Gray clouds covered Missouri's morning sky as I made my way back to school. After two weeks of riding an emotional roller coaster I wasn't prepared to face the small hell I found inside Baldwin High.

I wasn't ready to return to softball practice and I wasn't ready to face Megan, whom I hadn't seen or spoken to since New Years. Just thinking about dealing with it made me cringe.

Luckily Shawn and Blair refused to drill me about it after that night, which I appreciated. Guess they figured I would talk about it when I was ready, which would probably be never.

My hand grabbed the door handle and shoved it open, the familiar smell of school hitting me. The first half of senior year had been eventful. Deep down I was hoping the second half would be quiet, but knew better than to expect that.

Then Blair was at my side. "Morning," she greeted.

I couldn't help but smile at her presence. "Would you be up for skipping today?" I suggested. "I'm really not feeling school."

"You're never feeling school, Sam."

"I'll take that as a no."

She laughed. "A hard no."

The first day back seemed to pass easier than expected, but there was a small hint of dread when I left my third hour. What would Megan do when she saw me? Would she avoid me? Greet me like nothing had ever happened? It terrified me, because Megan wasn't predictable like most people.

I rounded the corner with Blair at my side for support. That's when I spotted Emma hanging all over some guy. I believed that was her almost-homecoming date, Jeremy.

"Well, it didn't take her long to move on," Blair claimed.

I should've felt jealous, right? Or at least hurt, but in all actuality I felt nothing. Everything seemed to be numb now.

I shrugged. "Good for her."

Blair just glanced at me but I didn't meet her eyes. I could already feel where this conversation was about to go and I still wasn't ready. She hadn't even mentioned Megan since New Years, but it had been over a week. A conversation was long overdue.

"Have you talked to Meg-"

"No," I interjected. "I haven't."

"Have you even tried?"

I sighed and refused to answer. I hadn't tried. Of course I had her number and knew where she lived, but after that night there was a need to figure out what the hell I was feeling for her. I figured she needed space to do the same.

"Sam, acting like it didn't happen won't erase the fact that it did."

"I know that."

She didn't like my short answers, but it was all I really had. At the moment my heart was pounding so hard in my chest I felt like I was about to throw up.

Before we rounded the corner to Megan's classroom Blair stopped me in my tracks. Her hands rested on my shoulders and her eyes locked with mine.

"What are you so afraid of?" she asked.

With Megan? A lot. I was afraid of being rejected. Afraid of being ignored and forgotten. I was afraid to lose our friendship and the regret of opening up to her about the things I never told anyone.

And I was afraid for Megan to love me, because I knew deep down I wasn't right for her.

I raked my hands through my hair. "I'm scared that she hates me now."

"She doesn't hate you," Blair reassured. "But just remember, she's probably just as scared as you are."

"I doubt that," I denied. Megan seemed so fearless all the time.

"You've gotta stop being so negative."

I just took a deep breath.

Blair dismissed herself. I noticed Megan wasn't at the door today. A part of me was grateful while another was disappointed. Yet, when I walked in the classroom and realized she wasn't there either, I grew worried.

It was weird for Megan to miss class, especially on the first day of the second term. Was she sick? Had she left town? Had she resigned?

The latter made my anxiety spike. She wouldn't really resign after one kiss with me... would she? This job meant everything to her.

Then another evil thought surfaced. Had someone seen us and reported it? Had Megan been fired?

I spent my entire fourth hour racking my brain, attempting to remember if anyone else had been around that night but I couldn't recall. It seemed so unlikely for that to be the case, but it was also really odd that she wasn't here, so it was impossible not to worry.

As soon as class ended I tried to decide what to do. I was no longer worried about whether Megan hated me, but rather if she was okay. And although I knew I should stay away until she showed back up, there was this undeniable fear that she wouldn't.

I found myself speeding towards her place, hopeful that that's where she was. If she wasn't then I would have to ask Shawn if he had heard from her.

