Unedited.

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The bell rang again. I fisted my shirt, my eyes on Asher.

He looked at me and for a moment I could see everything I didn't expect to see in his eyes. The uncertainty, want, frustration, anger, fear. It felt like a perfect moment was ruined but I couldn't point out what was perfect in this situation. Everything and nothing, maybe.

He stood up and left the room without a word. I decided to follow him. I thought my room was bad but this room was sickening in a different way. It felt like a book that shouldn't be opened. Way too much weighed upon it.

I followed him, my eyes trained on his taut back as he walked, he probably sensed my presence because he turned his head slightly to his right like he was hearing my foot falls. As we were moving down the stairs I realised that I looked like utter trash, that thought came and went. I couldn't care less especially when I was sick.

"Stay", my steps abruptly came to an halt. He eyed me and then the couch. I took that as a sign. The moment I had with him was officially over and stamped to confirmation by the look on his face right now. I wish he knew that it meant something. I wish he knew the turmoil I was living with.

He wasn't mine but sometimes I had all of him.

Sighing, I rounded the couch my body fell on it with a soft thud.

"What are you doing here?" My body immediately went tensed and attentive. I frowned wondering who it could be. The couch was suddenly uncomfortable and I was itchy.

"What do you mean, what I am doing here?" I've never heard that voice before. Seemed like she could sing. Her voice was feminine, melodious enough to twist something in my gut. It was an odd emotion but I recognised it. Jealousy.

"I'm here to see you, it's been a while Ash."

Ash. I was drumming my fingers on my thighs. The pessimist inside me was bubbling like it always does when I felt insecure and unsafe. When I felt I was losing something but I didn't know what.

"What makes you think you can just walk in my house anytime?" He sounded annoyed which was a relief but then again Asher could just run a seductive hand down my neck all the while burning so bright with rage.

"I'm impulsive, I don't think before I do let's go have some drinks and talk...please." she didn't sound desperate, she sounded bored. I felt like I was intruding something but I made no effort to carry myself to the bedroom.

"Lily, the last time that happened I had to carry your pathetic drunk self around." Asher said, I could tell his jaw was ticking. I closed my eyes for a second imagining his tight grip on the door handle ready to slam it shut on Lily's face , His knuckles white.

Lily.

I've heard that name before. My frown deepened.

"I hate the way you talk to me but I'll take it. I'll take anything. Can we go now. Your house is sick. I don't want to ever come here but I do for you. That should mean something to you " Lily said and my gut twisted.

Lily.

Fuck. I remembered her. It all came rushing back with a wave of bone crushing emotions. They hit me hard and left immediately. The last time she was here her hourglass slim body was around my husband like a second skin, drunk beyond her limit. A lump formed in my throat and I clenched my fist until my nails dug in my skin. I tried to imagine how she must be looking like but I could just picture her in the stunning red dress she had on the first time which made it worse.

"That means fucking nothing. Stop going around in circles you won't get anywhere." Asher's voice brought me out of my thoughts.

"After all that we've went through you give me this shit." I almost stopped breathing. What did they go through? What do I not know? I knew absolutely nothing. I reminded myself. I knew nothing about this man but I knew he was broken, I knew he didn't want to be, I also knew he couldn't help himself. I could just see it all. He thought he was a blank canvas portraying nothing but he was a dark one made with the brightest of colours and a heart that was yet to be bandaged together. I wonder who painted him this way. I wonder who could mend him. I didn't know if I was capable of mending someone because sometimes I felt too weak, too out of place.

"You mean after what I've went through?" My heart dropped. He was keeping his wounds wide open. He sounded hurt. He was actually talking about whatever happened with her.

"I was there with you." She sounded like a scared dear.

"For a day, before you decided you need a never ending holiday." I blinked, confused my mind couldn't understand a bit of it.

"I-" Lily stopped abruptly and then all I could hear were soft sobs. Soft made up sobs.

"Stop." Asher almost yelled.

"Talk to me, it's okay we don't have to go get drinks, let's talk in the car."

One

Two

Three

Four

Five

"Wait here." I heard him before I saw him, he didn't even look at me as he walked past, taking long strides. I heard the jiggle of the car keys and then just like that he walked past me again without acknowledging me but I knew he saw me. I hated that he could make me feel so small and irrelevant sometimes. Well, most of the times.

One

Two

Three

Four-

I took a deep breath, calming myself.

It's okay, Sophie.

It tried to tell myself but was it okay? I brought my knees to my chest the same emptiness filling it once again and I wanted nothing more than to climb into my mom's bed and curl up to her like I used to as a little girl scared of all the possibilities that could happen in the dark.

