Unedited.

Goodluck! (:

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The cracks on the edges and a few gaping holes near the knob created a beautiful contrast, it was the first time I was ever closely looking at my apartment door. Most of days I'd just open it and slam it shut behind me. How very cruel.

I realised anyone could break into my apartment with just one decent kick on the door. 

I moved from one foot to another hoping someone would take me back to my house, away from the city. The city didn't call my name anymore, it didn't need me. But here I was for something new and someone old.

I stood in front of my apartment with his letter in my pocket.

It took me 8 whole days to drag myself to the city. The wedding ended, the celebrations died, the Christmas lights were still hanging in the neighborhood and all I felt was cold. The warmth of my mom's hibiscus tea by the bonfire didn't soothe me anymore because he was on my mind.
I wanted to feel liberated after finding out I wasn't bound to someone but all I felt was lonely, something anxious swam in my blood and made my spine shiver.

I couldn't stop thinking about him. Thoughts turned into nightmares, nightmares turned into reality and reality only gave me sleepless nights where I'd lay in bed replaying the last year of my life over and over, looking for everything that went wrong, rewinding everything that felt good, suddenly everything was forbidden in my mind.

From the first time I ever met him to the last time I ever felt loved by him. The night where Asher finally let me know him when he let me trace the scars on his chest that led me to new stories and places. All my beautiful memories, all the pictures in my phone they all seemed forbidden like I wasn't supposed to have them and yet I did. They were all mine to have a keep even if Asher wasn't.

One day I was simply Sophie working in a cafe, I was happy even if I didn't realise it. I had it all but I thought I had nothing. Next day I was getting married to a stranger, I was playing with fire wishing I wouldn't get hurt. I was surrounded by him in every sense.  At some point I only existed for him. Those were the nights I cried the most because my love was unrequited.

I fell for a man with sad green eyes and a heart of steel.

I fell for a man who had seen death so closely he didn't know what life was and I foolishly tried to love him.

It took me a while to realise that I was waiting for someone to come and mend something that was broken a long time back when I was a little girl sitting on the porch everyday after school hoping her father would return.

I didn't see my father in Asher, I saw the smallest glimmer of my mother in him. Waiting to be loved, to be mended and soon I forgot I was as broken as him. In the middle of everything the only heart that broke even more was mine.

The only love that remained was the one I had for myself.

A part of me believed he loved me, his hands, this mouth, his eyes, his beating heart against my hand told me he loved me. The glimmer in his eyes when I would enter a room and the smile he'd try to hide, the ache in his finger when he'd resist to touch me. Maybe it was all in my head, maybe it was just infatuation.

Maybe.

I gulped pulling myself out of my thoughts and unlocked the door. The room was dead cold, the undone mattress laid on the floor waiting for me. The window was open, my eyes zeroed on the chair where Asher would sit for hours and stare at the busy street or watch me cook.

Keeping my bags aside I settled myself in the chair sighing, I could still feel him filling the tiny apartment with his presence.

The hard truth ; I was still in love. The kind of love that grows roots in your skin, the love that only knows how to leave wounds that would never heal. I couldn't remind myself of who I was before I met him.

The burning house I shared with Asher had become my only shelter, nothing felt as good.

I was a goddamn fool.

I started the fire.

I fueled the fire.

I loved the fire.

I loved every bit of him even on the days I hated him.

After Asher left, my house felt so empty, the house was waiting for Asher to return, the porch felt lifeless, the living room felt empty and my mother went quiet again like she was mourning. There was no tea on the stove, no cigarette butts near the fence. There was no Asher.

I wanted every bit of him even on the days I got none.

Days turned into nights and I was still sitting on the chair near by the window. I was 20 and unknown to most of the bare necessities in the world. I was sick, lovestruck, heartbroken. It was too early to feel the way I did.

Most of the nights I made plans for a better life. I wrote down everything step by step and then I cried myself to sleep. In the morning, I'd wait for Asher to show up. As the sun would start setting, my rage filled heart would cry again.

There was a lot of anticipation for something unknown.

One fine day. It finally happened.

There was a knock on the door.

My mind went into a complete state of shock. I pulled my knees closer to my chest as I sat on the mattress staring at the door.

It can't be him.

There was another knock.

"It's open." I could barely speak at this point. I knew it was him. He was finally here.

My heart was in a frenzy as I heard the knob twist. All I wanted was the earth to open up and swallow me whole.

It took Asher 11 days to finally knock on my door.

I was waiting for him just like he asked me to.

My heart dropped at the sight of him. cladded in a baby blue shirt and dress pants, his jacket hung on his arm. The light stubble and his tired eyes told me he wasn't sleeping well. My eyes wandered taking every bit of him. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't move. All I could do was give him a small smile to my surprise he smiled back.

I didn't know what I expected, maybe I wanted him to run to me pick me up kiss me all over and hold me tight in his arms. Maybe, just maybe.

"Sophie." His voice sent shivers down my spine.

"Asher." I nodded, my throat filling up again as my eyes filled up with unshed tears.

Hanging his jacket behind the door ever so calmly Asher made his way to me, bending down he placed a lingering kiss on my forehead. I scooted over so he could sit. Something broke in that moment. I couldn't say what but I knew it in my bones. The air was still cold even with him by my side. He felt oddly different.

"It took me eleven days to finally walk up those stairs." He said looking around the apartment. I wondered if he was reminiscing about the time he had spent here.

"What do you mean?" I frowned looking down at my lap.

"I've been here everyday since you came back. I used to sit outside the door for hours thinking you'd show up sooner than you did." He said and my heart skipped a beat. He was really waiting for me.

