Meredith tore her eyes from Antony and attempted to conceal her surprise at his attendance of this dance.

"I'm actually desiring a bit of a break," she told John, answering his question. She noticed his face fall as his gaze flitted to Antony before looking back at her.

"I suppose I'll...go get a drink then. Perhaps I'll chat with Evan."

"Alright," she said, smiling at him. As he left, he gave her a slight side hug. She was momentarily startled by this as he had never done anything of the sort before, but as she glanced from his retreating back to Antony's puzzled face, it dawned on her.

John thinks that Antony and I...

She couldn't even finish the thought in her head. It seemed much too ridiculous. Antony was king and she was a mere servant. And yet...when she had first caught a glimpse of him from the dance floor where she was caught up in a waltz with John, she had felt...pleased that he had come.

As soon as John had gone, Meredith made her way in the opposite direction to one of the tables where two of the maids were setting out small cups of water. She took one and sipped it, absentmindedly. From her spot by the wall, she watched Antony, who was now engaged in discussion with Kade, Fulton, and one other man in a footman's uniform. The footman had a look on his face of surprise and awe that he would be included in a conversation with the king. Antony, meanwhile, looked more relaxed than he had been at the coronation ball. She smiled to herself. The servants dance may not be as lavish as the formal balls, but something could be said for their ability to make every person who came into their presence feel comfortable.

She watched as two of the footmen opened the double glass doors that led out to the grounds. It was a short distance to the gardens and the night was cool, the sky starry. Once the doors were open, couples began to leave the ballroom, making their way out among the flowers and the winding paths that led through the royal gardens.

She saw Evan and Jane make their way out as well, holding hands as they exited the lit-up ballroom.

Moments later, John made his way to her side once more.

"Meredith, will you take a walk with me?"

She hesitated a moment, before nodding. "Of course, John. I need to speak with you, anyways." She wished she didn't have to say what she knew she had to tell him.

"And I have something to tell you," he said, smiling.

They made their way out into the cool evening. Only a slight breeze was blowing and the moon hung in the sky above it, merely a crescent. The stars shone clearly against the black sky and the scent of the flowers perfumed the air.

John and Meredith walked in silence along the path, until they had gone farther into the expanse of the royal gardens then Meredith had ever been before. Soon, they had left behind the other couples walking among the paths, and the night was silent.

John led her to a bench that stood beneath a trellis of roses. They sat, and he turned to her. He took her hand.

"Meredith...I...I want to tell you something."

"John..." she said. "Please..."

"Meredith, I'm in love with you."

"Oh John," she said, more sure than she had been before that she couldn't care for him in the way he wanted. "Please don't..."

"I can't, Meredith. I can't go on like this. I feel like you're hesitating. I care for you, Mer."

"John," she said, more firmly. "I care for you too." She hurried on at the look of hope that entered his expression. "But not in that way," she said. "Not in the way you want me to care for you. You're my friend, John," she said softly. "My friend and...nothing more. I'm sorry."

She watched the hope die out, to be replaced with sadness. Then his expression hardened.

"Have I not...I mean...What did I do? Why can't you love me?"

"John," she said adamantly, standing. "You cannot force feelings that don't exist! Neither of us would be happy! You think this would make you happy, but you'd only be miserable when I don't reciprocate your feelings...your love."

"You can't love me because you're in love with King Antony!"

"John!"

"Well let me tell you something! He'll never care for you like that! You're a servant, Meredith. Face it. You'll only be hurt when you watch him go on with his life, not noticing or caring for you. Well...don't come running to me for sympathy when he doesn't notice you. Don't forget your place!"

"Don't, John. Stop it. I've given you my answer. I've told you why it wouldn't work."

He stood too, looking back at her, hurt filling his eyes. He shook his head.

"I suppose this is it, then," he said. "No more dances? No more...talking?"

"John," she said, sadly. "I'd do those things...but only as a friend. And I don't think that's what you want."

"No," he said. "It isn't."

He turned and walked away, without even a backwards glance.

She watched his retreating back until he disappeared behind one of the higher hedges. The night breeze suddenly felt a bit chillier.

She hugged herself and started down the path, making her way back up to the palace. She soon saw the lights that edged the garden, shining like beacons. To her right, she could see Kade, Isabella, and Antony, standing in a circle and talking, their world still in tact where hers had been tossed helter-skelter with the breaking of one man's heart.

She watched them from where she stood, having come to a stop on the gravel walk-way. She watched as Antony looked up and caught her gaze. His smile faded, and he frowned.

She turned away from him, looking at the ground sadly as she continued on her way to the castle, to where her room awaited her.

Just as she reached the edge of the garden, she heard footsteps on the gravel behind her. She turned to see Antony.

"Meredith?" he questioned her as he reached her side, his expression concerned. "Is something wrong? Do you need to talk to Isabella?"

She shook her head and forced a smile. "I'll be alright," she said. "Thank you for your concern...Your Majesty."

His frown deepened.

"Something is obviously the matter," he said, softly. "Something's bothering you and you need to talk to someone about it."

She laughed shortly, at his exact quotation of what she had said to him the other day, but her breath caught in her throat and sounded more like a sob.

He came to her side and turned her gently back down a side path, until they came to another bench in a quiet spot. A small pond, lined with lilies, reflected the stars. He waited for her to sit before sitting down next to her.

"What's wrong?"  he pressed her.

She closed her eyes, and found herself gripping the edges of the bench. "I...hurt someone. I didn't mean to; I said what needed to be said but..." She looked up into his sympathetic eyes. "They didn't understand." She folded her hands in her lap and fixed her eyes on the little pond, watching the small surface ripples disturb the reflection of the stars. "He was my friend...and I'm afraid that he won't want to be friends anymore. He...cared for me in a way I couldn't care for him. I told him so."