She would tell me the monster isn't under the bed it's within us. She would tell me to get rid of it. I wish I could tell her I was living in the monster's house. It was everywhere. I wish I could tell her I fell in love. But I didn't have the guts to call her. She didn't have a phone which was another reason. I thought marrying him would make things right. I thought I'd be in a better place and now I was stuck because he has a part of me that I gave away without any second thought. Everything was falling down from day one of this arrangement and I did not have any power to stop it.

Stop it, Sophie. 

I decided to just shake all the thoughts away and find something to eat. I surprisingly found some fruits in the fridge and a can of condensed milk which weren't here yesterday. Chopping half an apple and some strawberries I drizzled some condensed milk on them and savoured every bite. Making myself comfortable on the couch I tried not to think of the worst that could happen. He was with her.

Maybe, he was touching her, she was touching him, looking at her with ease and love. A tear slipped from the corner of my eyes. When the heart hurts it teaches you a lesson to not let it hurt again to protect it but we do it all over again. Like hurting is a drug.  I was left with nothing, my job was gone, I haven't been attending classes, my family knew nothing about my new life. I was a goner. I closed my eyes waiting for sleep to come get me because I wanted to forget for a while.

"What is she doing here?" The voice said.

"She's my wife, where do you expect her to be?" Another was said, it sounded more familiar as my body reacted to it, goosebumps spread like wildfire down my back.

Gray eyes stared back at me with so much wrath while I blinked in confusion. My sleepy eyes moved from Lily to my husband who stood by the door, leaning his side against it he looked weirdly calm, his arms folded against his chest as he stared down at me. I didn't like it. I pulled my blanket closer to me. How long have they been watching me? Were they plotting something against me? Of course not. God, I was being a stupid mess.

"I thought it's temporary. You said you'd get rid of her." The unknown hatred she held for me made me feel even more sick.

Temporary. The word rang in my head like a sickening taunt. Every nerve in my body was alarmed. My eyes met Asher's and he tensed under my heavy questioning gaze.

Asher paused and said something under his breath.

"It's temporary." He looked away as those words left him.

I didn't want this. I didn't want any of this. My temples throbbed. I could live in a world of lies rather than the reality I was in. I hated it because I loved him and for him I was temporary. My eyes moved to lily dressed in blue slim fit jeans and a baby pink shirt that was a little too tight. The buttons were about to pop open anytime. Lily had assets and she liked to show them.

She looked me up and down like I was piece of experiment and I did the same. I clutched the blanket ever tighter.

"I'm usually nice but I have to say you need to clean up." She spoke with so much disdain, it crawled onto my skin, I wanted to wash it away.

"I'm usually nice but I have to say you should get out of my house." I eased into the couch. Fuck her. I was not going to take shit from her.

"Don't you dare—"

"Do you want something?" Asher asked not letting her finish, drawing my gaze to him. My heart thudded loudly for some reason. I missed him and I wasn't proud.

"No, I had enough drinks for today." She smiled at him like an hopelessly romantic ass.

"I wasn't offering you any. If there's nothing left to talk about, leave."

I couldn't help but smile. She saw it and her jaw clenched.

"I'll be back and when I do you'll be gone." She narrowed her eyes at me.

"Don't make empty promises." I coughed trying to hide the laugh that was bubbling within me

"You don't know." I could tell she wasn't good at arguing. Her words came out with uncertainty and insecurity.

"I know you enough." I smiled at her like a creep.

She huffed and stayed quiet for a while hoping Asher would say something when he didn't she moved swiftly, red and embarrassed. A few seconds later the door was slammed shut making me jump a little.

"How long have you been here?" He pushed himself off of the wall drawing my gaze to him and walked towards me.

"Since you left me. I fell asleep." I tried to sound unfazed.

He was right in front of me now and my heart was pumping behind my hear.
A hand reached out to touch me and I moved my head back like it burned, it fell to his side, I looked away.

"I'm going to sleep. I'm feeling much better. I don't feel hungry. Goodnight." I moved to my right so I don't crash into him as I stood up and moved up the stairs without glancing back.

Don't follow me. Don't follow me. I need you so much right now I might just collapse in your arms.

"That was Lily, you've met her before. Troublesome alcoholic." I squeezed my eyes fisting the plush pillow. I wanted to tell him to leave. He followed me the one time I didn't want him to.

"I didn't ask." I was cold to him, that was how I felt. Literally and figuratively.

"You seem mad." He said, the next sound that followed wasn't the chair screeching against the floor as he dragged it closer.

"I am. Why do you care?"

"You look hurt." He stated as he sat on it. He was doing nothing just adding fuel to fire. He didn't sound concerned at all.

"You noticed that too late, Grayson. It isn't the first time, it isn't the last. So shut it." I looked away, I felt weak.

