a/n: no spoilers. unless you didn't see the new poster that has changes to cap and widow's appearance. enjoy this alternative to infinity war with less feels.

Tony has created a chatroom.

Tony has added Bruce.

Tony: I have a science bro.

Tony has added Stephen.

Tony: I have an awesome facial hair bro.

Tony has added T'Challa.

Tony: I have a billionaire bro.

Tony has added Peter.

Tony: I have a kid bro.

Tony has added Y/N.

Tony: I have a best friend bro.

Tony has added Natasha.

Tony: I have a traitor bro.

Tony has added Vision.

Tony: I have a grankid bro.

Tony has added Steve.

Tony: I have an old bro.

Tony has added Rhodey.

Tony: I have a bro bro.

Tony: Get it, Rhodey? Because you're like family to me.

Rhodey: Bro.

Tony: Bro.

Stephen: Please stop. We should really be discussing our impending doom.

Tony has added Groot.

Tony: I have a kid bro for my kid bro.

Tony: Peter say hello to Groot.

Peter: Hi!

Groot: I am Groot.

Tony has added Quill.

Tony: I have a cool space dad bro.

Groot: I am Groot.

Quill: I am not old!

Quill: Teenagers these days.

Tony has added Thor.

Tony: I have a handsome bro.

Tony has added Loki.

Tony: I have an asshole bro.

Tony has blocked Loki.

You: Tony, I think that's enough.

Steve: Y/N, there's no stopping him now.

Rhodey has added Gamora, Rocket, Bucky, Scott, Clint, Wanda, Nebula, Rocket, Mantis, Sam.

Rhodey: I've defeated him. There's no one else for him to add now.

Tony: Bro...

Rhodey: I'm sorry bro.

Tony: It's okay, bro.

Rhodey: I love you, bro.

Tony: I love you too, bro.

Bruce: I love you more, bros.

Rhodey: We love you too, bro.

T'Challa: Now that everyone is here, shall we start planning our strategy on defeating...

Bucky: The plum man.

Scott: He's more like a grape, you know?

Sam: No. He's an eggplant because he's a dick.

Drax: I do not see the correlation.

Rocket: What the hell is an eggplant? Some kind of plant that lays eggs?

Drax: Quill, is this your real birth place? An eggplant?

Rocket: Because he's a dick?

Rocket: It would make sense.

Quill: Quiet, trash panda!

Bucky: I didn't say anything.

You: Not you... Bucky... omg

Stephen: Do we know what he wants?

Gamora: Thanos? The stones.

Wanda: Vision got into a fist fight in the parking lot over it. Y/N and I were very stunned at first.

Vision: It was my first time. I think I did moderately well, right, Y/N?

You: no comment

Scott: I thought Wanda saved you?

Vision: I DID WELL.

T'Challa: That's why the news keeps playing you getting beat up...

Sam: VISION DROPPED HARDER THAN THE HELICARRIER

Scott: He really did. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when I saw the slowmo replay on the news.

You: there's already memes of it.

Wanda: send them to me.

Vision: Let it be known that on this day, I unfriend all of you.

Bruce: I think we need more reinforcements.

Scott: Yeah. Who do you have in mind?

Bruce has added Luke, Jessica, Matt, Danny.

Sam: Hey guys, how about helping us take down Thanos?

Matt: We're good.

Danny: We can't leave our one block of NYC undefended.

Luke: Who knows what could happen?

Jessica: Good luck, though. Oh and Peter, Y/N, stop by once in a while?

Luke: Yeah, we don't mind the extra help.

Matt: You two act like you don't even know us. Think you're so cool just because you're an Avenger now.

Jessica has left the chat.

Luke has left the chat.

Danny has left the chat.

Matt has left the chat.

Steve: They're kidding... right?

You: hopefully bc I ALWAYS stop by but not Peter!

Peter: Not true!

You: Sure, sure. Who else should we ask for help?

Bucky: What about the X-Men?

Wade has joined the chat.

Wade: Do you have the movie rights?

Bucky: What?

Wade: So you don't?

Stephen: Why are we wasting time talking to this man? We should talk to Charles.

Wade: Zip it more attractive Dumbledore!

Wade: Don't tell Magneto I said that.

Wade has left the chat.

Clint has added Charles.

Clint: help us

Charles: Sorry, can't. I'm in another timeline.

Rhodey: What?

