Emma didn't talk to me after the confrontation at the field. It stung knowing she was avoiding me, and it sucked because I wasn't sure if we were even still a thing. She would avoid me every time I even looked at her, and I had no idea what to do.

And when I had gone to tell Megan that night, she avoided me too. This was a surprise, and I had yet to figure out why she was doing such a thing.

Thursday afternoon had drug on just like Wednesday, but it meant there was only one more day till break. Megan's class was a bore considering she refused to even look at me, just like Emma. And to be quite honest, it was getting to me.

The bell rang and I stood to leave, knowing Megan wouldn't even bother telling me bye. Then again, why did I even care?

"Sam," she called, catching me off guard.

I turned. "Yeah?" Her gaze caused heat to flood through my body.

"Practice is cancelled today and tomorrow. Lee's going out of town."

Oh.

I nodded. "Cool."

She sat at her desk. "Close the door on your way out."

I was getting frost bite now. I closed the door but remained inside. It was killing me not knowing what was going on.

"Megan, are you still upset over the other day?"

She shook her head. "No Sam."

I moved closer. "Then what's going on?"

"Nothing's going on."

She refused to look up from her papers. Why was she doing this? Why did I even care? I shouldn't but I did. Should I show her that I cared this much? After the whole Emma thing, getting rejected was not on my to-do list.

"Okay well then why are you ignoring me?"

Ugh. I hate how vulnerable I sounded.

"I'm not ignoring you," she answered. "I'm just... busy."

"Busy with?"

"Grading."

"Oh really?"

"Yes really."

I leaned forward, both of my hands on her desk. "You've been staring at the same assignment for five minutes now."

She set her pen down and looked up at me, arms folded across her desk. She looked so hot like that. God, get it together Sam. This is a serious moment.

"That's because you insist on bothering me."

Ouch.

I held my ground. "I wouldn't be bothering you if you would stop ignoring me."

She sighed. "For the second time, I'm not ignoring you."

"You don't even look at me during class anymore," I stated. This caused her to hesitate with a response. Had I hit a nerve?

"Sam I messed up," she confessed. Okay what did that mean?

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I got way too personal with you. God, we talk about things I would never mention to any of my other students!"

I furrowed my brow. "None of that was really intentional."

"But it was preventable."

"You live with me, Megan."

She pulled her eyes off. "It doesn't matter. None of that matters. I'm your teacher before anything else. I have to stick by that."

"So what are you saying?" I asked.

She thumbed her pen before looking up. "I'm saying I can't be your friend when I'm your teacher."

For some reason it hurt when she said that. Like she had cut me with a knife. I refused to let her see. But how could she say that after everything I had already revealed?

I stood tall and peered down at her. "Are you serious?"

"Yes, Sam. I'm serious."

At this I nodded, the pain of rejection was becoming familiar again. My feet backed me away from her desk.

"Great."

"I'm sorry."

I slammed her door behind me in response.

Why did it hurt so bad? Why did I feel like I had actually lost something I needed? Did I need her? Hell no I didn't need her. She was nothing. Just some chick that had problems just like me. That's the only reason I cared. I only cared because she understood me, but that didn't really matter. She understood me but she didn't care about me. That's why she was pushing me away.

I lit a cigarette while my car pulled out of the school lot. The tobacco and nicotine danced their way into my bloodstream with a deep inhale.

I didn't need Megan. I. Did. Not. Need. Her. But God why was there a lump in my throat if that was the case?

That's when my phone rang in my pocket. I groaned. The last thing I felt like doing was talking right now but only a handful of people actually called me. It might be an emergency.

Yet the name on the phone indicated otherwise.

I sighed. "Hey Ross, what's up?"

"I need a favor."

"Damn, I don't even get a proper greeting anymore," I answered.

"Sorry. Hey Sam. I need a favor."

"Of course you do," I dead-panned.

"Don't sound too happy about that."

He was right. I probably did sound off. "Sorry, just a bad day."

"Maybe I can cheer you up?"

"Asking me for favors won't do it."

He laughed through the phone. "You're right. But hey, why don't you come over? We can hang out and I'll tell you what I need in person."

"So you can make it harder for me to tell you no?" I joked, knowing deep down it was true.

"Exactly," he played along.

I glanced at the clock and realized it was only noon. What else did I have to do for the rest of the day?

"I'll be there in a few," I finished.

"You're still my girl."

I hung up and continued on the beaten path I knew all too well to his house.

Back when I had first moved here Ross was one of the few people I was already familiar with. A lot of the people he sold to lived in Chesterfield, so when he caught wind that I was moving to Baldwin we kept in touch. One day at a party he had offered me an opportunity to do some small drop-off jobs for him. The pay was awesome. Everything was fine. But ever since that close-call it had been hard to continue.

