Asher's pov.

Sophie Callister was the biggest loop hole I caught on to. By the time I had started to figure things out I realised there was no going back. Not only this stubborn woman became a part of my life, she had also become a part of what I was.

Losing her meant letting go of myself.

I've let go of enough things to know that I wanted to keep her. I didn't know how or why but I wanted her. I wanted to see her everyday. I wanted to feel her presence in my dead house because she was the only one who kept it alive.

Sophie was trying every possible way to distract herself. Since the time we've entered she spent most of the time cleaning. Moving around the house frantically, her face focused and her features numb of any emotions.

I wondered if she would prefer a hug. Not that I would volunteerly give one to her. I frowned at the unnecessary thought.

What's wrong with you?

I was becoming a new man. That was a lie I told myself and also made Sophie believe it.

I was fucked for an eternity, nothing about me could be undone. It was like decorating a Dry Christmas tree. A few lights here, a few stars there and I was as perfect as I could ever be. At least for Sophie.

This woman loved to see the best out of people. Even when there was nothing good. I didn't know if she was optimistic or delusional.

Her eyes met mine in the small room for a faint second and I saw a whirlwind of emotions. Her eyes welling up and the little trembling chin didn't go unnoticed. Something constricted in my chest, rather than focusing on the feeling and the woman who I called my wife I diverted my eyes to the worn out carpets on the floor as if it was the lost interesting thing I've seen in a while.

The strange feeling in my chest was quite familiar but I'd rather ignore it than accept it.

"Do you want me to clean Gramps room." The strain in her voice told me she was about to burst into tears anytime. She looked at Sarah waiting for an answer.

It's too soon. I wanted to tell her.

"No." Sarah stated firmly before turning away and disappearing into the room adjacent to the kitchen.

Sophie was no saint. Since the day I met her I knew there were a lot of lies behind those innocent eyes. Some days she made me believe that I was just being a jerk and had trust issues, that I was the problem.

To be very honest, I was the problem that she got paid to be with which is quite funny to me.

Never in a million years I thought a woman would keep up with my shit for the time being that Sophie did. My mother probably paid her well.

Carol, Sophie's Aunt knew things about me that I haven't even spoken of.

The sense of recognition in her eyes gave it away. She knew Sophie didn't work for me. She knew that I wasn't just her boss.

The Callister women had strong genes. They looked quiet similar with some alterations. Sophie's green eyes stood out while Sarah's Auburn hair talked for themselves, they were vibrant and loud. Carol hazel stare told me she was crazy. She seemed like someone who'd keep a knife under their mattress just in case.

Carol knew Sophie and I have been place. Maybe she knews that we've spent nights wrapped in each other which was unlikely in nature to the formal relationship of a boss and an employee.

Carol's eyes would often be on me. I was suffocating inside the house but still I didn't want to leave yet.

Maybe I liked Callister more than I thought.

Maybe I need some strong liquor to stop having stupid thoughts.

Sophie Callister was a done game for me.

I've never met her family before, I never had any intention of doing so. But now I was sitting in their living room and the sight in front of me was far from what I had expected.

Scarlett introduced me to Sophie, referring her to the daughter of a friend, who was a fashion designer. I knew that was a lie judging from Sophie's poor dressing sense the first time she met me. Not that I had noticed enough, my eyes were set on her intriguing features. Her lean neck, her soft jaw, her flushed cheeks and her frantically wavering eyes.

The worry in her eyes was the first thing I caught on. The second thing was indefinite fear.

Inhaling deeply I decided not to ponder on any thoughts of Callister.

I was angry and confused. I decided to remain quiet until I could have a conversation with her without tearing her house down. There was nothing much to the house yet for the first time in the years I felt as if I was home. Everything had character and memory that I didn't know of yet. The pictures on the walls to the Little pot of fake flowers everything had a purpose. The house had generations of wealth that even I didn't have. It was comfortable and cozy enough for a cold winter night. The attached open kitchen was the reason the house smelled like hibiscus and mint tea.

