His stare told me that I shouldn't be in this room anymore but my legs stayed, they wouldn't move no matter how much I tried, fear creeped up my skin, a sigh escaped my mouth and his eyes snapped from the wall he was burning holes into to my eyes. Asher was a puzzle and half of the part were missing, I could never solve him, I could never make up to the big picture, all he gave were small glimpses of him, they weren't enough. His eyes didn't say anything. I couldn't tell how he was feeling.

What's wrong with him?

He didn't have to go if he didn't wanted to .

I could go by myself

Yeah, fuck him.

I'm going by myself. I don't care what he wants I'm going to enjoy this free holiday.

My eyes narrowed on him for a second before I snapped out of the trance and realised what I was doing. I sure didn't have a death wish so I looked everywhere but him. I could feel his eyes on me. I could feel them moving all over me.

"No." One word. As if he could read my mind. There was so much behind that word. Every passing second made me more impatient.

No? Fuck, yes.

"What?" I almost snapped back.

"You're thinking, planning, I can see it on your face. We are not going anywhere, you get that?" His fist clenched and unclenched. His body held a strange tension within.

"No."

Sweet Jesus, who wouldn't want to go on a free holiday? To holy fucking Italy? I don't know about rich people dipping on holidays but I knew one thing that I was going on this holiday and I was going to enjoy every second by myself.

"Sure we aren't, but I am."

His eyes went from being livid to cold. From bright to glassy, like it had no depth. Now he was the one thinking. For once I want things to be simple. Just, for one. His eyes moved over my shoulder and settled on something. His demeanor went from cold to soft then cold again, all at once, way too quick but I noticed.

I looked over my shoulder to see a man standing by the door. A frown set on my face, he looked...troubled, standing there in a pair of sweats and a t-shirt that looked overused and soft. He was tall, almost as tall as Asher, dark dirty blonde hair, almost brown, his eyes were a familiar shade of green.

He felt familiar.

My eyes swinged back to Asher who was looking at the new presence in the room.

"Anton, come inside." He gulped pulling on the widest smile I've ever seen on him. All along, I just stood there, hands limp by my side.

"It's fine- fine."

Anton looked up at me his eyes widening a little but his body stayed stiff. He scanned me up and down like I was the the neighbor's friendly dog who was infamous for unexpected rabid bites.

I shifted under his stare.

"That's Calli- Sophie."

"Hi, Anton. Nice to meet you."I smiled softly, I was nothing but confused.

The Grayson men were different, in a good aswell as bad way. Strikingly beautiful and cold like a snow wolf. There was something about them that'd make anybody fall for them.

In short, I didn't like them but I liked them.

"Sophie- Sophie." The voice brought me out of my thoughts. Low and rusted like it wasn't used much.

"Sophie, this is Anton my older brother."

To say I was surprised would be an understatement. Asher Grayson had an older brother. Older brother. Jesus. There were two of them. Two. I didn't know how to react to the new piece of information, my smile fell out of shock and my eyes widened a little.

Get yourself together.

"Sophie- Sophie."

" I think he likes you," Asher said. He "never talks to strangers." His voice was filled with warmth I've never felt before.

Tap tap tap tap tap

"Baby"

He called me Baby. He sure did like me.

"Sophie- Sophie."

"Ash."

One second Asher was in front of me, other second he was by the window, the room illuminated as the curtains were pulled aside. I squinted looking him up and down.
Anton.

Just like Asher. Anton was in the room one minute he was there the other he was gone.

"Wh-"

"He's not fond of  bright places" Asher cleared his throat, looking nervous. Why was he nervous.

"You scared him away."

"Yes."

"You could atleast be nice to him, he's your brother."

"He says things he shouldn't. Don't underestimate that fucker is smart."

"You could have been nicer." I repeated "Underestimate? I didn't even get to know him. All I know is, he's your brother and you shooed him away like he's a plague rat because he was saying something you didn't want him to say.
Not everything is about you Asher and not everything can be the way you want it to be"

"He's a highly functioning Autistic kid." He said completing ignoring what I said. He was on the side of the window looking out at nothing.

Kid.

"He's not a kid, he's a grown man. Who finds it hard to speak or express himself but goddamn you , he can still feel sometimes more than you." I was clearly upset but it didn't affect him

"Who are you to tell me that?" His jaw ticked.