Charles: The force compels you to order me an extra large pizza.

Tony: How can we if you're in another timeline? And quit it! You're not a jedi.

Charles: The force compels you to loan me your money.

T'Challa: Enough of this!

Charles: Storm says hi.

You: Professor, please.

Charles: The force compels you to join the X-Men and leave these losers behind.

Steve: She will be doing no such thing!

Charles: The force compels you to keep Wade in your universe and never return him to us!

Charles has left the chat.

Wanda: ... I'm going to say that now when I use my powers.

Thor: Wanda, you should not use your powers to tamper with people's minds.

Wanda: The force compels you to be quiet bc I didn't ask for your opinion.

Thor: :O

Natasha: We should lay low for a while, and then attack when Thanos least suspects us.

Clint: Oh my god, who is this?

Natasha: Not now, Clint.

Clint: Y/N, who is this?

You: I don't know, but she claims to be Natasha?

Drax: That is Natasha.

Clint: But Natasha isn't blonde? She looks nothing like Natasha. Imposter.

Steve: Barton, enough. Now's not the time.

Clint: And who are you?!

Clint: You look nothing like Steve! Steve doesn't have a beard that makes him look like, as many of us said, "A sexy lumberjack what the HELL."

You: stop exposing us you jerk

Clint: y/n you just exposed yourself bc I didn't mention names

Bucky: Did I call Steve a lumberjack? Yes. Am I ashamed? No.

Tony: So which one of you added the sexy part?

You: ... you did

Tony: Oh, yeah.

Clint: Where's Nat and Steve? I don't see em.

Natasha: This isn't a verbal conversation, Clint. Your joke won't work here.

Steve: It's literally our names, Barton. You can't act like you can't see us now.

Clint: Nope, it's some blonde and lumberjack texting me. Don't know where my friends are.

Steve: Leave my beard alone.

Bucky: leave the lumberjack alone

Clint: No one will know you're Steve Rogers with a beard!

Natasha: CLINT.

Clint: After you dyed your hair it's like you dyed your face because I can't even recognize you.

Thanos has joined the chat.

Thanos: square up bitches

Nebula: I told him he had to forgo the comet up his ass and speak like the humans for them to understand him. I suggested a dictionary, preferably the urban one.

Rhodey: You. You are awesome. You're risking all of our lives for a prank and honestly, I do not mind.

Bruce: I didn't expect this outcome. I thought you and Rocket were just going to look up raccoons when you asked to use my phone.

Thanos: Less favorite daughter, I need to tell you something.

Nebula: What?

Thanos: I am reading a book on anti-gravity.

Nebula: Aha...

Thanos: It is impossible to put down.

Nebula has left the chat.

Mantis: You want the stones? We will not let you complete the set.

Thanos: I do seek them but they do not hold my attention. And I already have enough to wipe you out lol so don't even

Wanda: But you fought Vision for one?

Thanos: lil shit had that ass whooping coming

Tony: Every time he switches to "human dialect" it kills me

Thanos: Good.

Thor: Why did you attack Vision? What do you seek?

Steve: We thought you wanted the rest of stones.

Thanos: I do, but my priority is no longer wanting to rid the universe of your species. Instead, I have a meme page. And Vision has been trolling it. Once I have obliterated those who are threats to my Meme page, I shall retrieve the stones.

Vision: His memes are lackluster and I have been trying to delete his account.

Thanos: boi u best stfu before i make u eat your words

Tony: So we're all going to potentially die just because Vision couldn't stop himself from trolling Thanos?

T'Challa: This revelation is not as dark as I thought it would be. Perhaps we shall survive.

Thanos: I am @GalacticMemesUWillObeyMe and @DeathPlsLoveMeBack on Space.moon. I pledge to destroy every other meme page until only mine stands. And you, Avengers, are the last meme creators in my way.

Scott: thanks for your @, i just reported you now

Rhodey: Which one of you have been making memes to the point it's endangering all of us?

Sam: me

You: me

Peter: me

Clint: me

Wanda: me

Thor: I!

Vision: There's more of us. We share the account.

Thanos: I will be the sole source of memes until I have wiped out your account!

Vision: @thanos delete your account.

Quill: Wait, wait... wait... memes?

You: Those pics I showed you? Memes.

Natasha: why does the mad titan run a meme page and why does he want to get rid of his competition?