I wouldn't lie, I've dreamt of such wealth. The kind of wealth that money couldn't buy. A house full of love. Love that I didn't deserve but always wanted. A love away from everyone's eyes, a love that didn't judge.

But I guess you get what you get and you can't get anything more than you deserve.

All I had were countless scars on my body and the memory of my wife's finger tracing them carefully, exploring every painful encounter that I've ever had. I could never forget her trembling finger, her eyes shining with tears.

For a second I thought, Sophie Callister loved me.

When mom visited me this morning, I realised that I had unintentionally and unknowingly bought that kind of wealth.

Sophie turned the four brick walls of my house into our home.

Sophie also decided to turn it upside down with a flick.

Sophie Callister the woman I've grown fond of turned out to be a money- loving clown.

Something inside of me shifted this morning. I didn't hate her but I couldn't stand her. Yet, I was here, inside her house, a stranger's child on my lap playing with the Buttons on my shirt.

God, I did hate her. Every cell in my body was repulsed yet I sat there so calmly.

Children are weird. They do not understand consent or boundaries.

Reggie, her name was, decided that I was her playground for the next few hours.

Reggie had curly blonde hair just like her mother and hazel eyes. She was beautiful. I wondered what violet would have looked like at the age of five. My jaw clenched at that thought.

What was wrong with me? Why was a being an emotional prick.

For most of the time, I avoided making eye contact, I wanted to disappear into the furniture and not be seen. I wasn't being a coward, I figured I didn't fit in. I've gotten used to complicated things and these people were anything but complicated. They seemed genuine. I may be wrong because Sophie callister wasn't genuine at all. I knew that. The worst part was that her mother didn't know her own daughter.

I didn't want to create a shit show infront of a woman who had just lost her father. Reggie turned out to be the perfect distraction. Her little fingers crawling all over my shirt and her drooling face was not bad at all.

For a second, I wanted to explode. For a second I thought I had everything. I was day dreaming about the life I've always wanted. Reality didn't like my day dreams. Reality made me aware that it was all an illusion.

What I had was never mine.

What I want could never be mine.

I could sense her lingering, pleading eyes on me but I refused to look.

For the next few hours, the bell chimed again and again, the room remained full of emotions, people came and went. Some talked about their old memories with George, some helped Sophie in the kitchen other stared at me. Me being me. I stared back until they felt uncomfortable under my gaze.

I went from being Reggie's personal playground to being her bed. She'd made herself comfortable in my lap, her head laying peacefully on my chest.

Once in a while Sophie eyed me and the little girl, she looked scared and concerned. I ignored her for the most part.

"Asher, do you want to rest for a while?"

Finally the question I've been waiting for.

"No, I'm fine." I eyed the little girl sleeping soundly on me. Sarah thought I was a gentleman. I'd like to maintain that image in front of her even if I was otherwise.

"Oh you poor thing, your back must be stiff. I'll take Reggie, you should go and rest in Sophie's room upstairs." Sarah smiled, her smile never meeting her eyes. She was in Pain. So was her daughter and they both decided that working tirelessly and keeping themselves engaged would help them forget.

They were so similar yet different.

Sarah picked up Reggie careful of not waking her up. I immediately missed her warmth.

I missed violet. Fuck.

Sometimes I liked to believe that heaven was real.

It was a dumb thought but the amount of relief I felt thinking my daughter is out there somewhere living her best life, being loved by people I don't know, looking down at her fucked up father hoping he'd be a better man someday.

I wanted to be whatever my daughter could have been.

Sometimes, I wanted to feel what my daughter could have felt.

The torturous feeling of love. A love that runs so deep that it never hits rock bottom.

I was not a good man but when I held violet in my arms for the first' time I decided I'll be the best man for her, the best father.

Thoughts remained thoughts.

Dreams remained dreams.

Now I was here, without violet, sitting in a traitors house, reminiscing.