"No one but being a little nice won't hurt. I'm tired of seeing how you treat people."  My heartbeat was everywhere.

"How do I treat people? Enlighten me." He gazed at me with annoyance.

"Like they are nothing-"

"I only treat you like that," something broke i didn't know what but he saw did and I felt it. He looked away.

"Like they don't feel, they don't cry, they don't run themselves over, I'm tired of you, Asher Grayson." My voice was shaking, my chest felt constricted.

"You didn't say that a few hours ago," he looked at the bed. "I can't be nice to people who were born to do nothing but ruin."

"You are already ruined. No one can do any harm."

"Think before you speak."

"Same goes for you"

"What do you want?"

People don't listen, they never do, I don't know why I try to make them better, they just get worse.

Why do you keep forgetting that I hurt aswell, Asher?

"Can we go home now? I'm tired. We can talk about this later."

"There's nothing to talk about. Nobody is going anywhere." He walked past me and out of the door.

"You can't hold me back." I almost yelled.

"Watch me do it."

"What did I do to you?" He stopped dead in track, stretching his neck to his side like it was hurting, his back still to me.
He started walking away like it was useless to answer me.

I hurried to the bed and slipped my hand under the pillow and grabbing the Polaroid. Running a hand over the picture, an unknown kind sadness filled my chest.

What happened to you Asher?

Tell me more about  Anton.

Tell me more about you.

Tell me what hurts.

Tell what doesn't.

I wish I knew, I wish I could help. Something told me there was something outside this hard exterior. At the moment, I could just watch it all open up. Anton was the first step.

It was still pouring when we pulled outside the house, none of us making a move to get out of the car.

"Asher,"

His silence was defening. It made me anxious.

"I don't like rain."

"Why?" the question came almost immediately, needy and full of curiosity. There was a hint of surprise in his voice like he thought there didn't exist a human who could dislike rain. I sure did. I had his attention.

Rain was for the rich who could afford the luxury of a soft couch by the window enjoying the whirlwind outside with a cup of something warm and delicious and a book in their hand, making comforting memories, cherishing moments like Casey did, she loved the rain, she'd sit and watch for hours while I'd clean her house to make a few extra dollars.

I didn't cherish moments, I let them pass, every moment like the one that's gone. Bland. Like a sick baby's food. Hopeless, Like Asher's eyes when he he'd be high on something.

"I've never enjoyed it." I say with a smile tipping on my face and a dull ache settling in my chest. Recently there has always been this dull ache. It never faded.

He was looking at me, a bit too long for my liking but I kept staring ahead. Sometimes it felt like he could see right through me, ever fibre in my body seemed known to him and the look in his eyes scared me, I wanted to lock myself away from him, hide because lying, hiding, betraying that's what I was good at, not showing parts of me that even I didnt even wanted to think of.

"Are you enjoying it right now?"

"No. It reminds me of bad things."

"You shouldn't focus on them." I felt his warm fingers on the side of my thigh, my breath hitched and my heart hiccuped.

You shouldn't either. I wanted to say.

"What should I focus on?" I asked, turning to him my eyes moving from his face to his arm to the back his finger that were purposely touching me, moving back and forth slowly like he was cherishing me.

Touch me more.

As if he read my mind, his fingers curled around my flesh and squeezed. I felt warm all over. He inhaled deeply and relaxed in his seat. While I was burning on the inside but I felt nothing but confused. Maybe I was too tired to feel.

"The sound of it." My eyes snapped up to his, moving all over his face, the 5'O clock shadow on his face to the slant of his nose, how his dark hair curled behind his ear, how his jaw worked when he talked. He was quiet for so long , his eyes closed now, "Sometimes it's hard to hear even if it's raining heavily because the voices in your head blurs everything. You have to stop breathing, hold your breath and listen. It tells stories no one knows. It makes your blood run slow."

Asher and Anton looked similar yet different. One less troubled than other, I'd never know who was more troubled.

"What did it tell you?"

"Nothing." his jaw ticked as he lied adding another brick to the wall between us.

"So you didn't listen."

"I did."

It was 8:30 pm on the clock, I wrapped up my study schedule for today. I skimmed through my working schedule for next week. I didn't have much to do apart from that.

