Unedited.

The house was suddenly very quiet, the bridesmaids had left with Mom, it was just Asher and I. It seemed like we were in the middle of a crisis, the chilled  air cutting through the tension bubbling among us.

I wanted something beautiful for myself but I found myself celebrating others more than I could ever celebrate myself because on the inside I was just a storm of dust, tears and something forbidden.

I cleared my throat as I put on my shoes, quickly looking at Asher only to find him already looking at me. His dark eyes ran all over my body shamelessly before settling on my face.

"You're not my wife." He said without missing a beat and I frowned.

I opened and closed my mouth, trying to speak but nothing came out of my mouth.

"Excuse me?" I finally spoke. "What do you mean?"

"The papers we signed and everything else, they were fake." He ran a hand through his hair and looked down letting out a sigh.

I refused to believe anything he was saying. I just couldn't accept it even if that was the truth.

"This is not the time for your bullshit Asher." I seethed as I put my coat on.

"There's no right time. I had to tell you." He said, the honesty in his voice irked me.

"You're just trying to ruin my day and I don't have any time for it. I don't believe you." I almost yelled in frustration.

"I found out before we left for Capri." He spoke looking me dead in the eyes making my feet come to a pause.

"Why didn't you tell me then?" I gulped trying to hold back tears.

"I don't know. I just needed to get it off my chest. " He said and I wondered why he decided to tell me now.

"Why didn't you leave?" I couldn't think, couldn't feel , I stood in front of him like a rag doll, ready to be discarded by the hands of the man in front of me once again.

"I don't fucking know."

"So you decided to stay with me and make everything worse?" I was burning with rage and something so intense I couldn't put a name to it.

"It was before I found out the deal between you and my mother, Callister." Asher said, looking everywhere but at me, he looked guilty as hell.

"Why didn't you leave after you found out about the deal?"

He narrowed his gaze at me, something indescribable written all over his face but I was too tired to even try and understand him.

"Stop asking questions, we're late." The sudden shift in his demeanor made me frown.

What the hell was happening?

"What's wrong with you? You've ruined my day Asher Grayson. I despise you."

Asher stared at me like my words hurt him.

"Why are you here Asher?"

He grabbed his coat and put it on all the while looking at me, as if he'd look away and I'd disappear in thin air.

He acted like he didn't just tell me that we were just Asher and Sophie. A Man and a woman, two people brought together by destiny yet we weren't anything to each other.

Just Asher and Sophie.

No husband.

No wife.

No body, no crime.

I felt like a big part of my life was being swept under the carpet by the man I had come to love.

I didn't know what any of it meant or what I was expected to do with the news.

"Let's go we're late."

I blinked at Asher, coming out of my line of thoughts. He  entwined his fingers with mine like we were one perfect couple and led me out of the door. My legs felt heavy, ready to give up on me but I continued to walk. For the next ten minutes we walked through the cold, his hands clutching mine tighter as if I'd run away if he let go.

You're not my wife.

His words were my new prayer and I chanted it all the way to the wedding venue.

I felt wasted. My dress suddenly didn't feel right neither my hair nor my skin. I didn't feel like myself.

"Why are they staring at you like that?" Asher asked and I frowned as I walked down the aisle towards our seat. I noticed something for the first time, I didn't like his cologne anymore. My frown deepened at the thought.

Is this how it feels to unlove someone?  First you don't like their smell, then their touch, then it's the face, then their presence.

"I don't know." I almost whispered, his jaw clenched and unclenched, his eyes looking around like a hawk. To a stranger Asher seemed completely fine but I knew he wasn't okay. A part of me wanted to hold his hand, make him feel better but the other half of me won as I continued to walk acting like I didn't see him crippling on the inside because of the crowd.

None of them were looking at me, they were all curious about the man walking beside me. Asher had that effect on people and I hated it.

You're not my wife.

