『 @islandapricots 』

✰ cover
The cover is absolutely stunning! I love the fantasy vibe you get from it right away. It's beautiful.

✰ title
I'm not entirely sure what the title is referring to, but it is very distinctive.

✰ blurb
The blurb is on the shorter end, but there's nothing wrong with that. It lets the reader know what we're in for. I just have one small suggestion, I feel like this sentence:

Her best friend, Koldan is by her side every step of the way using his magic to help Orisa on her journey

Could be re-written like this:

Her best friend, Koldan, is by her side every step of the way--using his magic to help Orisa on her journey.

It flows more smoothly. This is just a suggestion, of course!

✰ characters
I can tell from chapter one that Koldan cares very much for Orisa, however, he does tend to react with his emotions. Like when he got angry at Orisa for having summoned the sprites. But I also thought what Orisa said to him when they were trapped together was pretty low of her. They both have their character flaws which make them realistic. Great work fleshing out their character in such a short amount of time!

I really love the friendship Orisa and Kolden have! I think you portrayed it very well. It's a breath of fresh air to see two platonic friends who are a man and a woman.

✰ plot
I thought the plot was very unique. Although it was an ONC prompt, you still were able to add your own whimsy to it. It felt so magical, like as if I had been transported into this fantasy world!

However, I wish you would have described the Veloxs' in more depth. Usually, when a made-up species is introduced, there is a small synopsis discussing what or who they are.

✰ pacing
The pacing was fine, yet, I would have liked the chapters to have been a tad bit longer, just so we could get a better understanding of this new fantasy world we're in.

✰ grammar/language
So something I thought I would point out is that you tend to mix present tense and past tense--this is something you should try to avoid as it confuses the reader. I had a similar issue when I would write, but as I continued to practice, I found what to do and what not to do in these situations. For example, any word ending with -ing is considered present tense. Like: I am running. And words ending with -ed are past tense. Just be mindful of these things going forward.

Try to decide whether if you want your story to be told completely in present or past tense. If present tense then you would use is. If past tense then you would use was. Hope this helps!

✰ overall thoughts
This story has great potential! It's just the tenses that need fixing. There were great moments in the book that I overall enjoyed. It was a really wonderful read! :3

✎ . . . .

Happy writing!