Thanos: lol sweetie u wouldn't understand it is not of your iq

Gamora: He has spoken of Memes capturing the minds of many, and he wishes to have that power. I did not think of him being serious...

Thanos: I require the stones to make truly dank memes that kill.

Peter: Mr. Stark, please tell me I'm dreaming.

Stephen: I am deeply conflicted... Should we just let him have the stones? He's just going to make memes...

T'Challa: I've always feared Spongebob coming to life and murdering me.

Stephen: Oh right, memes that kill.

Thanos: once im done beating vision up imma come for them stones

Wanda: I won't let you hurt him, no matter how much he reports your account for trash memes.

Thanos: that's so not fetch

Stephen: Christine says fetch is never going to happen. So stop trying to make it happen.

Thanos has added Pietro.

Thanos: I can bring back your brother, should you stop shielding Vision.

Pietro: Sister!

Vision: Making my way downtown. Flying fast. Ultron's an ass. PIETRO'S ON THE GROUND.

Vision: But no more, it seems.

Pietro: I forbid you from dating my sister, you monster. I hope Thanos kicks your ass into another galaxy.

Pietro has left the chat.

Rocket: This doesn't really concern us anymore... Right, Quill?

Quill: But once his Meme domination is complete, he'll try to kill us all! With memes! The dank ones!

Rocket: Not if the Avengers continue trolling his page and reporting it.

Gamora: He has a point...

Quill: So what, we leave? And return once people are in real danger?

Rocket: Yeah.

Thanos: Favorite daughter, before you leave there is something I must tell you.

Gamora: ... Go on.

Thanos: If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up... They'd be alloys.

Gamora has left the chat.

Thanos: Another one defeated.

Quill: I thought my pops was bad but you...

Rocket: C'mon Quill, you can cry about it on our way out of this crummy place.

Thanos: bye haters, don't let the door hit you on the way out lol

Rocket has left the chat.

Groot: I am Groot.

Quill: We don't call people those words!!

Groot has left the chat.

Quill: ... What Groot called you was the truth, though.

Quill has left the chat.

Thanos: I have defeated your allies, Avengers. Which of you dares to challenge me next?

Scott: All you did was tell your daughters really bad dad jokes.

Scott: Which I'm stealing.

Natasha: Call off your attack and we might go easy on you.

Thanos: i love your outfit

Natasha: Thanks?

Thanos: jk that's the ugliest effing outfit i've ever seen

Natasha: You're dead!

Thanos: only on the inside

Drax: Why does he keep talking like that? It is creeping me out. Go back to the way you used to speak.

Tony: Thanks for sticking with us, Drax.

Mantis: I'm still here too. I will protect you all the best I can.

Drax: I am sure they will appreciate your sacrifice, Mantis.

Mantis: ... What?!

Steve: I'm not really sure what's going on anymore. I thought he was going to take the last few stones, kill us all. You know, the usual villain actions.

Tony: Say I if you have been personally victimized by Thanos.

Vision: I. His memes are insulting to my eyes.

Thor: I. He mocked my haircut.

Bruce: I. After he mocked Thor's haircut he said he liked the Hulk's one. They're practically the same haircut.

Sam: I. He said my wings are so last year.

Peter: I. He ruined my science project and later remade it as his own.

Wanda: I. He said I couldn't sit with him but he came and sat down next to me.

Stephen: I. He called me Beanadick Cucumbersplotch.

T'Challa: I. He asked if I got my suit from Petco.

Steve: I. He called Bucky Dobby and said, "We all know what happens to Dobby."

Bucky: BUCKY HAS NO MASTER. BUCKY IS A FREE 100 YEAR OLD ASSASSIN.

You: Steve, you're supposed to say what Thanos did to you, not to someone else.

Steve: Any insult to Bucky is a direct attack on me!

Tony: Okay... We all don't like him so I propose: Delete his meme page. That seems like the only way to stop him?

Thanos: i'm sorry that you people are so jealous of me

Rhodey: Do we just all report it?

Tony: That should work.

Sam: What do we do in the meantime?

Tony: Stall him.

You: Hey, guys. Good plan, really. But maybe don't discuss our plan when Thanos is in the same chat??????

Thanos: lol i read everything

Sam: Doc, maybe some spells? Some Avada Kedavra?

Stephen: That's not how my magic works.

Sam: Stupefy?

Stephen: Wilson. I'm not Harry Potter.

Thor: Did you even receive your Hogwarts letter?

