Author's note

HELLO! I hope everyone is doing good and staying safe. I'm finally back on wattpad and I'm really sorry for not updating for so long. I had my final exams and some health issues that kept me away from writing. Thank you for being patient. I will completely understand if you don't want to read this story anymore. I'm sure most don't even remember what is this about or what was happening.  The next chapter will be updated soon . I hope you like this one. Make sure to vote, comment and share. ♥️

Unedited.

This man was so weird.

I didn't know how to deal with him. He was hot and then he was cold. I wish I could get away from him but we were stuck on a beautiful island far, far away from home, away from familiarity.

He was side eyeing me like I would take a sprint and run away. He'd slow down his steps when I'd try to walk a few steps behind him.
He ran his hand through his hair again and again, he didn't seem tired just anxious. Mumbling under his breath. Most probably asking his fellow mate in hell to abduct me.

I narrowed my eyes at him, my eyes moving down his tall frame then back up.

As we reached the hotel lobby I spotted Lily almost immediately waiting for us.
I didn't want to deal with her today or any day.

I gulped and at the same time  felt a warm hand enveloping mine. I frowned looking down. My gaze snapped up to Asher to find him looking at me. Those stark green eyes, they always overwhelmed me. I couldn't understand how I felt but I knew how I wanted to feel. I wanted to be happy for once, I wanted to feel loved, appreciated, I didn't want to feel lonely.

Lily turned around, her lips cracking into a big smile as she laid eyes on Asher. The same wide smile almost dropped as her eyes fell on our interlaced hands. I couldn't help but wonder if she was hurting. I shouldn't think about it. She has been nothing but mean to me.

"Hey, good morning, I love your shirt." Lily said laying her palm flat against Asher's chest which only made him take a step back. This time I didn't feel like a tiny black spot. I was right here with my hand in his and my chest slowly growing full for no particular reason.

There's a thing about loneliness. It leaves you so empty that you have space for everything people give you and you recklessly fill yourself up. I didn't even realise how much I needed Asher until I had him. I didn't know I was lonely. I filled myself up with whatever he gave me, the highs and lows. Sometimes in the name of love and sometimes in the name of his misery. His misery, that was my excuse. If I knew how to mend him I would have atleast tried.

All I knew were the scars running up his hands, the heaviness in his eyes and the slight tremor in his touch.

I was completely zoned out until a hand squeezed mine, dragging me out of my thoughts.

"Where are you?" A deep familiar voice asked. I blinked turning crimson under Asher's concerned gaze. I could sense Lily glaring at me. I looked down at our hands, squeezed it twice he squeezed mine back once and I sighed.

"Here." I almost whispered.

He nodded at me, turned away and started walking, pulling on my hand. I didn't know where we were going. I really wanted to go back. We didn't walk much before Asher stopped.

We sat down on a picnic bench under the bright sun outside a gelato shop. In utter silence. I didn't know what I was expecting.

I prepared myself as the third wheel. I thought Lily and Asher would completely ignore me and I'd be left alone following them everywhere. I remember giving myself a pep talk in front of the mirror, not to hurt, not to cry, not to speak, not to care.

I could feel Lily's judgemental gaze on me.

"You want Gelato?" Lily asked Asher.

"No." He said.

"Oh, I don't want it either." Lily said, grinning at him.

"I know." Asher said and walked into the gelato store leaving me with the woman who'd kill me in a blink of an eye if she could.

Asher came back with with a cone of gelato and my stomach immediately grumbled. To my utter surprise he extended his arm offering me the cone.
I smiled at him as my chest grew heavy.
He frowned blinking and I realised I was staring at him for way too long. I grabbed the cone our hands brushing and the slightest of touch sending shivers down my spine.

Lily threw daggers at me with her sharp gaze. As Asher sat down beside me. We were three awkward people who didn't know how to be.

"Let's talk about what happened last night." Asher said, his words making something drop in my stomach.

We both looked at him. Lily as clueless as I was. But I knew what he was talking about. I just didn't want to show.

His turned his head to look at me, "How you slapped Lily."

How you slapped Lily. How I slapped Lily?