My mind would go back to him no matter how much I tried to divert it. It was still raining which did nothing to lighten up my mood, I craved to see the sun so bad. I realised I haven't eaten anything which meant Asher didn't aswell. I've never seen that man cook, today was no exception, with that thought in my mind , I decided to go down and make something for us.

I slowly moved down the stairs, I didn't even know why I was so cautious. This house always kept me on gaurd. I changed into a pair of shorts and a loose t-shirt which literally swallowed my frame. I liked it, it was so comfortable.

As I reached the end of the stair I saw him in my peripheral vision before I turned my eyes towards him, "You like the rain." Those words tumbled out before I could stop myself. He never said he liked that rain, I assumed he did by the way he talked about it but now my assumption was confirmed.

He stood tall by the window staring with so much determination, his hands shoved in the pocket of his slack, even in a empty room he held authority I wondered if he ever got tired of being so hard all the time, a frown mared on his face but his shoulders were relaxed. He was thinking. Thinking so hard he didn't even hear what I said. He was different today, more vulnerable or I should say more comfortable with showing his vulnerability. I've always known he was vulnerable, there was a lot going on behind that stoic face, behind those chaotic eyes.

I wondered what changed today.

Maybe nothing did.

Maybe I was overthinking it all.

A sudden urge to touch him, hold him, lean my forehead on his shoulder lit inside of me a small bubble of hope that I burst almost immediately. I stared a little longer. I wasn't sure if he was aware of my presence.

Maybe he has been this way all along. Something inside of me said.

The time when I found him with blood all over his shirt, his hands, popped in my head and my heart constricted.

I started walking towards the kitchen, shaking those thoughts away. Rummaging through the stuff to find something to cook. I found some brocolli, mushrooms and things that would go along with them.

Dont think about it. Don't think about it.

Violet.

My lips on his, his bloody hands in my hair.

I lit the stove and set a pan on it-

Violet.

Him crying in my arms like he forgot he's not supposed to show emotions. Like he thought I was violet

Violet

My concentration was weak, I was slipping and out and I wanted it to stop. I clenched my teeth and closed my eyes trying to calm my nerves.

Get a hold on yourself, sophie

Violet

Vio-

"You're going to burn yourself." It was an almost whisper but I heard it, I snapped back to reality and almost jumped back when I felt an odd heat against my fingers. Goddamm. I was mere seconds away from laying my hand flat on the heat.

Stupid, stupid Sophie.

He was sitting on the edge of the counter on one of the bar stools. Looking at me with the same determination he stared out of the window. He looked... worried. He looked guilty. Why?

"I- I wasn't thinking." I blinked up at him not knowing what to do.

"More like thinking a lot." He stated so calmly. He was right and I didn't like it.
He had that knowing look on his face again. Been there done that. It said. I see that look way too often.

Are we the same person, Grayson? Or are we acting?

What are you faking and what am I not?

I shook the thoughts away, playing a sweet melody in my head to distract myself.

Think good things. I thought moving my attention back to the pan.

"Are we going to talk about it?" I started trying to get rid of the silence.

"No."

"I want to go. I have never been to Italy."

When he didn't say anything I almost gave up on trying but I knew he was listening.

"I won't be troublesome, I'll mind my own business and you can mind yours if you decide to come along. We won't have to share a bed, you can take the bed. We don't have to see each other, I'll make sure I'm out of your site unless you want me to be there. I won't get wasted, won't do anything stupid, and I'll be safe." I completed and looked down, I felt ashamed. I felt ashamed for begging, for letting myself down. I was always letting myself down.

Safe.

Thomas.

Hands.

Cries.

Fire.

Stop sophie stop, what's wrong with you?

Inhaling deeply I hold onto those thoughts for a second more before I let them go.

I wanted the vacation so bad, he could see it. He knew I was helpless, he enjoyed it.

I looked up wide smile on my face, it came out of nowhere. Like my body was mocking me, laughing at me for being no less than pathetic. Good things weren't made for me.

He was still staring.

I set two glasses and a bottle of orange juice on the counter and then the dishes, my stomach grumbled, the food smelled amazing. I couldn't wait to dig in

I pulled another chair to where he was.