Stephen: Odinson. Excuse me?

Thor: Mr. Potter has cool spells. Where are yours?

Sam: How bout some Expelliarmus Bitchamus? For Thanos.

You: I don't think just meshing an insult into the spell works.

Sam: are you sure

Thanos: Protego dicko

Sam: BOI

Sam has been disconnected.

Thanos: And so another falls.

Bucky: He threw his phone???

Thanos: That itself is an injury to ones soul.

You: True. Every time I nearly drop my phone I can feel my soul lunging out of my body to catch it.

Stephen: You will have a great future in magic, Y/N.

Thor: Y/N got her Hogwarts letter?

You: (house) and proud.

Bruce: Yes. We all did. Didn't you?

Thor: NO!!!! WHERE IS MINE?!?!

Bruce: There, there, precious Hufflepuff.

Thanos: do you know what my house would be

Bruce: No one cares. Moving on. What's our next move?

Vision: I've already hacked his first account. Should I delete it or change it into an account for us?

Thanos: What?! Impossible.

Vision: See for yourself.

Clint: And the rest of us reported his second account. It got taken down so...

You: I guess we just defeated the Mad Titan's reign of bad memes?

Peter: So we don't have to fight him? Thank God, I really didn't want to.

T'Challa: He'll have to heal his ego before he attacks again.

Stephen: I opened a portal to his floating rock chair.

Drax: It is surprisingly comfortable.

Thanos has been disconnected.

You: I hate to ruin our celebrations but what's stopping him from going to his original plan with the stones?

Tony: INFINITY stones gosh.

You: don't start with me.

Tony: I'm sorry.

Mantis: We must be positive he does not return. But if he does, I am sure we will be ready to face him.

You: Yeah, it'll take him a while to recover from this defeat.

Clint: Wade said this is two parts. So I guess he'll return in part 2? I dunno. Wade doesn't make sense.

Natasha: We'll be ready then.

Peter: Cool so... I gotta go. This was nice. I'm really excited for the next mission. (Mr. Stark, please take me with on the next mission.) But I have a ton of stuff to do, so I'll see you guys later!

You: Bye!

Tony: Stop by tomorrow, kid.

Peter has left the chat.

Vision: lol I'm turning his page into a Vision fan account.

Wanda: So you're running your own fan account?

Vision: Don't judge me, Wanda.

Vision has left the chat.

Wanda has left the chat.

Clint: Hey Scott, wanna go get coffee and cry over our near death experiences that turned into the weirdest experience of our lives?

Scott: Sure, man.

Clint has left the chat.

Scott has left the chat.

Rhodey: Tony, we need to talk about you involving Peter in this.

Tony: confrontations no thank you haha

Tony has left the chat.

Rhodey has left the chat.

Thor: I must find my Hogwarts letter!

Thor has left the chat.

Bruce: I'm going to make him a fake one.

Bruce has left the chat.

Steve: Y/N.

You: Yup?

Steve: Is it cool if the rest of us invade your apartment to hang out?

Natasha: We'll bring food.

Steve: And hugs. The lumberjack kind.

You: HELL YEAH

You: And Steve, I don't know what that means...

You: Also, I really need to make keys for all of you.

Natasha: ... I already made keys for myself.

You: NATASHA

Natasha: What? You know my line of work. I just want to make sure you're safe sometimes.

Natasha has left the chat.

Steve: She gave me a copy.

Steve: Just in case. SEE YOU SOON

Steve has left the chat.

Stephen: I do not require keys.

Stephen has left the chat.

You: If you stop by at my apartment and I'm not there, it's because I'm picking Clint and Scott up. Sad coffee? No. I only allow happy coffee.

You: Anyway, Natasha or Steve will let you in.

You: can't believe them...

Y/N has left the chat.

Drax: I need transportation to her apartment. Who is willing to take me there in their spaceship?

Mantis: Me too.

T'Challa: ... I have something like a spaceship.

Bucky: it's cooler than the quinjet.

T'Challa: Barnes and I shall pick you up soon.

T'Challa has left the chat.

Drax: Mantis, Bucky is like you. Ugly on the outside, but beautiful on the inside. Sam and Steve love him irregardless. Just as I do you.

Drax has left the chat.

Bucky: is drax secretly sam

Bucky: or is sam secretly drax

Bucky: i will never know

Bucky has left the chat.

Mantis has left the chat.