My mouth opened and closed, my eyes swiftly took a look at Lily and I thought I was going downhill but Lily had turned pale under the bright sun like she had just survived a bad night out in a thunderstorm. My eyes snapped back at Asher, there was something so strange about the way he was looking at me, I frowned and he smiled ever so slightly before taking in a deep breath and turning to Lily.

He stared at her unwaveringly while she looked down at the table.

"What did you do to her, Sophie? Just look at her, she's afraid to even look at you."

Things started to settle in my mind and I realised what he was doing. I was suddenly mad. Lily probably lied to him. I wondered if Asher was mad when he found out the truth that laid on my cheek. I was glad those marks faded away. It would have been embarrassing covering them up.

"I- I slapped her." I said, confidently. My hands shaking for no reason. "I wanted to do more damage but she ran away." I said looking at Lily who stared at me with relief. Her wide puppy gaze moved to Asher.

"Impressive." Her face dropped as that word came out of his mouth.

"You find this impressive?" She asked.

"Yes. Sophie was defending herself."

"Defending? She hit me." Lily seethed.

"I know that."

"Are you even listening to yourself?" Lily let out a bitter laugh.

"No. Just Sophie." He said crossing his arms against his chest. This table was too small for his big frame.

"She needs to apologise to me right now."
Lily leaned back looking away as Asher loomed in her space.

"I don't think so. It was a greater act of bravery." He said sarcasm dripping from his voice but only I knew that, Lily was taking it all very seriously.

Lily's face was suddenly a work of art going downhill.

It seemed like she was contemplating all her life choices, beating herself up for her actions and words.

She slammed her fist on the table. "I fucking hit her. Tell him sophie, I slapped you. "

My wide eyes moved frantically between the two of them as I savoured my gelato. Asher's cool demeanor was pissing Lily off, that's what he wanted. Asher was full of surprises today. He knew Lily better something told me he knew she wouldn't admit her fault.

"You just did." I said as I feasted on my gelato.

"Apologise to my wife Lily for being so pathetic."

Wife. Wife. Wife.

"I will not. Do what you can. You're supposed take me around this island, give me a good time and you're going to do that, Asher. You don't want to upset your mother." She gave him a smug smile, I watched her fidget, she was visibly uncomfortable but didn't want to give in.

"You know what I can do." He leaned forward placing his arms on the table. "I'll throw you back from the trash I picked you from. I gave you this life I can take it from you. Fucking apologies. "

My eyes move between the two, something heavy settling in my chest. I wanted to be anywhere but here. Third wheeling wouldn't have been that bad. Atleast I didn't have to see two adult making a scene in the middle of a street.

When I was young my mother would often bring things home after work. Most of the times those things didn't have a fancy packaging or even a price tag on them. I remember I would run to her the moment I'd hear the front door open everyday day at 5pm and find her looking for something in the large worn out handbag she carried. I used to think it was magical, it could swallow everything whole and still had some place for more. I remember the time she brought me three mini donuts, wrapped in seran wrap. The donut weren't in good shape but they tasted so good. There was never enough for her. Sometimes she'd bring me pretty caps, scarfs, scrunchies.

Years later I realised my mother stole from the places she worked at. Those people didn't even notice things missing because she continued working for there for years and kept bringing me things which meant she could steal without getting noticed.

I inhaled deeply as I watched the two, I wondered if they've ever loved like I did. If they've ever been loved like I've been or did their life revolved around loving things and not people because they acted like they weren't afraid to hurt each other.

"--you didnt give me anything, I earned it." I blinked at nothing dragging myself into the present as lily gritted those words out in frustration.

"You think I don't know why you want me Lily?" Asher said letting out a bitter laugh.

"I want you for the same reason sophie wants you."

Those words felt like someone poured a buckets of ice over my head. I wanted to dissapear. I wished Asher didn't hear those words because somehow she wasn't wrong.

Asher laughed and I shrunk in my seat, alarmed and scared. I was no good, I married him for money, she wasn't completely wrong.

Asher trusted me. Over the months I found myself falling in love with him.
I realised I've fucked up big time as iy stared at Asher. My eyes moving down his dark hair to the top of his strong nose down his neck, taking in every bit of him.

