"I would like to put on the record," I say from where I walk beside Shisui, "that I think that this is a terrible idea." Said terrible idea being Shisui, Itachi, Hana, and I exploring a so called "haunted" house in a deserted area on the outskirts of Konoha.

"Aww, come on Yoruka!" Hana spins around to face me. "Even Uchiha "wet rag" Itachi decided to come." I eye the death grip Hana has on Itachi's arm. Right.

"Reluctantly," Itachi interjects as Hana continues to drag him in the direction of the house.

"Scared, Yoruka?" Shisui nudges me in the ribs as his eyes glitter with hidden mirth. I stick my foot out in an attempt to trip him. Unfortunately, he's a trained shinobi, so he dodges. That doesn't stop him from letting out a melodramatic gasp of offense.

I snort. "Yeah, of stepping through rotten wood and having splinters stuck in my foot for however long it takes Hana to heal it. Also, fun fact, if we accidentally make the house collapse, by backward bureaucratic nonsense, we'll be charged with demolition fees. Do you want to see Fugaku's face when he gets billed for both Itachi and you?" By Shisui's face he's considering the picture of Fugaku's pinched, judgemental look as soon as he gets the paperwork.

Shisui shudders. "Good point, but it's not that old!" He motions toward the house that just came into eyesight. I eye the the lopsided roof and warped walls skeptically.

"So, why do we even think it's haunted in the first place?" I question.

Hana grins back at me. "Well, from what I've heard from my cousin, apparently back in the early days of the village an old Uzumaki man lived here. He was into Fuinjutsu that had to deal with souls, so when he died his soul got trapped in the house. Now it traps the souls of people who venture too close."

"Or," I begin, "your cousin just made shit up to lure you into an old abandoned house and is laying in wait to scare us all."

"Such a skeptic!" Shisui laughs. "Personally, I think it will be fun."

"The last time you said that, We all befriended an international criminal," Itachi says drily.

"Obito turned out ok," I throw in mildly.

"Moral of the story," Hana interrupts, "is that Shisui just jinxed us all." Itachi and I nod our agreement as Shisui lets out an offended gasp.

We approach the porch and Hana puts her foot on the first step. "Remember what I said about rotten wood!" I sing. Hana jumps and turns around.

"Fuck, Yoruka! Learn to read the atmosphere. In supernatural thrillers, the ghost always picks this moment to make their presence known!" Hana swears.

I snicker viciously. "Hey, Shisui. I think you're right. This is going to be fun. A bad idea, but fun nonetheless."

Hana glares then continues up the steps. She looks back in disappointment. "I was expecting more creaking," she pouts.

"Hana, you're a Kunoichi. The floor shouldn't creak under you," Itachi says in exasperation.

"But the ambiance," Hana whines. Itachi and I roll our eyes.

We enter the dilapidated building slowly, the door creaking as we open it. "So, where is the ghost supposed to be?" I question.

Hana stops. "I have no idea, guess we'll just have wander around until we find it!" She says way too cheerfully at the prospect of walking around in a dusty building.

I eye a suspicious stain on the floor. "Well," I say, "I'm pretty sure someone died here." Hana sniffs than gags.

"Yeah," she gasps, "that's really old goat blood. Was this guy into sacrifices or something?"

No one answers. The door slams shut behind us. Shisui tugs on the handle, then shrugs. "It's jammed." He then gets ready to kick it down.

"Don't forget that if we destroy something, we get charged with demolition fees," I remind drily.

Shisui huffs, "Damn." I glance over at Hana, whose eyes are alight with glee, then at a long suffering Itachi.

I nod sagely. "Spooky," I deadpan. Hana giggles as Itachi sighs.

"So, new exit strategy. Windows," say ever-logical Itachi. Shisui laughs as we continue through the house. We leave the unremarkable, except the blood and closing door, entryway, and move to the living room.

I eye the faded orange couches, probably a violent shade in their prime, and the ambiguously beige armchairs that might have been a disgusting shade of pea green before they too faded. "Well, so far, the only scary thing here is the interior decorating," I pipe up.

Shisui coughs, "and the dust. I don't even have enhanced senses and I want to deep clean the place."

Hana nods distractedly, "Yeah, the dust is no fun, but it's creepy! Also, I'm really glad the Haimaru brothers decided they didn't want to come, because we'd be paying demolition bills by now."

I follow her line of sight to see the bones of a goat in the corner. "Oh, gross."

Itachi sighs, and wow does he sigh a lot. "This entire house is a health hazard," he says mournfully. Hana sneezes.

We walk into the kitchen half expecting another dead body. "Well, this is anticlimactic," Shisui huffs as we look around the empty room.

I open a cabinet. "Wow, never let Shisui say anything ever again." Staring back at me is a severed head that is more skeleton than flesh. Hana and Itachi peak around my shoulder.

Itachi turns to look at Shisui balefully. "We just discovered a 60 year old murder because of you and Hana. Every time you say anything, you jinx it."

Hana laughs nervously. "So, Uh, where's the rest of the body?" She asks. Nobody answers.

A pit of dread forms in my stomach as we all turn to look at the door leading to one of the rooms we haven't explored yet. Hana begins walking forward. The door opens on its own for us, and like stupid teenagers from a horror movie in my old life, we enter the room.

The door slams shut and candles light themselves. Shisui lets out a high-pitched shriek. In front of us is a large array of seals painted on the walls and floors. "Well, I know where the goat blood went," Hana states.

White mist begins to coalesce. "Yoruka," Itachi says calmly, "fuck the demolition fees." We all turn to look at him in shock to see him running through the handsigns for the great fireball jutsu.

There's a screech from behind us. I turn to look and see the mist formed the shape of an old man. He's hunched over and the wrinkles on his face could be canyons. "You think you can get rid of me with a paltry jutsu?! Fooooool!" His dirty, gray hair whips in the preternatural wind.

Itachi looks the apparition dead, (heh, dead,) in the eyes and says in utmost seriousness, "I can sure try," then exhales a ball of flames. Shisui grabs the three of us, and with a tugging sensation in my gut we're laying in a training field.

I break into hysterical laughter, the others soon to join me. "No one needs to know about this," I say between breathless giggles.

Hana laughs harder, "we-we wouldn't want Itachi to have to pay the demolition fees would we?" We all descend further into insane laughter. I can practically feel the Hokage shaking his head in despair.