Megan and I sat on the couch, a little tipsy off of the leftover beer in the fridge while she talked about teacher gossip. Something I didn't even know existed.

"It's like being back in high school, except now we're adults." She sipped her beer.

We were talking about irrelevant things, which I was okay with after the serious conversation we had had earlier. Plus, small talk with Megan almost never happened. It allowed me to study her without feeling guilty.

"Remember when you used to hate me the first few weeks we knew each other?" I asked.

She laughed. "I didn't hate you, I just thought you were a brat."

"You hated me. Don't even try to lie."

"Okay I hated you a little bit, but you would give me the worst time in class!"

"I did not."

"Did to."

I rolled my eyes. "Okay but what about that time at Jinx for my birthday? You literally made me turn down that girl and go home! How could I not give you a hard time?"

Her cheeks flushed at the memory. "Yeah I went a little overboard. But hey, I was responsible for you at that point. Plus, that girl wasn't even cute."

"Oh whatever."

"She wasn't!"

"I think you were jealous," I admitted before taking another sip.

She laughed. "Of course that's what you'd think."

"That's what it seemed like."

Our banter stopped when Megan looked at me with an expression I couldn't interpret. Why was it so hard to read her? Is that why I found myself captivated every time we were together? It wasn't fair. Usually I was so good at these things.

"You know you can be very hard to read sometimes," she admitted.

"I can say the same for you," I answered with a smile. Had we suddenly gotten closer? I could feel the tension growing.

"Why are you always so guarded?"

"Why are you?" I counted.

"You can't answer a question with a question, Sam."

I sighed. "Well I just did so..."

"You're so stubborn."

"You say that a lot."

She faced me on the couch and crossed her legs. In the moment I couldn't help but think she looked adorable.

"Maybe I'm guarded around you, but most of the time I don't put up a front," she confessed.

"Well why do you put up a front around me?" I asked.

"Because you do the same."

She was right, I did, but I really did that with everyone. Yet, Megan had seen sides of me that I never really revealed to anyone except for Blair and Shawn. She had to know that.

"It's hard for my guard not to be up," I stated.

She shook her head. "Why?"

"Because," I paused, "I guess I had to do it for so long that it became habit."

"You think it's because of your parents?"

"Possibly."

She fell silent, which usually meant she had a question brewing. It scared me, because most of the time her questions were really personal and hard to answer. I prepared myself.

"Can I ask you something?"

I just gave her a nod.

"You remember that day you had one of those nightmares in my class?"

Oh I remembered. How could I forget?

"Yeah," I answered.

"When you woke up you grabbed the back of your left arm and I noticed the scar..."

My heart raced. Most of my scars weren't visible, but I knew that one was, yet no one was really brave enough to ask about it. No one except Megan, of course.

"What about it?" I continued.

"Did that have something to do with you moving out of your old house?"

Why did I feel like I was about to throw up? My own brother never resurfaced the painful memories I had to live with, but here Megan was doing just that. Was she just curious or did she really care? And why did I want to tell her the truth in the first place?

I took a deep breath in an attempt to get ahold of myself. My hands shook in my lap as they held an empty bottle. I closed my eyes and tried not to let the memories get to me.

"It was a few weeks before I got expelled," I started. "Me and mom were fighting like usual because I kept skipping the after-school church program she had enrolled me in. She was trying to take away my car keys and I was refusing because by that point I was fed up with her crap."

Her eyes never fell from mine. "And this was all because you came out to her...?"

"Yeah," I admitted.

The more I thought about it the more the anxiety crept up and made it hard to breathe. But I would push through the story to answer Megan's question.

"So she kept trying to take my keys, but I wouldn't give them up. It was the only freedom I had at that point." I paused to regain myself. "Then she slapped me, hard, across the face because of something I said. In the same moment I tripped over the rug in the living room and I fell straight through our coffee table."

Megan just stared for a second. "Had she hit you before...?"

"Oh yeah. But that's how discipline was in my family. Shawn had gotten his fair share of beatings too. I just pushed mom too far."

"A slap across the face is a bit harsh," Megan said.

"Yeah well, that's how mom handled it."

Megan remained silent, and I could tell this information made her uncomfortable. It made every one uncomfortable. It had been harsh, but what could I have done about it? She was my mom. I decided to continue regardless, the words continuing to spill out of my mouth.

"Mom freaked out and rushed me to an emergency clinic. Most of the cuts were minor but I had a few major ones that were bleeding heavily. Then it was hush hush after that. Acted like it never happened."

Megan looked down, and I could feel something dark settle over us.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Nothing I just..." She shook her head. "Your mom... she didn't push you, right?"

I shook my head. "She didn't."

"And then what happened?"