"I hate you, I hate you so much. I tried to love you Asher but you didn't let me. You're a sick fuck and you fuck up everything you touch. That's what you did to me, that's what you did to us." Lily dumped her face in the palms of her hands and heaved.

I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. I wanted her to shut up. I grabbed his hand and squeezed it twice before pulling away quickly before Lily could see, she was blinded by rage, to mad too notice anything else. Asher's jaw clenched as he side eyed me.

"Even if you want to take away everything from me you can't. This marriage..." she moved a finger at the two of us "...was just another way to get you close to me but the plan backfired."

"I thought you'd realise you'd never find another like me if we threw an uncultured swine at you."

My heart dropped, i felt sick.

"Stop, take a look at her and then take a good look at me and tell me why you chose her Asher?"

Everything went quiet, I was even afraid to breath. It felt like, for a second life ceased to exist.

"Because she hasn't tried to change me."

But all I've wanted is for you to change.

I sat there dumbfounded, my perfect gelato dripping down my fingers, I didn't want to eat it anymore so I got up and threw it in the trash can by the shop. Asher watched me as I walked up to him. "I'm going back." We were a few metres away from the hotel, I knew my way back.

"I'm coming with you." Asher said and I took a deep breath not wanting to yell at him. I was going to flip anytime. I could feel the anger, frustration and everything far from peace bubbling inside my chest.

"No, you aren't. Be with her, go ahead discuss your perfectly fucked up life, I'm done with this conversation, I'm done with you, with her, with everyone." He stared at me with a frown on his face, his fingers drumming against the table. He was anxious and most probably mad.
"I was so much better before I met you and your world." I gulped the lump in my throat and blinked away the sting in my eyes. "All you people do is give me another reason to feel like I'm not enough, to feel so fucking insecure. Now please leave me alone I bet you can do that, you're good at it. Fuck you."

His jaw clenched as he stared at me or through me. There was nothing in his eyes, he had built back his tall dark walls almost immediately. I couldn't care less at this point. I was mad, I was hurting. I didn't want to break down his walls.

"Go."

Crimson creeped up my neck as my anger seered. I turned around and walked away focusing on every breath, on every step I took away from him, my eyes moving to the people around me some talking, some laughing, some shielding themselves from the sun. I focused on everything but the heaviness in my chest. It was unbearable.

My phone buzzed pulling me out of my thoughts. I reached for it and frowned at the screen already knowing it was my husband. I stared at the screen, I couldn't think for a few, contemplating if I should pick up or not. The call ended, I sighed immediately followed by a frustrated groan as the phone rang again. I had no choice but to answer.

"Stay where you are." I stopped dead in track and turned around to find him walking towards me his phone still to hid ears. Be calm, Sophie. "I don't like it when you're angry." He said on the phone and my stomach turned. I ended the call and folded my arms across my chest. My eyes looking for Lily but she was nowhere near him, it was Just him in all his messed up glory walking towards me. Even after everything my body reacted to his eyes on me in all the wrong ways.

If things were any different I would have thrown myself on him, wrapped my arms around him and kissed him. But things weren't different. They were just bad.

"Where is she?" I asked as Asher stopped in front of me still giving me the death glare.

"Not far enough to get lost."

That was concerning. I frowned at nothing but my concern dissolved as I saw Lily walking in our direction, she spotted us and almost stopped in track. It was clear she didn't want to face me or Asher. She'd said enough.

"Do you want to go to the beach?" I asked Asher my eyes moving between him and Lily who was looking everywhere, trying to avoid us, furiously typing away on her phone.

He nodded.

We walked to the beach in silence. There was nothing comforting about it. Walking on autopilot I found myself in front of the gentle waves hitting the shore so softly as if it had a mind of it's own and a heart that never wanted to hurt anybody.

The sand beneath my feet had more life to it than the man beside me who was staring at the sea with so much hatred behind those hooded eyes. I didn't have to look straight at him to know that.

"Can you take a picture of me?" I said holding my phone out for him. He didn't say anything just took the phone. I moved infront of him and walked a few steps back. Asher positioned the camera and took a few pictures. I smiled at camera so wide like I wasn't myself, I was trying to be someone else but the sad, angry, frustrated girl still hung to my skin. He pocketed my phone and took out his, he took one quick picture of me. I was quick enough to smile at the camera.