"There's the fight within you. I thought the flu dissolved it." He sounded smug and I hated it. I don't know how much a person can bear but I was at my breaking point.

"You went out with another woman." My voice came out shaky and I cleared my throat trying to hide the hurt.

"I never stop you from fucking other men. You don't even try to hide how hard they fucked you." It felt like someone twisted a knife in my gut while drowning me into gasoline and lighting me up to flames. I wanted to scream, cry, tell him all the things that happened, tell him how vividly I remembered Thomas' hands on me. I wanted to curl up against him and cry out the tears that were left stagnant. I wanted him to protect me but I knew he didn't had it in him. So I swallowed that pain. I fisted the blanket trying to hold myself up.

"Stop." That was all I could let out. It was a whisper.

"Truth always hurts"

"You don't know the the truth." I gritted out.

"Then tell me." It was a challenge.

"It's a game for two, you go first I'll follow. I've been with you for a while and I know nothing about you. Don't ask me if you can't tell." I snapped back finally looking at him. His eyes were already on me. "You said it is temporary."

Please say it isn't.

"It is. You plan on sticking around Callister?" His voice was taunting and playful, a sick combination.

I squeezed my eyes shut and pulled myself up so that I was sitting leaning my head against the headboard
I would stick around, Asher. But I know you wouldn't let me.

"Seems like you share some history." I changed the subject. I ran a hand down my hair and his eyes followed my actions. He shifted slightly in his chair looking everywhere but at me.

"We do. she's like the constant reminder." His voice was void of any emotions.

It's a game for two. My words rang in my
head. he was willingly playing the game.

"Reminder of what?"

"My failure." The answer came almost immediately.

"What did you fail at?"

"Nothing." And once again, he shut himself out.

"I've failed a lot. Failing means you can do better. Failing isn't falling, it's learning. It's about forgiving yourself. Nothing is unforgivable, Asher." His eyes zeroed on me and I burned.

"I don't know how to forgive myself." He sounded reluctant. He didn't want to say it but he still did. I wanted to reach out and hold his hand but I couldn't ignore the thin film of uncertainty seperating us.

"Who did you fail?"

I inhaled deeply. He asked me who did I failed and not what I failed at. He knew exactly what he asked.

"My mother."I've never really talked about my family with him.

"How?"

"This." I knew he understood what I was trying to tell him, I was afraid to say it out loud that I disappointed everybody by this arrangement not just my mom.
My eyes filled with unshed tears and my stomach turned. I didn't know if he was hurt or not but it left an ache within me. Truth really did hurt.

When he didn't say anything I looked at him, his face had a light glow from the light coming from the corridor. He was frowning at me. Like there was a storm of thoughts within him and a few words he didn't want to say on the tip of his tongue. He was resisting himself.

"Who did you fail?" I spoke softly, well aware of the tension I had created.

"Why, cause you're feeling like a curious little kitten looking for entertainment? I don't share." That caught me off gaurd. He dumped a bucket of cold water on me as he stepped back, out of this comforting bubble that was building up again but then again I fucked up. Asher was mad.

"That's not how this game is played." I sighed dropping my gaze to my lap.

"I'm not playing the game ,Callister. I'm playing with you." His eyes narrowed on me menacingly and I could see his lips curving in a smile but he resisted.

"You told me, you're unsinkable. I don't know what that means but you shared a secret with me, Asher. Now, I just have to unravel it, so you do share." I leaned forward a bit and brought my knees to my chest.

He looked at me like I've said something he didn't expect. He didn't look angry. He was surprised. His eyes moved over my shoulder as he leaned back in his chair and tilted his face up. Sometimes, I just wanted to hug him so bad. Not because I needed it, he needed it more than me.

"Highs and lows, that's life, Asher.", It came out as a almost whisper but he heard it because he sighed. Exhaling something that weighed on him.

"Then mine is buried Sophie." He was looking at me, his head tilted to the side. I was starting to notice that his chair was fucking uncomfortable but he didn't make an effort to leave.

"But you aren't."

"I would change that if I could." Chills ran down my spine when I heard those words.

"Don't say things you don't mean, they will stick to you." I frowned. "Think of something beautiful." I didn't know why I was talking like I had my life figured out, like I was the happiest but if my words made even a bit of a difference for him, I'd keep talking forever.

"What's beautiful, Sophie?"

I was Sophie not Callister.

"Mhm, the colour of your curtains," I looked at the curtains and his eyes followed but they were on me not the curtains. "The sound of rain on the window, the light hitting your face—" I stopped, my eyes widen a little as I realised what I had just said out loud. I cleared my throat and continued Asher's eyes didn't leave my face even for a second. "The soft carpet in the living room, dancing to music but the music is in your head," a soft giggle left my mouth followed by a sighed and an indescribable emotion flashed on his face, it was there for a second but I saw it. "Those are just some of the things." I shrugged feeling red crawl up my neck. He was quiet. So quiet for a second I thought I was the only one in the room.

