Requested by Sun-fl0w3r_

Tw: Death, mental health stuff, mourning, self-hatred.

Please tread lightly. This chapter really goes into some mental health stuff that might be triggering for some.

It's perfectly fine to not read this if you don't want to.

Fives collapsed. His eyes locked in on Fox's. His mouth moved as he whispered, "I'll never forgive you."

Fox's hands shook as he stared at the blaster in his hand. He had just killed Fives. He had killed a brother. "I- I didn't want to. You made me do it!"

Fives grinned and his eyes rolled into the back of his head. "You'll always be a brother-killer. You killed me!"

Rex shook his head, lips twisted in disappointment. "You killed a brother, Fox. Now I have to kill you."

Then Fox was panting, sitting up in his bed. 

He pressed his hands to his face and rubbed at his eyes. He threw his legs over the side of his bunk and leaned his forearms against his knees. 

Fox sobbed. He cried for the loss of Fives and the loss of a full night's sleep. The tears that ran down his face were for the scars he felt but would never see. He mourned for what was now his stained soul.

He forced himself to stand and he trudged through his morning routine, although it was about two hours earlier than what he would've liked. He knew he'd never fall back asleep though.

Fox bought a caf on his way to the station, bringing it to his desk. He got a head start on the paperwork for the week.

"You're here early," Thorn remarked as he entered the room. He leaned against the doorway, crossing his arms. "How'd you sleep?"

"Fine," Fox sharply said. He didn't look up from his work.

Thorn hummed. He studied Fox for a moment. "You have bags under your eyes."

Fox put down the datapad, glaring at Thorn. "Thank you. I hadn't noticed."

Thorn sighed and pushed off the doorway, striding closer. "Fox. You need to talk to someone."

Fox made a noise from the back of his throat. "No. And I'm fine."

"I've seen you cry in the 'fresher. I've had to help you through panic attacks that left you paralyzed." Thorn set his jaw. "Fox-"

"I'm fine," Fox interrupted, narrowing his eyes. "And those weren't panic attacks. I was just tired."

"When are you going to get help?" Thorn yanked the datapad from his hands and took a step back. 

"Give it back," Fox demanded. He held out his hand. "I need to finish."

"No. You need help," Thorn corrected. "Maybe take a couple days off. Go outside."

"I was outside this morning." 

"Aside from walking to the station." Thorn returned the datapad. "Just think about it, okay?"

"I'm fine." Fox's gaze went back to his work. 

Thire cleared his throat. "I hate to eavesdrop, but Thorn is right. You need help, Fox."

"I'm fine!" Fox snapped. "I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine! I'll be even better when you leave me the kark alone!"

"Say that again while looking me in the eyes!" Thorn exclaimed. "Fox, I'm begging you to get help!"

"I'm fine," Fox hissed, avoiding eye contact.

"This isn't healthy!" Thire agreed with Thorn. "Fox-"

"I'll get over the nightmares," Fox firmly said. "And caf is good enough."

Good soldiers follow orders.

That was what Fox focused on after he heard the order. That's all that went through his head as he killed more brothers that tried to betray the Empire.

Months went by of killing more brothers. He was murdering his brothers. Even if they hadn't been in his squad, they were of his flesh and blood.

The bags under his eyes grew, along with the weight upon his shoulders. He cried himself to sleep most nights. He had nightmares of the faces of the ones he'd killed.

Then one day he stumbled upon another brother that had betrayed the Empire.

"Deserters are to be executed," Fox numbly said as he reached to his belt. His blaster was right there, but he didn't know if he could steady his hands for long enough.

"Fox, you don't have to do this." 

He froze. It was always worse when the brother knew his name. 

His nightmares would be worse that night.

"Under the order of the Emperor," Fox droned on, blinking away tears, "all-"

"Fox!" The clone whisked back his hood, revealing blonde hair and desperate eyes. "I can help you!"

Fox didn't need help. 

"I'm fine!" Fox shouted. He brandished the blaster. "Why does everyone keep asking me that? I- I'm fine! I'm... I'm fine."

Rex took a wary step closer, holding out his hands to show he was unarmed. "Fox, I need you to know that Fives was right. There's a chip inside our heads, but I can get yours out too!"

Fox choked at the name of the first brother he had ever killed. "Will it fix me?"

Rex crouched next to Fox. When had Fox collapsed? Rex gave him a kind smile, sighing. "I wish it could. But there isn't an instant fix."

Fox whimpered, covering his face with his hands. "I- I can't-"

"But it gets better," Rex finished. He gently pried the blaster from Fox's grip. "I haven't been through what you have, but I was on the cruiser when it went down. I was the last one to see all my brothers before they died."

Fox shuddered, hiccuping past years.

"I buried them," Rex told him. "I buried dozens upon dozens of our brothers. I may not have been the one to kill them, but I held their bodies."

Fox wiped at his face. "It gets better?"

"It gets better," Rex confirmed. "And I can get you help if you want it."

Fox stared at his hands before he nodded. "Help me, please."