foot box to get us what we want.

It reminds me of the Pipsqueak, and there is no apparent reason why.

I shrug, "I guess."

The plan makes sense, but also it doesn't. I have a feeling, a very strong one in my gut, that we will never finish building this. The feeling doesn't stem from my inherent pessimism either. It's some other weird location.

"It'll make more sense once we get deeper into it," I think he is referring to his messy scrawl, but honestly that's not what I'm not understanding.

I don't know what it is I don't understand anymore.

"Let's break for lunch," Gally tosses the thought over his shoulder.

Hammers and materials fall to the ground. The boys are quick to leave, though I don't blame them. Though we've laid the skeleton for the bathroom addition, we can't line its skin. We've got no flooring, no insulation, and barely any drywall left. It's not like they are sending anything new up to help either.

I can feel someone walking over, before I notice it is David. He looms behind me, and I can't bring myself to get up and face him.

Gally stands up to face him, and that's what makes me find my feet and stand up. Klunk, klunk, klunk. Dominating his face is Gally's smirk, and he raises one eyebrow. For a second, I think he is going to start laughing, but then he begins to speak. "What are you waiting for, David?"

Dave doesn't smirk as he glances from Gally to myself. I'd been able to avoid this until now. Quietly working in the corner, silently avoiding the two of them until Gally breaks for lunch. Of course, both want to talk to me, but I'm perfectly content to ignore the two of them until further notice.

"I had a question for Mich," David uses his nickname for me as he purses his lips together.

In a flash, Gally shoves him back, until he collides with the wooden structure of the bathroom. Dave flies into the wood, and it splinters around him. An entire wall crashes down in front of the boy as he scrambles backwards. Thankfully the Homestead remains unharmed, and thankfully we are at the back for no one to see this mess.

"Gal, what's your shucking deal?" Dave stands up, brushing his arms off carefully. He tries not to curl in on himself, but I can see from the way he holds his hand at the base of his spine how much that hurt him.

"Shuck off, would you?" Gally shouts back at Dave. He moves into the wooden structure, holding himself up on the wood. "She isn't interested."

"Yeah, sure," Dave counters, although he brushes it off. I hate, for some reason, that he doesn't feel the need to tell Gally about two nights ago, or about anything else. I hate that he is a bigger person than I could ever dream to be.

"Could you slintheads handle yourselves for five shucking minutes?" I demand, looking around to see if anyone noticed. Newt is, thankfully incapacitated and Alby is dealing with whatever. Nobody is anywhere near the bathrooms, since they've all went to get food. Still, if they are going to fight they should do it somewhere they won't get shucking caught. "I'm not getting banished, so quit behaving like shuckin' animals."

Gally ignores me, moving closer into Dave. He grabs the boy by his shirt, pulling him in closer. Though David is a could half a foot taller than Gally, Gally's grip makes every muscle in my body still. Dave may not be flinching, but I can feel myself bracing for what is coming next.

"Back off," Gally's threat is firmer than any fist he could've thrown Dave's way.

Dave shoves off Gally, sending him stumbling into the broken bones of the structure. He crashes down into the wooden pile, and Dave steps off him. Then, Dave runs a hand through his shaggy sandy brown hair, shaking his head back and forth.

"Don't touch me Gal," David doesn't utter threats, he politely warns. Dave doesn't smile, although he sighs as if he is resigned to the violence.

We are all resigned to it. The grass grows from the fertilizer of threat, and the vines from intimidation. The Maze is built on fear, its walls shifting and enclosing us until there is nothing left but our fists and our nature. Violence doesn't stem from the need to survive, although the need allows it to fester and spread.

Violence is the oxygen that pumps our lungs. Dave manages to resist its temptation in a gesture both noble and futile.

When Gally stands up, I find myself jumping in. It's impossible to be impartial, but I am trying. This is hard enough without their feelings jumping in and getting mixed up in this. Feelings have no place in love and war.

"Listen, the next shank who hits the other is getting beat up by me." I spit, staring Gally down.

"This isn't just about you," Gally notes, crossing his arms over his chest.

Who the shuck is Nick? I don't know pretty much anybody's name here that I can't help forgetting, but I wonder if I'd remember a shank named Nick.

"Mich- what the shuck is this?" Dawn rounds the corner, but scoots back as soon as she sees the mess we've caused. "Yo, this isn't shucking good. Where is Leo when I shucking...."

She groans, placing a hand over her eyes as she looks up. "Seriously Dave? Since when do you hit people?"

Uncrossing his arms, Dave looks a bit embarrassed. Gally, on the other hand, looks miffed that Dawn decides to show up all of right now.

"The shuck are you doing here?" He growls, his anger still holding him.

"Relax," I call over my shoulder at Gally. "She won't snitch."

She won't, so long as she wants to stay alive. Man, what's my potential banish count at?

Dave, Gally, myself, Dawn, Minho, and Ben at least. Minimum six of us. Maybe, if Alby is extra pissed that we've all been lying to him (although that isn't really his MO, since he is secretly a nice shank) he'll banish Leo and Newt too.

And that's just me. I don't know about what klunk Dawn, Leo, and Ella are mixed up in.

Dawn moves forward, pulling me in close to her. She whispers in my ear, carefully and quietly, "Alby wants to banish you tomorrow, because of Ben. We've got to come up with a plan."

I back up carefully, moving away from her. She's serious? He was just cool with me a few days ago when he put me in the Slammer, and he never interrogated me for his klunk investigation. He apologised for trying to get me banished that one time, so I thought he'd be done by now.

Dawn wouldn't lie to me about something so ridiculous. It's a professional courtesy amongst liars and cheats, I guess. Maybe she's worried that if I'll snitch on her.

I wouldn't though. I don't think I like her, but like, that would just cause a lot of drama and emotions that I'm not prepared for. If I'm going to be banished, I'd like to do so quickly and quietly, and maybe kill a Bagger or two in the process.

"I'm not taking you down too," I'm trying to think of a way to get Ben banished that doesn't get everyone else banished as well, but there isn't one.

I'm the only piece that can be removed without bringing everything else down as well. This isn't good. Like, it isn't.

Leo would have some sort of plan, but she's been way out of it since she almost got all her skin removed via bleach. I guess we could ask Newt, but he might rat us out to Alby. The two are practically best friends up until late since Newt's been sneaking around with us.

"There's nowhere I can think of to escape," Dawn notes. "Unless you want to take your chances with the Maze."

"The what?" David moves in closer, stepping up beside me to listen to Dawn. "You want to run off into the Maze?"

I'm not a shucking idiot. Even though the majority of life pretty much sucks, I am not about to become a shucking gravestone in the Deadheads. Besides, Alby showed me what those shucking Grievers look like. No thanks.

"There's no escape," Gally chimes in, although he is pretty much huffing as he does so.

Yeah, I shucking noticed, but thanks Gally for the contribution. Neither Dawn nor I are good at coming up with plans. I'm going to be banished, unless we can find someone else to pin all this klunk on. The question is, who?

~~~~~~~~~

Ooh, this is getting spicy. Uh oh. Bad luck is coming. And the fighting, urgh. This is just the worst all around.

Who are they going to blame?

I'll see you soon, in Ella and A Long Journey.