"You see too much and you see it all wrong. Where are your happy little pills?" He mocked and I shrunk.

"My happy little pills are better than your sad, moody little pills. What do you see, Asher?"

" I see materialistic thing just as they are made, to provide comfort not live inside my head as an unnecessarily glorified memory." He was annoyed at me, I could tell.

"What about human beings?"

"They grow, they die and in the middle of it all they corrupt everythings they touch for their welfare, they leave behind pain and memories. They are selfish beings. We are no exception. And, just for your information I'm not sad or moody." the way he looked at life was negative, there was a lot of good out there if you have the eyes to see it. I didn't believe the last part.

"Then what are you?"

"I'm angry." He stated nonchalantly

"Angry on what?"

"No one in general, everyone."

"See you do share." I smiled at him

"I'm sharing because I don't care. You're temporary, did you forget?"

"That's rude." My eyes narrowed and my chest constricted a little.

"What do you want me to say?" He raised a questioning eyebrow at me and I was immediately at loss of words.

Tell me I'm not temporary, tell me you'd let me stay, let me enough to know you and to love what you are not what you show because I see it all but I can't just name it.

"Not that" I said, gulping a lump that's formed in my throat.

"Are you taking your little wife role  seriously?" He was smiling, I could hear it in his voice.

"This conversation is leading to an argument. Lets not, please. I don't want to fight."

"That's a shame. "
He loosened the first two buttons of his shirt and my stomach flipped. I couldn't see anything because it was dark. Asher was feeling comfortable around me and it messed up my insides, my stomach was filled with happy butterflies. His long fingers glided through his hair and my eyes followed. I cleared my throat but didn't look away.

"Sleep." It wasn't an order just a word that floated away.

"You too." I said but he didn't budge. He continued sitting on that chair with a stoic expression but he was calm. He was looking over my head, deep in thoughts. I slid down until I was laying in bed and closed my eyes hoping sleep would take over me once again but it didn't. I blinked, turned over then rolled on my belly, then my back. Nothing helped. I wasn't even tired enough to dose off. My mind moved back to making up scenarios that would never actually happen. I laid awake in bed tossing and turning.

"Stop moving." Asher said, his voice heavy with sleep. I forgot he was still in the room.

"I can't sleep." I whispered, looking at him.

"Try."

"I can't stop thinking." At this point I was frustrated.

"What are you thinking?"

"You really want to know?" I was kind of surprised that he was interested.

"I wouldn't have asked if I didn't but if you're fantasizing about my curtains then you can keep it to yourself."

"You're a jerk." I shook my head.

"You would never find a better one."

I don't want to.

"There's a blank canvas in my mind and I want to fill it up with memories." I pulled the covers up to my chin. "Good ones. I don't want them to ever hurt." I closed my eyes. "I want them to make me laugh, cry, feel silly when I'd recall the stupid things I did. I want to feel the sun over my skin and remember it, I want to feel the cold wind nib on my skin and remember it. I know you must be thinking how absent minded I am but I swear I don't remember any of it...I remember things I shouldn't..." I went quiet all of sudden. I decided not to continue.

"I don't like remembering things."

"Anything?" I frowned at nothing.

"Most of them especially physical contact." His gaze moved all over my face and settled on my mouth. My lips parted and I inhaled softly then blew out a puff of air all the while looking at him his eyes didn't leave my mouth once.

"I want to touch you. You temporary little thing."

I stared at him quietly, dumbfounded.

"What do you want Callister?" His tone was so serious I knew he wanted a legit answer. I want to touch you. His words rang down my body, curling my toes in but I just couldn't overlook the word temporary. I hated it.

He knew what I wanted.

"You know."

"Say it." He leaned forward and place his elbows on his knees. He looked large, scary and in power.

I blinked at him, drawing up all the courage I could.

"I want to go to Italy with you, Asher"

He closed his eyes for a second, my heart was erratic. He stood up pushing the chair back to leave. The game was over. I crossed all the invisible lines between us. My heart dropped. And then I heard something I never thought I would.

"Italy it is, Sophie"

***

This chapter was long asf, I thought I'd get done with 1500 words but ended up writing 4000+

Do tell me what you think of this chapter.

Constructive criticism is welcome ❤️

I might edit it later and bring it down to 3500 if you guys don't like reading long chapters.

What do you think of Asher and Sophie at this point?

VOTE, COMMENT AND SHARE

💕💕

-Garima