His words rang in my mind, I was taken aback by his audacity to just throw the 'you're not my wife' bomb at me out of nowhere. I wasn't ready for it. How could one ever be prepared to hear something like that. Asher Grayson did everything to convince me he hated my presence with every ounce of life within him, that he wanted to be everywhere but near him, that I was a mere burden bound to him by a marriage certificate.

You're not my wife.

I blinked coming out of trance to find him glaring at everyone, his jaw working overtime. Asher wasn't scared, he was more dangerous in the moment than weak. He could tear this place apart, adding another sour memory in my carousel.

Suddenly all my body wanted was comfort. I wanted to lay in bed and cover myself up with a warm blanket and cry my fucking eyes out.

I still didn't know how to feel, I just wanted to cry, release the tension from my shoulders. I couldn't help but think if Asher wanted me all along. The thought almost made me laugh. I wouldn't hurt anyone if I wanted them but all he did was turn my life upside down.

The glimmer of warmth that ran through me at the thought of him wanting me told me I was a fool. A fool in love. There was so much poison in my blood and no antidote.

My eyes were helplessly shutting down as I tried my best to sit through the ceremony without dozing off,  As I continued to fight with myself I felt a warm hand on top of mine, familiar fingers laid heavily on top of me, I blinked turning to look at Asher who continued to look forward with steady determination.

"Juliet, do you take Davis to be  your lawfully wedded husband to have and hold from this day forward.?"

"I do."

His hands squeezed mine and a shiver ran up my hand down my spine. I trembled. Fuck. My eyes widened as my stomach turned into knots, I had to remind myself that I was on my own, his touch meant nothing yet it was everything. His anchor was broken and I still held onto it. My head snapped in his direction, his gaze stayed steady, his jaw clenched and unclenched.

"Davis, do you take Juliet to be your lawfully wedded wife to have and to hold from this day forward?"

"I do."

I wanted to explode into pieces, turn into ashes and fly sway with the wind and never return. The flood of memories that I had buried underneath all the pain was resurfacing. All of the love, all the fucking love that I had for this man. It was right there on the tip of my tongue, my fingers, but I just couldn't let it out. I stared at the bride and groom as they kissed and the crowds emerged into cheers and claps. Asher and I remained still reminiscing what we once had. His hand still over mine, holding my hand tighter than before.

I found myself reeling back to a place where only him and I existed, where my cheeks only blushed and my eyes twinkled, where his hands were all over me, where he laughed as loud as I did, where he was my best friend. But the time was short lived and the memories were shorter, I was left behind with scraps.

You're not my wife.

Before I could blink I pulled my hand away like I had just touched fire as those words rang in my ears again, I could feel the weight of them in my bones. Without giving him another glance I made my way out , out of breath, ready to breakdown, I couldn't cry in front of so many people so I did what anyone would have done, I found the restroom and locked myself up in the stall and cried like a baby.

Classic Sophie.

There was a thud followed by another swift thud, I sniffed staring at the door. "I know you're in here, come out."

"Get out! This is a female restroom."

"I know, that's why it'd be better if you come out." Asher spoke patiently, his assertive tone didn't sit right with me.

"Please leave me alone."

"No."

"Please." I begged.

"No."

I went quite hiding my face in the palms of my hand.

"The day you told me about your Grandfather's Will I realised that you don't need me anymore." Asher paused and I could feel the heaviness of his words on me. "I thought you'd leave me if I told you that we aren't married." I frowned wiping the tears away. "Suddenly, in my eyes you were a free woman, nothing was holding you back even if you didn't know that—"

"—You were never holding me back Asher. I stayed with you...for you." My traitor tears kept falling.

He cussed under his breath before kicking something.

"I left before you could, Sophie. I couldn't see you leaving, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I didn't want to be alone but one way or another I was going to be." The desperation in his voice made my heart beat louder.

A bitter laugh left my mouth and I heard him sigh. "Come out please."

"No." I wasn't going to budge this time.

"I've hurt you again, I didn't mean to."

