( wowie, wrote a whole pietro chat only for it to repeatedly publish as an early draft instead of the whole thing :/ I've decided to just rewrite it later on so for now please accept this chat as an apology if you saw the update // chat vision is so ominous, mcu vision would be terrified of him )

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Bruce has joined the chat.

Bruce has added Tony.

Bruce: Tony, be honest, do you think Vision is a little... creepy?

Tony: Our son, that phases through Wanda's wall without knocking despite the chance of her changing, our son who says cryptic things, our son who will stare at you from the corner of the room before remarking on your weaknesses, creepy?

Tony: No, not a little.

Tony: A lot.

Bruce: Where did we go wrong with him? He was so promising.

Tony: Pops one is a psycho, pops two left Earth, and I, the single mother who tried his best, didn't go wrong.

Bruce: Ah man, I should've been there for you and him.

Tony: It's alright, he gave good practice for the future flesh children.

Bruce: Yeah, maybe not call your future kids that?

Peter has joined the chat.

Tony: Hello my adoptive flesh son.

Peter: mr. Stark, i respect you, but never again

Bruce: Stand up to the man!

Bruce: Fight the power!

Bruce: Disrespect the Stark!

Peter: oh no, i would never!!

Bruce: I'm just messing with you, kid.

Tony: Something you need, Parker?

Peter: Aunt May and i are going away on vacation so i just wanted to let you know in case you needed me for secret avenging

Tony: That's nice, you two deserve the break. We'll be alright without you. Have fun!

Bruce: Tony's going to die fighting a villain solely because you weren't here to save him.

Peter: no!! I'll come back if you need me, just say the word mr. Stark and I'll be here!!!

Tony: Banner, don't scare him.

Bruce: Aw c'mon, he's just so sweetly gullible.

Vision has joined the chat.

Vision: Flesh Fathers and flesh brother.

Bruce: Tony see what you've done.

Tony: Who did you get into a fight with now?

Vision: I would like Loki to cease calling me a Vile Infant From Hell.

Vision: Or there will be consequences.

Bruce: Vision, do you want to go to a camp, buddy? Meet some Android friends? Go outside?

Peter: mr. Loki is really nice, he's been helping me with my english homework

Vision: No. No. No. He's despicable.

Peter: o

Peter: okay

Tony: Stop being an asshole to Loki, Vision.

Vision: I have done no such thing.

Tony: You call him False God Slicked In Bacon Grease.

Vision: His hair warrants such a title, nor is he a God.

Peter: the oil moisturizers his hair and makes it silky. It's actually kind of nice, I've tried it, he has it in a golden bottle with Norse ruins, it's really cool

Vision: Where may I find this bottle?

Bruce: Resorting to sabotage? I'm so disappointed in you.

Vision: Thank you for leaving me for years shortly after my conception. You speak like you really have the full title as father, when in reality you need to earn it.

Vision has left the chat.

Peter: that was a lot

Peter: is he okay? Is he in his puberty stage now? Y/n says he's a teen going through issues

Peter: i can ask aunt May for advice. She's really good at giving advice; maybe it will help him

Tony: Aunt May is the true superhero here. That would be great.

Bruce: I Would Die For Aunt May. But I physically can't so instead I Would Kill For Aunt May.

Peter: im glad we all appreciate aunt May :) she's the best. and dr. Banner please don't...

Stephen has joined the chat.

Stephen: The android is being disturbing again.

Peter: he's just going though some things, be easy on him please dr. Strange

Stephen: I will portal him to Dormammu if he comes near me.

Peter: no :(

Bruce: Kid's right. Vision is... He's got some issues, we all do. He's still learning how to deal with it.

Tony: No, he's an asshole and we need to stop allowing it.

Stephen: Thank you, Stark.

Tony: Those three words, together? Meow, Stephen, not in front of Peter.

Stephen: I take back what I said. You're worse.

Bruce: Think we should ask someone parenting advice?

Stephen: I mean, you're severely lacking in that area so it could never hurt.

Bruce:

Bruce: Tony who is this man?

Tony: He does magic tricks. I only keep him around bc Bucky and Steve lose their shit every time Stephen does something.

Stephen: Humorous.

Bruce has added Scott.

Bruce: Hey man, think you can help us out with Vision?

Scott: Yeah, I'm the World's Best Grandma!

Stephen: This is your best choice of help?