Yet, here I was on my way to his house. Again.

I drove up and honked twice. Our personal signal. The front door cracked open and he waved.

"Good to see you again. Have you lost weight?" he asked.

I just gave him an unamused glance.

He sat at the counter while I leaned against it, knowing I didn't want to make myself comfortable. I liked Ross but I knew I wasn't really here to hang out. I was here because he needed a favor and I didn't want to go home.

"So what do you need?" I asked, cutting to the chase.

He smiled. "You never used to be this serious."

I bit my cheek. He was right. "Yeah well, people change."

"You Sam Carson, will never really change."

For some reason this struck a nerve, but I decided not to react. I wasn't who I used to be and I was proud of it. Alcohol was one thing, but the drugs... that stuff had almost ruined my life. I was different, but he didn't see it that way.

"Right." I leaned on the counter. "So why'd you call me?"

"I need a favor."

"Yeah, I got that part."

"Always so sassy."

He stood from the counter and walked through his house. He came back with a bag filled with an off-white looking powder. My skin ran cold at the sight. I already knew what that was and I wanted nothing to do with it.

"I'm not taking that anywhere," I stated, grabbing my keys to leave.

He stood in front of me. "Sam, calm down."

"Don't tell me to calm down. You know getting caught with heroin is a felony."

"You won't get caught."

I swallowed and looked at the bag. Never had I gone that far with drugs. And heroin was no joke. The people I saw who were addicted to it just didn't look... right. That was enough to turn me away.

"It's just this. That's all. Throw it in your trunk and take it to Chesterfield like that if you're worried. You have plenty of time so don't speed. Hell, take someone with you if you want."

He put the baggie in my hand and I flinched. It wasn't the drugs I was afraid of; it was the penalty if I failed.

"Do I have to get payment?" I asked.

"Yes," he answered. "The price is on the bag."

For some reason something was telling me not to do it. To just tell him no and leave and delete his number. But I didn't want to listen because the fear just seemed pointless. The only way I would get caught was by acting completely stupid. It was the middle of the day. And I would be back in town before Shawn got home.

I looked up. "What's my cut?"

He smiled. "A hundred."

It really was easy money. That's when I spotted a case of beer on the counter of his island. Long-neck bottles that were unopened. My stash was dwindling since I was drinking every night and I couldn't legally buy alcohol in the stores.

I nodded. "I also need alcohol."

"Okay, a hundred cash and I'll give you a bottle of Jack Daniels. I know it's your favorite."

"Deal," I finished, wanting to get there and back as soon as possible. "Where am I taking this?"

Ross gave me the run down, letting me know what time the customer would be there and what kind of car he was driving. After that I left and started towards Chesterfield for the second time within the year.

I decided not to contact anyone to tag along, knowing the only one I wanted was Blair but decided not to put her in harm's way. As much as I hated going alone it was probably best I did.

On the way I cranked my radio up and lit my second cigarette of the afternoon. My anxiety was higher than usual but there was no backing out now. And I knew I should quit doing this, but telling Ross no was hard.

Forty minutes later I was rolling up to the gas station, my nerves on high alert. I spotted the truck sitting in the back lot near the dumpster. That was him.

I rolled up next to the truck and thumbed the baggie in my pocket. In the other I felt the cool metal of my three-inch pocket knife. I considered it a parting gift I stole from my father the day I moved. It was all I had left of daddy's protection.

I exited my car and surveyed my surroundings. Cars passed. Horns honked. Lights changed and people bustled though there weren't many out in this weather. The atmosphere was stiff with the gray clouds above.

The driver's side window rolled down and the top of the man's face came into view. Sunglasses and a beanie hid his major characteristics but once again he felt familiar.

"Ross's girl," he stated. Immediately I recognized him from the last time I came here with Blair. The creep at the bar. "What's your real name, sweetie?"

Bile rose up my throat. No way was he getting my real name. "I prefer to go by Ross's girl."

"Oh c'mon, I bet you have a beautiful name."

The grip on my knife tightened.

He got the hint and smiled. "Alright how much?"

"Two-hundred."

He looked away but continued to speak. "Damn, I still don't know how he affords that."

Wait, it wasn't for him?

"You pickin' up for your friend?" I asked.

He looked up with a grin. "Ain't I such a good guy?"

I ignored him. "So you're clean?"

"I was a user but I got caught once. I've been clean for a few years now."

So he had been caught with heroin before. Usually people could get away with a minor sentence or probation if they had a decent lawyer. The second offense was much, much worse.

Two crisp bills were slid as I grabbed them and threw the baggie onto his lap. It was over. I could leave.

"Bye Ross's girl!" he dismissed, a sly grin on his face. I felt a cold shiver run up my spine.