"You've been staring a lot lately."

"Hmm."

"You mean I'm sorry I won't stare again?" I said poking the brocolli on the plate.

"You don't want me to?" his question caught me off gaurd making my neck flush.

I shrugged. I didn't know if I wanted it or not.

I looked up at him and caught his lips curving up slightly. Red tinted my cheeks and I looked back at my food again.

"Eat." I cleared my throat.

"I can only tolerate one mother. I don't need another, Callister. Be what you are here for. He leaned forward, his shirt tightening around his arms as he leaned on them. I could smell the infamous sandalwood and cigarettes that clung to him like a second skin. A wave of calmness washed over me. I saw the same light in him that he had when I was over him, his hands all over me and his lips on mine. I saw want. I saw playfulness.

"What am I here for?" I asked, shaking the other thoughts away.

He's so Distracting.

Ugh, Annoying.

Stupidly beautiful.

Help m-

"-to be a good wife and shut up. He smiled tightly." An evil shadow on his face.

"Oh well, you should be a good husband if you expect me to be a good wife"

"Am I not one, Callister? "

Stop calling me that. I wanted to snap at him.

"No. You're not, you're a bad husband. Good husbands let their wives go on vacation and soak in the sun, eat all the pizza and just live." I shoved some more food in my mouth and frowned down at the table. I was having crazy mood swings.

When he didn't say anything I looked up. He was smirking, his eyes bright. The look on face made something inside me soften.

Just hold me. I wanted to say. Ever since I shared a bed with him I've been a wreck because all I wanted was him close to me and all I got was close to nothing.

"Stop looking at me like that, weirdo."

He raised an eyebrow challenging me, he looked nothing but amused like he was enjoying it.

I wasn't enjoying. Maybe a little. A voice hoped he would always carry the brightness on his face. But then again I was fuming, I was sad, I was homesick, I was tired of putting up an act. A lump formed in my throat and I decided to just finish eating.

He was eating aswell which was a relief.

There was a lot of improvement which I noticed. He was eating. I didn't find him passed out , covered in his own blood, I haven't seen any new scars on him, though I never seen anything more than his hands, he covers the rest. My heart fluttered with happiness.

He was so detached, it always felt like he was somewhere else apart from the few moments where he let me in, I could count them on my fingers. I clenched my fist at that thought. I wondered where he was right at the moment, while his body was right in front of me, his soul floated away, distant, cold, needy, scared-

"Yes"

"Huh"

"I like the rain."

I nodded. There was a storm outside but here it was so quiet.

"Why?"

"Because,"

His reply made me frown. I wanted to talk to him, stay a little longer but I didn't. I stood up taking my dish and his half empty dish. He stopped eating a while ago. I stared down at the food in his plate. I would have eaten it if he wasn't here.

He was watching me, all the while I moved around the kitchen, cleaning up. His stare followed me like a shadow. If I didn't knew him better I would have considered his actions creepy, unsettling but Ive learned that Asher likes to stare more than talk.

Sighing I tucked a lock of hair behind my ear and it flowed back on my face. Traitor.

He smiled

Everytime our eyes met, something passed between us.

A word.

A sentence.

A conversation that my mind didn't know but the tiny heartbeat in my gut did.

"Goodnight." I said, leaning my side on the counter slightly.

Tell me to stay.

He looked down at his phone.

Why did I expect something else?

I was too tired for his shit. With that thought I left for my room. My day couldn't have been worse but that changed the moment I stepped into my room, it could get worse, way worse, like it was right now.

Somehow the window was wide open and half of the couch was drenched , soaked in rain water. I rushed towards the window and tried to close it when I saw the latch was broken and now the damn window won't close. Tears filled my eyes and my stomach ached.

Jesus.

I pushed the couch away from the window. The cold wet wind didn't pass by , it stuck to me like a blanket of all the sad things I avoided, they were bubbling, surfacing and my throat grew heavier. No words came out only shaky breaths as I gazed down at my wet bed.

Guess who is sleeping with cold wet feet.

***

Hello!! It's been so long. I hope you're still here.

I'm sorry for making you wait but I'm back! This time I'm not leaving.

Please do share what you feel about this chapter.

Don't forget to VOTE, COMMENT AND SHARE.

-G