Scott: Hey, lay off Houdini. You don't know my lore.

Tony: What do you have for us?

Scott: Okay, so listen to his problems, help him solve them. Spend time with him, get his mind focused on other stuff, and not the 1000 year old trickster constantly slandering him. Show him you love him, support your Android son!

Bruce: Do we not do that?

Tony: I sure as hell do that.

Tony: And no, it's not going to work. Years of my love and you know what he did? Ran off to see his fugitive girlfriend when I needed his help.

Peter: it's okay mr. Stark, everything worked out for the better tho right?

Tony: Yeah... yeah.

Tony: I have nightmares though.

Peter: mr. Stark don't worry, aunt May knows how to stop nightmares

Stephen: Aunt May? I could possibly do a better job at that.

Tony: IN THIS UNIVERSE WE LOVE AND RESPECT AUNT MAY, STEPHEN.

Bruce: YEAH!

Scott: She's a lovely woman.

Scott: Guys, if my wholesome dad 101 can't help Vision, you might need someone else to help.

Scott: My angel is, an angel. So I don't have issues with any rebelliousness.

Tony: So a dad who has a lil shit of a kid can help us, huh?

Scott: Yeah!

Stephen: No... Don't add him.

Tony: I really don't want to, but we must.

Stephen: Just send the Android to boarding school... In another dimension.

Peter: what do you have against him?

Stephen: So many alternate universes... and we have the Creepy Vision. Did you know there is a Vision that is, albeit rather uh, tense? But lovely. Smart. Wholesome, in a robot way.

Peter: maybe that's our vision and we're just not giving him the chance to shine

Scott: Yeah, Vision is... not wholesome.

Bruce: So who else can help us?

Tony has added Peter Quill.

Peter Quill: Hey guy who didn't accept my A+ plan, name thief, and sideburns.

Peter: i didn't steal your name

Peter Quill: I was born first. Who came after? You! Name thief.

Scott: Hi, I'm Scott! My daughter is a literal angel.

Peter Quill: Hi Scott, I'm the real Peter. My son is an asshole.

Bruce: So is mine.

Peter Quill: bonding over our mean kids <3

Peter Quill: Look, you just gotta accept that ya kid's a punk.

Tony: BOOOOO

Peter: BOOOOOO

Scott: BOOOOOOOOOOO

Peter Quill: Why are you booing me? I'M RIGHT!

Stephen: Isn't the Raccoon his actual father, more or less? He's certainly more than you.

Peter Quill: It's called co-parenting Douche McGhee.

Stephen: It's Doctor Douche McGhee. Get it right.

Peter Quill: Whatever, you want Rocket's help? Go ask him!

Bruce: We will, thanks!

Peter Quill: wow okay

Bruce: What?

Peter Quill: Oh no I just thought you meant it in a mean way since you're friends with Stark.

Tony: We will ask him. You may leave now.

Peter Quill: Ah, there it is.

Peter: bye quill

Peter Quill: What? I don't get a Mr.?

Peter: bye mr.

Peter Quill: I'm not leaving yet.

Scott: Guys Cassie made me a card with ant drawings, it's so cute

Tony: Vision sends me threatening codes.

Tony: It's his way of showing love.

Bruce has added Rocket.

Rocket: Accept ya kid's an a-hole as Quill said, and then help them through the phase, give em space but not too much.

Scott: So be there, but also be cool, like, okay you can put on all the eyeliner you want and sit on the roof and scream, I'll be downstairs with good advice for when you're ready just don't trash my tulips, that's where I draw the line?

Rocket: Yeah pretty much.

Bruce: Hmm. This has been what we've been doing too.

Peter: yeah vision hasn't improved his menacing ways but i believe in him

Stephen: You're too good for this bunch.

Rocket: Now I gotta go, keep Quill with ya? It's nice not having him breathing up my ass.

Rocket has left the chat.

Scott: What odd wording for the raccoon...

Peter Quill: Oh you know what he means!

Peter: maybe we should ask mr. Thor, he's had enough experience dealing with a rebellious brother, that it could be enough to help?

Peter Quill: Thor? Don't waste your time with that guy. He's just... muscles and good hair. And that's the only good thing about him.

Peter: thor is a universal treasure who is very handsome and sweet

Peter has blocked Peter Quill.

Tony: Nice.

Peter: i draw the line at Thor slander mr. Stark, i didn't say anything during the war but that's over now so i don't have to tolerate it from him

Bruce: Yes! Put your foot down! Thor is so much more than his muscles!