As soon as I pulled up I spotted her car, a small hint of relief settled on my shoulders. Okay, but if she was here why hadn't she showed up to class? I really tried to coax myself to leave after that but I couldn't erase all the worry. I found myself exiting the safety of my vehicle.

The pounding in my head was deafening. My face was hot even though the cold wind whipped around me. The only reason I shivered was because of pure fear. Was I really doing this?

I stood at her door and raised my hand to knock, but hesitated. Oh God what if she saw it was me and slammed the door in my face? What if she cursed me out and demanded I never talk to her again? Could I handle that?

I exhaled and went to knock, but the door opened before I could. Everything inside of me froze at the sight. A familiar pair of eyes found mine and it took me everything I had not to throw up.

"Sam, it's so good to see you," Nikki claimed, tugging her overnight bag closer to her body. Then she called. "Megan, your other ex is here to see you!"

My fists clenched at my sides as Nikki disappeared.

Megan came around the corner and spotted me in the doorway.

"Sam?" she mouthed. "What are you doing here?"

My vision had turned red within seconds. Nikki had slept over? Just the thought of her hands touching Megan was enough to send me over the edge. How could Megan do that? Controlling the anger was impossible.

I turned around and ultimately decided it didn't matter anymore. It didn't matter if I had kissed her. It didn't matter if we never saw each other again. Everything inside of me ached. My heart felt deflated. Shattered. Why on earth did it hurt so bad?

Before I could make it down the steps a hand grabbed mine. "Sam, please talk to me!"

Megan was trying but I couldn't bring myself to look at her. Was I crying? I sure hoped not.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

That question stabbed me like a nine-inch knife. Pain flooded through every vein in my body as I felt my eyes burn. There was a lump in my throat that made it hard to breathe. Anything that came out of my mouth right now wouldn't be nice at all, but at this point I believed she deserved it.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Megan?" I fumed.

A look of guilt crossed her features, which only answered all of the questions swarming my mind. Why was I so upset? Was it because I had caught her with Nikki? Or because it wasn't me?

Her mouth opened and closed. She had no words.

"You slept with her?" I asked. By now it was painful to talk. My voice was barely a whisper.

"I..." she stopped herself. I had my answer.

I turned and left. She didn't chase me, which was expected. Megan didn't want me. The kiss on New Years had probably been provoked by a small buzz and the moment. It meant nothing to her.

I peeled out of the apartment complex, tears running down my face. I was more upset at myself than anything else. This should've been expected. This could've been prevented.

And maybe this is what I deserved for believing someone like Megan would ever love me.

* * *

As much as I had wanted to skip out on practice today I knew I couldn't. After having the whole month of December off, not showing would only look bad. Plus, I didn't want to get into more trouble.

Yet, I knew facing Megan would ruin me.

When I left the safety of my car the wind hit my face. Had it gotten colder? I shivered and prayed this hoodie would keep me warm.

As soon as I rounded the corner Emma and a few of her other teammates, including Shay spotted me. For only a second did Emma eye me, an unreadable expression on her face.

Then Megan emerged from the equipment shed. Unlike Emma, the expression on her face conveyed a very clear message. Guilt. Sorrow. Pity. I hated all three of them.

When I passed her she addressed me. "Sam, we need to talk about earlier."

I ignored her and continued walking.

She followed behind me. "Will you please listen to me?"

I turned. "I have better things to do than talk to you."

I watched my words cut her wide open. The sad part about it was that I felt the cut too. Her pain was suddenly my pain. I didn't let her see.

Practice was slow and I mostly stayed to myself, picking up balls from the outfield after hitting practice. No one approached me. No one even really cared that I was hear. Then again, why would they?

It wasn't until I was saving the used equipment that Shay, of all people, decided to bother me.

She kicked over a bucket of balls and I watched them scatter through the shed. "I think I can say on behalf of the entire team; we're not excited to have you back."

I felt my blood beginning to boil. Today really wasn't the day to mess with me.