He gave me my phone and looked away.  Asher was difficult. He was hot one moment and cold the other. But there was something more, I've seen the glimmer of it so many times in little moments but never enough to know what he was hiding.

The next time I was aware of my surroundings, we were on the ground my legs stretched in front of me while Asher had his legs bent and his arms around them. The sun burned my back, I licked my salty lips and sighed.

"You can stop staring like that, the sea won't get intimidated by you." I said looking ahead.

"Like what?" He turned his head to look at me while I kept staring at the water.

"Like you want to destroy it." I looked at him.

"I'm not staring like that." Asher cleared his throat and ran a hand through his hair. God, he was beautiful.

So beautiful, so fucked. I loved him as much as I hated him.

"Then how are you staring?"

"I'm staring like a determined fool. Like a child who believes anything is possible."

His words caught me off gaurd. He was Vulnerable yet giving away nothing. I wondered if Lily would have understood the meaning behind those words. She had been around long enough to know.

"What are you determined for?" I asked.

"You were better angry, can you switch back? I'd like that. Quiet Sophie is so much more tolerable." He said giving me a tight smile.

"Someday you'd come back here, sit right here," I poked a finger in the sand, "look back at the same water and nothing would be the same. You won't look at it the same way, you won't feel like a fool anymore."

"I'd like that." His tone told me everything I was saying was equivalent to bullshit for him.

"Thank you for the shoes and
cell phone. " I said out of nowhere.

"You've thanked me enough." He said staring at the sea once again.

"I don't care what happens the next moment or when we get back. I'm not giving the shoes and phone back."

"What do you think is going to happen?" Asher asked, inhaling deeply.

"I might leave." His head snapped in my direction so swiftly I was surprised he didn't show any sign of pain, that must have definitely hurt.

"Why?"

"Did you forget what Lily said. I am just a part of an unsuccessful plan." I said and looked away, he looked too needy, too desperate, too helpless, like a lost child. I couldn't look at him.

"I'd say it worked well, for me, atleast." He cleared his throat.

Silence laid heavily on us, i didn't know what to say. Maybe, I was never courageous after all.

"Did you know about it?" I asked him, gulping down on nothing, trying to sooth the ache in my throat. I was aching everywhere, nothing ever helped with his pain, nothing ever will.

"Not at first but then I figured. My mother is no angel."

He was right. Scarlett was no Angel.

I thought I had Scarlett figured out. A helpless mother who wanted the best for his son. Too giving for nothing. But no, she had something else in mind.

She picked me up, an uncultured swine.

An uncultured swine

Is that what she called me behind my back?

Is that why she sent me all those clothes, shoes, bags?

Why did she send me those things if she wanted to prove it to Asher that I was good for nothing and that he'd never find another like Lily?

"Is that why you weren't surprised?"

"Yes."

Everything was messier than I thought. Not only Scarlett lied to me, she was also aware how it was going to end or what she supposed. She put me up on the pedestal so Lily could push me off and stand there as a more worthy candidate.

"Do you know how far iy want to be from you, but here I am. " I said.

"I'm not that bad."

"Asher, don't believe yourself. " I narrowed my eyes at nothing.

Asher chuckled but stopped when he saw the look on my face, the frustrated unshed tears in my eyes.

"You're no better. You're as bad as the people you dislike." My throat constricted. "I don't know why I'm fucking crying. You've hurt me way worse than anyone. Worse than my own Father but I can't compare,. I didn't know him. I was young, I can come up with reasons why he left a five year old and his wife behind, why he kept me waiting and never showed up. I never saw him raise his voice at my mother, he always treated us well. I can always fool myself, make up stupid reasons. I'm older now, I cannot unsee things, I cannot stop feeling how I feel, I can't lul myself enough to come up with a reason sensible enough to dull down the pain, the disrespect that you caused."

"Soph-"

"Is there anything left to say apart from the truth which you won't tell me?" I never thought i could speak to him like that without crumbling but here I was telling him how I felt, pushing him away..

His jaw clenched, he looked at me as if he wanted to throw me into the waves and watch me drown. "No."

I got up and patted down the sand off myself "Okay then, I think we should head back. I'd like to take a shower and eat something."