Peter: #thorprotectionsquad dr. Banner

Scott: I've never met him, is he really that great?

Peter: yes!

Bruce: YES.

Stephen: I'm afraid to say otherwise lest these two kill me in my sleep. But yes, he's alright.

Scott: Then what are we waiting for?

Tony has added Thor.

Tony: how to parent

Thor: i don't mean to brag or anything but I've only been stabbed 7 times by loki which compared to other rebellious frost giant adgardian kids, is so little

Thor: you just got to take each day as it comes and stop an invasion and daily murders and hope for the best and you'll do great

Stephen: Clearly this man is operating on an advanced level of parenting and can't help us.

Scott: ... 7 times ...

Scott: Uh hey, Thor! I'm Scott. My daughter has never stabbed me.

Thor: yet

Thor: or that you know of

Scott: You're an anomaly of the greatest things, who ARE you?

Thor: thor

Scott: WHAT are you?

Thor: asgardian... why, what are YOU?

Scott: Human!

Thor: cool, i love my humans, such squishy, volatile, cute humans :) you are under my protection now scott

Scott: THOR PROTECTION SQUAD I HAVE JOINED IT.

Bruce: Thanks for the help buddy.

Thor: no problem, dont forget we have dinner reservations at that new place bruunhilde says she has been waiting to try their beer so dont be late ok love u all bye

Thor has left the chat.

Scott: he's amazing..

Peter: he is c:

Stephen: Wait, hasn't Barton done a moderate job with the twins? Ask him.

Scott: And his real kids!

Bruce: Oh yeah, Wanda is just... so normal and to think she is with Vision?

Stephen: Clearly she's not that normal.

Scott: his kids... guys..

Tony: Pietro is still a prick tho, so I don't know.

Stephen: Yes but he's a refined prick.

Scott: do we jusg ignore his real kids and pretend that it's just the twins...?

Peter: It's all an illusion mr. Lang that's what wade says, the kids are an illusion

Scott: UM... Okay... Sure.

Bucky has joined the chat.

Bucky: Vision is refusing to listen to Y/N and I. He's a MAN that's asking to kiss my metal hand if he doesn't show Y/N respect.

Peter: mr. Barnes he is

Peter: okay he is a man

Peter: but

Peter: he's a man with the feelings of a teenager

Bucky: He's also kind of scary.

Peter: yes so if i caught your arm imagine what he'd do!

Bucky: You're right. I'll use Steve's shield. Ranged attack.

Scott: Whoa whoa whoa!!!!

Bucky: hey scott :)

Scott: Hi :)

Scott: DON'T DO THAT

Stephen: Text me if you need a portal. I won't charge you.

Bruce: Wait, Vision is a MAN. No more nonsense!

Tony: Right! We as his parents put our foot down and refuse to accept any more of his behavior.

Vision has joined the chat.

Vision: Father, may I please go to the carnival with Wanda?

Stephen: Remember, they're still wanted...

Vision: Just for a short while. I have never been to one.

Scott: C'mon, say no

Vision: I promise to be home by 7pm, and I will behave.

Tony: OKAY FINE, GO HAVE FUN SPORT!

Tony: LOVE YOU!

Vision: Love you too.

Vision has left the chat.

Bruce: TONY NO WE JUST SAID WE'D PUT OUR FOOT DOWN, WHAT YOU DID WAS A BACKFLIP AND KEPT YOUR FEET IN THE AIR WITH YOUR BLASTERS INSTEAD OF PUTTING THEM DOWN

Tony: I couldn't help myself!!

Peter: it's okay mr. Stark, maybe vision will behave! I have to go pack now, see you all after my vacation!

Stephen: Have a nice time.

Scott: Yeah, let us know if you need anything!

Peter: i will!

Peter has left the chat.

Bucky: yeesh, no wonder vision is such a brat, because mother stark spoils him

Bucky has left the chat.

Scott: even I'm trapped into spoiling Cassie. It's their smiles and happiness that tricks you. It's okay, you're doing fine, Tony.

Tony: Thanks, Scott.

Scott has left the chat.

Stephen: Bye.

Stephen has left the chat.

Bruce: I hope you were right, Tony.

Tony: He said he would behave! Everything will be fine.

Tony has left the chat.

Bruce has left the chat.

Everything was not fine.