I looked at her. "That's just too damn bad."

"You know, the principal would've suspended you the other day if it hadn't been for Miss Adams."

What exactly was she trying to prove? Was she mocking me? Or was she mocking the fact that everyone so-said "liked" her better than me?

I stepped closer. "To bad he didn't. Then I wouldn't have to look at you anymore."

Her eye twitched. I was getting under her skin, but in all actuality I didn't want to fight.

I started to pick up the balls she had rudely knocked over and continued to ignore her. Then she shoved me, hard, and I fell over the other buckets of balls. I felt cuts spread over my skin from the fall.

I knew what she was trying to do, and at this point in time it was working. Today was a bad day, and she had seen that. She knew I would react. That's exactly what she wanted, and I couldn't stop myself from giving it to her.

I moved quickly, refusing to give Shay enough time to defend herself. My right fist connected with her nose and I heard the snap. She screamed but continued to try and defend herself.

I had no will to stop. It was like unleashing a wild animal from captivity. There was yelling and mayhem but it was like looking through a tunnel. I heard nothing. All I saw was blood. All I felt was the ache in my fists. And before I knew it I was being violently pulled off of Shay.

"Sam stop!"

The blood on my hands began to dry as Shay stood next to another player. I was fuming. My blood felt like it was about to burn out of my veins.

"Do I need to call the police?!" Coach yelled, looking between me and Shay.

The thought of being arrested really made me nervous, but I wasn't at fault. Yet, looking at Shay I realized I had really messed up.

"Yes!" Shay whined. "She fucking broke my nose!"

I inspected my own cuts. "Yeah well, I wouldn't have if she'd just leave me alone."

Coach looked at me, and then looked at Shay. God, could this day get any worse?

"Someone grab my phone," Lee ordered. "And get Shay a towel to stop the bleeding."

Looks like today was about to get a lot worse.

Then Megan stepped in. "Lee, this isn't Sam's fault."

Here she was, still sticking up for me even after the words I had with her earlier. Defending me even when she didn't truly know what had happened.

"Yes it is!" Shay demanded.

I refused to even step in. It was my word against hers, and if coach would take anyone's side, it would be Shay. But if I let Megan continue, coach would take Megan's side.

"This happened before Christmas break in front of my classroom. Shay torments Sam all the time. I doubt if it was any different in this situation," Megan informed.

Coach knew deep down Megan was right, but she didn't want to lose her best catcher. But someone had to go down with this, and I knew it wouldn't be her girl.

"Sam, you're dismissed from your punishment. Indefinitely."

I almost panicked, but then realized I wouldn't receive a penalty for breaking Shay's nose. This would stay off my record as long as Shay kept her mouth shut, which she would by Lee's orders.

I left without further ado, no one even bothering to ask me if I was okay. Guess Shay's bloody face was a big, ugly distraction.

Then I heard my name. "Sam!"

For once it wasn't Megan, and I was grateful.

I turned to see Emma running after me.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

I shrugged, inspecting my hands. "I've been better."

"What the hell happened?" she asked.

I shook my head. "She had it coming. It was no secret."

Her brown eyes were softer than the last time we had spoken. Maybe she felt bad for spreading lies about me cheating.

"I'm sorry," she stated.

This got my attention. "For?"

"For everything. For trying to force you to talk about things with me when you weren't ready. For saying those things about you cheating..." She played with her hands. "I'm just really sorry."

"Thanks," I answered. "For apologizing."

She moved closer. "I won't take Shay's side in this."

My eyes found hers again. This came as a surprise. Mostly because I had believed Emma to hate me after everything that had happened. Yet here she was, offering to defend me.

"That means a lot."

She just gave me a small smile before turning around.

I looked past her and spotted Megan at the gate of the field. Her face screamed a million words but I didn't stick around to make sense of them. Even after defending me the whole Nikki situation cut me deep.

But now I would get the distance I so desperately needed from Megan, and hopefully she stayed away long enough for me to heal.