I didn't love Sophie. But I liked her enough.

Sarah was right my back was stiff.

Ignoring everyone. I made my way upstairs. The only question in my mind, why was I still here?

Before i could ponder on that thought anymore I came face to face with Sophie's room.

Pink. As expected. A bunch of boxes stacked in the corner probably holding most of her stuff. Nothing in here screamed her name. Because she never owned anything she could call her own.

I should have felt bad but I only felt indifferent.

The size of the bed was questionable but I needed some rest.

I laid there with the thought of my wife and my daughter circling my mind.

I lost my daughter.

I was going to lose my wife.

There was no going back.

Sophie Callister fucked up and I hated her for that.

There was a silver of a chance that we could have been perfect.

Sophie did some pretty irreparable damage.

The sun went down, I decided it was time to go down and face everyone.

I needed to talk to Sophie.

The bed was nothing but uncomfortable it made me wonder how Sophie was able to sleep here. A sense of uneasiness washed over me but I ignored it. I had no time pity Sophie Callister. She did not deserve it.

And still the question remained the same, why was I here if I didn't care?

I walked down the old wooden stairs, each of them creaking making sure everyone was aware of my presence.
To my surprise, the living room was empty.

"Did you sleep well?" Came Sarah's voice and I contemplated whether to lie or not. She looked at me expectantly, standing in the kitchen.

No.

"Yes." I lied looking at her puffy red face, the tears hadn't stopped yet. "Thank you for letting me rest."

"I've made some stew for dinner. Would you like to eat, it's almost past 7." She asked my stomach grumbled, the stew smelled delicious.

"I'm not hungry." I said looking everywhere but at her.

"That's okay just tell me when you're ready to eat I'll warm it up."

I nodded at her. "Do you know where Sophie is?"

"Oh, she's outside by the porch. But Asher wait a minute. I wanted to talk to you." Turning off the stove she turned to me, looking at me determinantly.

I didn't say anything. I stood there uncomfortable under her gaze, my hands stuffed in the pockets of my pants.

"Please sit down." Sarah said and I settled myself on the couch. Sarah taking a seat beside me.

"I want to thank you for bringing Sophie here and for staying. I don't know what you and Sophie are. But I think it's more than just a formal relationship that you both share. I'm not here to talk about it, I just want to tell you I have the best girl in the world and all she's seen is hardships. All I ask you is to not misuse my girl's heart and the rest you know." She squeezed my hand, her eyes filled with unshed tears and my jaw clenched at the sight of her.

She used me. I wanted to tell her. Instead I nodded my jaw worked stubbornly as a slight ache spread down my neck.

I shouldn't have stayed.

With one last pleading smile Sarah stood up and went back to working on her stew. It made my stomach grumble again but I had other plans.

.

.

There she was hunched over, sitting on a nasty looking log of wood wearing an oversized jacket that didn't belong to her. It made me wondered if it belonged to her grandfather. Pushing the thoughts aside I sat beside her on the log that was going to collapse under my weight anytime. She turned her face to look at me before averting her eyes away.

There was a new emotion in her eyes. Shame.

"I don't want to talk." The woman beside me stated and I almost explode. Inhaling deeply I stared at my shoes and then her shoes, trying to control my anger.

Her shoes.

Fuck. Why did I not notice all the little hints Sophie Callister had been leaving behind. Its like she was telling me from day one that she wasn't what she pretended to be. She was wearing the shoes I had gifted her. They looked dirty indicating she was wearing them often. Maybe that was all she had. Her legs were shaking, the cold air was merciless.

The broken phone.

The worn out shoes.

The glimmer in her eyes and the smile on her face when I gifted her a new phone and shoes as if she found a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.

Fuck. I should have know.

It felt like somebody poured ice cold water over my head as a new realisation settled in.

Sophie had nothing from the beginning but I was too blinded to notice.

Sophie was nervous, the troubled tapping of her feet, her flushed, almost crimson neck gave it away. Tension laid over us like a thick blanket. It was freezing outside the urge to light a cigarette was strong but I had to resist.