I shrugged. "Got expelled not long after and moved in with Shawn and told my parents I didn't want to have anything to do with them."

"Until Thanksgiving," she included.

"Well, I think me showing up did more harm than good."

"You don't know that. She could've finally realized how much she's hurt you the moment you left and you would have no idea."

I allowed my gaze to meet hers. "I doubt that very seriously."

She exhaled a deep breath.

"Anyways." I decided to change the subject. "We're out of beer."

She gave me a teasing smile. "What a shame, I barely even caught a buzz."

"Sorry we didn't have any more wine. You must've drank it all before you moved out."

"That's..." She paused. "Probably true, actually."

I just found myself laughing. Even though tonight had been stressful I still felt joy and warmth somewhere deep inside. Talking to Megan had opened a gateway of light, and it just made me crave her even more. Not to even mention how great she looked. I should've gotten used to how beautiful she was by now, but for some reason I hadn't.

"You're staring," she stated, interrupting my daze.

"Can you blame me?" I answered, a hint of flirt in my voice.

This got her to blush. I found a smile creeping onto my lips.

In this very moment I felt something I hadn't felt with anyone but Blair. It was the feeling of security. The feeling that I could say anything and not have to worry about being judged.

It felt so good.

That's when Megan leaned over and checked the time. Eleven-thirty. Damn, it was that late already?

She sighed. "I guess I can say I kept you out of trouble tonight."

"You're such a good babysitter," I replied.

"I'm not your babysitter." She lifted herself off of the couch. "But I should go."

I dreaded to see her leave, but she hesitated to do so. Did she want to stay? I really wanted her to. What would she think of me asking such a thing? Would she even consider it or just turn me down?

"You don't have to," I nearly blurted.

She looked at me with a confused expression.

I tried to recover. "You could stay the night."

Her eyes softened. "Are you asking?"

"W-Well, I mean you've been drinking... and uh..." What in the world was wrong with me?

By now she was smiling. "I'm not drunk, Sam."

"Yeah," I paused, "But it's late."

"I live ten minutes away."

I sighed in defeat. Of course I wanted her to stay, but I found it hard admitting that. But if I knew anything about Megan, it was her hidden ability to make me do things I normally wouldn't.

"Do you want me to stay?" she asked.

I looked up. Her gaze was already locked with mine. I felt my heart beating in my head. Suddenly everything was a few degrees hotter.

"Yes."

A nervous smile stretched across her lips. "Then I guess I'll need a change of clothes."

"Sure." I turned and went to my room, hearing her follow close behind.

Had she really agreed to stay? What did this even mean? I never asked girls to stay the night, and here I was asking Megan Adams?

I grabbed a t-shirt and shorts and turned around to see her playing with her dream catcher that I still had hanging on my head board. She was smiling.

"Have you had anymore nightmares?" she asked.

"No," I answered. Nowadays my dreams only consisted of her.

We were close again. The heat almost unbearable. I felt as if we were in a furnace. This moment was so surreal that I almost didn't believe it was happening.

"Why'd you agree to stay?" I found myself whispering.

"Because I'd much rather sleep next to you than sleep alone."

My heart throbbed. "Me too."

My strength was dwindling. I could feel the pull growing stronger and stronger with no power to resist. She had to feel this too. It couldn't just be me. Not at this point.

Then after a month of craving Megan's kiss, she pulled me into her. It felt like the dreams I had so many times, but even better. Her hands held my face like I was a delicate piece of glass while my own squeezed her hips. My body seemed to be holding on to every little detail, like the way she smelt and how she tasted. The small gasps she took in between. Her hands were slightly trembling against my cheeks. I was convinced I had never kissed such soft lips before.

She gently pushed me towards my bed and I held myself in a sitting position. My grip never left her waist in fear of breaking the connection. Her legs straddled my hips as her hands playfully grazed over my jaw and down my neck.

I couldn't really tell you how many times I had been in this position. But what I could tell you was that I had never experienced feelings half this strong. They were so intense that it became hard to breathe. I was afraid that soon my eyes would open and this would all just be another dream.

I felt my back hit against my mattress as Megan's body hovered over me. Her kisses were soft but I could taste the desire. When her hands roamed against my skin my body screamed. But for the first time in my life I asked myself; did she want to go further because she wanted me, or was she just lonely?

I knew I wanted her to want me, and if we were going to go that far I wanted to be sure. Suddenly I was pulling away.

When the kisses stopped our bodies sighed in disappointment. I half expected her to ask me what was going on but she didn't. It was almost as if she already understood.

"Not tonight," I whispered. "I want to... I really do. But..."

She just smiled. "But not tonight."

I gave her a nod before she leaned down, kissed me one last time, and climbed off.

I called out. "But I still want you to stay."

"Then I'll stay."