Before I knew it I was speeding away from Chesterfield. The need to get as far away as possible was high. What if I did come back for Thanksgiving and ran into that guy? What if he recognized me? I didn't want that to happen at all.

But Shawn really wanted me to come this year, I could tell. He would continue to bring it up and make me feel bad even though I shouldn't.

And did I really want to spend the holidays alone two years in a row? Not particularly.

I made it back to Baldwin and stopped at Ross's for payment. He had kept true and gotten what I wanted. I dismissed myself without lingering too much. No way was I doing another drop off for him. Today had been the final job.

When I had gotten home I napped, but once again was woken up by a horrific dream that was all too familiar. Shawn and Megan got home before I could catch anymore sleep, and I was forced out of my room.

Later that night I had drank too much. I blamed it on the stress and the annoyance of Megan's presence after our talk earlier in class. And if I was being honest, today really just sucked all around.

I passed out earlier than normal, knowing the best thing for me was sleep. I silently prayed tomorrow would be better than today, but decided not to expect much.

* * *

"Sam..." I heard.

I was dreaming. I had to be. My eyes were closed and refused to open.

"Sam wake up!"

I felt my body turn in protest. Get up? Why? Why was my dream trying to end so suddenly-?

A shove forced my eyes open, Megan coming into view. But she wasn't looking at me. Jeez, why was she even in here? I rubbed my eyes to make sure she wasn't a figment of my imagination.

"Megan what the hell...?" I mumbled.

"Shit," she mumbled, kneeling down besides my bed. What was she doing?

I sat up in the same moment she revealed the bottle of Jack in her right hand. My world stopped for a second as she twisted the cap back onto it.

"Get up. You didn't set an alarm last night and I just... spilt alcohol all over your floor!"

It wasn't until now that I noticed my head throbbing. What did she mean she spilt...?

I leaned over and saw half of the bottle in a puddle next to my bed. Had I forgotten to put the cap back on from being so drunk? Oh man this whole situation was messed up.

It didn't take her long to reappear with a towel to clean up the mess. I helped her the best I could for someone who was just rudely woken up. Everything between us remained quiet, but I knew what she was thinking. She had found the reason I was no longer having nightmares. She didn't know the alcohol was the reason, but she had discovered it. That alone made me really, really nervous.

After we cleaned up the alcohol in silence she parted. "I have to go, I'm already late."

She left in a hurry with no interest in asking me about the alcohol and why it had been there in the first place. I started getting ready for school. In the moment I took the half empty bottle of Jack and hid it in my closet.

I was afraid Megan would tell Shawn, and that was the last thing I needed. She could bitch me out all she wanted, but telling my brother would result in a serious dilemma. He didn't know I was even having nightmares anymore. And I really didn't want him to. He was under enough stress.

Friday proceeded with me suffering with a hangover through all of my classes. I had a feeling my body was telling me to cool it with the alcohol, and maybe I should next week while we were on break.

"So is there a reason you look like you just woke up ten minutes ago?" Blair asked as we met in English.

"Because I did," I answered.

She laughed. "Forgot to set an alarm?"

I nodded. "Yeah, Megan woke me up."

"Well of course, she had to make sure her favorite student wasn't late."

My head shook. "We're not really on good terms anymore."

"What do you mean? What happened?"

I shrugged. "I really don't even know. One moment she was revealing personal things to me about her sister and then one second she's ignoring me after I say something about Emma."

Blair just looked at me. "Well what did you say about Emma?"

"Just why it was hard to open up to her."

"Which is?"

"Because I don't love her," I finished, still not understanding why that was such a bad thing to say.

"But Megan knows a lot about you, right?"

"I mean..."

"More than Emma does," she continued. Where was she going with this?

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying exactly what you think I'm saying."

"Your riddles annoy me."

She looked me in the eyes. "Want me to tell you why Megan's acting all weird?"

The smile on her face told me not to ask for the truth. But it was honestly driving me mad not understanding what was going on in Megan's head.

"I'm not sure if I want to know," I claimed.

"Well I'm gonna tell you anyway." She leaned closer and whispered. "It's because you basically admitted to loving her."

I nearly fell out of my seat. "What?"

"Miss Carson, quiet down," my English teacher ordered.

I threw her an apologetic smile.

"Yeah," Blair finished. "That's definitely why she's avoiding you."

"W-Why... why would she even think that? And for the record, I don't love her. Jesus Christ." I leaned back in my seat.

"But are you a hundred percent sure you don't love her?" Blair teased.

"A hundred-ten percent."

"Not even a little bit?"

"No."

She narrowed her eyes.

"Why would you even think that?" I scoffed.