"Too late."

"When I finally gathered the guts to see you again, you were gone. I waited outside your apartment for hours only to realise that you weren't coming back. I had to find you , Sophie. I'm fucking selfish, I had to see you."

I remained quiet as I cried, my cheeks turning warm as my hands trembled, I bit my lip trying hard not to make any noise. Asher did not speak again, he just stood outside the stall long enough to realise that I didn't want to see him.

I missed my old self but I also missed what we were on the good days. But the good days weren't enough to cross out the bad ones.

I took a breath of relief as I heard him walk out slamming the restroom door shut behind him.

It was then I decided it was time to show up for my friends and family. Fuck Asher Grayson.

I walked out like nothing happened, drying my tears and adjusting my dress. I looked a little rough but that was okay.

You're not my wife.

The words had turned into a different kind of music to me.

The moment I stepped out, I found his eyes lurking on me. He stood tall, handsome as ever, his hair falling perfectly in place, his clean shaved jaw ticking and his dark eyes scanning me. I laughed, I talked to strangers, I drank the vine a little too much and acted like nothing happened, the hurt in my chest was growing wildly, his eyes followed me everywhere, I could feel them running down my back, I could feel them on my neck and the back of my palm.

He watched me as I danced. His hands shoved into the pocket of his pants as he stood away from the crowd. His gaze trying to speak a language I didn't know. I wanted to go and ask him to tell me everything he was thinking of but my feet couldn't help but move to the rhythm, it's been a while since my heart felt so good and I didn't want the feeling to end, so I did the next best thing, I turned away from him.

The bride and groom looked so happy, so in love. A wave of something dreadful ran through me. The feeling of missing something you can never have again. The slight touch of a hand, a glance, a look, a smile, something warm, something mine. I danced as my heart sank, Someone held my hand and twirled me around, we laughed as my heart sank a bit more. All I wanted was someone to love me , All I got was someone who couldn't think of anyone but himself.

There was a time when I thought Asher loved me even when he did everything to prove me wrong. It was just a hypothesis. A stupid one. Like fool's gold and I was blindly ready to take my share.

I turned around to see if he was still standing there. He wasn't. I should have been relieved but I wasn't but I ignored the feeling because food was next on the list. I knew he'd make his way back.

You know the feeling that you get when something bad is about to happen, that dread, those crippling knots in your stomach, I was full of them, the people around me seemed like background noise, my ears were ringing when I finally sat to catch my breath.

My eyes looked for him again but he was nowhere. I looked at my mother who was busy chattering her way through the ladies of the town, she looked so happy.

"Where's the bodyguard you brought along?" Natalie, one of the bridesmaids asked. This was the first proper conversation I was having since I entered the wedding premises and Natalie decided to ask me about my so-called husband.

"Who?" I tried to act dumb.

"The one who couldn't keep his eyes off you."

"I don't know." I shrugged as we made our way towards the buffet.

"He seems to be smitten with you." Natalie said and I shrugged again trying not to roll my eyes.

"I saw him leaving." She said striking my curiosity.

"He must be tired."  I said nonchalantly but on the inside my stomach was in knots and my heart in a frenzy.

Suddenly the wedding colours were fading right in front of my eyes and all I wanted was to get home as soon as possible. I hated myself for needing to be close to him, this push and pull was getting out of hand.

I walked my way back to the house, the cold air nibbled on my skin. There was no sign of Asher when I entered the house, I was freezing and needed something hot before I went looking for him. I immediately ran to the kitchen for some tea.

I turned on the kettle and that was when I saw the abandoned cup of tea. He was here.

Before I could wonder about it anymore something else caught my eyes. A letter patiently waiting for me on the kitchen counter. My name scribbled on top of it, my eyes traced the words written with trembling hands and my stomach dropped.

Dear Sophie,

I hope I'll find you when I come looking.

Asher. 

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Author's note

Hello everyone! I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Do tell me what you think.

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I'll see you soon!

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