* * *

Morning seem to come quickly. My eyes were greeted with rays of light that crept through the cracks in my curtains. My hands instinctively ran along the cold sheets and I realized Megan wasn't next to me.

Had last night all been a dream? Did she leave in fear of me waking up next to her? Suddenly everything in my body ached.

Then she appeared at my door, two coffee mugs in hand.

"Morning," she greeted with a smile.

My body sighed in relief.

"Morning," I answered.

She walked around my bed, still wearing the shorts and t-shirt I had given her last night. Her hair was tousled from sleep but I only thought it made her look better. How on earth could she manage to wow me so early in the morning?

She offered me a mug and I accepted, allowing her to sit crossed-legged in front of me. She brought her own cup to her lips as I watched the steam rise. I became jealous of the mug.

"I thought you had left..." I admitted.

"Yeah well, that may be how you roll, but not I."

I smiled. "Thank you."

A confused look crossed her features.

"For not leaving," I clarified.

"Oh, well then you're welcome." A small laugh escaped from her lips. "How'd you sleep?"

In all honesty, I was convinced I hadn't slept that good in years. Other than the time I had been on pain medication from my concussion, of course. The energy from being well-rested felt great.

I nodded. "I slept really good."

"You talk in your sleep," she admitted.

I frowned. "No I don't."

"Yes, you do."

"Well then what did I say?"

A devious grin appeared on her lips. "It's a secret."

"Megan."

"Don't worry, it was nothing embarrassing."

I set my mug down. "Tell me."

She set hers down too. "Nope."

"Please?"

"No."

Suddenly I was on top of her, my hands tickling her sides. She was laughing as I straddled her hips, preventing her from leaving.

"S-Sam s-stop!" she pleaded.

"Not until you tell me!" I laughed along.

She struggled to regain her breath. "O-Okay fine! I'll t-tell you!" she struggled.

I stopped tickling her.

"All you said was my name," she confessed.

I had said her name? Just her name? I couldn't quite remember what I had dreamt about last night. It seemed so weird, but it was embarrassing to know she had heard.

"Well at least it was yours and not anyone else's," I joked.

She tilted her head. "So does that mean you dream about me?"

The blood rushed to my face at the question. Never in my life did I blush. It was humiliating. Especially since Megan was smiling at the scene.

"You're blushing," she assessed. "Is that a yes?"

Instead of answering I took another sip from my mug.

She knew the answer to that question already, she just wanted to tease me. Of course, I didn't mind. If anything, the teasing was one of the best characteristics about our relationship. And I was glad she felt comfortable enough to do so.

She just laughed. "Fine I'll stop."

"Thank you," I answered.

"So when does Shawn come home?" she asked.

"I have to pick him up from the airport at noon." I checked my phone in the moment, seeing that it was already eleven. Had we really slept that late?

Megan spotted the time and her shoulders shrugged in disappointment.

I sighed. "I feel like we never have enough time."

This made her blush. "We have plenty. There's no rush."

Silence settled between us but it wasn't awkward. Ever since we had confessed our feelings last night there was a question I was dying to ask, but I didn't want to ruin the moment. Yet, she would leave soon and I couldn't let her go without an answer.

"Megan," I started. "What does this mean?"

Usually she was quick to respond. Megan always had answers to my questions, yet this one seemed to stump her. That realization scared me, because if she didn't know I sure as hell didn't either.

"I don't know," she answered. "But we can just take it day by day."

Was she avoiding making me label us for a reason? Was it because she knew labels meant commitment and that commitment frightened me? Or was it because she wasn't sure if I was what she wanted? Did I even want to label whatever this was? I didn't know anything either.

And as if she had sensed the anxiety I was radiating, her hands grabbed mine. My attention locked onto her.

"I know you're scared," she said. "I am too. But we'll figure this out."

She could talk me down without really having to talk at all, and I loved that about her. Just touching her had the ability to untangle all of the anxiety and pain within my heart. I looked down at our conjoined hands and realized I didn't want to ever let go.

But she broke the moment. "I think I'll go so you won't be late picking up Shawn."

I stood to walk her out, knowing I would see her tomorrow in class but didn't really want to watch her leave. She grabbed her things and looked back at me, her hand resting on the door in hesitation.

"Should I hug you or...?" I asked, unsure of how I should act.

She just laughed, pulling my face into her for a quick peck on the lips. "I'll see you tomorrow."

And then she left me feeling like I was on cloud nine. Don't get me wrong, I was terrified. The things I felt were intense, which meant if they were ever taken away I would be crippled. And I had always had a hard time with vulnerability, but with her I couldn't help it. She broke down every guard and wall I had built.

But no matter how terrified I was I couldn't stop myself from craving her. I couldn't control the need to be with Megan, and that had to count for something.