"Oh I don't know..." She smirked. "Because you hang out with her, you talk to her about a lot, you're attracted to her, she's a woman-"

"Enough," I cut off. "This conversation is over."

"Sure, but you can't blame her for freaking out a bit."

"Yes I can, because it's irrational."

Blair just giggled in her seat next to me.

The rest of the day went by fast. I was convinced the universe really just wanted me to be with Megan as soon as possible, which was like a sick joke. After what Blair put in my head I didn't want to see her at all.

She stood outside her classroom like she normally did, talking with the teacher across the hall. What would even give Megan the idea that I liked her even a little bit more than a friend? Sure, I flirted with her a lot, but it was all in fun. Right?

"You know," Blair stated. "I wouldn't blame you if you did like Megan."

I just gave her an annoyed glare.

She threw her hands up in defense. "Okay fine. I get it. You don't like her."

"Exactly," I finished. "Now goodbye."

Her eyes rolled before she turned to disappear out the door.

Before I could even start towards Megan's classroom Emma came into view. She spotted me a little too late for her to turn around and run. Deep down there was a lot of dread but I knew I had to confront her. She had avoided me for too long and I was putting a stop to it once and for all.

I approached her. "Emma."

"Sam," she responded. "Look I don't really have time to talk-"

"Stop running from me and just end the damn thing," I cut off. Annoyance clear in my tone.

I know she had almost admitted to loving me, and I know she probably felt bad for it. Now the reason why I was unsure of. Maybe she was afraid she had freaked me out. Or maybe she hadn't been ready to say it and her tongue had gotten the best of her.

But my accusation seemed to hit a nerve.

She crossed her arms. "That's how you want this to go?"

Megan was watching us now but I tried my best to ignore her. I looked at Emma. "What other way can it go? You're avoiding me!"

"I'm giving you space."

"Why? I didn't ask for space."

She shook her head. "That day at the field... you didn't have to ask. The look on your face said it all. But I don't want to end it."

She didn't? Wait, what had my face been like? I was so confused my head hurt.

"You don't?" I asked.

"No." She sighed Brown eyes locked with mine. "Unless you do."

Did I want to continue? It was hard enough now, and I didn't see it getting any better. I still didn't feel comfortable sharing personal things with her. And honestly the flame had died a long time ago. So what was the point?

I shrugged. "I just don't..." What was I trying to say? "I just don't think I..."

She nodded. "You don't love me."

Hearing her say it made me realize she was right. The pain in her voice was there but she tried her best to keep it hidden. She failed.

"Emma, it's not that you're not a great person..." I stated.

"I get it," she answered with a laugh. "I'm just not good enough."

I shook my head. "That's not it-"

"Is there someone else?" she interjected.

Immediately my eyes landed on Megan who was still looking at me. No. Dammit, don't look at her!

"N-No, there's no one else. I just think I wasn't ready for this..."

Emma refused to buy it.

"You don't have to lie. I already know there is."

"Emma there's no one else!" I defended.

"I have to go," she dismissed, shoulder-butting me on her way. For some reason her words stung worse than the shove.

Had I just been dumped? I felt like I had. It sucked. Like really sucked. But I knew this had probably been for the best. Emma and I weren't as compatible as I had hoped. And why was she so convinced there was someone else?

I spent Megan's class zoned out thinking about everything that had gone down within the months of me and Emma dating. Where had things gone wrong? Was it truly because I refused to open up to her? And why was that so hard to do in the first place?

Only the bell had the ability to break my thoughts, dismissing me from the final day of the week. I hadn't realized the time and ended up staying a little later than the rest of the class to pack. When I stood to go Megan called out.

"Sam."

I turned to see her sitting at her desk. Her arms were folded delicately in front of her chest. Those eyes staring into mine. Just this small moment healed some of the burn Emma had left.

"What?" I asked.

"This morning..." she started, but seemed to change her mind. God, the last thing I wanted to talk about was the alcohol incident earlier.

"What about it?" I asked.

She sighed, looking away. "Nothing. Never mind."

Anger flared at the change of subject. She was attempting to ice me out again but she wasn't winning this time. It wasn't fair. Was she going to ignore me forever?

I stepped closer. "Megan, what's your problem?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean." I made it over to her desk. "I understand you don't want a personal relationship, but ignoring me completely?"

She knew I was right, so she stayed quiet.

I leaned forward. "Listen, I don't give a shit if you want boundaries. But if that's the case then you need to get out of my house, because you know that would be the right thing to do."

I watched my words cut her. The expression on her face altered from confusion to shock all in the matter of seconds. I immediately felt guilty for saying the things I did, but I couldn't stop it. I had fresh wounds and she was just rubbing salt into them. I couldn't take it.

Then I turned away without another word, leaving her alone just like she had left me.