"I-I was taking my time."

"I know, Soph."

That was all he said as we stared at the empty white wall in front of us for the longest time. I was tired so was Asher.

I caught him looking at the pile of crumpled paper in the corner that I had collected over the days while trying to figure out my life, trying to plan something new and ended up being disappointed.

The silence was breaking my heart.

"Asher." I finally spoke.

"Yes, Sophie."

"I'm going to sell the house my grandfather left for me and start something of my own."

"A business?" He sounded curious.

"Yes." I nodded.

"What kind?"

"I don't know yet." I felt stupid about the fact I was completely lost.

"A bakery maybe, you bake well." He suggested.

"You haven't had much of it." I shrugged. Asher loved cookies and I would often bake cookies for him on some weekends back when we lived together. I remember he would sneak them into his room because he didn't want to eat in front of me.

"But I know you do."

" Okay." I said as my cheeks were turning red under his gaze.

He nodded. "I'm going back to work. It keeps my mind off things. I've picked up some new projects, my staff can't believe I'm the same person who hasn't stepped foot inside the office in years."

"Good." With that I started crying like a baby. Asher made no efforts to soothe me, all I saw was his fist clenching and unclenching. His worried eyes gazed at me as I failed to wipe my face clean.

What the fuck was happening to me?

This kingdom of pain and misery that we had built wasn't made in a day. Brick by brick, It was made out of our blood, sweat, lies and tears and it was time to watch it fall.

"Do you think we're made for each other?" The sadness in his voice was eating me on the inside.

"No." I said without skipping a beat.

"Did you find my letter?" He asked.

"Yes, that's why I'm here."

"I thought someone else found it and threw it away. The wait felt endless until I saw you sitting by the window. I felt relieved for the first time in a while."

I wiped my tears and nodded unable to speak.

"I knew you'd come." He said gazing at me softly.

"How? " I frowned at him.

"You're kinder than I am Sophie. You've always been that way. That's why it is you I'm always thinking of." Asher turned to look at me and smiled. He tucked a lock of hair behind my ear and whispered. "My Sophie."

My Sophie.

"I don't deserve your forgiveness, I wouldn't ask for it because I know you'd forgive me without a second thought. That's what you are Sophie Callister. I fucking wish you were my wife." Asher sighed running a hand through his hair in frustration. "We're fucked." He said under his breath.

"Yes, we are." I said as he entwined his fingers with mine our hands lying together in the space between us.

"I love you, Callister."

"Great timing Idiot." All through the tears I couldn't help but laugh bitterly.
I was dying to hear those words and now he finally said them to me but it was too late. I was going to curse Asher forever for being so late.

"I love you, Asher."

I saw the surprise in his eyes and the sadness that followed, I saw the uncertainty, the doubt, the things unsaid, I saw it all. We had nothing to lose because everything was already lost. Asher lost, so did I.

The sweet dreams were over.

"I'm selling the house and moving next to Clayton." Asher exhaled, he was visibly struggling.

I nodded.

"I'm in love with you Sophie Callister. When I found out the truth, when I found out who you really are I loved you even more. I loved you completely. But somewhere I felt betrayed and I couldn't help myself, I couldn't stop myself from being what I have been since the beginning. Everything I touched became miserable. From the very beginning all I did was to hurt you. I want to be a good man for you, Sophie. " His confession dug another bottomless hole in my chest and I wanted to scream my heart out.

My heart dropped into my stomach as his words settled in my chest, I was scarred forever, those words were etched into my bones.

"I'll wait for you." Asher said as I remained quiet. My hands were trembling and my heart couldn't take it anymore.

It was happening, it was really happening, I was losing him, losing myself, losing everything I've ever known.

Stop him! Don't let him go! My mind let out a desperate scream.

"Will you wait for me Sophie Callister?"

His eyes were bloodshot and so were mine, we stared at each other with so much more than love.

"Yes." I whispered.

Don't let him go, Sophie!

"But you should know when to stop." The weight of his words had my world come crashing down once more.

It was a goodbye. A long awaited goodbye. A train we should have got on way before. The damage was done now.

I nodded wiping my cheek and then wiping the lone tear that ran down his face.

I wanted to kiss him, caress his face, and remember every bit of it.

He loved me. He truly did. But ours wasn't a love story. We weren't meant to survive.

I squeezed his hand.

He squeezed mine back twice.

I closed my eyes taking in his familiar touch one last time.

Grabbing his jacket he stood up. "It's time to go. If I stay any longer, I might stay forever and ruin everything for you" Asher said staring down at me and for the first time I felt it, Asher Grayson picked on the stubborn wound and now he was leaving.

In my heart I knew we had to part.

For better and for worse.

I tried to imagine my life without him and I couldn't think, my mind glitched, it told me there was nothing after him, nothing without him.

"I'll see you around Callister." Asher said, his voice almost breaking but he didn't. His eyes ran wildly over me taking me in and I let him.

"See you around, Grayson." I smiled softly.

He didn't look back as I stayed rooted.

He didn't look back as a painful gasp left my mouth.

He didn't look back as his shoulders sagged and his steps faltered.

He didn't look back as he exhaled deeply before closing the door behind him leaving me all by myself.

He didn't look back.

I was on square one again.

So was Asher.

The game was over.

We were a done deal.

Sophie: 0

Asher: 0

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The End.

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Author's note.

I don't have much to say right now, this chapter took me on an emotional rollercoaster but it felt right. I know most of you will not like how it ended but maybe one day you will.

Two epilogue to come next.

Don't forget to vote, comment and share.

See you soon.

Lots of love.

Garima.