There was a strange itch in my hands. I wanted to hold her. Fuck, what have I turned into? A damn pussy.

"Me neither. Your mother has no idea who you really are. " I let out a bitter laugh.

My words made her head snap in my direction I wondered how long she was here for. Not that I cared.

"It's cold, get inside." I said. I didn't like her but those shaking legs of her were concerning.

"Asher." Came her rough whisper.

"Yes, Sophie."

"Will you ever forgive me?"

Something inside me moved across my ribcage as a knowing ache spread across my chest. I frowned at the ground. I hated everything in that moment yet all I wanted was comfort. All I wanted wasn't to walk backwards in time to when things were better.

"Maybe someday." My voice was barely audible. "Stop crying Callister."

Sophie's shitshow was intolerable yet my hands itched to hold her, comfort her, kiss her.

"I don't know where to start, what to tell you."

" I already know.  I actually liked you until I found out."

Hurt crossed her features, her chin trembled and my stomach dropped. I didn't like how I was feeling.

"I didn't want to do it but I had to." She said, her voice shaky as if she was on the verge of crying again.

"There are a million people out there just like you, imagine if everyone started marrying complete strangers just for some money." I was angry, I was hurt. I couldn't hide it anymore.

"I'm stupid. I somehow had to pay my college fees." She said buring her face in the palm of her hands, hunching even more. If she could she would dig a hole down to hell rather than have this conversation. She made it quite adamant.

"Why did you drop out then?"

"Your mother stopped sending me money once she figured that her plan wasn't working." She stared at the broken useless fence ahead of us trying to avoid my eyes as I stared directly at her.

"What was her plan?"

"For you to hate me so that you'd realise Lily was the perfect match for you." The sudden anger in her eyes when she mentioned Lily's name was clear and the day light. "It took me time to realise she chose me so that I remind you every day how much of a low life loser I am so that you'd see Lily the way Scarlet sees her. Your perfect wife, beautiful, elegant not an uncultured swine like me."

I know she was telling me the truth. My mother was capable of doing the unimaginable.

"That's fucked."

"I could have said no but I didn't. It's my fault." Sophie sighed and I wondered if I was being too hard on her.

"Why didn't you leave when the money stopped coming?"

"I wanted to stay. It wasn't about money after sometime."

What was it about? I wanted to ask but I didn't.

"That's one way to put it Callister but it's hard to believe."

"I know I fucked up. I've been waiting for the right time to tell you. I really wanted you to know." She finally looked at me, her pleading eyes holding back tears.

"You're pathetic, Sophie." I seethed.
"I don't believe any of it. You're a liar and I've had enough."

My words hung in the cold air echoing around us. My mind kept reeling back to the illusion I lived with Sophie. The short time of immense liveliness. I wish I could erase each memory but I couldn't.

Now I had to learn how to live with it just like I had to learn how to live without violet.

I wasn't a lucky man.

"Asher." Her hand reached out for mine that was resting on the log. Her hesitant fingers lingering around mine. I stared at our hands and then at her.

"Will you stay for the funeral? I can't do it alone."

She didn't ask me to stay forever.

She didn't ask me to stay forever.

Fuck.

Why did I expect her to beg me to stay.

I stood up, I didn't like how close she was to me.

I needed space. A lot of it. Or maybe none.

"Okay but stay away from me till then." I glared at her. "And Sophie, you can sell the ring. I think that'd make up for the payments you didn't receive from my mother."

The last thing I saw was utter shock on her face as I turned around and walked back in the stranger's house. I don't know why I agreed to stay. Maybe it was for the woman in the kitchen, a daughter who has just lost her father because I was definitely not staying for Sophie.

Sophie Callister cried harder, she was almost screaming and I couldn't spare another damn fuck.

.

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Authors note

Hi!!! I hope you liked the chapter! Do tell me what you think?

Any guesses what will happen next?

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