『 @the-moon-cat 』

✰ cover
Love the simplicity of the cover, however, I'm not sure what the flowers mean here. I assume that they'll probably play a role as the story progresses.

✰ title
The title definitely piqued my interest. It made me wonder what 'roman holiday' here meant. Still not too sure what it means, but hopefully it'll be explained somewhere in the story.

✰ blurb
The blurb is amazing. It introduces the main characters and the conflict. The only thing I felt that should have been left out was the fact that Ashton ends up in jail. It felt like a spoiler just because in the introduction we are left on this cliffhanger of whether or not Ashton and Evelynn get caught.

✰ characters
Evelynn is someone I can definitely relate to. I mean, I don't have fake friends like her, but there have been times where I had to pretend to be someone I wasn't in front of people I barely knew just to fit in. She also seems somewhat emotionally detached from everything and I wonder why--if there even is a reason. The only reason I say this is because she couldn't care less about her mom's mental well-being, however, when it comes to a girl, who she knows nothing about is missing, she instantly feels bad for her. She tends to turn her feelings on and off at any given moment. It's quite interesting to read.

✰ plot
The plot barely started to pick up from where I left off, so I don't have much to say about it. The concept seems interesting, although, I'm not too sure why Evelynn is so captivated by this missing girl whom she's never met. Like what's her motivation in wanting to help Ashton, another person she doesn't know and who she's heard really bad things about, find his missing sister?

✰ pacing
The story feels too slow at times. I feel like you give an excessive amount of unnecessary information. For example, Evelynn's morning routine--we don't need to know about that because it's not vital to the story's plot.

✰ grammar/language
For this being your rough draft, I found little to no mistakes. Everything is well-written!

The only thing I have to mention here is that you tend to tell us rather than show. Remember to show don't tell. You tell us a lot about her family instead of showing us who they are individually. I suggest you do this through dialogue, this is key to showing readers their personalities.

✰ overall thoughts
Overall, your story has a lot of potential--going back to cut down the information that's not needed should help out a lot. It's up to you, of course, these are just my suggestions. I wish you all the best in all your writing endeavors!

✎ . . . .

Happy writing!