“You set alight
in my heart and mind
the most beautiful chaos. ”
-Atticus

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Unedited.

I updated chapter 18! Make sure you read it first!

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Taking a deep breath I started walking again. Don't step back again, Sophie. Just don't. I kept chanting in my mind as I walked alone on the footpath.  My hands shoved in the pocket of my denim jacket, my nose red and it almost felt numb and my mind an utter mess like always. 

Fuck. I hope I don't regret this. 

This time I didn't stop moving. After giving up several times.

Scarlet hinted me about her visit.  And, as much as I know her she would come to meet Asher in a day or two.  And I was expected to be there.  It's Saturday, two more days until I start my new job.  My purse is empty, left behind are just a few coins that would do no good. All I could do was to talk to him. 

As much as it was Asher's house it was mine too.  I was being selfish but an empty stomach was making me go nuts. 

Shaking my head, I pushed open the huge iron gate, my mind was immediately flooded with thoughts, thoughts that were making my hand shake with fear.  The feeling of his touch never left my body, that man was a beast, and his rough velvet touch was something I craved for, it was surprising to me. 

As I walked towards the door, my heartbest quickened.  I knew this place but at the same time I didn't.  There was something so mysterious about it. 

Sighing I rang the doorbell twice.  And at that moment I wanted to run the hell out of here, all those memories came running back, the way he pushed, the way he pulled, the way his hands touched me and the way his eyes would roam all over me.

 My stomach dropped as fear creeped in. Those blue eyes looked tired. Something about him was so uncanny. And I was shaking, I didn't know if it was because of the freezing weather or just his gaze. 

"You." He raised an eyebrow questioning me and I was at loss of words. 

I looked down at my shoes and tucked my hair behind my ear. "Yes, me."  Just do it, Sophie! my mind screamed.  I took a step forward thinking he would step back but he didn't budge. 

"What are you doing?" He asked a little surprised.

My stomach was forming knots. "Let me in." I calmly stated try not to make it obvious that I was nervous.

"Get out."

I shook my head still looking down. 

"I want in." It's freezing outside. 

"Well, Callister." Chills ran down my spine as those words left his mouth.  What was happening to me.  "You ended up here at a very wrong hour. I am supposed to be somewhere.  You will have to wait.  I'm extremely sorry."  He wasn't sorry, not at all, he was in charge of this situation and fuck, he knew that.

"Just let me in then you can go anywhere you want." My eyes ran up his frame and stopped on his hands.  I wondered if he had any new scars.  I wondered if he would let me bandage them.  and if they were too deep. Was he alright? I frowned, why was I worried?

"Look up."

I didn't.

"Look up or leave." My head immediately shot up, my eyes met his and he smirked. The fear, the sadness and the heaviness in my chest was too much to handle.  My eyes were burning.  I was in pain but I couldn't explain, I was in need of something that I would never get. His eyes never left mine, it felt like he was trying to soak in whatever he saw in them.  I felt naked.  The smirk dissapeared for a second I saw something flash in those eyes. It was like a reflection of my feelings and thoughts. I shook my head slightly. No, way.  I was just thinking way to much.  I thought.

"You can wait outside until I come back or you can leave. It would be better if you leave."  He stated and I immediately looked away and sighed.  All you can do is wait.  I thought and nodded. I folded my hands against my chest and stepped away. 

Without another word,  he walked past me leaving behind his musky scent.

I looked back at his retrieving figure and for the first time, I noticed that he was dressed formally in a black dress pants and black shirt.  The shirt was like his second skin it moulded perfectly around his shoulders, my eyes ran all over his body as he made his way to the car. Does he ever let somebody in?

Soon he was gone and I was left alone. I sat down against the door and closed my eyes.  My face felt numb.  I know I have been selfish, I married him because scarlet offered to pay my college fees.  Because I needed money to take care of my family, Christmas was close and I was broke, again.  I don't think I would ever introduce Asher to my parents.  He wouldn't like them, I know, just like he didn't like me. After meeting The Grayson family I guess their Christmas celebration would be grand too.  I thought closing my eyes.

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.

.

After two hours, I was still sitting there playing around with the small hole on my jeans, pulling out strings from my sweater, and losing hope as time passed, I was shaking with cold my fingers felt numb.

Suddenly the headlights flashed on my face and I squeezed my eyes shut.  he was finally here, the car took a turn and then came to an halt.  I quickly stood up and patted the dust off of my jeans. I chuckled, I was way too excited to get in. 

Footsteps neared me, my ears perked up. I turned around quickly and my stomach clenched.

I couldn't tell if there was anything better or worse than the two bodies clung onto each other, they were simply perfect, his hands wrapped tightly around her slim waist, lovingly, her red satin dress drapped around her body in the best way possible.  She looked gorgeous, they looked gorgeous and my heart broke a little.  He was my husband after all and all he did was manhandle and insult me and there he was holding her so close.

He raised his head and his eyes met my glassy ones. The look on his face was priceless. My heart broke a little more as his jaw clenched and he tensed. I wanted to scream.

It's alright, Sophie.

I wished so bad that I had never met him. 

I gave him a small smile and stepped back.

He said nothing but it was enough.

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