Both of them were silent for a few moments, before Antony spoke quietly.

"Sometimes we tell people things and these things hurt them because, in the moment, they can't understand. Usually, however, as time goes on, your reasons become clear to them and they realize that you only told them what you needed to...because you cared for them. Just...know that your friend is probably hurting right now and give him some time. Wait and see what happens."

She nodded gratefully and silence reigned once more.

"I'm sorry," said Antony, breaking the quiet again after a time. "I'm really not the...best...at things like this. I'm sure you would feel better talking to Isabella."

She looked up and smiled at him. "It's fine," she said. "You've helped me. Really, you have."

He smiled back after a few moments and then stood, holding his hand out to her. "You look somewhat cold. I know just what you need."

She hesitated just a bit, looking from his out held hand to his kind face, before she reached up and took his hand, allowing him to help her up from the bench.

Moments later, she found herself in the royal kitchens, seated at one of the multiple counters. Antony told her to wait for a bit while he went to get something. She folded her hands on the counter before her and looked around the kitchens, much quieter during the evening when they were not in use and occupied by dozens of kitchen maids, cooks, and bakers.

She looked up as Antony returned to the room with two steaming mugs. He smiled at her as he handed her one of the cups. She tore her gaze from his face to look down at the liquid in the mug. Hot chocolate. She thought of the rare times they had had hot chocolate after they had left Borgavia. That had been watery, and not necessarily very hot: extremely different from this rich, chocolate drink with a dollop of whipped cream on top and a heavenly scent that wafted into the air as the hot drink let off steam.

She took a sip, closing her eyes and letting the warm sensation that came when she swallowed fill her up.

She opened her eyes and smiled at Antony. "Thank you," she whispered.

"You're welcome," he said, before taking a sip of his own chocolate. After a while, he spoke. "When I was younger, I used to come to Ramona for hot chocolate whenever a day had been...less than pleasant. I don't know, I just thought you might..." He stopped, as if he didn't know what to say, so she finished for him.

"It's perfect."

He smiled and the two of them continued to sip their drinks.

A bit later, Ramona came in and joined them with her own cup of coffee.

"I just finished the baking for tomorrow, so I thought I'd come in and see how you two were faring." She turned to Meredith with a motherly expression. "I heard you had a bit of a hard night."

Meredith nodded, but smiled down at her half-empty mug of chocolate. "I did, but it's gotten better."

"I'm glad to hear it," said the cook, taking a long drink of her own coffee. "Couldn't have my best helper being sad, now could I?"

"No...I guess not," said Meredith, laughing slightly.

Ramona turned to grin at the king. "I haven't had Antony here come to ask me for hot chocolate for years."

Meredith turned to look at Antony, watching him smile at the cook as she talked.

"He used to come into the kitchens all the time in the evenings when we were baking the bread for the next morning. He should have been sleeping but he couldn't resist my hot chocolate," she said, winking.

Meredith glanced at Antony, watching him laugh with Ramona.

"For Antony, it was chocolate. For his brother, Jonathan, it was chocolate chip cookies." She turned to Antony. "I remember one time when the two of you attempted to sneak out of the kitchen with the cookie jar. You looked up to Jonathan, when he was home, so much that you would do whatever he did."

Watching Antony, Meredith could see that he was saddened by memories of his brother. He had lost so much...Isabella had told her how Antony had lost his mother, then his father and uncle, and then his brother. One by one, he had lost the people that mattered most to him. That was why, Isabella had told her, Antony would do anything to protect the people he loved who remained. She looked back down at her cup, wishing she could do something to comfort him.

A while later, Ramona yawned and took the last sip of her coffee, emptying her mug.

"Well," she said. "I suppose I need to get off to bed. I'm getting too old for lively parties and staying up until all hours of the night." She stood, rounding the counter on her way to her room. As she passed Meredith, she gave her a comforting pat on the shoulder and a smile. "Chin up!" she said, softly. "You seem happier already." And with that, she left the kitchen.

Antony finished his hot chocolate, setting the empty mug on the counter. He thought about Jonathan. He hadn't gotten to know his brother well as the older boy was frequently away at boarding school. When he did come home, however, he had always found some time to spend with Antony, even if his brother was years younger than he was. Antony recalled days where he wrote long letters to Jonathan, wishing that his brother would come home and stop going off to school and leaving him alone.

He pushed the thoughts away and turned to Meredith, who was also finishing her drink. He gave her a small smile.

"Better?" he said.

She nodded slowly, smiling shyly at him.

"I'll walk you to the west wing stairs."

She stood and the two of them made their way out of the kitchens, through the servants hallways and out next to the main staircase. As they walked, Antony watched her when she wasn't looking. He thought about the evening, mainly the feeling that had come upon him in the gardens when he looked up and saw her looking so sad. He had wanted to make her feel better, to find the thing...or person...that had made her sad and make sure that it didn't happen again. He didn't want to see her hurt.

When they reached the top of the West Wing stairs, she turned to face him.

"I want to...thank you, Antony," she said, her voice a mere whisper. "You didn't have to do everything you did for me tonight."

He gave her a small smile, wondering what she would think of him if she knew what he was feeling. He wanted to tell her; he wondered if she'd think him strange.

"It was my pleasure," he finally said. "Will you be alright now?"

She nodded and, suddenly, in a move that surprised him, she took his hand briefly, before letting it go and turning to leave for her room, walking down the hallway, leaving him standing there at the top of the stairs, staring after her.

As she turned the corner of the hallway and disappeared from his sight, he looked down at his hand as if it were now much more valuable simply for being held momentarily in hers.

As he crossed over the landing and into the east wing of the palace, he smiled at this feeling that was, before, foreign to him.

So this is what it is to be in love with someone.